"All I wanted to do was learn more about this world that we live in."
xxiii. express
Harry takes a steadying breath, tucking his scribe under his arm and schooling his expression to one of innocence. Simon Cowell is sat behind a monstrous, glass desk, fingers steepled together elegantly and his posture paired with the assessing look he's gliding over Harry's face all too commandeering. There has been a choking silence stretching across the room ever since Harry crossed the threshold of the Superior's office, and it's nerve-racking.
"You confuse me, Styles." Is what Simon decides to break the heavy pause with.
Harry opens his mouth to ask the obvious how, but Simon cuts him off with a single upraised hand. He arches his left eyebrow, like he's waiting to see if Harry will actually try to interrupt his crafted monologue.
"You confuse me because your actions never add up. During the day we see you acting like a good Citizen, following all orders and even your meal and sleep plan perfectly. But then, we receive footage of you helping a renowned Unconformist and mass murderer out of his holding cell."
Harry winces at that, clenching his fist and swallowing nervously. Simon's mouth tilts upwards into a ghost of a smirk.
"Surely you can see how you're an endless mystery to us at The Movement, Mr. Styles. It's almost like you don't even want to be a high ranking Superior."
"I do," Harry interjects before his mind can even think to stop himself.
"Do you really?" Simon leans forward in his white office chair. "Because I gave you an assignment months ago and you haven't even began to convert Louis Tomlinson to be a part of The Movement. We're doubting your faith in us, Styles."
"I'm trying but I just don't know how. You do realize that The Movement killed his sister?"
"Oh right, forgive me. I forgot that his rebellious sister was killed by The Movement. That changes everything!" Simon rolls his eyes openly. "It's not like Tomlinson didn't have a hand in killing over a thousand people that were mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters."
Harry stares down at his feet, feeling properly berated. Simon was right, Harry shouldn't defend Louis just on the account of the tragic loss of his sister. It's just. Realizing that Louis lost someone he loves to The Movement, too, makes Harry feel... closer, in a sense, to him. Like there's actually someone out there that has the same gaping hole in their chest from someone in their life that left much too early. It's odd and probably doesn't make sense, but ever since Louis' confession, Harry's been able to look into the steely blue of his eyes and find something relatable hidden there.
"Your punishment," Simon drags Harry out of his reverie with the low timber of his voice. "Is a decrease in both your meal size and sleep amount. We will return you to a normal level when you've proved your loyalty fully lies with us."
Harry inhales sharply, sparing a quick thought to how his stomach is already practically concave from sparse meal plan, and how he feels dead on his feet from the amount of sleep the alarms embedded in his flat are allowing him. But he nods, nonetheless. There's nothing he can do or say to change it.
"Very well, then. Have our little chat serve as a reminder to you that The Movement expects your wholehearted loyalty, and that we will accept nothing less."
Harry leaves Simon's office with what feels like an iron fist clenched around his heart.
;;
Harry tilts his head backwards, staring upwards towards the sun while a soft breeze press a few stray curls against his cheek. The heat is oddly sweltering today, and his shift guarding the doors of the Main HQ building has been near torture. It's usually bad enough to watch people walk past him nervously like he's something to be afraid of. But the skittish citizens mixed with the choking heat and his 'chat' with Simon earlier has made today borderline unbearable.
He keeps looking upwards, at the side of the building that he's leaned against. It's massive, basically. Sprawling up towards the sky, with a few security cameras branching out from the side of it. Harry zeroes in one of the cameras that looks like it's zooming in on him, and he feels like he's being watched. He thinks about his talk with Simon and realizes that he probably is being watched. Which probably means he should act like he's completely focused on his job.
He lets out a muffled sigh and drops his chin, deciding to get back to work. Raking his eyes over the sidewalk, watching as Citizens flit about on the course of their daily life. His eyes zero in on a girl, she looks around ten in age. She seems normal, mouth shut and following her Mum dutifully. But the thing off about her is her hands, she's moving them in odd shapes rapidly while making eye contact with the small boy beside her. The boy nods and moves his hands, too. Like he's answering her.
His stomach sinks and alarms go off in his head when he realizes that the children are using sign language. Typically, he would turn away and let it slide. They're just children, after all, they probably don't realize the severity of the illegal actions they're committing. But his conscious reminds him of the cameras all over the buildings and Simon's warning about how The Movement is watching him.
So he moves from his post, hand moving for the piece of plexiglass in his pocket to send in the appropriate code to HQ about the violation he's witnessing. He walks forward, driving his legs until he's caught the pace of the small family that's gained ground on the sidewalk. He puts his hand on the girls shoulder and she whips around immediately. The little boy stops, too, and the Mum continues to walk until she realizes the absence of the sounds of her children's footsteps following her.
