IT'S 40 ALREADY OMG.
Brace yourselves.
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The 2 weeks passed through like wind. I mean it was sort of busy, and fun, but I didn't realize that I've been here two weeks until today, the day of my departure.
I'm leaving Sydney for the third time in my life. Wow. At least I didn't get the same old shitty feeling like I'm leaving behind my whole life.
I have 6 hours left before my flight, so I decided to have a walk around the university. This place is really awesome. And it's so cool that I got to stay here even just for a while, since I dreamt of studying here. I also went to my favorite cafè and ordered my favorite dish.
I don't know when I will go back here, since theres literally nothing in my life that would cause me to go back. But who knows, maybe in the future, I'll have a reason. Besides, this is where I came from.
Anyway, I spent most of my remaining time walking around and saying goodbye to my professors and some of the people that I've met during the past days. I went back to the dorm room after lunch, when I decided to recheck all the things I need to pack.
Lei was there, sitting at her bed. She looked at me as I entered.
"What?" I said, dropping my bag to my bed.
"What time are you leaving?" She asked.
Lei and I have gotten closer ever since that talk about Luke. She's so fascinated by the boyfriend-from-a-band thing.
"My flight is at 6, so... probably 3, so I could be there at 4." I answered. "Why? Can't wait to finally have the room all to yourself?" I said, jokingly.
Lei just smiled slyly. "No. I'm actually gonna miss you a bit. No one will annoy me now everytime I enter this stupid dormroom."
"Oh wow, thanks." I said, with hinting sarcasm.
She just laughed. "No, but seriously..."
"Aw, I'm gonna' miss you too." I smiled, resisiting the urge to walk over to her and hug her.
Lei just smiled. She took one of the many black bracelets around her wrists and walked over to me. She took a deep breath and said, "Okay. I'm not being clichè or something. But since we would probably never meet again, I wanna' give this to you."
She took my hand and made me wear her bracelet.
"This is the closest to girly that I have, so..." She shrugged.
I smiled. "Ohmygod, it's beautiful." I stood up after she was done. "Can I hug you?"
Lei just shrugged again, so I took the chance to hug her.
"Thank you so much for everything. You're one of the coolest person I have ever met, and I'm not just saying that because I want to. It's true as fuck." I said. "And I'm sorry I wasn't able to get you anything. God, I don't know what to give you."
Lei just waved it off. "I don't need anything. I'm fine. I'm sure I'll remember you anyway. Luke Hemmings' girlfriend."
"No, not really." I muttered.
"Ex-girlfriend." She sighed. "Happy now?"
I laughed. "Not really. But it's fine."
She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Whatever. Now go fix your stuffs. I have a class, so I'll be leaving now."
"Aw, thank you so much for everything." I said.
"Thank you too." She smiled, just looking at me so deeply that I knew she meant it. Before I could utter another word, she went out and shut the door closed.
I proceeded to checking all my stuffs again while blasting some tunes from my phone. Man, I feel so excited and I don't know why. Yes, I miss my flat, but it feels more than that. Maybe L.A. is just making me nostalgic.
When it was 3:30, I was done doing everything. I hope that I really made sure that i didn't leave anything behind. I hailed a cab and went to the airport.
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Me: Hey charlieeee ;-))). You're probably at school rn so i wont bother calling. You might get in trouble lol. Im on my way to the airport now, and i just wanna say thank you for everything. It was really nice to see you again. And i hope to see you again soon. Aww. Stay in contact with me. Call me if you need some sort of sisterly advice or if you just wanna kick luke's ass or something. Iloveyouuuu.
Me: btw, if you can reply please do. I feel alone rn. Lol
Me: but i feel kinda excited too. Idk. IT'S WEIRD!! Visit LA if you have time.
Me: and also goodluck for that dude.. zac or zack or zach or whatever. Hope he doesnt turn out to be a ballsack. Hahahaha omg (get it get it)
Me: okay bye.
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It's already 5:30 in the afternoon. Charlie still isn't replying to my texts. I wanna call her and say thanks. Maybe her phone is off or something.
