"What happened?" Sam demanded in a panic as he hurriedly helped Cas move Dean towards the now vacant sofa.
"Friggin angels man..." Dean spit. "They jumped us as we were leaving."
"They know?" Sam gasped in shock.
"Yeah, they know." Dean hissed, as Sam stared at him.
"Gabriel, we need to put up the wards. Now." Cas snapped sharply as he looked away from the injured Dean.
The archangel nodded curtly at Cas before they both vanished in a fluttering of wings and air.
"Come on Sam, get off of me!" Dean grumbled, trying to push his worried brother's hands away from his face. "I'm fine man, just a little scratched up."
"It looks a like a little more than a few scratches Dean." Sam insisted as he continued to fret over Dean's wounds.
"I'm fine Sam!" Dean said before adding, "I see you're alright too. You've decided to go back to being the jolly green giant."
"Yeah, the whole chick thing wasn't really working out for me." Sam said, ignoring his brother's jab.
Dean arched his eyebrows and said, "Are you sure? I mean, you've still got some pretty long ass hair. Give me five minutes and a pair of clippers-"
"Nice try Dean." Sam said, interrupting his brother.
"You just missed having a dick didn't you?" Dean teased, "I mean you seemed to play the chick roll pretty damn well. Even the personality fit you better."
"Says the one who got himself fucking pregnant." Sam said to shut his brother up.
Dean's smirk instantly fell. His eyes narrowed as Dean gave Sam his best 'fuck you' face.
After a minute of silence Dean said, "That was just cold."
Sam just smirked and pursed his lips, keeping himself silent to bask in the glory of one upping Dean.
Before long Gabriel and Cas both reappeared in the room with a rush of wind swirling around them.
"Dean, are you okay?" Cas exclaimed stepping beside Sam to inspect the battered hunter.
"I've been worse." Dean commented sourly, still pissed from Sam's pregnant comment.
"Here, let me fix you up." Cas said as he reached out to touch Dean's face.
The angel gently brushed Dean's long blonde hair to the side and cupped the bottom of the hunter's soft jaw. Castiel's sharp blue eyes bore into Dean's green ones. As Cas held onto Dean, Sam watched as his brothers injuries healed quickly.
Sam sat there in awe simply marveling at the expression on his brother's face. He had never seen Dean look at someone with that much love in his eyes. It was so very different than the brotherly love he felt for Sam. This was something stronger and purer. There was no denying that Dean and his guardian angel belonged together. It was at this moment when Sam realized just how much the two of them cared for and loved each other.
As he watched the intimate exchange go down, Sam couldn't help but feel like he was beginning to intrude on a privet moment. No matter how much Sam liked seeing Dean happy, that didn't mean that he wanted a front row ticket for a Cas/Dean make out season. Every limb in Sam's body screamed at him to move and leave them alone, but he was sure that any sort of movement would break the moment between them.
All of Dean's injuries were now healed, yet the two of them still didn't break eye contact with one another. It was like they had forgotten that the rest of the world existed.
"How long are you two asshats gonna make googly eyes at each other?" Gabriel suddenly chirped, breaking the tense moment.
Sam let out a breath of air that he hadn't even realized that he was holding. He stood up stiffly, the spell in the room now broken with the archangels words.
"Fuck off." Dean grimaced, trying to hide the blush that was rising in his soft freckled cheeks.
"You need a room you two?" Gabriel smirked, a mocking tone in his voice.
"We're fine Gabriel. We've got important business to address." Castiel answered, his gravelly voice sounding even thicker than normal.
"Are you sure? I mean, I think if shorty over there was still a dude he'd be rock solid in his jeans." Gabriel commented, winking at Dean.
"Oh yeah? Are you sure you're not jealous? I bet you can't even get it up when you want to you fucknut. I mean how old are you now?" Dean snipped glaring at the archangel.
"Oh little Gabe is just fine thanks for asking, your brother knows." Gabriel responded.
"Come on leave me out of this." Sam groaned, "Like Cas said, we've got problems."
At that, Dean seemed to snap out of his embarrassment fueled sarcasm as he took his first real look around the room.
"Where the hell are we anyways?" Dean asked after a minute.
"Abandoned warehouse." Cas said his deep blue eyes scanned the area.
"Great, so basically the setup of every horror movie ever." Dean complained.
"Don't worry Dean. It's safe, Gabriel Alcatrazed the place." Sam explained.
"Fantastic..." Dean grumbled not feeling much better about the location. In a moment of realization Dean's head shot up and he suddenly asked, "Wait, where did you guys leave the witch chicks?"
"There under control." Gabriel assured Dean. "They're not getting out anytime soon."
