(This is my first attempt at writing a story, so please bear with me if you find it sucky or boring :P)
The hospital smelled strangely comforting. I held her hand close to my heart as she drifted off. Her eyes, they didn't shut completely. I still could see my reflection at those dark, warm pupils, wondering if she could still see into my soul and remember how much I loved her. If the love that I had for her would bring her back to me.
( Five months ago)
"Another horribly sad day." My mind kept playing that awful statement inside my head the moment I woke up from my perfect sleep only to realise that I was an hour late for office. "Shit. Viren's going to kill me today." I was already two days past my due date to come up with the background score of the documentary on domestic violence, my friend Rohan's first directorial venture.The good friend I was, I volunteered to compose the score without a pay, since, well, you know, documentary directors are always working at steep budgets.
Viren, my partner of the recording studio which we co own, was already mad at me for acting like the most generous person in the world to any one remotely is in need. So with my heart thumping, I barely managed to put on some clothes and drove off in my 1995 model of Corona in my make believe NASCAR track, finally coming back to reality when I was fined for overspeeding. Late by another hour, sigh.
Anyway, battered and looking like a beggar, I reached the studio, Viren's laser eyes burning right into my body, with a terrified Rohan sitting on my chair. " My actress bailed out on me bro. Its two days to release date, and I had to shoot the climax today and by night finish the film. My producer's gonna kill me!!!" I could feel the fear and despair trickling down with each drop of sweat from Rohan's forehead. I had no clue how to get him out of this mess.
As if a door which opened by God's grace, my phone rang that instant. It was my friend, a long lost one, calling after almost ten years. Lauren. We'd been in med school together, till the time my brain gave up on a hopeless wave I was trying to surf on, and dropped out to chase music. She, became a doctor, then shifted to the U.S, eventually settling there. "I want to start acting again Bee, I gave up my practice, about to get divorced, sigh." One look at Rohan's face made me blurt out-" You want to do a small documentary?" , without asking anything else she screamed out "YES!". Rohan heard that great affirmative response through the phone. He smiled, I thanked that force above for watching on both of them.
Three days later, I finally finished my background score for his movie "Untold", and Rohan had hurriedly, yet successfully finished re filming his entire one hour documentary. He was so exited to start editing his work, that he wanted to edit with me, while scoring the film with my music, which according to him, was "heartbreakingly haunting". I laughed at his description, and agreed to help him with the editing.
So next day onwards, my studio became an editor's hub. I started to watch the movie he directed, which starred another friend of mine. I was proud of Rohan and Lauren for pulling it off so fast. Even Viren, the cranky boy he is, starred in his cameo of the abusive husband really well. I knew he should have been an actor. Instead he sits on my head and eats it. Haha.
So as the film progressed, Lauren's character got introduced in the film. But suddenly, something very bizzare happened to me. I just couldn't take my eyes off Lauren, and her big beautiful hazel eyes. I completely lost track of the story and just kept staring into her eyes, following the beautifully sculped curves of her body, her broad shoulders, her long fingers. All I could feel was this intense, uncontrollable desire to want her entirely. Then my brain started its own movie, with her.
I'm sure the movie in my head would have continued forever, had I not been interrupted by a loud bang on the door, with a hurriedly unsettling human storm entering the room. It took me a minute to understand who it was, and then Cupid shot right at my heart. It was her, messy hair and trashed clothes, looking completely irresistible with a twinkle bouncing off her eyes. I started to feel weak physically from standing, so I grabbed a chair and sat down to preserve whatever amount of breath she didn't manage to take away ( too feeble an amount). Then she started to talk to me, explaining why the sudden barge into the studio, casually tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. But I could just listen to the song of love playing in my heart. Viren came from behind and nudged me, then went on to hug her. Like an instinct, I jumped in, at last being a part of a conversation I was so properly isolated by my desires of the brain. She'd apparently been kicked out by her tenant, because she used to return home late everyday. Considering the work she was doing, it was but obvious that she had to stay out nights to complete the shoot. Her chauvinist tenant, clearly containing a dense intellect, in spite of being explained by her several, paid no heed and kicked her out. We were the only people she knew in this hostile country. So she drove straight to my studio.