Harry uses his hands on the children's shoulders to keep them in place as their Mum runs back to them, her eyebrows furrowed with worry. Harry looks down at the kids' eyes, which are both a warm hue of brown that's reminiscent of caramel and warm, winter nights.
He feels bile raise in the back of his throat when he realizes that what he's doing right now is going to forever change this boy and girl's lives for forever. Because of him turning them in they will know be seen as anomalies, up and coming Unconformists that threatens the precious structure of the world that The Movement has so carefully created. A pristine white shoe comes into his line of vision of Harry glances up to see his old Superior, with her tightly pinned back hair and cold eyes gazing back at him.
"Brent and Celeste Foreman?" His Superior asks the two kids. They nod slowly, Harry can feel the fear radiating off of them. "You are both being apprehend for engaging in the illegal action of communicating with sign language. Sign language is a nuisance to the infrastructure of The Movement, and also the language of the Unconformists. Engaging in such forms of contact is likened to terrorism in The Movement's eyes. Your punishment will be decided in a court of law."
"No," their mother screeches, voice borderline hysterical. Her eyes are flitting between Harry and his old Superior in quick movements like that of a caged animal. "They're just children."
"Mrs. Foreman, are you attempting to defend Unconformist actions? You are aware that that is an obstruction of justice, which is punishable by law. Think carefully before you act any further, because I can assure you that the courts won't be half as merciful to you as they will be to your children."
The woman inhales like she was just punched in the gut, her eyes brimming with tears immediately. She shakes her head, mouthing a silent 'no' as Harry's old Superior tightens her hold against the girl, Celeste. Harry glances back down at the children to see both of them crying. Harry's heart clenches. What has he done?
"That's what I thought. You may continue with your daily duties, Mrs. Foreman. We will be taking your children to HQ." His old Superior clenches her jaw and watches as the mum openly weeps in front of them, slowly reaching out to touch her kids. "I said that you may leave, Mrs. Foreman."
She stares menacingly until Mrs. Foreman starts to slowly walk away. And that's when the kids start screaming.
"Mummy, no!" The younger boy screams, and the girl sobs out "Mum." Passing Citizens stop walking for a second, looking at the kids and the Superiors before walking ahead like nothing is happening.
"Styles, grab the boy. We just need to get them inside."
Harry swallows around the hot tears scorching in his throat and nods, placing his hands on both of the boy's shoulders as he starts to scream.
They both make choked off wheezing sounds for their Mum as Harry and his old Superior guides them into the building that Harry was just taking guard of.
"Well done, Mr. Styles," his old Superior contorts her face into the shadow of a grin after they handed off the crying children to a waiting Superior that was just inside. "I always knew you had some promise in you."
Harry nods, but he can't really fathom how she can seem so happy with herself after they just ruined two children's lives. Maybe it's because it's entirely Harry's fault, and not her's.
She pats him on the back and leans closer to him, whispering, "Don't worry, Harry, They're just testing you." before walking away from him.
Harry's too torn up inside to really take her words to heart.
;;
"Alright, then." Louis curls in on himself on the corner of Harry's couch, small hand clutching a cup of steaming tea closely to his chest. "Try and convince me."
Harry adjusts the thought censors on his head and takes a deep breath, "Well. Have you ever thought about how The Movement has created the first government system to ever have lasted this long without a single event to truly threaten the way it's ran?"
"That's only because The Movement doesn't allow anyone to have the ability to truly question the way that the government is ran. And the people that do question it are typically killed nearly immediately."
Harry huffs and grabs an elastic off his wrist and uses it to tie his hair back and out of his face.
"The Movement allows us to be happy, they literally give us anything we ask for and no one suffers from poverty or illness because of it. The only people in this system that are unhappy are the people that actively look for reasons to be upset."
Louis scoffs and takes a long, dramatic sip from his tea. Harry sits and watches him.
He has gotten oddly used to Louis and his ominous presence over the past few weeks. He continuously flits into Harry's flat without even knocking and camps out on Harry's couch while drinking his tea, spending hours on end to tell Harry about Unconformists and how Harry should definitely become one. He's still annoying as fuck, and he's still an Unconformist and also a certifiable mass murderer. But, Harry doesn't kick him out because it's nice to have physical company other than Dusty every once in a while. Especially since he hasn't even seen Liam in quite a bit of time. Every time Harry asks Louis about it, Louis just shuts down and finds an excuse to leave immediately.