"Let me at 'em, I need to hit something and they're the perfect candidates." Dean snarled, standing up and squaring his shoulders.
"Sit your ass back down princess. We'll deal with them later." Gabriel scoffed, folding his arms.
"Like hell we will!" Dean snapped.
"You'll have plenty of time to assess your dominance later He Man." Gabriel told him.
Begrudgingly Dean stayed where he was while shooting Gabriel a dark look.
"So what happened to you guys?" Sam asked as he tried to redirect the conversation.
"Angels, they found us. The nephilim is getting easier to sense any they must have been in the area. As we were leaving five of them found us. We killed two of them, but Dean was injured so we had to retreat." Cas explained.
"I was fine Cas..." Dean complained.
"You could barely stand Dean." Cas said flatly with a sharp piercing look at the hunter.
"We could have taken them!" Dean exclaimed, getting fired up again.
Castiel's face was hard and cold, glaring at Dean with the wrath of heaven. Dean had seen that look before, it was Castiel's smiting face, but the hunter didn't care.
"You do realize that if the angels do get their hands on you they will kill you in order to rid the earth of the nephilim." Cas said, his voice low and dangerous. "Right now they are willing to do anything to get rid of the nephilim developing inside of you. You should know better than anyone that there are some fights you can't win."
Dean maintained eye contact for a fraction of a second longer before blinking and looking away from the angel's angry blue eyes.
Dean was well aware of what the angels were willing to do to him, he just didn't care. Dean would rather have the angels kill him before the thing inside of him damned the world. Why should he deserve to live if he was risking ending the world... again. Dean was so tired of being responsible for the decimation of earth. Why was he even trying to save it anymore, where was it getting him? Without him, maybe Sam could quit the life and the Winchester could finally stop being the fuck ups of the world.
"Well, have you ever thought about how that might be the best thing for us to do?" Dean snapped, finally unable to hang onto the anger boiling inside of him.
"How would you getting killed do anything for us?" Sam snapped, staring at Dean with wide eyes.
"Oh I dunno Sammy, maybe because I'm tired of breaking the world all the time!" Dean shot back. "I figured that you of all people would understand that!"
"A good soldier never quits Dean!" Sam shouted, "That's what you always told me!"
"Yeah well, maybe I ain't always right! Maybe I'm tired of being a soldier, maybe a good soldier is supposed to know when they need to sacrifice themselves for the good of everyone they care about." Dean growled standing up now and trying to get into his brothers face. Now that Sam was tall again that proved to be a little more difficult, but Dean didn't let his height slow him down.
"Oh quit your whining Dean! Nobody likes a damn martyr!" Gabriel complained as Cas tried to pull Dean away from Sam.
"Well then give me a better solution." Dean said flatly.
"Dean, getting yourself killed is not a solution!" Cas told the hunter with fire in his eyes.
Dean licked his lips and sighed in irritation. This conversation was getting him nowhere, it was clear that he was going to need to come up with a plan B. That didn't mean he was going to completely forget plan A though. He knew what he would choose if plan A ever became a possibility.
To cover up the awkward silence Dean finally said, "So, I'm just fucking stuck like this." His anger was so great that he had to ball his fist by his sides and chew his lip just to avoid punching something or someone.
"As of right now... yeah, you are." Gabriel said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"So, how long did you say that I was going to be the host to a life sucking creature?" Dean asked harshly while he took on a fake tone of sweetness and added a fake smile.
"Well since you asked so nicely," Gabriel started with a roll of his eyes, "About three months."
"Great... the sooner this shit is over the better." Dean grumbled in defeat.
Dean then pulled himself from Castiel's grasp and threw himself down onto the sofa.
"Dude, don't start pouting on us." Sam complained as he watched Dean.
"I'm not pouting! You're pouting, you long haired pouter." Dean snapped.
Sam just rolled his eyes and stayed silent while Dean moped. He was clearly not in the mood for bullshit today and frankly Sam didn't feel like dealing with his brother's bullshit.
As the silence stretched on, the air around them became quiet and uncomfortable. The dark thoughts of Dean sacrificing himself still hung in the air. The only one who seemed oblivious to the awkwardness was Dean who was not pouting (he totally was pouting) on the sofa.
The silence was soon mercifully broken by the sound of Sam's growling stomach.
Afterwards, Sam hurriedly excused himself to the 'kitchen' that Gabriel had made, which was really just a refrigerator and a stove that somehow magically ran without the need of electricity.
Like Sam, Gabriel also saw this as the perfect opportunity to get away from Dean's mood, so he rushed off to join the younger Winchester (Or maybe he just wanted to go make out with Sam, but who knew).
