The drive home is filled with the voices of NPR hosts, talking about the world events and making it seem like everything is falling apart, but being soothing about it. I use the podcast mostly to hear voices in the background and not let my mind roam to the inevitable, but I manage to stay calm as I park in my assigned space outside our building.
It's seven pm. I ended up visiting the library after History to see if they had any of the assigned reading there and then opened up my laptop and browsed through things on Blackboard, all the while turning my answer for William in my mind. Then, around five thirty I closed all academic sites and pulled up a word document to type down the rules I would set, and which William would have to agree to do the thing.
William wouldn't be the first boy I've slept with. I had a boyfriend at the beginning of my senior year with who I lasted for three months, though Will would be the only one to purely sleep with. Ashton was, okay, Michelle and April didn't like him, but we were lab partners and he could draw very well, so I would comment on that and a friendship soon blossomed. It should have honestly stayed a friendship, as the moment we started dating we started hating each other, and the few nights we spent together in his stupid truck were nothing to be commented on. Mom didn't care, she was too deep in her hole to ask why I would sneak back home at three am and be tired the following days. It was the moment he said I spent way too much time with my friends and started making sexist remarks that I dropped it.
He didn't care, moved on like it was nothing, which I did as well, I had too many other things going on in my life to care what a serial doodler who said he'd make it big in art school had to say. After what I've seen Ray create out of pens and markers I think he will have a rough trip to disappointment town.
I move up the steps, the printed and folded sheet of paper with the rules burning a hole in my jeans pocket. Will mentioned he might be going over to his friend's dorm after class, so there's the chance that he won't be home and I'll get to decompress for a couple of hours before I have to drop the paper on him. It'll all work out, I'm sure.
Super sure.
Completely sure.
I go to unlock the door when it swings inwards and my hand holding the key stabs the thin air between me and a boy who I don't recognize. Our eyes meet, and in the same quick motion, he turns his head over his shoulder and shouts:
"Will your lady roommate is home, you want me to invite her too?"
Daniel, from my deduction, is my height, with soft orange waves that curl over his ears, he has a bit of a scruffy want-to-be beard and a dark blue tee. When he turns back to me to give me a smile his green eyes remind me of my own, and I can almost hear other people asking us if we're siblings, similar hair color and all.
"You can call me Liz, lady roommate sounds kind of weird," I say, moving past him and into the apartment. William is just entering the living room as I place my backpack down on the couch. There is a bowl of half-eaten chips and a closed jar of superstore salsa next to it, I hope he planned to clean that up whenever he came back from wherever they are going.
"Hey, Liz," Will says, giving a glance at their mess, "Dani invited us over for wings, wanna come?"
I open my mouth to decline but then become aware of the void in my stomach after just drinking an iced latte for breakfast and a large water bottle for the hours spent in the library. Boneless wings would fill that emptiness inside just fine. Having caught up on my reading and the reassurance that now I'm not just using up all my savings and will hopefully soon have checks coming in biweekly also help.
"Sure I'm down," then, to the redhead, "nice to meet you, Daniel."
He waves at me.
"Nice to meet you too, Liz, you can call me Dan, or the man of your dreams, whatever you prefer."
I can see how he and William are friends. With a quick look to the ceiling, I grab my backpack once more to extract my wallet and keys in case they were planning on each taking their car. I'm not sure why they would, but I like to be prepared for anything when it comes to social events, you never know when everyone has to make a quick getaway.
Pausing mid-stride towards the door as Will and Daniel share some whispers, I feel inside my pocket, the folded-up square still there, reminding me I can't avoid this all night, but there is still the relief that I can at least push it until we are done with food.
"Whose car are we taking?" I ask once outside, turning over just to lock the door behind me.
"Mine," Daniel twirls his keys in his index finger.
As we descend the stairs, me hanging back, Daniel takes out a vape and takes a quick drag before slipping it back into his pocket. I'm hoping he didn't do that at home, but it didn't smell like anything inside. I'm not used to vapes, dad used to smoke all the time inside the home and out on the porch, the scent of Tabaco being a weird mix between comfort and hatred, if I close my eyes I can almost smell it all over again.