Anyway, I have already checked in. I'm at one of the cute little cafès here in the airport, just having coffee. It's gonna be a boring 13-hour flight, so I don't know. I gotta' find some cool entertainment or something. I hope I get seated by the window again. I know that all you could see are clouds but that vast sea of puffiness (or darkness if it's nighttime) helps me think.
Only 30 minutes til boarding time. I just sat there alone in the coffee shop, pretending to be busy with my phone as I waited. It's actually noce here since there weren't a lot of people past check-in. There are a lot of people outside. I don't know if that's normal or there are just a lot of flights today...
Whatever. I'm just glad I'm past the point of all the crowds. It exhausts me sometimes.
.
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Luke's POV
We're heading back to L.A. today and do songwriting there and try to finish the album and all that. I'm so excited to go back to L.A. And well, the reasons are endless.
Anyway, we have already checked in. We arrived a bit early today, which is sort of a miracle. We have walked past fans, taking photos and all. They have a lot of questions today since we haven't been so active in social media because we're at home. All we ever tweet about were get togethers and mini adventures and for Michael... his man cave (which is super fucking awesome. I wish I live there.)
It was already quarter to 6, so they would be asking us to board the plane in a couple of minutes. Everyone was busy talking to each other. And as for me, I am devicing a revenge plan for what they did to me during our last flight from Sydney to L.A.: switching my plane seat. I know that their prank had done me something good, but it just feels nice to prank them back.
Announcement came through the speakers, saying that our flight was alrerady boarding. Everyone walked along, as I pulled the band behind so I would be able to switch one of their seats.
I asked the ground attendant who was assisting us with our tickets and our seat arrangement about what the arrangement of the plane is. She said it has 3 seats on the two side rows and 5 in the middle. We are probably gonna be seated on the side rows. There are only 3, which means one would be off somewhere else. And that won't be me. Not this time.
I took the guys' tickets and handed it to the attendant who will assign us our seats, and being the lazy assholes that they are, they gave it to me willingly. The three of them continued with their small talk.
"Place the three on one row, please. Include me." I smiled, telling her my name.
"How about the other one, sir?" She asked.
"You could place him on the window seat at the row behind ours." I said, looking at her computer screen.
The lady frowned. "I'm sorry sir, but that seat appears to be taken. However, the seat beside that one is not. Would you like me to assign that to this one instead??"
I nodded, not really caring where the other one ends up in. And I don't care whether it be Ashton or Michael or Calum. One of them would do.
I took the tickets and thanked the attendant. I got mine and handed the boys theirs. They didn't even look at their seat numbers. They just looked for their names and continued with the conversation.
We boarded the plane as everyone look for their seat numbers.
"What's your seat?" Michael asked me.
"16C." I answered.
Michael smiled. "Cool. I'm 16 B."
One down, two to go. I wonder if Ashton or Calum had realized they're on a different row. It's not even that much since it's just one row back.... Now I wonder why I even did it on the first place.
Michael and I proceded to the 16th row. I let Michael sit first as I wait down the aisle, since I was waiting who will get to sit in the backrow. No one was sitting behind us yet.
Passengers started coming from the backside of the plane, occupying the farther seats in the back. Ashton and Calum approached our row, both looking confused.
"What row is this?" Calum asked.
"16." I said, trying to hold up my laughter as I leaned on the armrest. My back was facing Michael so I don't know what he was doing now.
Calum clapped his hands together. "Hah! I sit beside them. You sit behind us."
Ashton rolled his eyes. "Why does it have to be me?"
I just shrugged.
"Why didn't we just sit at 5-seat row godammit." Ashton was stomping his feet in frustration.
Calum laughed while putting his things in the upper cabin. "Bro, it's fine. You might meet a girl here or something. You know what what I mean.." He purposely raised an eyebrow towards me.
The three of them laughed. I just rolled my eyes. The plane was starting to be full. And Calum, Ashton and I were still standing at the aisle.
"Sir, if you could please sit down now." The flight attendant flashed a fake smile.
"Just a second, Miss." Ashton smiled genuinely. "We just have to sort some things out."