" Bee I'm so sorry, but I'm completely homeless. You know of any place nearby I can probably rent out and stay in this beautiful city? Ugh no offence, I hate Delhi!". Viren winked at her and thus emerged his inner Casanova, just preparing to hit on her. " You can stay with me. Its okay. I have an extra room. Besides, it's been years and we need to catch up too Lorry.. " I spoke before Viren could even manage to conjure up a sentence in his head.
"Are you sure Bee? You have so much work the whole day, I don't want to be an inconvenience to....", before she could finish, I spoke out of impatience, not wanting to let go of this opportunity, " Lorry, you can never be an inconvenience. Don't worry about it. Plus it'll be nice to have a room-mate after all these years." She smiled, squeaked out a very shrilly " Thank You", and then hugged me tight. How I wished, I'd never let go of her embrace.
Anyway,that evening, after finishing with the editing, I bid goodbye to Rohan, and a gawked Viren, because I killed his mojo. Lauren and I then drove back to her old place, collected her belongings, and drove off to my place, my heart thumping with the excitement of living with her, being around her the whole time. She, just had a very exhilarated smile on her face the whole time we arranged her room and I welcomed her to be an official room-mate of mine.
A week passed, and work didn't seem that much interesting to me any more. I just used to keep making excuses to head home earlier than usual ( mind you, I'm a kind of person who's married to their work.). Viren kept glaring at me, at my new, happy self. Somewhere I think he knew, what was going on in my heart, although I used to be very careful to not wear my emotions on my sleeve ever. Whenever Lauren used to come to office to pick me up, his doubtful eyes used to narrow more.
Rohan's documentary won the award for The year's Best Documentary at the National Documentary festival in Goa. We'd all gone there to support and congratulate him, the entire crew of the film. He was on top of the world. His first film, winning that award, in spite of all the hardships. Lauren, standing in a corner, beaming with happiness, also felt the same for herself. Walked out of an abusive marriage, gave up her practice after a decade of her settled life, and uprooted herself to come back to India. A brave woman, she was. This role came as a breath of fresh air from all that had crashed landed in her life; for me, it was getting the biggest gift of my life ever.
So we decided to go party and celebrate the success of the film at Cabana. The usual conventional parties in Goa, all of us were drunk like the Devil and completely buzzed out of this world. Lauren was in another state of Euphoria, going and hugging every stranger passing by. We were having a hearty laugh at the random hugs people received from this beautifully drunk woman. I went and sat at the bar, smoking a cigarette. When I was just about to take my first puff, someone came right in front of me, snatched the cigarette from my hand, and threw herself on my lips. My blurry eyes slowly focussed on the face of the person kissing me with such passion. By that time, her hands had slipped on to my waist, groping me tighter, closer to her. I slowly sank into the kiss, building its intensity up, bit by bit, tasting her lips, her tongue, her warmth. I felt the warmth of her breath engulfing me, immersing me totally into the feeling of desire and love that I'd kept hidden from her for more than three months. All my inhibitions, dropped to the ground that instant. Still kissing, slowly we headed back to my hotel room, pausing momentarily to reach the hotel, and enter my room. Immediately after we collapsed on my bed.
Then it was a storm of passion. I kissed her lips with such zest that I slightly bit her lip. She suddenly winced a little with pain, but kept kissing my lips, my neck, and slowly my hands grasped her soft breasts. I started undressing her, almost tore her tank top off. Then with the utmost skill, flung open the hook of her bra in one go. She was busy too, unbuttoning my pants and driving me insane with the pleasure I'd long forgotten I could ever experience. We were like a forest fire, burnt ourselves and destroyed everything tangible in the flame of our ecstasy, at the peak of raw love.
We made love like there was no tomorrow, holding on to each embrace, each kiss. Loving destroying each other's bodies, yet longing for a tighter contact, closer than ever, till we were one; one body, one soul. My heart pounded like it had been shot with adrenaline, pumping blood at the speed of light across my body, heightening each of my senses, making me want more and more of her.
The sunlight cut through the slit of the curtain and woke me up. I rubbed my eyes, turned to the side to see her, still naked, sleeping on my chest, breathing on my cold skin. Very carefully, I tried to move my body, so that I didn't disturb her, but she woke up, with a smile, that lit up my whole world, set a fire in my heart again. I was beyond my control. I started to kiss her deeply, my tongue going deep into the void of her mouth, which tasted slightly sour due to the alcohol of last night. She got on top of me, and we started making out like crazy people on steroids again. But my stupid alarm interrupted my morning glory. We both had to leave, otherwise we'd miss our morning press conference.