When I was little he'd ask me to go get him a new package from one of his desk drawers, he'd smack it against his hand before opening, as if that made any difference on how they tasted, as if he wasn't hurting himself by smoking so much.
"So you're the one who was forced into a dorm?" I ask at the bottom of the flight of stairs, the three of us falling into a line along the sidewalk.
"Yeah, mom and dad wanted me to have the full-on college experience, but I think it's because I didn't want to go to UT Austin and they got salty about it."
"Dani's parents have a lot of money." William glances at me.
"Not a lot of money, they're both doctors, dad's the head surgeon at the hospital back in Asheville, Mom is a Neurologist," Daniel shrugs, "Will likes to rub it in for some reason."
"I don't rub it in, I just thought to mention it why your parents were salty you didn't go to UT," William adds.
"Older sister went to MIT, older brother went to Rice, and so I can go wherever the fuck I want." Daniel's tone is still easygoing, but as someone who knows the pressure of living under your older sibling's shadow, I wonder if the only way Will's friend could liberate himself from his seemingly overachieving family's expectations was by coming to UET.
It's a strange form of finding liberation, but I get where he might be coming from.
We stop in front of a white Mustang, certainly nicer than my dumpster on wheels, and William's small Toyota.
"Nice car dude," I say as he unlocks it, William raises his brows at Daniel.
"Told you," Will tells him.
"Shut up, Anderson, it was used when I got it," then, nicer to me, "thanks, Liz."
He unlocks the doors and Will lets me climb into the back before fixing his seat in front of me. I've never been in a sports car before, but the entire interior is the nicest kept I've seen among my friends' cars.
"How old is it, if I can ask?" I continue the conversation once Daniel has also climbed in and set up his phone to the GPS location of Wing Stop.
"It's this year's model, it was a graduation gift, had like seven thousand miles on it or something. So yes, Will, still technically used." William laughs next to him.
Okay, yes, he got money, I wouldn't have known it was the new model, then again I don't know much about cars aside from the companies.
"Let me know if you ever want to give it a spin, Liz," Daniel winks over the rearview mirror.
"Really?" Now that might be the craziest thing proposed by a man after just meeting him.
"For reals, Chris did it already, and Will doesn't like driving that much so he passed on it, but I always offer it to my friends," he stops at a red light, the sun outside is fighting for the reign of the sky once more and its beams fall over the background as we wait.
"Oh, we're friends now?" I smile.
"A friend of William is a friend of mine."
"You bet?"
"Bet." He reassures.
Well, that's set, one day I'll get to drive this thing down a street, maybe even the highway if I bat my eyelashes hard enough at him. William stays quiet while this whole conversation continues, and I wonder if it's because he's hungry, or because he's still thinking about the answer I'll give him later tonight. Either way, Daniel drives very well, and his taste in music is also nice, indie music fills the car as we make our way to the restaurant.
The Wing Stop he chose is fairly close to campus, as everything seems to be around in this town. There are posters of University sports as well as old aviation parts used as decoration. A couple of people are ordering ahead of us, and when it's our turn William places a hand on my shoulder to urge me to go first, the warmth of it surprises me.
I order my usual two flavors and a drink, though when I'm about to pay Daniel's hip connects with mine and I am promptly shoved out of the way.
"I got this," he smiles.
"What? No, I'm good."
Behind Daniel, William makes a cutting-throat motion.
"He's not going to let you pay it. It's better if you let it go now," he says.
I look between the two men, and the cashier laughs, to which I respond by giving her an: are you seeing this shit? She just shakes her head. It's a nice gesture, but I feel so strange letting other people pay for me, especially someone I've just met less than half an hour ago and who has already called me a friend and offered me to drive his very expensive-looking car.
Daniel is in the middle of ordering, so there is no point in trying to still pay for my order, instead I go and get my drink before finding a decent spot where the three of us can sit.
The news is playing on a wall-mounted TV on the corner, so I sit facing it as I wait for the boys. They arrive soon after, each with their drink in hand finishing up a conversation I wasn't sure I could follow.
"—yeah no I'm utterly fucked no matter what," Daniel finished off.