The flight attendant tried to argue but I guess she saw no good in doing so. Somewhere in the background, I heard someone saying the band's name.
Calum's eyes widened at something behind me. I looked behind me, and saw nothing out of the ordinary. But a girl, who was bowing down -- probably fixing her shoes or bag or something something-- had took the seat beside Ashton. There still weren't anyone who was seated at tge seat beside the aisle. Michael was doing something on his phone. When I looked back at the two, Calum was whispering something to Ashton, who was slowly smiling.
"Are you sure?" I heard him whisper to Calum.
Calum nodded, giggling. He began whispering to Ashton again, which I couldn't quite decipher.
"How'd you know??" Ashton asked, frustrated.
"I saw her but she didn't see me!!!" Calum explained.
Ashton laughed, seeming to believe whatever Calum had said.
"What is it?" I asked.
They just shook their heads.
Once the flight attendant left, Ashton spoke up again. "So I'm gonna' go over to my seat. And you two.. go to yours."
I frowned. "You wouldn't even argue about this?!" I said, surprised.
"Aha! So you were the one who did this!" Calum said. "I knew it."
I rolled my eyes. "Well, duh."
"I don't care. I'm going to my seat." Ashton said, gently shoving me to the side. Calum and I watched him as he slowly made his way. The girl sitting beside him finally looked up, and... Shit.
I feel like all the air had just left my lungs. My heart is beating really fast. My palms are sweating.
She looked at Ashton first while taking her earphones off, her eyes widening. Then she looked at me, and her eyes lingered for a while. Somehow, I can still see those same eyes crying out to me some months ago...
"Ohmygod. Sydny!!!" Ashton said. "I didn't see you there. What a coincidence!"
Calum laughed beside me. "I'm gonna' go take my seat." He waved to Sydny as he made his way to the window seat. "Hi, Sydny."
"H-hi! What are you guys doing here?" She asked, taking her eyes away from me.
"It's our flight. We didn't know you were here in Sydney." Ashton said, looking at me.
I racked my brain for anything to say. I was so shocked. My head isn't functioning normally. "Y-yeah. Charlie mentioned she was talking to you. I thought it was over chat or text."
She just smiled and I felt my heart skip a beat. "Oh. Uh, it's a school trip. I was sent here to do some research."
The flight attendant came to us again. "Sir, you must really take your seats. The other passengers are getting disturbed."
"Yeah, okay." Ashton said.
The flight attendant smiled and walked away.
Ash turned to me. "So, aren't you going to take your seat??"
"Uh, I.. I, uh.." Fuck. My seat was right here beside me. But I can't bring myself to sit down. This is what i wanted isn't it? What do I say? My plan has completely backfired and I am facing someone really important to me.
Ashton burst out laughing. "Bro, it's okay. You can take my seat." He said, going out into the aisle again. But he turned back, "I mean, if it's okay with Sydny..."
Sydny looked at Ashton with wide eyes. I could tell that she was trying not to look at me. Ash just shrugged at her.
"It's fine." Sydny shrugged. "It's just for a few hours."
Ash giggled. "Okay. You two enjoy."
He pushed me slightly to the back, whispering a quick "You're welcome." Ashton took a seat beside Michael, as the three of them exchanged a quick guy handshake.
I groaned, lowering myself to them. "Fuck you guys. This is the second time."
"Fuck you. You love it." Michael said.
I rolled my eyes. I saw the stewardess coming over again so I took a seat at the one beside the aisle on Sydny's row, thankful that no one wasn't there yet.
"Are you seriously gonna' stay there?" She asked.
I took a deep breath, before deciding to look at her. God, she's as beautiful as ever.
I shrugged. "Well, no one isn't here yet, so.."
Sydny sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine. If that's what you want." She put her earphones back on and closed her eyes.
I bit my lip, slowly sinking back to my seat.
She probably has no idea how I want to move beside her so bad. But I know that doing so is bad. Even just looking at her, seeing her is bad. It makes me think of my mistakes all over again.. of how we could still be together until now.. of how she could be in my arms and nothing is ever wrong.
