.
I was living the dream.
Not so much living it, more like just dreaming it.
I dreamt of myself living the dream, in which that living was the dream itself.. I don't know if that made any sense.
But this was all make believe, and it made me sad honestly realizing this was all in my head and I would have to get back sooner or later, go back to my normal life.. Marry a guy I barely even see as a friend. Yeah, sure I'd get money, lots, if I actually agreed with my parents to get the job, and marry him but hell, I wouldn't be happy. And lately, all I've been was broken and lost.
"Riley?"
"Yeah?" I sighed, looking down in shame once I realized I was crying. A warm tear left my eyes, streaming down my face as I then buried my face in my hands, breaking down into sobs.
"Why are you crying?" Michael asked. "Come on, we're on a ferris wheel. We're like on top of the world right now!" He exclaimed. "Isn't that just the most exciting thing ever?"
I laughed faintly, nodding as I wiped my tears away. The heavy feeling in my heart was clearly not helping, knowing I was holding the rest of my tears back.
"Riley?" Michael quietly spoke, still waiting for my answer.
"I just.. I really don't want to be me, right now." My voice shakes as I attempt to speak the words. Only more tears came, as I stared out at the pretty view of colorful, lively lights filling the amusement park. "I don't want to go back, I don't want to wake up."
"Then don't." His eyes softened.
"It isn't that easy."
"It's so easy." He tells me, beaming in an attempt to cheer me up. "All you've gotta do is think for yourself, not your mum, not the stupid prick you're supposed to marry. Think about yourself."
"Well, I'm absolutely fucked. I can't do anything about my life, because it's held in their hands. Not mine." I murmured softly, staring down at my finger tips.
"But that's the thing, would you look at yourself right now?"
I stare at him questioningly, his lips curled up in a hopeful smile.
"You're taking control now, aren't you? If you can do that here, in your own mind.. All you've gotta do is do it in reality too."
"I guess so. But it still isn't easy. I still have no idea if you're real. Well, you're obviously not real but you feel real. You seem real." I went on.
"I told you--"
"You aren't my boyfriend goals."
Apparently, I already knew what he'd say, I didn't really know if it was because this was my mind? Or it just naturally happened, but it was unexplainable.
I was clearly lying, though. He was.. He was so handsome, rugged somehow. He was a breathtaking sight really, and he was such a fascinating person. I've learned that through.. I don't know how long now.
I couldn't even keep track of time, seeing we had sat in this ferris wheel taking in the view and talking about the most randomest things.
"Do you think there's a clock anywhere?" I asked him randomly and he chuckled at my random question.
"Yeah, I think so.'' He tells me.
"Okay, because it's driving me crazy, I don't even know what time of the day it is and here I am in Disneyland, with a boy who can't even dye his hair right."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, for one, you need to wash it out really good as soon as you finish dyeing it, and clearly you haven't done that because the rain made dye trickle down your face.
"When did you being a dye enthusiast?"
"Well, believe it or not, when I was little, my older sister dyed the ends of my hair purple and my mom just freaked out completely. She was overreacting, clearly since I didn't even dye my whole head of hair." I rambled on. "But anyways, I know you should wash the dye out good after you leave it in for an hour or so."
He just laughed. "Alright, well I'll make sure to note that."
"Mhm." I hummed, raising my eyebrows.
"Why do you always do that?" Michael asked abruptly, throwing me off a bit.
"Doing what?"
"That thing where you look at me for a split second but then lose eye contact. What's up with that?"
"Well it just makes me uncomfortable. I don't like looking into people's eyes for a reason."
"And what is that?"
"It pressures me, alright? How would you like it if I just stared at you every single word I said wouldn't that make you feel incredibly uncomfortable?"
The wind whirled, blowing my slightly reddish brown hair back. Crossing my arms, the ferris wheel had moved, without notice, moving slightly lower.
"Actually, Riley." Michael spoke with amusement as he purposely stared at me, his piercing green, blue, maybe brown, eyes looked into mine. My dull dark brown eyes. "It gives me a sense that someone is actually paying some attention to the shit I have to say, so I guess it's my sense of comfort. To keep eye contact."