"Why?" I ask as William sits across from me, Daniel sits next to him.
"Daniel decided that taking two labs on the same day and a class in between them would be a good idea," William explains, "he's just telling me about the workload that's going to be."
"What are you studying for?"
"Oh," he laughs, "med school, if I don't go into the medical field my parents will rip me a new one," Daniel pushes his hair out of his face, which is futile as it falls back over his forehead, "I could go to Pharmacy school, maybe that'd be easier."
"You think, dude?" Will's face becomes what I can only imagine is the same look I gave the cashier not too long ago.
"Might take fewer years than med school."
"You'd still have to take the PCAT."
"Fuck me," Daniel exhales, "anyway, Liz please change the subject before I enter another existential crisis."
"How long have you and Will been friends? You seem super close." It's nice that he doesn't seem to resent his friends for leaving him stranded with a random girl from the same hometown if their recent exchanges are anything to go by. I'm almost surprised by how un-college boys they all seem to behave, though maybe that's because neither of them look like they could be school athletes or frat boys. They're all normal kids who are still figuring out what the hell to do with their first year in college.
"Don't say that Liz, someone might hear you," Will says to which Daniel nods.
"Two years— no less, like a year and a half-ish? We met at the end of junior year so I guess closer to a year but we went to the same school." Daniel swirls his straw a bit, leaning forward. "What about you though? What do you like? Do you have any hobbies? Can I entertain you one of these nights?"
"I mean, if by entertaining me you mean buying me Wing Stop again then fuck yeah," I laugh, "by the way, thank you. You didn't have to."
"Don't worry about it."
A worker calls our order, and Will raises a hand to stop us all from getting up at the same time and soon after arrives with the tray of food. Wing Stop's ranch is my favorite, can't quite say why but it never tastes like the ones in the grocery stores. We fall into silence as we eat for a bit, then Daniel perks up once more.
"You didn't answer the other questions, though, what do you like to do for fun?"
I finish up the wing I was eating before I answer.
"Nothing much, I usually like to go out with my friends. I like parks and carnival the most, whatever gets me out of the house now and then." I don't necessarily go out on my own, it's a lot easier to stay home and watch movies than get ready to go anywhere, but whenever I'm with the girls they always push me to have fun and visit new places. "I also like driving a lot."
"There's a carnival coming to Vista Hermosa," Will's R sound rolls off his tongue so easily that I never really thought about how the name would sound with the original Spanish sound.
"Really?" I have not kept up with any news of the town.
"Yeah, I saw some posters around the school," he adds.
"Y'all should go," Daniel takes a drink, the sound of it running out loudly interrupting the conversation, before he continues with, "it's a good date idea."
"Oh don't say that and get his hopes up," I say, William chokes in the thing he was eating and Daniel laughs louder than his attempt at making the conversation awkward.
I give Will a wink to assure him I'm just joking, to which he nods. Date or not, it'd be nice to hit up the carnival whenever it does roll around, maybe we could all go with Michelle and Ray and make a whole night out of it. Meeting William's friends make me feel more at ease, especially since they are so nice and, from what I've seen from Daniel, quite goofy. I don't want to ruin this possibility of a normal friendship with my roommate, and I am not sure if accepting his offer will throw all of this progress straight into the garbage.
ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
Daniel drops us off back home and leaves with promises to come back often and that I will one day drive his car. This is something I hope to be able to hold him accountable for, because as he drives out of our curve and into the main street he peels off like he's off to go into a cop chase scene, and all I can hope is that he doesn't get a ticket before I can drive that beauty.
The room is quiet the moment Will closes the door behind him. I walk towards the kitchen and turn on the light, readying myself a glass of water before the inevitable topic comes up. Then, as I open the cupboard to get myself a glass, I glance up and realize my favorite bag of chips is on the last shelf, way out of my reach.
"Did you move my chips?" I ask, turning in his direction.
"Huh?" He makes his way towards me and then looks up, "Oh, yeah, I had some earlier today and forgot where they were before so I thought: Why not there?"
I dramatize a gasp.
"You stole from me!"
