"Can you try and tell me what happened that day, Camila?"
Lauren and Camila sat on a less-than comfortable white couch in the doctor's office. It had taken the older girl a while to convince Camila to leave the house. Camila had had a death grip on Lauren's arm for the entire car ride.
Now, Camila squirmed under the doctor's watchful eye. Lauren bit her lip and glanced back and forth from the doctor to her wife, wondering if she should interrupt.
"Talking about it will help, Camila," the doctor glanced down at her file, tapping his pen against the desk. "Keeping it all to yourself is only going to make it harder on you."
Camila hung her head, shuffling her feet against the floor nervously. The smaller girl kept her head down even when the doctor sighed and turned his attention back to her file.
"It's really all up to time," he said after a few moments of silence, now addressing the green eyed girl beside Camila. "It's all up to her. When she feels ready to talk, she will. Otherwise we can't really do anything besides bring her back to therapy each week."
Lauren's shoulders dropped slightly. She watched as Camila kept her head down, afraid of being ridiculed. The green eyed girl let out a soft sigh and turned back to the doctor, giving him a soft nod.
"Medicine is always an option," he added. "But it says here you didn't really have a good experience with that the last time you tried it?"
Lauren shook her head quickly. "Yeah... I mean, no. No medicine," she bit her lip. She didn't want to have a repeat of what had happened last time they put Camila on medicine.
"Alright," the doctor wrote something down. "At the most, we can talk about giving her something to help her sleep if this continues. For now, we've just got to wait it out."
"You okay?" Lauren whispered, reaching out and placing a hand on Camila's shoulder. The smaller girl looked up uneasily.
"We get to go home now," Lauren nodded towards the doctor. "He just wanted to check up on you."
Relief washed over Camila and she stood up quickly, standing by the door and looking at Lauren expectantly. After thanking the doctor, the green eyed girl followed Camila back out to the car.
"Hey, hey, look at me," Lauren reached over the center console and took Camila's hand in hers. "You're okay. Breathe," she whispered softly, running her thumb over the back of Camila's hand. The brown eyed girl met her eyes, giving her a slight nod.
They drove in silence for a while, which was only broken when Lauren took what Camila believed to be a wrong turn. The smaller girl sat up quickly, her eyes moving around the car frantically.
"Woah, woah, calm down," Lauren laughed softly, pulling into a small parking lot. "You know where we are, goofball."
Camila paused, peering out of the window and calming down slightly when she realized where they were. Lauren grew disappointed, though, when the smaller girl didn't show much of a reaction.
"I figured we'd get froyo as a little distraction, yeah?" Lauren asked hopefully. Camila glanced over at her, giving her a hesitant nod. Realizing that was all she was going to get, Lauren slid out of the car. Camila immediately appeared at her side, holding onto her arm nervously.
Lauren couldn't help the pang of guilt she felt when she saw how on edge the smaller girl was. She wasn't sure how to fix this, though, so she settled on squeezing Camila's hand and leading her into the small store.
Camila's eyes widened when they stepped inside, suddenly surrounded by a crowd of people who had the same idea as them. She bit her lip, pausing and taking the time to survey her surroundings.
Lauren watched Camila for a few moments, noticing how she was intently scanning the people around them, as if she were making sure none of them posed a threat. The thought made Lauren feel sick to her stomach.
"Come on," Lauren whispered, tugging Camila's hand and forcing the smaller girl to follow her. Lauren grabbed two cups, offering one to the smaller girl. When Camila just gazed at her, Lauren sighed and resorted to sharing a cup with the smaller girl.
"Banana?" Lauren asked, pointing to the machine in front of them. She saw a glimmer of hopefulness in the smaller girl's eyes, and took that as a yes.
Lauren moved towards the cash register, but grew confused when she felt small fingers curl around her wrist to stop her. When she turned back around, Camila bit her lip, nodding towards the toppings bar.
"Oh," Lauren laughed softly, following Camila over to the bar. She set the cup down in front of Camila, silently urging her to get what she wanted.
Biting her lip, Camila looked around before plucking two gummy bears from the candy section. She bent down slightly to make sure she placed them perfectly on top of the ice cream.
Glancing around once more, the smaller girl quickly swiped a banana slice and popped it into her mouth, making Lauren laugh. Camila just gave her a soft shrug before following the older girl over to pay for their food.
Now, they sat at a small round table. Camila had scooted her chair as close to Lauren's as possible, holding tightly to the plastic yellow spoon the girl had given her.
"Breathe," Lauren said softly, placing her hand on Camila's arm and making the smaller girl look over at her. "Just try to relax, okay? Clear your head."
