EMI AINU
Slowly, my eyes blinked open, vision still hazy and muddled. My mind was still in a daze as I attempted to get my bearings, taking stock of the bed where I laid and the room shrouded in darkness with only streaks of moonlight shone from the crack of the closed window. I groaned softly, sitting up as my palm pressed against my temple, trying to alleviate the throbbing headache that settled in. Everything seemed disjointed and blurred. Where was I? Questions came flooding in, barely able to keep up with my dull sensations.
Shatter!
I whipped my head to the door where the loud noise came. Kyone, wide eyed and frozen as if she stopped breathing, stared at me. My gaze fell on the shards of teacup scattered beneath her. And as if not noticing them, she rushed forward, her feet merely covered with cloth stepped on the sharp pieces without care. My lips parted to protest, but she grasped my hands and I realized she was trembling as she whispered, “My lady,” She pulled me into an embrace and I noticed how heavily her chest heaved as she bursted into tears. I froze in place, taken aback by the sudden reaction but as Kyone clung onto me, the tears streaming down her face and onto the surface of my garment, I found myself slowly returning the embrace with much more longing.
Suddenly, the door creaked open and someone walked in, grasping their sword in its hilt. My eyes widened and the moonlight illuminated Sujin’s face—brows furrowed and gaze sharp, but immediately, it softened and his hands fell from his sword and to his sides. “…You’re awake.” he whispered with a voice quieter, as if uncertain.
Kyone looked back and hastily wiped her tears. I stared at Sujin, the exhaustion very visible from his face. He looked like he barely got any rest. My lips parted and hoarsely, I spoke. “Sujin…”
He walked closer, carefully around the scattered ceramics and stopped just a few feet away from the bed. He turned to Kyone and stared at her feet. “You’re hurt.”
She looked down and finally noticed the blood slowly soaking the cloth of her feet and the pieces of ceramic that dug into her skin. She gently pulled away and gave me a small and reassuring smile when I nearly forgot to loosen my grasp on her sleeve. “Please excuse me, my lady. I’ll need bandages.” Hesitantly, I nodded at her and she hobbled off to take care of her wounds.
I looked back at Sujin, still standing with his head bent down. And for a moment, the casual demeanor he usually showed melted, he crumbled into a raw display of emotions. Tears welled up in his eyes, betraying the iron willpower he prided himself on. He stood before me, looking weary and helpless. I wanted to say something. But before I could, he had already made his way to my feet, kneeling and hiding his face on my lap. Sujin, the once intimidating man, had reduced himself to merely a mortal. I had once called him the ruthless white tiger of Aurelia but now, his face was buried against the fabric of my clothes. His shoulders shook involuntarily as he struggled to hold back the tears and his hands gripped the edges of the bed tightly, turning his knuckles white.
SUJIN SEIMU
Every fiber of my being was screaming, begging for me to keep my composure, but I couldn’t. Not in front of her.
I flinched as she reached out, laying her trembling hand on my head, her fingers gently ran through my hair and I refused to pull away. If anything, I leaned into it, craving the comfort it brought. The tears kept flowing, wetting the fabric beneath me and ragging my breath. Hoarse and choked, I swallowed the lump and forced myself. “I thought…I thought I was going to lose you…”
She paused and whispered ever so softly. “I’m here, Sujin,” her voice cracked. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
The reassurance her words gave was soothing. My grip on the bed slightly loosened and I lifted my face to look at her despite the mess I must’ve been. “Promise me,” I pleaded, not caring how desperate I sounded or looked. “Promise me you won’t leave. You cannot. Never again.”
She winced, as if something inside her ached. Gently, her hands cupped my tear-stained cheek, her thumb grazed my skin tenderly as she whispered. “I promise. I promise, Sujin. I won’t leave you. Not now, not ever. Just as you have done for me.”
We sat there, my head still resting gently on her lap. I took a long moment to collect myself, though my eyes were still red from the tears and I doubt it would fade any time soon. I looked up at her, our gazes locking. For a moment, something shifted. A memory crossed my mind and fear crept in. She barely made it alive this time, who knows what will happen the next? I needed to take action. All this time, I was waiting. Waiting for the right moment, but I could no longer. Not when time was this dangerous. Not when I might lose her at any moment. I took a deep breath, the words finally escaping my throat. “I once had a secret. One I’ve kept for years.”
She looked at me with curiosity and trepidation. “Then, why are you telling me?”
I reached up, my fingers gently curling around her hand and stilling her nervous motions. “Because you deserve to know. Because it is something that shaped me to who I am now.”
Her fingers tightened, yet she still smiled at me. “Then tell me. I want to know. I want to understand.”