I smiled faintly, just sighing. "Well people have different opinions."
.
Once we had gotten off the ferris wheel, I realized how cold I was, seeing it was actually really chilly out.
"Take me to your safe haven."
"Sorry, what?" I glanced at him, and my eyes immediately drew away and to the amusement park set before us. Once I looked back at him, there was a smirk playing on his lips, as he swayed slightly.
"Your safe haven. You know, where you turn to when you're having trouble in reality."
Well, this was my safe haven. One of them, at least. I felt safe here, even though I've only been here for who knows how long. I think I only felt safe with the thought of me not having to worry about the decisions I had to make here though. And I did feel safe, like I could do anything, and not be told what I had to do, or what I couldn't do..
"You could do it, just close your eyes." Michael smiled. "Like this." He demonstrated, screwing his eyes closed.
"Yeah, I think I figured out how this whole dream thing works now. It's actually pretty sick." I smirked, slowly letting my eyes flutter closed.
I froze when I felt Michael kiss my cheek and my eyes shot open.
"Michael!"
"Oh come on! It was an open opportunity, you looked cute and everything."
I couldn't help but manage the fact that he actually kissed me on the cheek, and how his soft lips slightly lingered on my skin.
"You might not be real, but you sure as hell know how to make me blush."
"Sweet. I've never done this before." He smirked, making me groan, his laugh echoing.
"Okay, take my hand."
"Why?" He asks me as he slowly places his hand in mine.
"Doesn't it work like that? When I think of a place, you come with me only if you're holding onto me or something? Like in that one movie, I forgot."
"We're not transporting, this is your head. You can go anywhere you'd like. Your deepest, darkest nightmares, or maybe the happiest time of your life. Anywhere." He smiled.
"We're going to my favorite place. Ever." I grinned excitedly once I realized one of the best places for me; this indeed was my safe haven.
Closing my eyes, I felt him grip my hand slightly, his thumb running across my hand as I bit my lip in concentration.
Once I opened my eyes, I found myself, just where I wanted to be.. Where I've always wanted to be.
"An art studio?" Michael seemed fascinated, looking around at all the art pieces that scattered the walls. Portraits of a variety of different paintings, as well as sketches were everywhere, some even were piled up in a mess on the tables.
"Not just any art studio." I beamed, walking around.
My art studio.
I felt a sudden sense of nostalgia walking in here, it felt like ages ever since the last time I had been in here.
"You made all of these?"
Nodding, he was standing in front of my painting of a girl. A girl who had faced a crowd of busy people, people who had their own sense of direction, knowing where they intended to go.
"The girl's supposed to be me.. Well it's supposed to be a piece that inspires people like me. People who just can't have the ability to stand up for themselves and find a place in the world because something's stopping them from doing just that.. It's such a terrible feeling." I spoke bitterly, walking over to him and standing by his side as I stared at the painting with him.
He looks at me, a slight frown on his face, his arms crossed.
"That's beautiful."
"The painting?"
"Yeah, and everything about you is just.. Beautifully tragic in it's own way. But it's still beautiful." He mumbled, tugging his flannel sleeves over his palms.
"Yeah, I wish I was." I sighed. "I wish I was like all of them. Beautiful, nothing to really give a damn about."
He groaned. "You know what Riley, let me tell you something." He pointed at me.
"As long as you're with me, you will not give a single damn about anything, you hear me? We will not give one single fuck, not one single regret." He tells me confidently. "In dream land, you do anything that makes you happy. Do I make myself clear?" He faces me, setting his hands on my arms, peering into my eyes genuinely.
I pursed my lips, nodding once. "Crystal."
___________________________________________
A/N:
THIS IS SO ADORABLE I LEGIT MELT WHEN I WRITE THIS BC ITS SO CUTE
REMINDING YOU GUYS AGAIN THAT THIS A SHORT STORY MEANING IT WILL END UP WITH 10-15 CHAPTERS OR SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN THAT!
THANKS FOR READING :)
- BritishBums x