But then again, my mother told me, take the chance while it's there.
I took a deep breath and slowly got up to occupy the middle seat. I could smell her perfume from here. God, help me.
Sydny raised an eyebrow, her eyes now open. She removed one of her earphones off.
"Did the person who's supposed to sit there arrive already??" She asked.
"No." I answered. "But I think I like it better here."
Sydny looked at me and smiled, but she looked away quickly. She took off her earphones from the other ear and hid it in her jacket pocket.
"I didn't know you were in Australia." I said, trying to start up a decent conversation, in the friendliest way possible.
She shrugged. "Like I said, the school sent me to do some research, as well as some other students. Andy is now in Berlin. Melissa is in New York. And it just so happens that Lou picked this place for me. So... yeah. And I didn't know you were here either until Charlie told me."
"When did you and Charlie meet up?" I asked.
"Last week. Friday, I think."
I hesitated in what I said next. "She didn't say anything about.. me? Or the band?"
Sydny smiled to herself. "Well, she mentioned you. No, not really. We talked about you. You know how she is. She asked me heaps of questions about.. you know."
Yeah, I know. I thought to myself. I just nodded at her.
The stewardess started roaming around to check on the passengers, if everyone was wearing their seat belts, and no one needs anything. The captain of the ship says we are about to take off.
"Hey," Sydny said, as the flight attendant walked past us.
I looked at her. "What?"
She just smiled and looked down, shaking her head. "No, nothing. It's stupid."
She looks so adorable, hiding her face like that. I laughed lightly. "Tell me."
"I just realized.." She said, "There was never a time I left Australia without you beside me." She looked me in the eyes. I think about all the trips we've had and realized that it's true. Wow.
Sydny looked away, as the realization hits me. She never left Australia without me beside her? Two of them, as I know, are completely coincidental. The first one was the day I met her. A start of something new. And this one's the second. Could be coincidence... Or maybe just fate.
The plane started to accelerate. Sydny's hands flew immediately on top of mine at the arm rest, but she pulled it away quickly, blushing.
"I-I'm sorry. I was just.. uh.." She stuttered.
I smiled. "It's okay. I know how you get when the plane takes off."
The last time we went on a plane together during the holidays, I remember Sydny holding on to me tightly as the plane takes off. She's been nervous about take offs and landings ever since she watched some of the episodes in Seconds From Disaster.
I held out my palm for her to take. "Come on. It's completely friendly.."
Slowly, and with a lot if hesitation, she takes my hand the way she does when we're walking together. Her fingers intertwined with mine. I tried to smile to hide the overwhelming feeling this simple touch is giving me. Man, how I miss being able to do this.
The pilot announces that we are about to take off. Sydny's grip on my hand tightened. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb to give her some sort of reassurance. She flashed a smile of gratitude as I resisted the urge to put my arms around her, and kiss her forehead.
"It'll be okay, babe. Don't worry. Just hold on to me." I whispered to her ear, as she slowly closes her eyes.
And off we go. Next destination: Los Angeles.
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Sydny's POV
I wasn't prepared for any of this. But now that it's here, it feels like I've been wanting this for so long.
Luke and I spent the next two hours catching up on each other. Nothing much happened to his life, he said. They were just touring, and now it's done. They went home for vacation. And now, they're heading back to L.A. to finish their album, I think.
He told me stories about what happened during the tour. How Michael always talks to Melissa that it started to become annoying. How they play FIFA like a post-show ritual. How Calum and Ashton are like bloggers who like exploring exotic restaurants and all that shit.
Of course, there were times when he would stop and just look at me. I know that he was remembering something, and I'm pretty sure it was what I was thinking as well. It's just that, none of us are brave enough to start a conversation about our past. We both know the three boys are listening in front of us. Besides, I don't feel like breaking down on a plane, because let's face it.. I will break down.
Anyway, I told Luke about everything I did so far. I told him about Nick, but not really about what's between Nick and I. It's not like there's anything official between us that it's worth telling the whole world.
Right now, he was still sleeping beside me. We are more than halfway our trip. Just about 5 hours left. I'm still a bit sleepy so I decided to go back to sleep.