I was just about to get up from the bed, when she pulled my arm and made me fall on the bed again. She started drawing patterns on my naked body with her long, slender fingers, slowly then, began to talk. "I need to tell you something." She looked right into my eyes. "I'm four months pregnant. Daniel is the father." It felt as if someone just pulled the ground beneath me and now I am falling in an endless void. "It happened the last time he assaulted me, before leaving USA and coming back to India." She looked at me, waiting for a response from my speechless mouth. I tried to speak, but I couldn't make a sound. It was as if I was being strangled by this phantom , who prohibited me from speaking or breathing at all, and it turned completely black.
Next I found myself lying on the floor of the hotel room, with water splashed on my face. I'd passed out. I got up immediately, still feeling a little weak, and tried to squeak out a few words. "What are you going to do now Lorr? What do you want me to do?" Were you waiting for this to happen so that you would get closure and run back to that abusive husband of yours? What was I? A rebound shelter for your broken home? What about me? What about my love for you? What am I supposed to do now? You'll clearly go back to Daniel now because your family is going to be complete. You made us mean nothing Lorr, I loved you without a reason, I loved your soul. You just used me till you felt there is no need to any more, and as a favour you slept with me, so that I'd be indebted to you! I don't want to see your face again. I'll have your stuff packed when we return to Delhi."
I left, leaving her, her eyes brimming with tears, and a helpless look on her face. Nothing mattered to me any more. My heart had never been broken into pieces so badly that they'd been scattered all over. I got into my car and drove off. " Screw the press conference. I need to drink." I looked through my rear view mirror, saw Lauren's car following me. I sped up my car more, whizzing through the streets of North Goa, not paying attention to the traffic signals. I could still see her, following me diligently , not bothering about over speeding or jumping the signals. I continued driving, just looking at the road now, just managing to escape the red light at the Candolim traffic signal, when I heard the loudest screech of a car trying to stop and then a terrifying loud bang. I looked through my mirror, saw a black Corolla upturned, and a white SUV static in front. I parked my car, got out and ran to the scene of the accident, to see a beautiful, fair arm dangling through the side window of the driver's seat. My heart stopped, I couldn't move. Everyone had gathered around. People were trying to turn the car over. I could see nothing. I had suddenly become numb from head to toe. The ambulance came, took her in. Someone pushed me, that woke me up and I got into the ambulance with her. I held her hand, I could not see her face through my blurry eyes and the coat of dark crimson blood covering her beautifully sculpted face. I kept whispering to her, "I may be angry with you but you can't walk out on me like this Lorr. Remember what you whispered in my ear last night. You have given me the most beautiful gift of life. I love you Lorr. You have to hang in there so that I can fight with you more!" I didn't know how to stop the tears from falling or keep myself for shaking.
She was rushed immediately to the operation theatre. The doctor said she suffered from a serious cerebral bleed, and they had to operate to reduce the internal pressure of the brain. I knew what it meant, she had a brain haemorrhage. She was gone. They let me enter the operation theatre, to say my goodbye to her. All I could do was hold her hand, and stare at her half closed eyes, wondering whether my soul could reach out to her. She was gone.
I was standing at her graveyard. She wanted to be buried in Goa, next to her parents, for this was her home town. It was a beautiful sunny day, just like Lauren. Sunshine was always beside her. My phone rang, it was the police station. They had retrieved some of her belongings from the accident site. I went to collect them. Her purse and two of her rings, her wedding ring and the ring which I'd given her as a gift for her wonderful job in the movie, were given to me. I took them back to the hotel, where I saw Viren and Rohan waiting at the reception. I just got into the lift and went up to my room, shut myself completely. I hadn't returned to the room since the day of the accident. It had been two days since. Lauren's clothes were all over the place, the sheets still crumpled from our love making. The toppled bed lamp and the half-drunk glass of whiskey with the imprint of her lipstick. The room still smelled of her delicate perfume of Chanel, which she used to spray just behind her ear, on her neck. When I'd kissed her there, it had tasted sickeningly sweet and made me fall in love with her even more. I just cried, because I could do nothing else, holding her clothes close to my heart, and weeping. I opened her purse, the first thing that came to my notice was a piece of paper. I took it out, saw that it was a Polaroid photo of me and her at my studio, with the caption "The love of my life you are, my heart's star. I'll parent my baby with you my love, I hope you let me."