Help me to speak the truth quietly,
to listen with an open mind
when others speak and to remember the peace
that may be found in silence.
~Native American Prayer
"I'll never get it, Lily. You just need to give up on me now and save yourself a whole heap a trouble. There are just some things that Jack Bennett cannot and will not ever be able to do." Jack said looking down at the book that Lily had been trying to teach him how to read. Lily shook her head and Allie slapped him lightly on the back of the head as she walked to the couch and sat down with her now two month old niece in her arms.
"Allie, you know how I feel about hitting." Lily scolded, throwing her sister a pointed look. "But she's right, Jack. That was a ridiculous thing to say. You're getting better everyday." Jack blushed and looked back down at the book. It was really a good book about a soldiers life during the civil war. He read an entire paragraph out loud without messing up and Lily smiled brightly.
"See, I told you that you could do it!" she exclaimed.
"I should have learned how to read and write years ago but ma and pa never really cared if I went to school and then once they died I stopped going all together." Lily stood up and walked over to the oven to pull out the bread that had been baking.
"Hawke never did go to school." she said.
"He didn't?" Jack asked with disbelief. Lily shook her head.
"The school teacher said that his kind was not allowed and his father taught him how to read and write and do numbers and all of the other things you learn at school."
"Well I'm already good at numbers. It's just this reading and writing thing that I never caught on to."
"It sounded like you were reading good to me." Hawke said walking into the cabin.
"Thanks." Jack said awkwardly. He wasn't used to Hawke complimenting him because he didn't do it very often. Hawke walked to the sofa and bent over Allie to kiss Sarah's soft head and then walked into the kitchen and pressed another gentle kiss to Lily's forehead. He walked over to the oven and took a deep breath of the ham that was baking before coming over to sit at the table across from Jack.
"Did ya get plenty of furs this morning?" Jack asked knowing that Hawke had been out checking some traps that he'd had set. Hawke's expression darkened as he shook his head.
"Most of our traps were destroyed." he said and then he looked over at Lily. "I will not be able to take you into town today." Lily's face fell.
"Hawke, it has been almost three months since I have left this cabin and gone into town." Hawke sighed.
"Without traps, I'll have no furs and without furs we'll have no money. I have to fix them." he said matter of factly.
"What happened to the traps?" Jack asked. Hawke shrugged but Jack could see the anger in his eyes.
"Someone destroyed them." he replied simply.
"Again? This is the second time." Jack demanded angrily. "You need to be kicking somebody's ass."
"Jack, please watch your language." Lily scolded as she stirred the beans that were heating on the stove.
"Sorry ma'am." Jack replied as he picked at the white lacy tablecloth. "I'll take the ladies to town Hawke." Hawke shook his head.
"I will need your help getting the traps fixed." he said before turning to Lily. "I will take you into town tomorrow morning." Lily sighed with defeat and nodded and Hawke rubbed the back of his neck and was about to stand when Allie spoke up.
"Why don't Lily and I just go alone?" she asked.
"What?" Lily demanded and Hawke hated the fear he could hear in her voice. After getting kidnapped by Nathan; Allie and Lily had both changed. Allie had become more outspoken and hot tempered. She had made Jack teach her how to load and shoot both the rifle and his revolver. She had become more independent and unafraid of anything.
Lily had done the opposite. She had not been anywhere outside of the cabin and the lake without Hawke since the kidnapping. She was scared of guns and refused to touch them. Any sign of violence caused her to shut down and she did her best to hide. Hawke hated the change in her and it made him wish that he could bring Nathan back to life so he could carve out his black heart himself.
"I am not going anywhere alone!" Lily said shaking her head and wrapping her arms around herself. Hawke rose and went to her and she buried her head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Come on Lily, you won't be alone. I'll be with you and we'll take the rifle." Allie said standing up and walking over to the table.
"Just drop it Allie. I won't go anywhere without Hawke. It's not safe is it, darling? You've always told me that it isn't safe." Lily asked looking up into his eyes. Jack stood up quickly and stuck some jerky in his mouth.
"I'll just be waiting outside, Hawke. I'll go ahead and get Buck saddled and we'll be ready when you are." he said and he quickly went out the door. Hawke looked down at Lily's fearful brown eyes and sighed. He hated how afraid that she was and he regretted how protective he had been of her for the first few weeks after Nathan's death. He had insisted that he had to be with her at all times and he had hovered and overprotected her and in doing so he had added to her fear.
"Naakiiwa, I think you and Allie taking Sarah into town would be a good thing. You will not be alone," he added seeing the panic come into her eyes. "You can take Wolf with you."