Once the others were out of ear shot Dean turned to Cas with his eyebrows scrunched as he asked, "So, erm... Cas... I was thinking... since this kid is like developing faster than a human kid are we gonna be dealing with some freaky twilight-vampire shit where the kid will be ten as soon as you blink an eye?"
"What's Twilight?" Cas asked with a confused look on his face.
"Something worse than the apocalypse." Dean snorted in disgust. "You're blessed to be one of the ones who don't know what it is. It's probably better that you missed that phase."
Cas cocked his head to the side and squinted his eyes at Dean before saying, "Well... I still don't understand that reference, but I'm assuming 'Twilight' is related to some sort of accelerated growth in children."
Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel's confusion and said, "Not all of it, but the part I'm referring to is."
At that, Cas smiled softly and said, "I assure you that once the child is born it will have a normal growth rate. After all, it is still half human. It's just that angels take less time to develop after conception."
Dean shook his head and asked, "Dude why do you always have to sound like you just swallowed a dictionary?"
"I may have ingested thousands of leviathans in the past Dean, but I can assure you that I have never swallowed a dictionary. I doubt that something that large would be easy to-"
"Never mind Cas." Dean said with a smirk. "Forget I said anything."
Cas fell silent with a soft smile on his face. He still didn't fully understanding what Dean had just said, but he was just happy that he could be here with Dean. Cas knew without saying that Dean enjoyed this too, no matter what circumstances they faced. Dean was far too proud and way too afraid of chick flick moments to admit that he liked the simplicity of being by each other's sides. As they sat in silence, the soft sounds of Sam and Gabriel bickering over something stupid drifted to their ears from somewhere behind them. Cas took this calming opportunity to scoot closer to Dean and feel his body head along his side. As Cas moved, he performed a strange little stretch, that almost resembled a yawn, before tucking one arm behind Dean's back. Gratefully, Dean leaned into the angel's side, reveling in their sheer closeness.
When the two of them had stopped moving, Dean looked over at the angel, his eyes wide in disbelief. The angel's blue eyes met Dean's seconds later yet turned to confusion as Dean stared at him opened mouthed.
"Wait a second..." He hummed, "Did... Did you just pull a move on me Cas?" Dean asked, shock filling his voice.
"Yes." Cas answered simply before asking, "Is that wrong? Did I perform the move wrong?"
"No, you did it right. I just didn't know you knew how to pull a move like that." Dean explained. "Where did you learn that?"
"Contrary to your belief Dean, I actually understand many sexual and social actions that people engage in on a daily basis. That particular move I saw in a movie once." Cas explained. "The young male performed the same action as I did when he was sitting next to his female date when they were in a movie theater."
"What movie did you watch?" Dean pressed. He had to admit he was impressed that Cas was trying to expand his movie knowledge. Dean had sworn to himself that one day he would make Cas sit down and watch all of the movies he considered to be important and awesome.
"I believe it was the second installment of "Cheaper by the Dozen"." Cas told him.
"Oh my God." Dean sighed with a roll of his eyes. The movie wasn't bad, but it surely was lower down on his list of movies to show Cas. At least the angel was trying to expand his knowledge.
"It was actually a very good movie Dean." Cas said, "It taught me some things about family and being united."
"Yeah, but come on man. Of all the movies you could have picked why that one?"
Cas shrugged and said, "It was on and you and Sam were off on a hunt."
"So, instead of taking the opportunity to surf the web for porn you choose to watch that while you're alone?" Dean scoffed, unable to understand how Cas could pass up any opportunity of watching porn and getting himself off. "Unbelievable."
Cas merely shrugged and explained that, "Watching pornographic materials and partaking in masturbation didn't feel nearly as good as actually getting to have sexual intercourse with you."
Dean snorted at Castiel's undoubtable professional word choice, but he still verbally agreed that nothing beat good ol' fashion sex. However, Dean then proceeded to go into detail about the pros of watching porn.
As Dean continued to ramble, the angel lost himself in thought. It wasn't that he had lost interest in the topic because Cas considered anything Dean said to be important. Cas however, just had his mind in other places to day. The stress of angel's at their heels, Dean still being stuck in a female form, and the impeding issue of their nephilim child on the way.
After a minute deep though, Castiel tuned back into reality and looked at Dean's feminine face (Even Cas had to admit that seeing Dean as a woman was a little strange and unnerving at times).
Dean's voice soon faltered when he realized that Cas was only half engaging in their conversation. "What's up Cas?" Dean asked in concern.
"Nothing, I'm fine Dean.' Cas lied.
"Cas, you're a shit liar. Just tell me."
