Destiny
"I mean I'm not even sure if I do. I still love Sam, and it's not like I could just get over him with a snap of my fingers but after today, my mind has been all messed up," I sigh. The look Cameron gives me makes me kinda nervous to know what he's thinking. "Look Des, no one can tell you how to feel only you can do that. You just have to trust your heart. Your head can tell you anything you want to think, but only your heart can give you what you really want," Cam says after thinking for what seemed like hours. I slightly nod my head letting him know that I understand what he says and all that. I thank him then go back to my room and start thinking about everything and really taking Cams advice into consideration.
Sure Matt is someone I care about but do I like him as more than a friend or do I just enjoy his company. As some sick and twisted way to fill the emptiness that Sammy left. There's so much about Matt that I like, he just has the ability to make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in. He's always been there for me from Sam heartbreak number one to now. Then there's Sammy, my high school sweetheart. The first guy I ever truly loved and the one who I still love. Or maybe that's just it, he's only my high school sweetheart and nothing more than that. Maybe we weren't suppose to last outside of high school. Then there's that part of me that believes he's my one and only and that we are destined to be together.
Here's the thing, I'm pretending I don't miss him, and he's pretending not to care, egos one hell of a drug. I still have no idea whatsoever about my decision. I just need some time to think things over, and decide something with a clear head. I have to really think this through, or things with Matthew and Sammy will get messier than they already are. My heart is saying something completely different than what head is telling me. What do you then? When your head and heart are in two different places, do you follow your heart like every fairytale tells you to go or do you go with what your head is telling you, because it's the most logical?
~~
Time has passed and we decided to have a pop-up event for the fans, in a nearby venue who was more than happy to allow us to use the venue for our event. Once all the details were sorted out we went to go get ready. I first showered then quickly blow dry it and curl it in loose curls. For my makeup I decided to do a little bit more than usual. I put on foundation, then do a lighter Smokey eye, then black liner and mascara. I grab a pair of black ripped jeans, a black t-shirt, a denim flannel, and my black booties and throw it on, tying the denim shirt around my waist. On the way to the venue I can't help but think of me doing this is the right thing, my life changed dramatically when I joined, and I don't regret any of it, but I don't know if I should still be here.
I walk downstairs into the living room and my eyes automatically connect with Matt's and I feel a smile forming on my face. Maybe he is the right choice, I know I'll be able to trust him either my heart. I walk over to Matt and take a seat next to him on the couch while we wait for everyone else to come downstairs.
"So what have you been up to Matty?" I ask him, since he did get up and leave this morning saying he had something to take care of. "Oh not much, I met up with an old friends and talked about some things," he replies turning to smile at me. At that same moment I feel my cheeks heat up and a smile of my very own starting to form, I quickly turn away so Matt can't see. "Wait, did I just catch you blushing? Was the Destiny Johnson actually blushing?" Matt teases me, while poking at my sides. I break out in a fit of laughter, begging him to stop, and squirming desperately trying to escape his grasp. I squirm and squirm his desperately trying to get out of his grasp when our eyes lock together. He stops tickling me but I don't bother to move instead we lock eyes and everything around us, fades away. We gaze into each others, and then Matt makes the ever so slightest move towards me. I mimic him and close the already thin space between us, and our lips touch for the slightest moment. Then suddenly a certain person clears their throat thus ruining our moment and making us jump apart. I look up and see that the certain person was indeed my lovely older brother, giving me that oh-so brotherly look, which I return with a glare. Then Matthew stands up and announces that he will be waiting with the other in the car.
Once he moves out of ear shot I began to scold my brother, "What the hell Jack! Why would you do that, you know how I feel about Matt. Why would you do that, now he's probably scared to death of what else would happen if something like that happened again." "Yeah, I do know how you feel about Matthew, and I also do know that you still have some unresolved about Sammy and its not fair to Matt. Come on Des, if you still have some sort of feelings left for Sam you can't do that to Matt," he sighs. "Matt has brought me nothing but happiness, he makes me smile and laugh, he's been there for me,. While Sammy has brought me nothing but tears and hurt, I love him but I just can't anymore Jack, it hurts too much. I can't be with him anymore it kills me on the inside and I deserve better than that. It just hurts too much to be with him," I say my voice breaking. " I just can't anymore, Jack. It hurts too much," by now some tears have fallen. Jack pulls me into a hug and reassures me everything will be fine.
~~~
After a short while post breakdown we arrive at our venue spot. Once we get settled and waiting for the show to start, I pull Matt to the side. He opens his mouth the question to question to me but I cut him off and press my lips against his. After the initial shock of it, he responds and kisses me back. I pull away after a minute and I smile at him, "Matt , its you. You make me so happy, and you've been there for me." Without using any words Matt gives me the greatest response and leans in and gives me another kiss. I pull apart from him and just lay my forehead against his, taking this moment in of pure happiness. After a couple more minutes we pull away from each other and head towards the other as the event was about to start.
We all run out onto the stage and start our usual messing around. Doing handstand contest, dance battles, the guys convincing me to do another tumbling pass, dancing to random songs. Then finally it was time for us to move onto the singing portion of the event. Shawn went first and sang his 'Cameron Dallas is My Boyfriend' and Say Something. After he went it was my turn and I decided to sing a love song, it only seemed after my big decision to chose Matthew. "Hey guys, how is everyone doing tonight. Well as you may know my names Destiny, and tonight I will be singing, From the Ground Up, by Dan and Shay." I grabbed my guitar from the stage manager and begin to strum the intro and think of Matthew and all my feelings for him as I start.