Louis is eccentric, too loud, and leaves a mess wherever he goes. He's brash and makes crude comments about Harry's hair and is a total twat at the best of times. He boasts that he knows more than Harry continuously and always gives vague monologues about the 'importance that Harry has for the Unconformists.' But he can also be nice, sometimes giving Harry some of his own meager portions of rice when he thinks that Harry looks 'too skinny' and laughing at some of Harry's jokes so hard that his eyes crinkle up at the sides. A part of Harry can see Louis as a friend, and that's what terrifies him.
Which is why after his chat with Simon and the... altercation with the rebellious children that Harry does not let himself think about, Harry rushed home to see Louis balancing Dusty on his chest while watching Harry's television when he put on the thought censors and told Louis that tonight was his turn to convince Louis to be loyal to The Movement. In turn, Louis had rolled his eyes, got up to make tea that Harry is pretty sure is illegal, and came back before agreeing.
The convincing isn't turning out as well as Harry had planned. Turns out, Louis has a rebuttal for everything.
"The Unconformists aren't actively looking for anything. We're just aware of our basic rights that we are entitled to as human beings. We should be able to express ourselves freely. We should be able to meet new people and learn about them. We are entitled to be unique and free. But instead The Movement condenses everyone into this subhuman droid, this personality-less empty void of human space that doesn't even realize how much their life is lacking until it's much, much too late."
"We're the way we are to ensure our own safety. When people are allowed to speak freely and think freely then we become dangerous. We question everything until we believe in nothing. And then we act out and hurt everyone else." Harry shakes his head and picks up Dusty from the floor, rubbing his knuckles between her ears. "Have you ever thought about how much Superiors help Citizens by keeping them safe from all terroristic threats?"
"Do you really feel that way, Harry?" Louis sets down his cuppa and looks Harry dead in the eyes. "Tell me honestly, as someone that you can trust that won't go tattling to The Movement, how do you feel every day as you work as a Superior?"
Harry stares steadfastly down at Dusty's matted fur. He thinks about traveling back in time and injecting Gemma, he thinks about the day when he emitted high voltage shocks of electricity to Louis' brain, he thinks of the two children that will probably have their hands chopped off because of him reporting them.
"I feel like I hate myself a little more each and every day." Harry whispers.
"You don't have to feel like that, H. I know this seems like I'm just talking pure shit just to get you on my side." Louis moves closer to Harry on the couch. "I'm telling you this because for some insane reason, I care about you. And I can see how you're mentally tearing yourself apart every day. You don't have to do this to yourself."
Harry swallows back a fresh round of tears that's threatening to rip from the depths of him. He feels like a little boy back when their family took a holiday to visit the ocean. Like when he got stuck in a riptide. Like this fast current that runs opposite of the cresting waves has swept him off his feet until he couldn't control his body, and all he can do is give into the fast water throwing him around like a rag doll, swallowing salt water while tears burn at his eyes because he's completely lost on what to do.
He remembers that Gemma called out to him and told him how to get out of it, but she's not here now. Gemma's never going to give him advice ever again. That, more than this choking sadness, more than anything, is what makes him succumb to the riptide and just drown.
"Gemma wouldn't want to see you like this either," Louis says softly, as if he was reading Harry's mind.
Harry shakes his head, meeting Louis' incandescently blue eyes that look nearly soft at this moment in time.
"I don't have a choice. Even if I didn't want to be like this, I don't have a choice."
"Yes you do, Harry. You're the one person in this entire clusterfuck of a society that actually has a choice." Louis shakes his head in disbelief. "Everyone else's lives was already decided for them, even mine. But you -- you're different, Harry."
"I'm not, I'm really not. I'm just like every other Citizen. I'm not brave, I'm not unique, I don't have any idea of what's going on around me. I would be more than happy to just blend in."
"You're special, Harry. You have something that no one else in this entire universe has. And I'm going to show you that."
"How?"
Louis' eyes crinkle as he smiles. "I'm going to take you to the Outlands."
______________________________________
A/N: this update would've happened nearly a week ago if my wifi didn't decide to hate me.
i actually drove a thirty minute drive to mcdonalds to steal their wifi and update for you guys. that's how much i love you all.
ANYWAYS, leave your thoughts and predictions and things in the comments. (65 for an update again)
[question: what're your feelings on Gemma?]
THIS FIC IS KINDA CLOSE TO REACHING MY GOAL OF 100K READS AND IM REALLY PUMPED. YAAY. also this sounds really weird but can you guys follow me on here? i really want to reach 2k and it'd mean lots if you did.
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i love you all and THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading. xxxxxxxxx