I know going back to sleep wasn't easy. So I put my earphones on and put my playlist on shuffle.
Another You by Against the Current started playing. I love this band. I know Michael has some sort of connection with Chrissy, or something. I saw it on twitter.
I fidgeted a bit to get comfy. I tried facing the window, but they are closed. So I turned the other way instead.
Luke's blanket was dangling loosely over his wide frame. His eyelashes were touching the skin just below his eyes. His breathing was steady as his mouth was slightly open.
"But they say life goes on anyway
If things should change, oh yeah
Stuck in the same old melody of misery"
I bit my lip. I wonder how Luke really is now. Is he seeing someone? Did he somehow manage to find another girl for him while he's on tour? I don't know. I don't think I even want to know. It feels like there are a lot of things about him that I would rather leave unknown. Maybe it's for the best. And maybe I don't even deserve to know.
But still there are a lot of questions that I want an aswer to. And they just keep on coming and coming.
What happens after this? What happens while we're in L.A.? Are we even friends? Or did everything we ever had went down the drain? Because I know for a fact that it did not for me. Did he realize that he could move on from me, and that I am just another girl? Did he realize how I wasn't as special as he thought I was?
"Tell me if it's right or wrong, right or wrong
Staring at your pictures till the shadows fade
Acting like there's nothing wrong, nothing wrong
What we had is slipping away"
The song is really bugging me right now, but I couldn't stop listening to it. It feels like I could relate to it somehow.
"And don't you forget that
All of the times we spent late at night
We wasted our breath
We're over and done with
I couldn't see what you did to me
It's not for the best
We're over and done with."
Luke wrinkled his nose for some reason. He wiggled around in his seat, and he ended up facing me. He was still fast asleep, but I watched as his hands rested protectively on my waist. I know I should jave removed it. But I'm afraid I might wake him up.
It's funny how after all this time, he still makes me feel safe. Funny how I'd had to let go of something that means so much to me. Funny how something can break you as much as they can complete you.
"The last thing that I ever wanted to do
Was to say goodbye to you." I sang along quietly.
.
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When I woke up, it was already morning. Technically, it was supposed to be morning in Sydney. But it seems like it's already afternoon wherever we are.
I looked beside me and Luke wasn't there. I wonder where he went.
The windows are now opened. And we are still higher than the clouds. The sky is like a massive ombre. Dark on one side as it grows lighter and lighter with the sunlight. It's breathtakingky beautiful.
"You're awake."
I turned around. Luke took his seat.
"Where did you come from?" I asked.
"Restrooms." He said. "I was about to wake you up when I get back. It's only less an hour before we land."
I nodded.
We stayed there in silence for a while. I just watched the clouds. I don't know what he was doing, but I could hear him sighing occasionally.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, facing him.
Luke was on his phone. He didn't bother looking at me. "Nothing."
"Are you sure?" I asked again. I made a brave gesture of resting my hands on top of his as it lay on his lap.
Finally he looked at me. But he averted his gaze at once.
"Luke, you can still tell me anything. If something's making you upset, we could talk about it. I could help." I said.
He finally looked at me again. He took a deep breath. "Syd."
"Yeah?"
He looked in front of him, through the cracks in the seat, as if checking on his friends. As I know, they are all asleep. They would have been noisy right now if they weren't.
"If I.." He took a deep breath again. I tightened my grip on his hand to tell him that it's okay. "If I told you that I miss you, will you get mad?"
I let out a shallow breath. Luke bit his lip and blushed as if he just said his most embarrassing secret.
I shook my head. "No. Why would I be?"
"Good, because I miss you." He said smiling. "I miss everything about you. And it just feels good to say that."
I smiled, looking down to hide what my cheeks fail to hide.
"I miss you so much." He said again, more serious.
I can't help but look up at him. His eyes met mine. And I know that there was more to it than that.
"Thank you for just allowing me to be beside you, maybe even for the last time." He said.
I hope it won't be. I said somewhere at the back of my head, shaking it off immediately.
