Dedicated to someone who's been a great encouragement from pretty much the beginning. x
SPECIAL POV: MICHAEL CLIFFORD
"I think I just panicked or something."
Her words in the bathroom swam through my head non-stop. I'd seen people panic before. Shit, I'd panicked so many times while on tour that I'd lost count. People panic every day, all the time. It's normal and natural. But she, she panicked like everyone she'd ever loved had just disappeared. She panicked like she'd just found out that she was about to die. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Her face and skin pretty much went translucent and her eyes became hollow as hell.
Something had happened inside her head. Something that must have terrified her. And I wanted to know what it was.
But she didn't trust me. And I knew that whatever it was that went wrong in those few minutes, it was personal and unless she willingly came right out with it, I wasn't about to ask.
I had no idea what it was about her, but she interested me. Not in the quick-fling way. Not in the sappy-lovey-dovey romantic way either. I just genuinely wanted to know how she ticked.
"Mikey."
I snapped out of my internal daydream, feeling like a moron when I saw Melissa and Calum staring at me.
I'd sat myself down on a recliner off to the side of the sofa; this was my chair. I don't know exactly how I'd claimed it as mine but I did so a couple of years ago when our band first decided to buy this apartment to use while we were stuck in Los Angeles between tours and Australia. The recliner was made of worn leather and reminded me of our house back home. I missed my family a lot. LA wasn't where I was supposed to be but right now it was where 5 Seconds of Summer had to be. I was just itching to get on that plane back to Ausland.
"Is she okay?" Melissa asked and I knew she was talking about Mali.
She still hadn't come out of my room and I'd left just over ten minutes ago.
I shrugged because I honestly had no idea if she was okay or not. I used her words because I didn't know what else to tell them. "She just panicked or something."
Calum looked confused and I understood why. There was nothing to panic about here. Everything and everyone was safe. There was literally nothing unsafe about us and I was sure she knew it.
"Why?" Melissa asked.
I shrugged again, hating that I honestly couldn't tell them what the hell had happened because I didn't even know myself. "I don't know, I didn't ask."
"She's probably still freaked about Carlos," Calum guessed. "He's one fucked up dude."
"Yeah probably," I replied but I wasn't entirely convinced.
"Is she actually coming back out?" Luke asked, piping into the conversation.
"I don't know," I admitted, standing up. "Better check."
"And tell her Liv's crashing here tonight so she's welcome to as well," Ashton added as I strolled back towards the hallway.
"And me," Mel interjected. "I'm staying too."
"Got it," I called back to them, wandering down to my room.
I knocked on my door, leaning my head in close to the white wood, listening. I couldn't hear anything apart from my own breathing.
I knocked again. "Mali?"
Nothing.
Fuck it.
I turned the knob and gently pushed the door open, peeking my head inside. Asleep on my bed, was a girl with pink hair wearing a shirt that pretty much drowned her tiny frame.
I went to take a step back, intending to leave her be when she spoke.
"I'm not asleep," she stated, voice quiet. "I was just resting my eyes."
I leaned against the door frame and rolled my eyes. "Yeah and that's called sleeping, genius."
She laughed so quietly that if I hadn't been listening properly I would have missed it. "Sorry, I made myself at home."
She sat up and it was kind of relieving that her skin had taken on its usual slightly-pale-but-still-coloured complexion. She looked like Mali again.
"You don't have to get up," I told her. "Liv and Mel are sleeping here tonight so you're welcome to."
She looked at me and tilted her head to the side, hair messed slightly. "Sleeping here, as in, your bed? Is Ashton alright with that?"
"Smartass," I replied with a grin.
She laughed again, louder this time. "I'd love to stay but I'm not kicking you out of your room so I'll couch it."
"I mean, we could both sleep in here together," I suggested with a smirk. "Get some nice cuddling going."
"I'm too old for you, darling," she teased, flopping back down onto my pillows.
I liked my room a whole lot better when she was in it. Her energy was nice. Also, her not wearing any pants was nice.
Wandering over to her, I jumped up and fell down on my back beside her, eyes on the red ceiling.
"I hate my room this colour," I told her, taking in the angriness of the red. I didn't feel angry at all, not when painting it and not now. I just liked red. But this room, this space, didn't feel right.
"Why?" She asked me and I could see her turn her head to me out of the corner of my eye.
I shrugged – I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I needed to stop. "It's not me."
She was quiet for a moment before speaking. "I know what that's like."
It was my turn to look at her, but her gaze was already focussed back up. "You know what hating the colour of your room is like or what it's like when a colour isn't you?"
"I know what it's like when something doesn't feel like me," she clarified quietly. "Sucks, right?"
I nodded. "Sucks."
"What's it like performing for a crowd?" She asked and the topic change was so sudden that I had to think really hard about what she'd just asked.