"Actually, I am a superb liar Dean. I have deceived both you and Sam in the past." Castiel commented.
Dean sighed and said, "Yeah... fine, whatever Cas, but that doesn't matter right now. This time I know you're lying to me. Come on; lay it on me before the touchy feely stuff gets awkward."
Cas pursed his lips, Dean didn't often give Cas the opportunity to discuss feeling so he realized that he should probably take Dean up on the offer. Cas just wasn't sure if it was going to be beneficial. However, judging by the look on Dean's face the hunter wasn't going to be letting this go anytime soon. Finally, Cas gave in and began to talk. "Dean... have you considered that keeping this child might be the best thing for us to do given our situation?"
Dean's look of genuine concern morphed into one of shock and borderline horror. His jaw hung slack as he tried to comprehend Castiel's words. Fast than Cas could register, Dean's expression blanked and he forced a composed look into his face as he asked, "That's what's bothering you? Why the hell would I wanna keep itt?"
Cas internally winced, he had a feeling that mentioning the child would elicit this kind of reaction from Dean. The hunter who had just been bubbly and open three seconds ago had now shut himself down. Cas needed to try and get through to Dean, this was very important to him and he needed to make Dean see that.
In an effort to soften Dean again Cas said, "I mean, we have the capabilities to keep it safe and protect it."
"Like hell we do!" Dean scoffed. "Cas, have you forgotten what we are? Who we are? We're cursed man! This thing will be too! Fuck, it already is!" Dean hissed, angrily, being sure to his voice low. He didn't want to alert Gabriel and Sam to their topic of conversation. They would only make this harder. "Besides," Dean continued, "Even if we did keep it what would we do? Go on the run with it for the rest of our lives? Hand it over to the angels? Kill it? What would we do with it? I mean, like you said earlier, they already know it exists! They've probably told everyone one up in the sky palace by now while placing a death sentence on our heads."
As Dean spoke, Cas couldn't help but notice that Dean was refusing to refer to the child as a human using only terms such as 'it and thing'. Cas realized that this was Dean's way of denying the truth of this situation.
"We could raise the child Dean." Cas said incredulously. "We'd protect the child and raise it to be a good person."
"Yeah, well what if it isn't a good person Cas? What if someone else got it and corrupted it! I've already seen one biological kid die right in front of me!" Dean snarled.
Cas stopped, looking at Dean with wide eyes. He never knew that Dean had a child before. "Wait, what do you mean?"
"It was a one night stand gone wrong. I hooked up with a chick who turned out to be a fucking Amazon bitch. Apparently their pregnancies are on a fucked up schedule too. Three days later the kid it up shows up and tries to kill me. I tried to help her, but she was already gone. Then Sam shot her." Dean said with a tired but angry look on his face.
"Did you not use protection?" Cas asked.
Dean glared at Cas and snapped, "It was the heat of the moment okay? I can't remember everything all the time can I?"
Cas made no comment on Dean's response and instead said, "I-I had no idea... I apologize for speaking out of turn."
"I doesn't matter Cas." Dean said in a worn voice. "It's not like I even knew her anyways."
"What was her name?" Cas pressed.
Dean paused and cast his eyes down to the floor. "Emma. Her name was Emma."
Cas was silent, letting Dean's story sink in. He was at a total loss for words. Dean had never spoken of this before. Cas could see something deeper in Dean's eyes, he just couldn't place the feeling. Part of Cas wondered if Dean really did secretly want to start a family but was too terrified to admit it. Maybe with enough persuasion Cas could convince Dean to settle down one day and live the life he knew Dean longed for.
"See, that is part of why we shouldn't keep it." Dean said after a minute of strained silence. "Definitely not the only reason, but it just adds to the pile."
"We wouldn't let that happen Dean. We would raise the child right. We could keep it safe. Me, you, Sam, and Gabriel would do anything for it." Cas said, trying to persuade Dean.
"I don't know if you've looked at my track record lately Cas, but I can't exactly keep the people I already have safe. Especially if they're family, I let them down the every time. I can't tell you how many people have died because of me, how many times Sammy has died because of me! I don't wanna look at how many are dead because of me. I'm sure those numbers aren't pretty. I mean, how can you expect me to bring a new life into this world when I end up killing already existing life. I can't even keep my own life in order! Can you see me trying to be a father? That's not really my area of expertise last time I checked." Dean's pain, anger, and self-hatred was now starting to bubble to the surface. He usually could keep his emotions in check, but tonight Cas was hitting a nerve. Dean was just so done with everything. He wanted to forget all of this.
"Dean you'd be a great father." Cas said gently. "I've seen the way you are with kids, they absolutely adore you and I know our child would too. How could they not?"