Luke leaned in. One of his hands was at the back of my head as he pulled me towards him gently and planted a small kiss on my forehead. My eyes fluttered shut involuntarily. I let out a shaky breath.
"Sydny," He mumbled against my skin. "Promise me that you will always take care of yourself. Especially now that I can't."
Is he seriously thinking about how I am still? He has done nothing but to always care for me, for what I feel. Luke always made sure that I don't go to sleep mad or upset. But I thought it would be gone now.
But I nodded. "I-I promise."
Luke smiled and shrank back into his seat, letting go of my hand on his lap.
God, why did all of it have to happen?
.
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.
We have officially landed in L.A. and we are currently waiting for our baggages. It almost feels like deja vu.
"How was the flight?" Calum asked me. We are a little farther from the rest of the boys who were all on their phones.
You know, I'm really thankful for Calum. I share a stronger best friend sort of vibe with him than I do with the other guys. And well, he has helped a lot with my relationship, and knows quite a lot about it. And he gives good advice.
"What do you mean how?" I asked.
"Did you and Luke talk about some serious shit?"
"Like about life? Of what's up with our own personal lives right now? Yeah." I shrugged.
Calum rolled his eyes. "There should be more."
"But there's none."
"What do you mean there's none? You spent 13 hours talking about your school and the band? How boring is that?" Calum frowned.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Well what are we supposed to talk about?"
"About you two. About what's up with you? Like, did you even ask him if he's seeing someone?" He was waving his hands all around just to make a point.
"Why would I ask him that? We're over. I shouldn't care as much." I said, keeping myself calm.
Calum just stared at me.
"Wait. Is he?" I asked, but I suddenly regret it.
"Is he what?"
"Seeing.. someone?" I said, almost mumbling.
Calum smirked. "I thought you shouldn't be caring as much..?"
I rolled my eyes agaim and groaned. "Fine." I said. "You're right. I mean, what do I care, right? There's nothing I could do about it. It's not like he's cheating on me again. Because he can't.. We're over. Duh."
"Shh. Stop. That's too much." Calum said, holding his pointer up. "Can you please just fucking let that cheating thing go? The guy is really sorry for what he did. And besides, he really loved you if you can't tell already. And no, he's not seeing someone. As if he could... I don't even think he's gotten over you."
I shrugged. "I'm pretty sure he did. It's been quite long..." My voice sounded distant.
Calum was about to say something, but instead he nudged me and nodded on the other direction.
I turned around to see Luke walking towards with.. wait, is that my luggage he's carrying?
"And here goes superman." Calum said quietly to me, laughing. "I'll catch you later, Sydny."
"Okay, bye." I smiled, as Calum walked over to the other guys, giving Luke a small pat as he passed by.
"Where did you get my luggage?" I asked Luke.
He grinned. "I saw it, so I took it."
"How did you know it was mine?" I asked him.
He pointed to the bagtag. "That thing kinda' gave it away."
I laughed lightly.
We stood there awkwardly for a second. The people around us come and go. Some were already on their phones. Some still look like they're still dreaming. But I would gladly be one of them instead being here and standing in this very awkward silence, which I can't believe I'm sharing with someone whom I usually never run out of things to talk about.
"So.." Luke started. "Do you go back to your flat right after?"
"I got nowhere else to go, so.. yeah." I nodded. "How about you?"
"Not sure if we go back to that house, or if we're gonna' stay on a hotel first." Luke shrugged.
I just nodded again, not really knowing what to say.
"Hey, so um," Luke started again. "Since we're both in L.A., do you think we could.. like, hang out sometimes? Like just as friends?"
I laughed at the way he was speaking. "Yeah, of course. Why not?"
"Good." He smiled.
I laughed again. "Why do you speak like a college frat boy?"
"What?" He frowned, but I saw a smile creeping on his face. "How would you even know how a college frat boy sounds like? Have you dated one?"
"Are you counted?" I grinned.
He just shrugged. "Do you want to count me in? I mean, I'm not a college frat boy, but since you said I sound like one so.."
I laughed. "See what I mean? Like you talk all swag and cool but awkward. It's just.. I don't know. It's not like you usually."