I wasn't sure how to sum it all up, the feeling of performing in front of a crowd; knowing that every single person in the sea of humans in front of you is there to see your band and to sing along to your music. The euphoria. The adrenaline. The completeness. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced and probably ever would experience. How was I supposed to convey that feeling in just a few words?
So I tried my hardest. I told her about choosing towns, cities, countries, that we wanted to tour in. I told her about setting ticket sale dates and waiting impatiently for them to arrive. I told her about the pre-sale madness and I tried to explain how excited you get when you're told that a show has sold out. I told her about the travelling, the setting up, the sound check. I told her about the pre-show nerves. I told her about hearing the crowd chant my fucking name. I told her about walking out onto the stage. I told her about the sound. I told her about the sight. And I tried like hell to tell her about the feeling.
When I'd run out of words, we fell silent. I could hear my crazy bunch of friends laughing about something out in the lounge.
"It sounds incredible," she finally said. "You're all talented."
I shook my head. "We're just the luckiest people alive."
"It's not all luck though," she countered. "If you weren't talented you would have never gotten to be like this."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Successful."
I looked at her, admiring the dark brown of her eyes and wondered what she saw when she looked at me. Just success? Just an idiot? No. I knew she was a lot deeper than that. Not superficial like a lot of other people I knew.
"Can you sing?" I asked her and the shade of pink that her cheeks turned gave away her embarrassment almost immediately.
She shook her head and looked back up at the ceiling. "Nope."
"Sing for me."
Another shake of her head. "No."
"Fine, I guess you'll have to give me back my shirt and get changed back into that dress," I said, folding my arms across my chest. "And leave."
She sat up and looked down at me, pink hair falling down over her shoulders. "You wouldn't make me leave, Michael."
I raised a brow at her. "Why would you think that?"
She smiled and the sight was kind of great. "Because you're too nice."
"Hey hey hey," I said, sitting up with her. "I can be mean also."
She shook her head and stood up and it was now super obvious that the shirt I'd given her swallowed her. It looked cute.
"You can't be mean, it's not you," she said, walking towards the door.
"How do you know what is and isn't me?" I challenged, following her.
She just shrugged and stepped out into the hallway, walking slowly towards our friends out in the lounge room. "I don't know, I just do."
"Hey, feeling better?" Luke asked as Mali dropped onto the lounge beside him.
I retreated back to my chair, pulling the lever that let out the footrest and reclined backwards. Calum, Ashton and Luke all approved of Mali and her sudden appearance in all of our lives. None of us understood why she was really in LA but it was nothing new for a person to pack their bags and come here. I guess it just made less sense to us because we'd all have given anything to be back in Australia with our families rather than be away from them in LA. Maybe Mali didn't get on with her family.
"Much better, thanks," she responded with a smile and her tone was so bubbly that you would never have known she'd been crumbling a half hour earlier.
"Vomit on your dress or what?" Mel asked and I didn't like the snarkiness to her voice.
Mali looked over at me, confusion on her face. I guess she didn't really know about Melissa's debatable 'crush' on me.
It was easier to just go with it. "Yeah, she needed a change and I don't usually stock women's clothes unfortunately."
Mel scoffed. "With all the girls you bring home, that's surprising."
Silence for a second.
"What the fuck, Melissa?" Olivia asked, annoyed before I could say anything.
Even Melissa knew she was lying. I won't say I've never brought any girls home with me but there sure as hell weren't more than a couple. Her comment was uncalled for and pretty much summed up just how bitchy some girls could be.
"What?" Melissa asked, innocently. "I was just saying."
"Well, don't," Olivia finished.
No one spoke and I felt awkward as hell. I could only imagine how Mali felt.
"I'm uncomfortable," I decided to declare.
Everyone was silent for a few seconds before the whole room was drowned out by laughter.
We didn't do grudges. There wasn't a lot out there that was worth ruining this kind of shitty friendship we all had going on.
"Oi," Calum interrupted, calming his own laughter and grabbing the television remote. He flicked the screen off much to the protest of Liv and Ash.
"What are you doing, man?" Ashton complained, hand linked with Olivia's.
"Let's jam," Calum suggested.
I raised a brow.
"Or we could watch the end of the movie," Olivia countered.
"Mali's never seen our musical brilliance live," Luke realised. "Or have you?"
I looked to Mali and she glanced over at me, smile on her face when she turned back to Luke.
"I don't think so," she said. "Never seen you guys play live and I've never really heard any of your music either."
I thought about that time in the car where she'd literally forced me to sing for her. I thought about how she'd listened to a few of our songs while we drove to Carlos'.
She shot me a wink and crossed her legs on the sofa, making sure to cover them with my shirt. "Play something."
"You're in for a treat, Mals," Ashton told her, untangling himself from a growling Olivia and standing.
"Men, to your instruments!" Calum shouted.
a/n: hope you guys enjoyed!! please leave comments, i LOVE reading them! they make my day :) if you hate it, tell me and if you love it, please vote; thank you all so much for your support, love yas xxx