"This is scary stuff," Jamie mutters, looking through the conversation with Arsenio. "The dude's name is weird."
I look up after throwing Jude his toy once more, propping my head up on my elbows and watching Jamie pace my room from my bed. "Arsenio?"
"Yeah," she says. "No wonder he has the word 'arse' in his name." I snort, petting Jude's head when he returns the toy to me. Jamie continues to eye me, as if trying to figure out what I'm thinking about just from looking at me. "Aren't you a little freaked out?"
I shake my head, throwing the toy once more. "You saw my reply. I'm not scared of him- I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of that."
"Yeah, but... He knew the guys who trashed your house. He could do worse."
I shrug, "He can try. I'm not afraid to call the cops on him. I'm not an idiot- if he actually tries to pull off those threats, I'm not going to handle it all by myself. I'll let the cops deal with it."
Jamie sighs, throwing my phone on my bed and sitting down beside me, taking Jude when he returns with his toy and putting him on her lap, running her fingers through his curly fur. "So, Jude, huh?"
I smile, smiling at the way Jude playfully nibbles at Jamie's fingers. He's hyper today. "Yeah, I love him."
"How'd you come up with the name?"
"Jericho came up with it," I say, leaving it at that. I don't want to give away anything about Jericho's family- I feel like it was such a personal thing he had told me, it would be like betraying the trust I know he doesn't easily give out if I told Jamie.
Jamie's eyebrow shoot up. "You went puppy shopping with Jericho?"
I roll my eyes at her expression- half teasing, half genuinely surprised- and turn away, burying my face in my pillow. "How is Mitch feeling?"
Even though my voice is muffled from the pillow, Jamie hears me. "He's doing a lot better. He was feeling a little drowsy after we went out tonight though so I'm pretty sure he's sleeping right now." Jamie's voice drops slightly in volume. "You know what's weird?"
"What?"
"I could like... feel it. Ever since Mitchell has gotten sick I haven't been feeling like myself either. Especially when I was at school. When I was by his side I felt a bit better, but still- I just felt really odd. Do you think that's the soulmate bond?"
I turn my head to look at Jamie. Her blue eyes are sparkling as she looks to me for answers. I smile at her, "I think it is, Jamie. You guys are connected in a way, you can feel when he's off."
Jamie hums, looking lost in thought. Finally, she quietly asks me, "Do you sometimes feel that way with Jericho?"
I shrug, "Not really. I don't think Jericho's fully accepted me yet."
"Have you?"
"Hmm?"
"Have you fully accepted him?" When I downcast my eyes, not answering, Jamie continues, "I mean, you were so resentful of him at first. You hated him for running away like a coward. Now... I can see that that's not the case anymore. I'm not complaining, trust me, but what's changed?"
I bite down on my bottom lip. What has changed? Jamie's right- my feelings towards Jericho used to be hateful and livid. I hated what he did to me. I pitied myself for being dealt a horrible deck of cards for my soulmate, I hated the depression I was stuck in, I hated the fact that I was failing school- I hated everything. And I never bothered to hide it, either. Everyone knew something had happened- my teachers, my friends, random students at school. If it wasn't obvious by the way I was distancing myself from everything and the way I was constantly snapping at people, anyone could tell just by looking at me. Back then, I had paid no mind to my physical appearance. My hair was always either in a bun or ponytail while the rest of me was buried in baggy clothes that even in the winter were too hot, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be hidden.
Now, however, things are different. Jericho is back. I feel... different. It's true when they say a soulmate completes you- when Jericho was gone, something about me felt wrong. Now that he's back, and we're friends, I feel more complete. More whole. Almost like I understand myself better. Things are a lot clearer in terms of the way I had felt while he was gone than they were months ago- I'm beginning to connect with myself more.
Not only am I connecting with myself more, but I'm connecting with my other half more- Jericho. After opening my eyes and climbing out of the hole I had dug for myself, I've realized that Jericho isn't the monster I've made him out to be. Jericho isn't a coward, either. In my opinion, Jericho is brave. I see that he's been hurt- he's admitted to me that he's scared of love. But he still spends time with me, and he tries not just for his own sake but for mine as well. To be able to talk to the person you know might put you through the same pain- or even worse- that you went through before but still doing it says something about Jericho.