"How am I usually?" He asked, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Just plain awkward." I giggled. "You don't approach me with a 'Hey, so um.. blah blah..' but with 'Syd...'" I said my name in the best Luke imitation I could.
Luke grinned. "I must have been adorably awkward though."
"Why?" I can't stop myself from smiling.
"Well, you wouldn't have fallen for me that badly if I wasn't." He shrugged.
"What the fuck. Who are you and what have you done to my.." my what? Fuck this. "I mean to Luke Hemmings?"
Luke just laughed. "Okay, I'm done. I got no more college frat boy left in me."
"Hey, you guys should stop flirting-- again, for that matter-- cause we kinda have to go." Michael called out to us.
I grabbed my luggage from Luke's hand since he's already carrying his. But he denied and said that he can do it.
"Luke, I'm pretty sure I can pull my own trolley too." I pointed out.
"Fine." He sighed, handing me my luggage.
"Thanks." I said, pulling it behind me. We started walking to join the other and I almost took his hand in mine, just like I used to. But I remembered things weren't as it used to be. So we all walked silently.
We all had to be seperated at one point. But before we completely exit, the point where the fans are waiting, I saw those 4 tall dudes. I couldn't really spot them that easily now since Michael's hair is black. It had been my number one distinguishing thing before. But now I just literally had to look for four giraffes.
Luke spotted me immediately. I could've left already. But it seemed rude without somehow saying goodbye. He walked over to me.
I could feel a hunderd pair of eyes staring at our direction. I don't know if they're confused like I am, or angry, or happy, or sad, or whatever. But I feel once again like I let another beautiful thing go. And I guess that's just how life is. Maybe it's gonna give you something even better. But at this moment, I fail to see whatever is better than what I had.
"Syd.." Luke said.
I can't help but smile. "Oh wow. There's my awkward non-college frat boy."
Luke laughed. Wait did I just say 'my'? Fuck I hope he didnt notice.
"Anyway," He said, "I just wanna say thank you for letting me sit beside you... That sounds kinda' stupid but I don't know how to say it better. But honestly, thank you. I really hope we could hang out."
"As friends." I said.
"As friends." He agreed.
"Okay." I said.
"Okay." He smiled. "So, yeah. Bye."
"Bye." I smiled. My palms are sweating. The fact that a lot of people are looking makes this even more awkward than it is.
Luke was about to turn around and walk back to his friends, when (again) I did something stupid. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face on the crook of it. His scent filled my senses, making me nostalgic as ever. God how I miss this.
He was surprised. But it didn't take him long enough to wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. It still amazes me how it fits perfectly. Some things just don't change even if you feel like everything has.
"God, I miss the smell of your shampoo." Luke whispered in my ear.
I laughed lightly. I couldn't bring myself to talk. I feel like if I say anything, I might start crying. And I don't wanna cry in front of all these people.
I inhaled all of him that I could until finally letting go.
"Keep safe, Syd." He smiled. Something was now there that wasn't there a while ago.
"You too, Luke."
"And text me when you get home." He said, finally turning back and walking away.
I went my own way before I could catch him look back. I can't see him looking at me. This is all too much for one day.
I went through the lane without that much fans, but I tried to smile and wave at them when they called me.
"I told you they're still together."
"I'm pretty sure they broke up but are now together again."
"I don't care really. I love Michael."
I heard the fans talk about me. But the thing is, they'll never know what's really happening inside the walls of fame and media and lies. Just like I don't know what lies behind those sweet smiles and beautiful faces and long sleeves and bracelets. You can't be so damn sure about everything. It's twisted, one way or another.
I went straight home. My mind was buzzing. My head aches. My feelings are fucked up. How can someone have such a great effect on you?
I reached for my phone and clicked Luke's contact.
Me: i'm home. Keep safe. :-)
I hit send, just as I received another text.
Nick: Hey sydny. I missed you. Tell me when you're home. Xx
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LUKE'S BACK IN THE SCENE YOU CAN ALL CALM DOWN NOW.. or not.
Preorder sounds good feels good on itunes go go go