"Are you sure?" Lily asked as she began to chew on her lip. Hawke put his finger on her lips, sending flames through her body and stilling her nervous habit.
"I am sure. Nothing will happen to you, Lily."
"Besides," Allie spoke up. "If anything does happen you'll have me for protection. Jack says I'm a better shot than Calamity Jane herself."
"Jack would say anything to you as long as it made you smile." Lily replied matter of factly as she stood straight and smoothed out her dress. Allie blushed and hid her smile in Sarah's dark hair. The infant cooed and reached out for Lily, who gladly took her and held her to her chest.
Lily knew she needed to be stronger for her daughter. She needed to stop being so afraid all of the time and she thought she was getting better. But there were still times when she would close her eyes and she would see Nathan on top of her, raping her on the dirty stage office floor. She would feel his hot breath on her face and the cold metal of the gun barrel pressed into her temple. She would remember the terror and desperation she had felt when she had been certain she and her sister were going to die and in those moments she would once again be paralyzed with fear.
"Okay. I'll take Allie and Sarah into town but only if Wolf comes along." Hawke smiled and kissed her forehead.
"I am glad. Make sure you get some more jerked beef from the mercantile. Jack goes through that stuff like crazy."
***
"Who keeps doing this Hawke?" Jack asked as the two of them finished repairing another trap.
"The same men that have been doing it for a long time." Hawke replied, wiping the sweat from his brow despite the cool spring breeze that was blowing.
"Do you know who it is?" Jack asked. Hawke nodded as he swung himself into Triggers saddle.
"Why the hell do you let them do it then!" Jack demanded. "Ain't no man alive that would come destroy my stuff and get away with it. You oughta…"
"What?" Hawke said calmly, cutting Jack off. "What should I do? Go to their homes and destroy their livelihoods? Ride into town and beat them up? Shoot them?" Jack nodded as he jumped on Buck and they started to the next trap.
"Any of those things would work." he replied. Hawke shook his head as he scanned the woods for any sign of fox or beaver. Both furs brought good prices in town.
"They would solve nothing." he replied simply.
"They would solve a whole hell of a lot." Jack argued loudly. "They wouldn't be destroying your traps anymore!" Hawke sighed and gave up looking for fox and beavers. Jack's mouth was sure to have run everything away by now.
"There would be a new man to take their place. The men who did this to my father were replaced by the men doing it to me. It is an endless cycle."
"Beating the crap out of 'em would make an example out of them for anybody else that thinks destroying our traps is a good idea."
"I would rather just fix our traps and take care of my family. I think that by surviving and thriving despite all of their attempts to run me off, I am teaching them a far better lesson than I ever could with my fists."
"Figures. You always gotta be perfect." Jack muttered under his breath and then he winced when he saw Hawke raise his brow. He should know by now that he couldn't mumble quiet enough so Hawke couldn't hear.
"What is wrong with you, Jack? Everything I say lately makes you angry." Jack grunted and picked at his saddle horn.
"That's because every damn thing you say lately is meant to make me feel like an idiot." he replied angrily. "You gotta constantly let me know how much better than me you are. I know you're better than me Hawke. I don't need you to tell me everyday."
"The things I say are the things I was taught by my father. I am simply trying to pass them down to you."
"I'm sixteen, Hawke. I'm a grown man and I want to be treated like one." Jack stated matter of factly. Hawke just shook his head and said nothing. Hawke was proud of Jack and saw him as a son despite the fact that Hawke was only eleven years his senior. Jack was smart, hardworking and brave. He talked too much but usually what he had to say was entertaining and he filled the cabin with laughter. Yet despite all of that Jack was still a boy and he had a lot to learn about life.
"Aren't you gonna say anything?" Jack asked. He had been expecting another lecture, not complete silence.
"No. You are a grown man and I will treat you like one." Hawke replied as he pulled Trigger to a stop at the next broken trap. Jack jumped down and got to work helping Hawke fix it but his mind was still on their conversation. He was pretty sure he had just won an argument with Hawke for the first time… So why then did he feel like he had lost something far more important?
"I wonder how many people Wolf has scared witless so far in town?" Jack asked after several minutes of tense silence. Hawke shrugged and amusement sparked in his eyes.
"They do not realize that Allie is much more dangerous. I have never met a girl with a hotter temper when you get her angry." Jack grinned.
"She sure is something. That temper is great." he said and Hawke snorted and shook his head.
"You may not think so if you all get married. She may get angry with you one day and destroy your whole cabin."