Dean had a look of disbelief and distain on his face, scoffing at Castiel's words. It was clear that Dean didn't believe anything that Cas was saying.
"Look, I'm not father material Cas. You see what we do, you live it! This is no environment to raise a kid in. You see what it does to kids, what it's done to me and Sammy! This life breaks a child and destroys their lives. I wouldn't wish my family curse on anyone, especially if they were my own flesh and blood." Dean told the angel, conversation getting heated now. "I don't want more of my family's blood staining my hands."
"Who says we'd have to stay in the life Dean? You don't really seeing yourself doing till end do you?" Cas asked.
"Well I don't exactly see any other options here Cas. There is no out for hunters, your past always catches up to you man." Dean retorted. "How would we be able to protect it without being in the life?"
"What are you so scared of Dean?" Cas demanded, his sudden anger taking Dean by surprise.
"I'm not scared of anything! I just don't think bringing a kid into this life is the smartest idea! It's not like can just hand it off to some adoption family! They couldn't fight off the angels when they come knocking." Dean shot back at the angel's heated words.
"Why the fuck do you want to keep it alive so badly." Dean snarled. His voice was beginning to rise and now Sam and Gabriel had both fallen silent. They were both aware of the conversation that was taking place.
Cas was at the point where he didn't care what he said to he practically shouted, "Have you even considered that I might want a family and now I have the chance to start one! Just because you're hiding the fact that you're too scared to raise a child doesn't mean I have to hide it."
Dean was completely silent. He just stared at Cas with a mix of emotions flitting across his face. Cas was breathing heavily, his adrenaline fueled anger may have taken him too far. He was already regretting his words and he could see the impact it was leaving on Dean.
When Dean's face blanked of all emotions Castiel's heart raced in fear. That was never a good sign; Dean was locking him out and hiding his emotions deeper than before now.
"Dean... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have gotten so angry." Cas whispered, hoping to patch things up.
Sam and Gabriel were still silent, curious to see what would happen and too scared to intervene.
"No, sorry doesn't cut it you selfish son of a bitch." Dean snapped as he stood up from the sofa. The hunter was so angry that you could hear the barely repressed anger buried in his voice.
"Dean-" Cas tried to speak but Dean interrupted him.
"No, just stop Cas. Just fucking stop. I don't want to hear it." Dean hissed, glaring at Cas in fury. "I'm glad that you're willing to risk the whole damn world, over one fucking kid just because you want a fucking family! Fuck you, all I have ever done is tried to save the world! How many times have we had to compensate for your fuck ups Cas?" Dean knew his words were cold, but he didn't care. The hunter was so done with everything. He just wanted to get out of here and go back to normal again. "If you wanted a kid so Goddamn bad you should have just told me! I mean fuck, there are other ways that won't END THE FUCKING WORLD!" Dean spit, starting to yell now.
"Dean come on!" Sam called, now rushing in to try and reign his brother back in.
"No Sam! You come on! Have you heard him? He wants to keep the monster that is growing inside of me! Not just keep it, but raise it!" Dean snapped at his brother.
"Cut him some slack Dean!" Sam exclaimed.
"I'm done with this. I'm so fucking done." Dean hissed as he turned and stormed away.
"Dean where are you going?" Cas demanded, now standing up and trying to follow Dean.
"This way." Dean growled. "Don't follow me. Gabriel, I'm gonna need you to mojo up another bed for me tonight."
There was a tense silence in the air while Dean looked expectantly at Gabriel. "Well?" Dean snapped after a minute.
Begrudgingly Gabriel lifted his hand and with a snap of his fingers a third bed appeared in the room.
Dean then turned and stormed off towards the new bed shouting, "I'm serious I'm not going to raise this thing." The he flung himself down onto the bed and turned his back to the others.
While Dean sulked, Sam Gabriel and Cas tried to regain their bearings and comprehend what had just happened.
After a second Sam walked over to Cas and placed a hand on the angel's shoulder. In a low voice Sam whispered, "Cas, he's just being a jackass. He'll come around."
Cas sighed but stayed silent. He hoped that Sam was right.
Not long after Dean's fit, the rest of them turned in for the night.
As Cas tried to drift off to sleep he had to hold back tears. He was an angel; he was supposed to be strong and emotionless. However, tonight was different. As Cas lay alone in bed, he felt a single tear trickle out of the corner of his eye. Up until this point in Castiel's ageless life he had never felt more alone then now. He had been beaten, stabbed, shot, thrown out of heaven, shunned and disgraced by his angelic brothers and sister, but all of that seemed like nothing compared to what he felt as he slept by himself without Dean in a large empty bed meant for two.