Chapter 15
Tobias' POV
I remember the first time dad hit me. It was for something so stupid and so little. He came home drunk that night and could barely stand upright. I had forgotten to wash the dishes and he got so pissed off about it.
He hit me across the face so hard, it left a bruise for two days.
I remember that night too precisely. Tris's house was a block away from mine so I walked towards it with my hood up, afraid that someone would see the bruise even though the sun had already set.
I climbed up onto her patio and knock three times. From the window, I saw her on her laptop doing school work while chewing on a pencil. We were in seventh grade at the time.
I remember her curious eyes looking up from her work and landed where I was standing. Her eyes turned darker when it landed on my bruised cheeks.
"What happened." She asked while opening the door from her patio.
"Marcus." Tris had already knew that he had some...anger issues. She had already knew about my mom running away from him. She knew what he did to her. I told her everything and anything.
Losing Tris, hurt more than Marcus hitting me. The pain that came from Marcus couldn't compare to how I felt after we fought in freshman year. She was my anchor and I let her go causing me to sink down with her.
I miss her, and I love her. I just wish I had the balls to tell her before it was too late.
I moved on, well, not really.
No I didn't.
I plan on asking her to forgive me. But I don't know how she will if I can barely forgive myself.
I am such an idiot! Oh my God! Such a fucking idiot!!
Sometimes I just want to jump in front of a train for all the stupid things I've done in my life. And I've done a lot.
I know doing something big won't help.
So I write:
Look, Tris. I did some shit things to you the past year. I know you may not forgive me and I understand that because I can barely get myself to forgive my actions. I think about you every day. I think about you when I wake up and before I fall asleep. I think about you in class and during break. I've messed up. I've done such terrible things, to you. I took you for granted. You we're my best friend and you've helped me through everything. You helped me with Marcus, my mom, with Lauren. You were my first kiss, you're my first love. I don't know how I managed to survive without you. Maybe it was the little things. Catching your eye in the hall. The smiles I gave you when I caught you staring. I know you like me. You can't deny it because I know it's true. It has to be. I want it to be. I know I'm a terrible person at times, but I can be so much more. I didn't mean any of it. How could I? I broke a promise and now I have to suffer the repercussions. You're such a an amazing person. So flawless, so beautiful, so smart, so selfless. I love you, Beatrice Prior. I love you so much. Please forgive me.
I don't know what to write afterwards. I understand if she won't forgive me. It will be hard. But I will move on, I have to try. I fold the letter twice and slip it into her locker.
"I haven't seen you in forever." Zeke pats my back as sit on the blue and gold lunch tables.
"Rough week, I guess." I sit on top of the table.
"I heard your nasty fight with Tris yesterday. Well half the school heard you, you guys were pretty loud. You're an idiot by the way." Zeke takes a seat next to me.
"I've been told. I don't know if we're going to work out anymore." I sigh into my hands. "I don't know, it's just not working. One moment we're friends again, and then the next we are screaming at each other.
"Well when you love something, you have to let it go. In this case, you have to let Tris go. But if she loves you back, she will find a way to come back to you. That's just how it works." He tells me.
"When did you get so wise?" I tease.
"Don't know. Maybe I hang out with Shauna too much." He jokes. He changes the subject, "try outs are today, are you going?"
"When do I never show up?"
"True. Well, I'll see you later." He pats my back a few times before leaving.
I head to the last period of the day- AP English. We're currently reading the novel, Frankenstein. It's really boring although I have to pay attention to know the material.
Class ends dreadfully. As the bell finally rings, I quickly pack my books and head down to the field. But before, I go to the men's changing room and change into a light gray t-shirt and red gym shorts. I jog my way down to the field and meet Zeke and Uriah.
Out of the corner of my eye I see a blonde headed girl which talking to a boy- Tyler. I feel like I am intruding by staring at them talk. Tris smiles at something he says and he hugs her.
My chest turns and I have to peel my eyes off of them.
Focus, Tobias. Focus.
Tyler turns away from Tris and walks to the direction of the other guys trying out.
"Woah, relax." Zeke places a hand in my shoulder.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine." I tell him. "Hey, is Tyler and Tris back together?"
"No. Wait, what? They're back together?" Zeke asks bewildered.
"I don't know! I'm asking you!"
"Okay, no. Well not that I know of, no." He tells me.
"Hmph." I'm about to say something until coach calls us into a huddle.
"Okay, cupcakes, I will be testing you boys by groups determining what position you want. I'll start with the kicker." A few boys step forward and Zeke and I sit on a bench. Uriah is trying out for the position of the kicker.
"So what happened between Tris and Tyler?" He asks me once we sit down.
"I don't know, I saw them talking and then he hugged her. Call me paranoid of something but-"
"You're paranoid. Don't worry, it was probably a friendly hug."
"You sure?"
"Im sure."
Just to my luck, I am the only one trying out for QB. The recent one had graduated last year and no one bothered to tryout. However, coach still calls me.
"Eaton! Get you're arse here this instant." Coach Martin sometimes really intimidates me.
He tells me to do a few things that are really simple. He throws a football from half court and tells me to catch it. I do it with ease.
After several drills he tells me that I'm done. "Good work. Dismissed." He waves me off.
Well then.
I head back to the boy's changing room. I change back into a long sleeved simple navy blue button up shirt and khaki pants. I slip on my converse, and grab my backpack from my locker.
"Tobias! Tobias, wait up!" I immediately turn around.
Tris runs up to me. "Gosh, you take forever to change."
"What are you doing here?" I ask her.
"I finished my figure skating early and I came as quickly as possible. I saw the note you left me." She catches her breath. My heart rate speeds up. And?
"And I really appreciate you doing that for me. I forgave you a while ago, you know? It's just sometimes I wish you tried harder. But all and all, I really appreciate it. Thank you." She smiles a little. I hate how she totally dismisses the part where I practically spill out my feelings of affection I have for her.
"So are we good?" I ask, hopeful. "Best friends?"
"Tobias, you can't do that. Friendship is earned out of trust, and until I can fully trust you then we can be back to where we were a while ago." She answers.
"You don't trust me?" My voice cracks.
"You broke a promise, remember? And you swore that you wouldn't break it. And it hurt a lot when you did."
"Promise? What promise?" Oh, right.
"That you wouldn't change. That you wouldn't let Lauren effect you. You turned into a real bitch and that hurt the most out of everything." I deserved that.
"Then just you wait Tris Prior. I will gain your trust." I step closer to her. "I'll do anything and everything."
"Tobias, just start small. I have to go, I'll see you later."
That gives me hope. One, that she implies we will be hanging out another time and the fact that she's giving me another chance.
And this time, I won't screw it up.
I think about what Zeke told me earlier today. When you love somebody, you let it go. But if they love you back, then they will find a way back.
Maybe, just maybe, Tris loves me back.
And there is a spark of hope after all.
A/N: I did not expect myself to update that early. I usually try to update during the day, but whatever. I hoped you enjoyed, and have a lovely night. Bye!❤️