A flood of excitement rushes throughout my body filling every bit of me with a twitching itch. One that I know I will never be able to fully satisfy. Caught deep under my skin.
I reach for the handle and begin to turn it.
It's locked.
Why would—
They must have to lock him up in here every night, after all he is just as much a prisoner in here as the rest of us—maybe even more so for him.
I pinch the lock switch and turn it counter clockwise until a Click sounds the deadbolt releasing the door from the threshold.
I take a careful glance. First to my left. Then my right. Making sure that there is no one around before I open the door.
At this point my nerves are firing on all cylinders as my heart pumps what feels like a gallon of blood, each beat, to my extremities. Numbness fills my hand and I give it a shake to regain feeling. I take a deep breath and continue to move the door ajar.
I lightly press on the door as it begins to move, swinging inward to another similarly dark room.
I blink my eyes a couple of times, hard, trying to see the layout of the room. I tighten my semi-relaxed eyelids until they are as wide as they can get. Giving the light of the room the best chance to enter my eyes and reveal Dr. Finley's position.
"Dr. Finley. . ." I wait.
Nothing.
I inch myself into the room, cautiously. On my tip toes holding my heels above the floor.
"Dr. Finley. . ." Again I wait.
A slow rustling sound of fabric on fabric begins to build in a corner of the room.
"Dr. Finley," I pronounce, hoping for a response this time.
"Wha—Alex! What in bloody hell are you doin' here?" The sound of his groggy voice puts my body immediately at ease. My heart pounds in my chest with unfiltered affection for the man in this room.
I've missed him terribly ever since he had been murdered. Not a day has slipped by without the ache of not having him stinging me relentlessly over and over again until I am on the verge of bursting into tears.
I've never felt so fond of any adult before him. He's the closest thing I have that compares to what a father would be like. Even though I have a father, I know Dr. Finley more. He's more of a father than mine had been up to this point. . . maybe he'll always be more.
"Never mind that. Let's get you back to your bed. Quietly. Before you get caught," he begins to climb out of his bed. He slips the covers off of himself revealing a multicolored pair of sleeping pants. He must notice me eying his pants, "What? They're very, very comfortable. I'll take comfort over style any day—or night."
I let out a halfhearted chuckle and realize this whole time I've done nothing but stare at him. I've not said one word since he has woken up, aside from his name.
It must be the shock of actually seeing him again. Alive. Maybe this is what it feels like to see a ghost, or being reunited with a long lost relative returning from somewhere far away. It takes me a few more seconds even after realizing that I have been frozen here in place the whole time, but I finally manage to get my first words out.
"Dr. Finley it's me—or not me, but well, me from. . ." I guess I should've used some of that time gawking at him to actually construct what I was planning on saying. I wish I could reach out and grab the words I just spoke, before they reach his ears, and shove them deep into my pockets so I can replace them with words that actually make sense.
By now he has gotten completely out of bed. Slipped some pair of flip-flops onto his feet and placed his glasses on his face. He wraps what looks like a short robe around his body.
"Alex hush. . ." he says stilling his movements and I do too, "have you been seen, at all?"
I shake my head, no.
I realize that when I froze, I did so with my hands half caulked in the air for some reason that I forgot. I look like an idiot so I lower them down to my sides.
"Good. Now my boy," my boy. I've missed hearing him call me that. I wish I could just stay in this moment, "we must make haste to get you back safely in your bed before you are seen out of the sleeping quarters after dark. Come, quickly now."
Why did he have to die. . . Maybe I could—
"No wait!" I hold my hand out to him and he stops his movements towards the door and me, "Dr. Finley I need to tell you something—it's very urgent. I. . . it's me, but from the future. I came back here to warn you."
Dr. Finley's eyes squint at me and I'm not sure if he is just having trouble seeing me through his sleepy glazed over eyes or if he is squinting for another reason. Either way I continue.
