Jack :
It's the end of the first week for my being here,
And I am having even harder time to fall asleep then I usually do.
I just can't stop thinking about all my conversations with Elsa,
everything that happened,
and what I should do with all the thoughts inside my head!
The only things that finally consoled me were that I wasn't dead,
Wasn't alone,
And my black eye got better only within a week.
Strange.....
It usually takes more time.
In the days of this week, she is very quiet;
She noticed that I paid attention for her sadness, so she prephered to stay away and deal with the strange agony, which I don't know it's reasons alone.
I only wish I was able to get up of my bed and help her somehow but it hurts too much unless she's helping me and the pain remarkably disappears.
So, we decided to give me some time until I'll try to walk again.
She usualy comes in for short visits to see if it doesn't hurts today,
Talking or asking me questions:
-"Who are 'the big three' ?
I think it might be interesting to know who you are working with.....
The prophcy said they will be from all ralms of the north."
Prophcy?
She must have seen my letter and understood it,
Oh! Thank the moon!
I pondred for hours if she understood it......
Of course she would!
She is a queen,
She naturally should know several languages.
As usual - I am the dumb guy.
I rushed pull myself together and answered quickly:
"Yha. I'm working with all princs and princesses of the north:
Merida, Hiccup....."
-"Are the rumours true about her great bow skills, and his legendary fire sword? " She looked interested and excited to know.
-"Yha! I tried to hold his sword ones and it almost burned me!
Oh! And be sure,
You'd better not messing with Merida with a bow in her hand.
They are very skilled warriors.
But I'm the only one who is different -
I'm a guardian because the moon choose me to become one.
They were just recruited,
But I'll probably be a guardian for the rest of my life......" My voice turned deep as I got sad with every word.
I got the sadness out of my mind eseyly when I looked at her and said;
"But now,
I have the pleasure to meet a queen - You, Elsa."
I answered, sefisticated, enjoying a deep look in her beautiful eyes.
She blushed a bit of the things I said, but took it as a compliment.
-"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Jackson."
She used my whole name!
She said 'pleasure to meet you' !
-"Call me Jack." I hurried to reply.
The saying sewed a little smile that looked more like a small, charming curve in one end of her lips.
A strange flash got through my heart.
What was it?
That's ood.......
Did I almost felt?
Did my frozen heart felt something?!
I had no other proof for this theory yet, it was very ood if the answer to my question will be yes, and it gave me some hope to move on.
One day, she was checing my scars,
we both were hoping that they won't get infected.
-"Why do people call you the spirit of the north? "She asked.
I noticed that she had a little trouble to see my side without asking me turn around, and She just was a bit shy to ask.....
So I created a small ice mirror, and gave it to her.
Helped and answered,
Very sharp move.
-"Thanks."
She answered with a wide smile full of affection.
Oh! I love when she does it!
"You know,
I created this castle by myself....
So, how do you use your powers, except for creating mirrors for my use?"
She asked, sefisticated in the end.
I giggled.
-"Well basically,
I'm bring the snow and frost to the world." I exaggerated proudly to make her laght.
"But I prefer being modest and just say I'm 'bringing the snow wherever I go' ."
I said like I'm reciting some cliche.
-"Really?"
She asked, laghting.
Wow,
I her laght is........ wonderful.
It actually made me glad although my pains!
I pondred for myself a bit -
Her smile, her laght,
Soo beautiful, soo gentle.....
Why would she try to conceal it?
Or be sad anyways?
Is there any reason in the world to make such a wonderful person be sad?!
I noticed that I looked at her lips a long time after she stopped laghting.....
Wait a minute,
What was it supposed to mean?
I consitrate my mind and answered:
-"Well,
If you want it or not it's me."
I said sincerely and we both giggled.
-"How did you got your powers?"
I changed the subject.
-"Born with them." She said proudly.
-"What can you do? "
I asked her with a naughty, teasing look, and yet full of visible expectation.
She got up and waved her hand gently, sparkles and snowflakes started appearing in the air, and created a that she set on, gently.
-"Wow. That's amazing!
How did you had the power to create this place?"
-"Existment." She answered in one word, yet hadn't tenth the respect I have for such an explanation.
I wish I could be exited like she was when she created this palace.....
Ha!
In my dreams Maybe!
I can only learn about emotions, secretly, and on my own like I did all my life,
Because I never knew if it's okay for me to ask my emotions back from the moon in an illegal way like that.
It gave me a lot after all -
Another chance to live and with so much power in my hands!
Who will not desire such a fate?
Me.
I was always naughty.
I always wanted what I shouldn't have, and as it not hurting anyone but me, I'm always ready to pay.
So I learned by myself from watching other human beings.
In their young ages I could learn existment the best, because of the kids and their reaction to the snow and all......
But,
I'm not able to feel nothing because I am so cold that I can't feel.
That's the only thing makes me rise up against the moon and be mean and mischievous to all his believers recently.
Inside I'm not that kind of person.
It's the anger of lost and revenge locked in me.
Like, If he does good on everything and to everyone why did he left me alone, with no answers, emotionless, and invisible to everyone but less than ten people in the world who believes my existence?!
Even tho,
Being invisible is good for my research or work, so I am saving my complaints in this case for later.
After I woked up from my ponders she continued :
"But existment has risky sides....."
When she said that her eyes got sad, terrified and broken.
Like she knows something that I don't.
Something or someone is bothering her. I am sure of that.
How else such a pretty girl be so sad.....?
Maybe it's me that bothering her?
Well, It makes sense for such a trouble maker like me.....
-"If it's not comfortable for you to take care of me, you can always throw me outside....."
I said cold, siruse and expressionless.
