On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him):
"A man said to the Prophet, 'Give me advice.' The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, 'Do not get angry.' The man asked repeatedly and the Prophet answered each time, 'Do not get angry.'" - Related by Bukhari & Muslim
***
Today would be the tenth day since we had made the deal. From what I have seen so far, there was not much improvement. At this state, I was going to lose the deal.
As stated in the Quran, Surah An-Nisa verse 3, 'And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four'.
Men are allowed to have four wives at one time in Islam. Even so, there was no way in my heart I could accept him marrying another woman.
Yes, I do believe in qada' and qadar, but I just couldn't do it. My heart would not be able to handle the situation strong enough. I would rather be a divorcee than sharing my husband with anyone.
My tears fell down my cheeks when I watched Raouf sleep. We were waiting for Zayd's return from work. Since dinner time I have been trying to call him and text him, but there was no respond. I was dismayed at Zayd's lack of interest in the family. I sighed inwardly as I stroke Raouf's hair.
"Good night little one. May Allah gives us strong iman to overcome this. I love you."
I went out of the room, leaving the small lamp switched on and the doors ajar. Taking a glance at the time, my heart beats nervously. Where could he be? Maybe he was with the woman. I shook my head, trying my best not to imagine them together - eating dinner, laughing, enjoying themselves - while here I was waiting anxiously.
To be frank, I was scared. I was scared that he would leave me for her. People say, even if you're married for 30 years, hearts may change, the wall of love that was built can be shattered just like that.
I sat on the couch with the lights off and 2 Yankee Candle jar lit on the TV console across the room. The smell of lavender fill the air, it made my heart calm.
In spite of the soothing aroma, my mind was brought back to that day went he finally admitted about her.
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Flashback
I received an unexpected call earlier on my phone. It was a woman, I know that voice anywhere. It had been haunting me for days. It had been about a week since I accidentally picked up Zayd's private call. I have not bring it up to him yet. He was always busy and does not want to talk about anything with me.
It hurts.
It hurts really bad that after 7 marriage years and 10 years knowing each other, this was the treatment that he was going to give me.
"He belongs to me," she said with venom in her voice.
"I am his wife. I think I am the one who should say that."
She had laughed at my response and purred, "Tsk tsk. You're wrong. I have his heart with me. I'm damn sure he will marry me. He said so himself."
"In your dreams."
I had ended the call and stood at the balcony for a while, still going through our conversation in my mind. Then I decided that today was the day. Today I was going to confront him, no matter what he says to avoid a conversation.
I had send Raouf to my mother's place earlier since my sister's children will be sleeping over there too. Ummi and Abi loves children, they don't mind if we send our kids over for them to look after. My mother used to work as a children caregiver at a local childcare centre, so she had experienced in taking care of more than her 2 daughters.
I sat on the couch as I flipped the tv channels, and settling on a horror movie. Even when my eyes were frozen on the TV screen, but my mind was somewhere else.
It was already 1 in the morning and Zayd has not reached home yet. I was about to reach for my phone to give him a call when I heard the doorbell rang.
Quickly getting up to open the door for him when it struck to me that Zayd has a key, why did he rang the bell?
Gingerly eyeing the peep hole, I saw Zayd standing outside looking dazed out, his arm was up across someone's shoulder and was leaning towards the wall. I could not see clearly who was beside him but I saw a long dark hair. My heart stopped beating, thinking it must be her.
The doorbell rang again. I took a deep breathe and swing open the door. I sighed in relieved when I saw his sister beside him.
"Kakak (big sister), I'm sorry. Abang (big brother) called me to pick him up," Zahirah explained, looking worried and ashamed at his brother's behaviour.
I heard Zayd's mumbling something incoherent under his breath and I quickly unlocked the gate. I let them in and Zahirah dumped Zayd on the couch.
"Kakak, Abang is drunk-"
"I can see that," I interrupted, glancing at him. Not sure what to feel about it.
"I swear I don't know why or what happened, and I promised I won't tell anyone about it. Nobody will know. I swear," Zahirah said as she put up her hand in a swearing position.
"Thank you, Irah."
"Kakak.. Did you... did you guys fight?"
I sighed loudly as I raked my hair back. "To be honest.. I don't know either. He has not been himself lately. I guess it's due to work. Maybe he's so stressed up. He said there's just a lot of projects to handle." Well, it's partly the truth, plus I can't be sure yet on his reason.
Zahirah nodded, satisfied with the answer. "Well then. I better get going. Mama will scream at me for leaving the house and using her car without permission. And at this time?!"
I lead Zahirah out of the house and shut the down. Zayd was already sleeping on the couch. There was no way I was able to carry him to the bed so I guess he will be sleeping on the couch tonight.
The following day when I woke up for fajr prayer (the first prayer of the daily five prayers), I tried waking Zayd up, but he was not responding to me. I sighed as I rose up from the couch to take my wudhu' (ablution). It had been going on for the past few weeks. He have not wake up for fajr and even if he does, he prayed by himself.
After prayer, I tried waking him up again but no avail. So I let him be.
When he finally woke up and showered, I asked him to have breakfast. He was quiet the whole time. When he was done with his toast and egg, I decided it was time.
"What happened last night Abang?"
Zayd kept quiet, sipping on his coffee.
"Abang.. you can't keep to yourself. Sometimes you need to let it out. You can always talk to me," I coaxed him as I put a hand on his arm which he pulled back sharply.
I stared at my hand in shocked, feeling rejected and worthless. That's it!
"So you're going to just keep quiet and ignored me throughout the rest of your life? You're going to pretend that nothing happen here? You came home late and drunk and pretend that never happen! Do you know that I have been waiting for your return last night? No - every night! Every damn night I've waited for you!"
I know my voice was getting higher with every word. I could not help it. I was infuriated and heartbroken and frightened.
"I've never ask you to wait up for me. That was your own doing," Zayd replied, never meeting my gaze.
"Who am I to you?!"
Silence.
"I'm asking you. Who am I to you?!"
Still silence.
"So I'm nobody right?" I concluded as I lowered my voice. "Thank you." I stood up as I stacked all the empty used plates and placed the empty cups on the tray. As I was about to leave, Zayd said, "I'm seeing someone else."
I slammed the tray down on the table, rattling the china cups and plates. "Finally! You've finally admitted! How long do you intended to keep this a secret uh?!"
Zayd stood up and reached out his hand to touch me, to calm me down maybe, but he paused and dropped his hands. "I'm sorry Rabia. I really am."
"Oh really?" I scoffed at him and threw him a glare, folding my arms over my chest. It was a good thing Raouf was not around, or he might witnessed the argument between us. "So if you were really sorry, why don't you break it off? Why are you still hanging on to her?"
"Because I love her. I'm going to make her my second wife."
I swore I had just died.
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A/N: Oh My Allah! I would have died too if I was in her shoes!
I swear this had no link to my love life. And Nauzubillah - i hope it never happen.
So what do you think about Zayd? It's tough uh? To fall in love with 2 women. Well nothing is impossible.
Remember to support me in the #justwriteit challenge and vote for me ok? Thank you all!