"We bought groceries together, I sent you half the money." William seems mildly apologetic, which is a nice look on him but won't stop my dramatics.
Slowly I place my right hand on my neck, pretending to clutch my nonexistent pearl necklace. My very pretentious grandmother who would turn up her nose whenever I'd run to mom with mudded jeans comes to mind.
"Will, I thought I could trust you."
"Lizzie, don't—"
"The audacity!"
He closes his eyes, takes a breath, and then lets it out in a laugh.
"I'm glad you're in good spirits." He reaches above me and for a small moment, his body is so near to mine I can faintly smell his cologne, and there's a sudden rush of blood to my cheeks at the unexpected proximity, which I make sure to get under control by the time he hands me the partially eaten bag of chips. "Here, you can put it wherever you like now."
"Good, I'll fight you next time if you touch them."
"I'd love to see you try to fight me," he takes a step away from me.
"Don't underestimate my power, mortal." Yes, I might be shorter and possibly weigh some thirty pounds less than him, but that doesn't mean I couldn't get the upper hand...with a chair. It's this conversation that I wish to hold on to as I put the chips on the counter, and then reach into my pocket. "Well, now that that's settled...do you want to talk about the agreement?"
"So it will be an agreement?" He asks, leaning against the counter across from me.
"Yeah, I decided to call it The Teddy Bear Agreement," I unfold the paper, the title in dark bold letters at the very top.
"That's cute."
"I thought so, too."
Silence.
"Are you going to read it?" His tone is calm, compared to the clamminess my hands are feeling as I hold out the page in front of me. I worry my nervousness and the shaking of my fingers will worry him or that the words will suddenly start disappearing off of the page and I will be left with a void that threatens to become a black hole that will swallow us both.
I blink, the page is still there, and I still haven't said a thing.
"Liz?"
I clear my throat.
"Sorry, spaced out, so," a series of more coughs, "The Teddy Bear Agreement:
The Teddy Bear Agreement is made under the promise that both parties will agree to sleep together under the assumption that William (Party A) and Elizabeth (Party B) need a form of sleep that might require them more assistance than a regular individual. It is upon this Agreement that the foundational rules will be laid out to better respect all parties' wishes and maintain safety in the handling of the procedures."
"What?"
"Shush, let me have this," I chide, "moving on.
Both Party A and B will agree upon the following set of rules. If any of the parties has a request to delete, adjust, or add any other set of rules, there will be a waiting period of a day for them to be deleted, adjusted, or added to the agreement. Both Parties shall sign under the contract and agree not to ridicule, mock, or gossip about the other Parties' sleeping patterns or problems to friends, family, or strangers. It is not prohibited to talk about the arrangements, simply discouraged."
"Okay, this is a bit intense," Will says, opening the fridge and extracting a can of soda, "don't have alcohol which would be cooler but continue with it."
"All rules for The Teddy Bear Agreement or TTBA for short are as follow. Party will sign their initial to each rule to be fully understood they agree to them." I take a deep breath before starting to read again. "Rule Number One: Party A agrees to take no more than one (1) sleeping aid pill for the night in order to better their sleeping habits. Party A requested Party B to help them stay in line, to which Party B agrees. Party A must then take the pill at least thirty minutes before bed for the effects to better take place or as it was required by their physician.
Rule Number Two: Party B has requested Party A to better help them with their sleeping pattern by acting as a form of comfort, whether that is a pillow or a Teddy Bear as Party B finds it difficult to sleep without one. This rule might be modified if Party A decides to go out, spend the night with someone else, etcetera; however, Party A is responsible for informing Party B of any plans or sudden inability of completing the said rule.
Rule Number Three: It is agreed by both of the Parties that this Agreement is consensual and both are willing to sleep physically with each other. It must be noted this Agreement will be broken the moment one party does something the other is not comfortable with it. It is also agreed by both parties that The Teddy Bear Agreement is in no way of form sexual, an invitation for sex, or an excuse to make sexual advances. Consent is only given with an affirmative, vocal, and sober yes, and not any other way."
My face is burning at this point but I only have one more rule to go and I refuse to stop at rule number three.