So yeah, things have changed. Jericho isn't the person he makes himself out to be. The cold, I-don't-care-about-anything Jericho is the defence against the people who might cause him pain. He puts up a mask so people don't see the real him because being exposed to another person and trusting someone with his feelings scares him. I'm not saying I have everything about Jericho nailed to the peg- there's still so much about him I don't understand. But I do know he's not all the insults I had called him in my head for the sake of my satisfaction.
Maybe that's why he immerses with the rebels. Jericho knows what they're doing is wrong, but he can't let go of them- they're the people that understand. Anyone else will just call him stupid for letting past experiences dictate how he's going to deal with future situations when it comes to love, but his 'friends' will understand and be able to relate with him.
With all those thoughts running through my head, I realize I never got to give an answer to Jamie. Looking down at my rumpled bed sheets, I murmur, "I think I just realized that Jericho isn't all that I thought he was. Maybe I was wrong to judge him so quick."
Jamie hums once more, staring down at Jude, her voice soft as she says, "He's been hurt."
I nod, "I just hope he realizes he's not the only one afraid of getting hurt. Besides... I don't think I would hurt him. Every time I used to yell at him, back when we didn't like each other, it'd physically hurt. I'd get this awful pressure on my chest and the guilt in my stomach would make me sick. Now... just the thought of saying those type of things again to him make me feel unwell. Do you... Do you think that Jericho feels the same way? Or am I the only one feeling the connection here?"
"I think," Jamie purses her lips, "That he's fighting a battle with himself right now about exactly how he is or isn't feeling. Just give him time."
"Summer is coming quick," I mutter, "I just don't want to run out of time. Not just for him to figure out his feelings, but for me too."
We're quiet for a bit, before Jamie quickly sits up, shaking her head. "Let's get your mind off of this. Come on, we're getting ice cream."
I don't think I've ever been more grateful for a person. Jamie grabs my hand and practically drags me out of the house. I feel almost free laughing and joking with Jamie. She's right- it's nice to get my mind off of the Jericho situation. Especially with Jamie, a girl who's been by my side since I could remember.
Maybe things weren't as bad as I thought.
x
The sound of my cellphone ringing wakes me up.
I groggily turn over, my arm feeling like a heavy weight as I force it up to get my phone. My eyes squint looking at the bright screen as I read the Caller ID, but I wake up quickly once I realize exactly who is calling. With a voice still heavy from sleepiness, I answer, "Hello?"
"Hey, sorry, did I wake you?"
I glance at the clock- I had gone to sleep early, so it's only eleven. I'm not surprised Jericho's still up, but I am surprised at the sound of his voice. His usually deep and melodic voice is scratchy and sadder than usual. I sit up, slouching down and bundling up the blankets in the hand that isn't holding the phone, pulling them over my lap. "Yeah, but it's okay. Is everything okay?"
"Um... Yeah, I mean- kind of. Do you mind just talking to me for a bit?"
"Sure, about what?"
"Just- anything. I need to get my mind off of something."
I blink, but don't say no. Instead, I talk to Jericho into the late hours of the night. At some point I kind of lose track of how we came to different subjects, but it seems like we've touched upon everything in the universe by one in the morning. My phone is on speaker, quiet not too wake my parents, as I fiddle with my sheets and huff out a laugh every couple of seconds.
Eventually, we begin to get sleepy. Neither of us hang up, though. We just stay quiet, a comforting silence between us. Jericho's soft breathing is the only thing I hear on his side of the phone as I slowly get underneath my covers, putting the phone next to my head.
"Thank you, Natalie," I hear Jericho say softly just before I drift off into sleep.
Ugh, I don't know how to feel about this chapter :/ Annnnyway, if you did enjoy, please be sure to COMMENT AND VOTE! I love hearing your thoughts :D Love you all so so much! (: xoxo