I pondered for a moment, mulling over the right words. Slowly, I grazed my fingers against her palm, tracing the life lines, memories flooded back like a torrent of rain. “These warm hands which reached out to me…” The memories of that fateful day played out in my head like a movie. “You,” I whispered, my grip tightening. “You were so kind, so gentle. When I thought no one cared, you showed me kindness, without even knowing me…”
She squeezed my hand and something in my heart seemed to settle. My throat, constricted with emotion was a struggle as the words started flowing like stream, unable to be stopped. It was like years of weight was about to be lifted from my shoulders. “I was once weak and naive. So easily given up on life that I began searching for ways just so I wouldn’t disgracefully lose my life on the hands of someone else. I wanted to reassure myself that even I still held my fate. That I was not so weak as to die at the hands of the late emperor.”
She frowned and for a moment, that fear grew. “What do you mean, Sujin? What are you saying?”
The memories were becoming harder to say, especially because I was facing her. She loved the late emperor like her own father. But I could never bear to lie with that trusting gaze of hers. “I lost my parents when I was young and the late Emperor took me in as his own. However, the love of a parent is naturally much stronger towards the legitimate child.” I took her hand and placed a kiss on her palm before continuing. “He feared for the succession of Tenji and therefore decided I was to be rid of. Every night, assassins frequented my quarters and even servants who nursed me in my childhood were not to be trusted. I realized…I never did own anything I held and that realization sooner turned to desperation. I wanted to show them that nobody owned my life but me. So, I began my attempts and the assassinations stopped. But for some godly reason, I would always be one step away from the afterlife before I’m pulled back to the life I called hell. Perhaps even the Gods did not want me. Then, I met you…I thought that maybe hanging from a tree and making another child witness something so horrific was cruel. So I stopped you, knowing that the candy you held in your hand was poisoned. But our circumstances were different, you did not want to die, whereas, I did. I thought that if I didn’t stop you, I would be no better than them, and maybe poison was a better and quicker death. But then, you held your hand out and offered me care, ever so gently. I realized that I saved a life and maybe there’s more to this palace of bloodshed and schemes. Years later, the late emperor sent me to the battlefield in place of his son. I figured it would be better. At least there, I knew the circumstances. At least that way, I could return with honor and finally ask for your hand.” I looked away, shame and disappointment weighed heavily in my eyes. “But once again, I was late. I lost you to the man I secretly dreaded. I figured you were happy, but seeing you now…I want nothing more than to take you away from here, from this hellish place—from that bastard.”
“Sujin…” she whispered and I froze. Did she think I was lying? She must think I’m mad; framing the late emperor with nonsense. Go ahead, hit me, scream at me. I’ll take it. I’ll take your anger. Just say something. Anything!
“Why didn’t you tell me before? All this time…” her voice cracked and I looked a her. She was on the verge of tears, her lips trembling and hands shaking.
I chuckled mirthlessly. “How could I? How could I tell you? I didn’t even know if you remembered me.”
She shook her head and cupped my cheek, her thumb gently stroking my skin. “I do remember you,” her voice filled with sincerity. “I’ve always remembered you, Sujin.” Her words were like falling grace, easing the heart clenching inside my chest. My eyes fluttered close and I leaned into her touch, savoring the warmth and comfort it brought. I desired to hold her. No, to have her. I wanted her in my arms, against my chest. I wanted to bury my face in the crook of her neck and hold her close. The desire was overcoming and as if abandoning all restraint, I pushed her back onto the bed and moved over her, pinning her wrists gently to the mattress as my body hovered over hers. I took in the sight before me. Her hair disheveled, sprawled across the sheets, her body beneath mine. I would believe it if this was a dream, surely. But then she looked at me, her eyes wide and expectant, and I realized that this was real. She was so close that I could feel her warmth radiating. Tears welled up in my eyes, I tried to hold them back but I couldn’t. Everything was overwhelming. I realized my breathing had grown ragged and my arms had begun shaking as I held myself above her. I tried to keep my composure, but the weight of the moment was too much. I couldn’t find the words to say. Instead, I let the tears fall, the droplets glistening trails on her skin. A sobbed lumped in my throat and before I could swallow it, Emi’s lips suddenly crashed unto mine. My mind reeled, my eyes widened. But as her soft lips touched mine, something within me snapped. My grip on her tightened and I deepened the kiss until our body pressed against each other, the desperation to be closer reeled in my desire. My restraint crumbled completely. I let her wrist go, my hands moving to her waist, pulling her flush against my chest. Then, they wandered, sliding under her nightgown, gripping her bare thighs—possessively and hungrily, even more when she gasped.
She reached up and tangled her fingers with my hair, pulling me closer as her body arched unto mine. I trembled, letting out a low groan at her attempt. My lips left hers and traveled down her neck, leaving a trail of kisses and gentle bites in its wake. I was happily drowning in her. Her scent, her touch, her essence, nothing was enough to fill this hunger inside me but her.