Shortly - failed to express emotion again.
Although she laght,
With that same lovely smile,
and sound I would like to hear a thousand times more.....
-"Why would I?
On the contrary,
I....
I enjoy your company."
My emotionless reaction didn't terrifyed her?!
I was shocked.
But what a great shock!!!
She doesn't think that I am that cold,
She thinks that I'm normal!
She is the only person in the world who sees me, and not just from the outside but from the inside as well!
She understands.
She is the only one who does.
And she even said she enjoys my company?!
What a relief!
I don't feel so dumb over sudden......
I looked at her,
And tried to express the happiness that I feel and that wird flash in my chest.
Weird flash?
Feel?
Is that the proof I searched?
Is it..............emotion?!
Yes! It is!
Unbelievable!
I tried thousands times to feel something at all:
Happiness,
Gratitude,
Existment.
But all I got is agony from the fact that I couldn't.
But now,
When Elsa is here,
flooding me with her beautiful, incredible feelings she never lost, for her great luck, I felt something!
Next to her I am able to feel!
And it feels soo good!
Oh,
How wonderful is the knowledge that I can finally feel something.
Someone, makes me feel!
I thought while every second that got me higher and higher created a smile on my face.
A real smile,
straight from my cold heart,
although this ice, from the inside of and the outside of me.
I don't even know what kind of ecstasy I am feeling now!
But it is soo beautiful.......
This night I pondred thoes rare moments ;
Am I dreaming?
Is it possible?
Is it because of her?
I always feel wird flashes
when I'm next to her.
Will she return my stolen emotions?
What will be the punish for such a pleasure?
I am used to be punished by someone or myself after thoughts from that kind....
Are those kind of thoughts are forbidden for a guardian?
But above it all:
What is that special feeling I feel next to her and know nothing about?
I never saw it before,
How does that feeling calls?
So gentle, yet full of impulses.
Shining so bright, yet so sharp.
Unexpected,
Unexplained,
Something that is dispelling any logic reason against itself.
How attractive and easy to fall in.......
The night is already covering the sky with it's black colours, distant stars and strange, exaggerated temperature dropping that every poor human being outside his house won't survive.
The worse winter in history,
Another thing to worry about for the others, but I just want to thank who did it, so I could enjoy it instead of being sick in bed.
So if I can't do anything already, I should think of what I will do when I'll be healthy enough to stand....
That's how my nights became my time to drown in the thoughts and scars I'm trying to hide from Elsa all day.
Elsa.....
She is one big mystery for herself.
She alone doubles the number of questions in my mind!
I was supposed to stay emotionally distant in my job,
How hard can it be for a guy like me?
That's what I thought until we saw each other that night of her (מספר ) birthday ball.
That's how it all started. Isn't it?
Since I've got here learned to know her as I was sick all this week,
I learned she's the most amazing person I ever had the pleasure to meet.
And what a pleasure!
For an invisible guy to find a person who is able to see him for no particular reason.
But the most interesting mystery about her,
The thing that makes me more insane than I ever was is - Her soul.
All her emotions are unknown for my frozen heart, making her more mysterious and attractive for my opinion,
Until my admire to her is no more regular, and becoming these flashes and to that emotion I'll never know it's name.
This feeling is just exquisite,
Although I don't know the reasons for it and not the way out of it!
That's why she is attracting me,
tempting me,
taking all thoughts and pains, calling me from the depths of her soul,
as only her voice,
her look and her seacets,
Making me drown in it more and more!
And when she smile.......
There is no better feeling in the world.
But for this reason that I can't understand she is broken hearted.
Because this last piece in the puzzle that I just can't find, to explain this whole mess, is beyond my reach.
How to understand her agony?
Oh! If I could only make her feel high,
Take all sadness away,
Although the sadness,
Together.
I wish I could cure my wounded body from this wounds, help her, hug her, take her tears and fears in the nights, that tears my soul apart.
Be this special someone she is for me and even more.
I wish we both could be happy.
I took a second to look at the moon to calm down, to ask for help, because I have no control or a centre eny more.
I saw it up in the cold, black sky.
Midnight.
Suddenly,
I heard someone.......crying.
I set straight up immediately.
Who is it?
Is it an enemie I should fight against?
No....
It's weak,
Feminine,
Worning in the dark.....
Who is it?
The solutions started running in my head;
No one can find us here.
Especially not in the dark, when all the ice palace banishes into the night.
If it's not me,
If it's not someone else,
because it can't be.....
So,
It must be.....
-"AHHHH! "
A sound of a cry,
carried by the wind,
Ended my thoughts immediately.
Even my brain stayed speechless.
Elsa's agony is so deep.....
There's a reason to it that I don't know, and I must discover it.
I wish I could make everyone feel happy......
This impulse must have made me a chosen one to be a guardian of the moon,
So, that is actually the reason I'm alive.....
But is that the only reason for me worth living for?!
And what my life worth for without the ability to feel?!
I thought until I got so low that I wanted to screame from agony for myself, if I only had some power in my lungs.
No. Be normal. Control yourself.
The logics and duties comes back to me, reminding me to get out of the thoughts with facts.
who I am -
The guardian.
The hero that everybody depends on.
The emotionless person that his only modest wish is to feel.....
After all, how hard can it be?
No. You mustn't ask for more.
And where I'm from -
The Russian wilds,
The moon,
The distended no where, maybe......
And all thoes facts and reasons forcing me to get back to reality,
Be siruse, strong, never give up,
And do whatever it takes to get as fast as I can to the next target -
Get her back to base in peace.
Like an unwritten law of a guardian that became a soldier:
Be strong against the tempting.
Don't think.
Do what people say to you.