"Grandma and Grandpa painted a picture of sixty-five years in one little house. More than a memory more than saying 'I do' kiss you goodnights and I love you's. Me and you baby will walk their footsteps and build own family one day at time. Ten little toes, a painted pink room, a beautiful baby looks just like you. And we'll build this love from the ground up, now til forever. its all of me, all of you, just take my hand. And I'll be the man your dad hoped that id be. And we'll build this love from the ground up for worse or for better and I will be all you need beside you I'll stand, through the good and the bad we'll give all that we have. And we'll build this love from the ground up. This life will go by In the blink of an eye, but I wouldn't wanna spend it without you by my side.The clouds are gonna roll the earth's gonna shake but I'll be your shelter through the wind and the rain. And we'll build this love from the ground up Now 'til forever it's all of me, all of you just take my hand and I'll be the man your dad hoped that I'd be. And we'll build this love from the ground up for worse or for better and I will be all you need, beside you I'll stand through the good and the bad we'll give all that we have. And we'll build this love from the ground up. Someday we'll wake up with thousands of pictures of 65 years in this little house. I won't trade for nothing, the life that we built, I'll kiss you goodnight and say I love you still. And we'll build this love from the ground up for worse or for better and I will be all you need. Beside you I'll stand through the good and the bad we'll give all that we have and we'll build this love from the ground up."
As I finished my song I realized that I don't think there's been a time where I was happier than I am at this very moment. The cheers of the fans pull me out of my thoughts, ad remind me that I have to close the show. "Alright guys that's all we have for today, and we will see all of your bright and shiny faces at the meet and greet and Chris here will tell you all about that later." I hand the mic over to Chris and then walk off stage with the rest of the guys, I was walking with Matt, hand and hand towards the backstage area while we wait, until we start the meet and greet. Once we get to the room, I walk in and see Sammy, waiting there. I freeze, I don't know what to think, or do. He looks like hell, his hair is messy and he looks so hurt. His eyes meet mine then travel to my hand intertwined with Matts. "Uh, Des. Can I talk to you?" he asks. I nod my head and give Matt a quick kiss on the cheek and follow him out.
Before he can say anything I speak out, "Why, are you here, Sammy. After all this time, why now?? You can't do this to me." He sighs, " I still love you Destiny, not being with you has made me so miserable. I don't care about Ava, she means nothing to me. You, Des, you mean everything to me. I came here to see if I could get you back but you've obviously had no problem moving on." "No, you can't do that to me. I wen through hell, after YOU cheated on me. I was lost, I cried and cried over you so many times. It took me months to find I who I was, because you and cheated on me. I may still love you, but I deserve so much better than someone who did nothing but hurt me. You can't just show up somewhere and except me to take you back after all the hell and heartbreak you put me through, because it was not easy trying to get over you." I walk out, feeling good, I left Sammy knowing that he gives me nothing but a broken heart and tears.
I walk toward the meet and greet room, and figure out that I was paired up with Matt, a look of concern etched on his face. I give him a reassuring smile and all I say is, "Its you Matt, its you." Once he hears me say those words, his face lights up gives me the biggest smile. I walk towards him and he beats me to the punch and places his hands on my face and kisses me.
~~
I sit out on the beach and think about everything that has happened to me over this past year. I went from being an average high school teenager to traveling around the country, and becoming an internet sensation. I experienced heartbreak, love and near-death experiences. I realized that even though even though you love someone and they love you back doesn't always mean that you are meant to last forever. That sometimes the person you are meant to be with is the person that stayed by your side, and is there to help you through the heartbreak and will do anything to make sure you can smile again. That with all the craziness life brings us, you have to roll with the punches. You have to make everyday as memorable as it can be, because people change, but the memories change. As long as you have friends that you can laugh through life with, you'll be just fine. Everything I learned this year, taught me something; the world and society may be against you but all that matters is that you are you. And this; me is just all part of... Being Destiny.
AUTHORS NOTE;
So guys this is the end of Being Destiny. I know it took me so long to complete just this chapter alone but you guys have to know that I was crazy busy this year. It was my first year of High School, I was doing in and out of school volleyball and barely had any free time. I will also let you know that I had my heartbroken several times this past year one by this guy who lived twenty minutes from me said he liked and wanted to be with me but at the same time thought I lived too far and that it would be too hard to have a relationship. On another note my grandma also passed away this past October just a few weeks before my quince. That was another hard time, I had to go through this year. I know this is no excuse as to why it took my so long to give yall this chapter and I just hope you guys enjoy it. I wanted to give you guys a really good chapter to help make up for the lack of urgency to get this chapter out. It was also really hard to finish this because I did end up leaving the fandom, it just wasn't the same as it was in the beginning; the boys changed, but not all in bad ways, the guys also grew apart and that's life it happens, but I find myself questioning some of the guys actions, and found it very hard to defend them. I just want to say thank you for all the support you guys have given me and also letting me rant to you guys weather it was about a guy liked or something my sister had done to me. Thank you guys, I love you all and I hoped you enjoyed Being Destiny.
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