"Rule Number Four: To better use the layout of the Apartment both Parties are paying for, it is understood that there will be a rotation of rooms for the Agreement to take place. This also offers Parties better use of their rooms and living spaces. The party that decides to go to sleep first must tell the other about it and while it is highly encouraged to go to sleep at the same time it is understood by college students that this will not always correlate with the truth, because of this there is no obligation to sleep at the same time.
Closing statements—"
"Do contracts get closing statements?" He interrupts, hand holding his drink halfway to his lips.
"I don't know I'm no technical writing major." Most of the experience I have with contracts and other legal documents come from snooping around in my dad's office and reading whatever was on top of his desk, sometimes even opening his drawers to find some notebooks to use at school, he always had new fancy ones from his trips to Dallas and told me he was okay with me taking one every time he bought a new pack. This turned out to be a very bad idea.
"Damn, bro, you did very well for not being one."
"Thanks," then, trying not to tear the paper into shreds between us, I force myself to read the last paragraph. "Closing Statements: Party A and Party B agree to the contents of The Teddy Bear Agreement sound of mind, willingly, and voluntarily. Any changes to it will be discussed by both Parties and will take place one day after first offered. This Agreement is created to help and not hurt, if any problems arise one party can break it on their own."
The sound of William's drink when he places it on the counter makes me turn to him.
"Is that it?" He asks, feeling his pockets for something.
"Yeah, that's it, do you want to do any changes?" I ask setting the paper down next to me. I really should have gotten that glass of water when I had the chance before reading, my throat feels dry now.
"No, I think you were thorough enough, I thought I had a pen with me, I'll be right back."
He walks out of our little kitchen and into the living room. I take that slight moment to grab a glass and pour myself some water, by the time he has walked back with a black pen in hand I've already downed the entire thing. My burst of nervousness isn't as high as when I first started reading the agreement, but I won't lie and pretend I'm calm right now as William bends over the counter and writes his initials on each rule before signing his name in impressive cursive at the end of the page, just below the conclusion.
"Okay," Will holds out the pen to me, "your turn."
My pulse thrums on the side of my throat as I take his pen with shaking fingers. The irony that I am anxious about signing my name to the contract I wrote myself does not go past me. I place a hand firmly on the counter while using the other to slowly fill out the agreement. My signature came out less stellar than William's next to mine, I was never the type of person to figure out my signature when I was young, April used to say she would practice for whenever she became famous, but I always knew from the way my father signed papers that if I ever ended up signing things it was because my life had become boring and wasted away in a family business.
My eyes can't look away from the paper, I'm still reeling over what I've just done, but it's after all done and I did write a rule that said we could break it off whenever we wanted.
"Well, that's a thing now," I say more to myself than him, taking the agreement up and making a note to stash it somewhere in my room.
"It's a thing now. Should we toast to it, watch a movie or something to make it real, maybe seal it with a kiss?" Will asks, a smile showing a single dimple on his left cheek.
"Sure," I say and his eyebrows shoot up, "at the toast and movie, you dork."
"Had me getting my hopes up again, Liz." He places his hand on his chest.
"It's fun to do that, keeps you grounded."
"I'm the most grounded individual you'll ever meet, I can guarantee," William calls as I make my way towards my room. "By the way, when does the agreement start?"
I place my hand over my doorknob.
"Tomorrow night, one day after rules were set, also it starts in your room if you're okay with that?"
He raises a thumb at me.
"Sounds good to me, Imma clean the mess Dani and I made, and then we can figure out something to watch. I have my parents streaming accounts so we should be good to watch whatever." I mirror his thumbs up before entering my room.
The agreement should be safe enough on my desk. Opening up a drawer I take out one of my fancy legal leather-bound notebooks, deep blue, dad used to always get black or navy blue notebooks, and since blue is my favorite color I would always take those from him. I open it up to a random page in the middle and carefully pace the contract in between its pages.
I wanted to write a silly rule about not falling in love with each other somewhere in there, but it would have felt too much like a cheesy teen rom-com movie, and this feels strangely like that already, so I kept it out. Who knows, maybe this will work out just fine and the knot on the top of my stomach is there for no reason.
ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