"Dr. Finley, you are in danger. I know. I know what they are doing to you here. They are holding you here, against your will. They're go—,"
"Alex, not another word," his words are forceful and at first they seem to come from a place deep down in him that I had not known or seen until now. His eyes shift around the room as if he is looking for an unexpected guest to pop up out of thin air (Which, at this point, really wouldn't surprise me any more than seeing a three headed troll strolling down the hall).
"You—you mustn't talk of such things in the making. Not with me or any others who aren't supposed to know yet."
He doesn't seem to really take notice that I said I'm from the future, or he's just not impressed. Seeing how quick he is to reprimand me kind of puts a damper on the excitement I had felt towards seeing him again, but not enough to completely sour the moment.
He walks over to me and places his hands on my shoulder and begins to gently urge me outside of the room.
I shrug up my shoulders and drop them, shaking his hands off.
"Then what's the point?" I ask defiantly wanting to continue what I was saying before he cut me off. My breaths grow faster and deeper.
He gives me a sideways glance, clearly shocked by the impatience in my voice. His hands glide down to his sides.
"The point of what, Alex?" he asks.
I let the calmness of his voice cool me down and I regain control of my breathing. Slowing it down to a point right in between huffing and puffing and flat out holding my breath.
"this," I say waving my hands up and down my body, exasperated by the whole situation. This conversation has turned out nothing like I had thought it would. "Me. Being able to come here. I have to—" my eyes fill with a burning liquid.
I can't hold it back anymore, I fall to my knees. The dam behind my eyes burst, releasing the pent up tears from days and days of holding them back.
More and more the liquid seems to be unceasing; flowing from an abundant source. I let go of the anger, sadness, panic. Everything that has been building up inside of me. I purge myself of every feeling that has made its home within me in the past few months. The release is ecstasy to my brain. With every teardrop that falls from my eye lids, another ounce of pure strength enters my body, as if the vacancy left from where the tears were being stored has given way for something more useful to come in and fill its place. I feel empowered by the release and I let it all out. I let it all out.
Dr. Finley drops to his knees as well and slide over next to me. He swipes at the door, pushing it mostly closed except for a crack that remains between it and the door jam. His warm embrace and gentle presence adds to the rejuvenating feeling.
"Alex, my dear boy. What is the matter?" his words seem to manifest around me in a physical way. They encircle me and hold me tight in their promise of protection.
"I miss you. . . I need you," saying the words out loud sting as they leave my mouth but it relieves me to finally admit out loud my lack of confidence in taking down the Sumus Exitium without his help, "Dr. Finley. . . Please you have to understand—I have to warn you. I have to protect you from what they are going to do to you."
"Alex, as much—"
"No!" The volume of the words startles me as much as it seems to have done him. "They're going to kill you! It's Valde. . . They force him to kill you. And Hilt is part of it. So is Percy. All of them. . ."
The silence that follows makes me almost wish I could take them back. Like a gaping void has ripped opened somewhere in the room due to my words and has sucked the room of all sound. Silence. Not a words from Dr. Finley as he stares blankly somewhere across the room. I wish I could hear his thoughts. I want to—need to know what he is thinking right now.
"You see, I had to tell you. . . I couldn't just let them get away with it. Not if I could do something about it."
"With you just being here, and now, you are in grave danger, Alex," his reversal catches me off guard. "Telling me this has done nothing to help the situation. If anything it has made things harder on me now. . ."
"Harder. . . How? Can't you stop it now? But I. . . I thought this would help," I say feeling as if the rope of life was slipping through my fingers. I feel thick darkness wrapping my eyes like a heavy curtain blinding me of what I thought I had seen so clearly just seconds before.
"Well you thought wrong," a slight anger laces his words and I feel like a dagger has been plunged into my heart, "Alex you can't change what happens—or happened. Making my death known to me has placed a new burden on me. One that I was not ready to take on. One that no one should have to bear."
Though his words make sense I feel as if they are also kind of selfish. I feel anger, but can't understand exactly why.
"If you change anything with this visit you run the risk of being trapped in a time loop. When you mess in timelines where you were never meant to, things shift. Unexpected thing. If you make just one, one wrong decision or move and you shift the timeline too far off base, you will be trapped reliving the same thing over and over again forever."
Confusion grips my face and holds it ransom. I feel the tight contortion lines forming on my face. Dr. Finley must see it.
"Alex, my boy, we don't have the time to discuss this. You must return to where you came from. Before someone finds out you are here," his face grows somber and he replaces his hands on my shoulders. This time I let him, "it's imperative that we let things run their course, for the sake of the safety of everyone else. My one life is not worth the destruction of another life. You must understand. You must return Alex, now."
"I can't return. They are already after me. I have already begun to fight," I say feeling the strength that was entering my body come back to life a little.
"To fight, who?" He asks.
"Sumus Exitium. I know who they are. What they are doing—what they are doing to you. . . My father. . . What they did to my Mother."
"But how? Who—"
My face must tell him because he breaks off mid-sentence and his eyes narrow in on mine. His head slowly nods in place.
"Yes, of course. . ."
"You need to help me—the me with you. The past me. You are my only hope of getting out of here. So I can find my father and stop the Sumus Exitium once and for all," I say trying to pump some life back into his paling face with my words.
"I will. I promise. I will help you. . ." His eyes fill with tears and his lips form a partial smile. A slight quiver takes a hold of his lips. He pulls my shoulders into him and wraps his arms around me.
A noise echoes down the hall and startles us out of our short embrace.
"Alex, You must go. If they find you. . ." he says the rest of his sentence through his eyes.
"Ok," I return reluctantly.
We stand up and move to the door. I peer out of the crack in the door. Down the hall in both directions. Nothing.
I look back at Dr. Finley, "Thank you. For everything. I'm. . . I'm sorry. I'm sorry for telling you."
"My dear, dear boy, you have given me more than life. You have given me purpose. Purpose to return."
"Return to what?" I ask still holding the door slightly ajar.
"To return to the fight. The good fight. The fight I left a long, long time ago. It's time though. Now and here. I know what I must do and you, Alex, have made that clear to me again. Thank you," his mouth forms a smile. The sorrow from the tears and the hopeful smile spreading on his face meld into a beautiful thing.
"Goodb—" I stop short.
"Till later, my boy. Till later," He nods understanding my hesitation.
I've never liked or had ever been good with goodbyes.
"Till later."
With that I push the door the rest of the way open and slip into the darkness of the hall. I make my way, slowly, stealthily down the hall. I stop and turn back to look down the hall where light is still coming from Dr. Finley's room. The light coming through the lines of the door go out and the hall is completely dark.
The only thing I can think of as I make my way back to where I am to meet up with Tristis and Cynthia is the kind of strength Dr. Finley must possess. Knowing the proximity of his death, yet he still does what he has to. He faces it willingly knowing on that day when he hid me in his closet, that he was going to die. Bravery. Courage.
I now see his death as strength, not as weakness.
I make my way out of the door and onto the beach. The wind sweeps a gust of rain and throws it in my face as I walk out onto the beach. The cold of the night sends chills down my spine. I scan the beach for my friends and a rush of panic flows swiftly over me before I see two figures huddled near the cliffs. I walk over to them and feel relieved at seeing their faces again.
Tristis had a couple of duffel bags stuffed, filled to the brim with who knows what kind of gadgetry.
"How'd it go?" Tristis asks.
"Good," I say feeling a smile form on my face, "it went good."
I glance over at Cynthia who reciprocates the smile.
"Now let finish this." I say to them both.
"Yeah, Let's get out of this rain. It's starting to really freak me out," Tristis says as the chills forces his body to shake violently in a quick moment of uncontrollable bodily movement.
"Yeah, spooky," Cynthia adds, arms wrapped around herself.
"Yeah, let's get out of here," I say pulling my localizer up to my face.