Camila nodded, looking down at the ground and scuffing her shoes against the floor. Her eyebrows furrowed together when she looked up and came face to face with Lauren's spoon. The green eyed girl giggled, jutting out her bottom lip.
Tentatively, Camila opened her mouth, taking the small spoonful of froyo into her own mouth. Lauren laughed softly, picking off the gummy bears and setting them aside. She knew Camila wouldn't want to eat them.
Camila didn't eat much, Lauren noticed. The smaller girl was more focused on scanning everyone around them. She was wary of every passing stranger, and the thought put Lauren on edge.
"Are you done?" Lauren broke the silence between them. Camila jumped, turning around to face the other girl. She nodded softly, biting her lip and hoping Lauren wouldn't be disappointed in her.
"Alright," the green eyed girl nodded softly. Camila followed behind her as they headed back to the car, still keeping an eye out for anything that could possibly cause them harm. Lauren noticed this, too.
"Not everyone is bad, y'know," Lauren spoke up as they pulled out of the parking lot. Furrowing her eyebrows, the smaller girl turned to face Lauren once more.
"You can't live your entire life trying to find the negative in everyone," Lauren explained, glancing over her shoulder as she backed out. "You'll drive yourself crazy that way."
"There's some much more good in the world. I mean, sometimes it takes a while to find, but it's there. You just have to look," Lauren nodded softly, stealing a glance at her wife once they were safely on the road.
"I was thinking about this the other day, actually," Lauren said shyly, glancing over at an attentive Camila. "If you break everything down, you're left with 'good'... and you're left with 'bad.'"
"But nothing will ever be 100% good, or 100% bad. Ever. So even if it seems like the world is crumbling down around you, there will still be at least 1% of... goodness out there," she reached out and took Camila's hand gently.
"And I guess they like to say that everything happens for a reason. It's hard to believe sometimes," she nodded softly. "But I mean... look at us, you know? I never thought I'd be here with you. Especially when all that shit happened in high school. So maybe all this bad is just here to make us appreciate the good a bit more."
Camila turned in her seat slightly and nodded. For now, that was enough for Lauren. She squeezed the smaller girl's hand as they pulled into their driveway.
"Do you wanna try and sleep?" Lauren asked, holding the door open and watching as Wolf scurried over to rub against Camila's legs. The smaller girl bent down to cradle him in her arms before turning to Lauren and tilting her head to the side.
"You haven't slept for like two days now, aren't you tired?" Lauren asked. Camila looked down at Wolf before shrugging.
Sighing, Lauren nodded. "Well, you should at least lay down for a little bit." She saw hesitation in Camila's face and quickly held up a finger. "I'm not taking no for an answer."
Camila sighed, following the older girl into the bedroom and setting Wolf down on the bed. The white cat immediately found his perch atop one of the pillows, yawning and stretching out.
"I'm just gonna be right in the living room, okay? I have some work to get done," Lauren reached out to smooth out Camila's hair, giving her a soft smile.
With a soft nod, Camila crawled onto the bed and immediately burrowed under the covers. Wolf tilted his head to the side and pawed at her arm, but Camila sighed and gently pushed him away.
Biting her lip, Lauren forced herself to turn off the lights and leave the smaller girl alone. Spotting her phone on the counter, she quickly grabbed it and snuck back into the room, turning on her music softly and placing it beside the bed before exiting the room for the second time.
With a heavy sigh, the green eyed girl retrieved her laptop and sat down on the couch, keeping an eye on the bedroom door just in case.
Realizing she didn't have her phone, she quickly searched around until she found Camila's. She dialed Toby's number, putting the phone on speaker and hurrying to check her emails. Her inbox was overflowing, seeing as to she hadn't done any work in a few days.
"You've reached Tobias the single father of one, how may I help you?"
Lauren rolled her eyes, leaning back in the couch and scrolling through her emails. "Where's Maia?"
"She went to visit her parents and left me with the kid for two days," Toby feigned annoyance. Lucas was making noises in the background, which caused Lauren to laugh softly. "Where have you been?"
"Oh right..." Lauren breathed out slowly and bit her lip. "Did you hear about the... you know...?"
"What?"
"The shooting," Lauren sighed, wincing at her words. There was silence on the other end of the line.
"Don't tell me it w-,"
"It was," Lauren interrupted him, wanting to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible. "She's not hurt. Just a little shaken up. Well, more than a little, but... yeah," she exhaled slowly.
"Well if you ever need something to do, you two can come over and entertain the devil baby," Toby joked, understanding that Lauren didn't want to talk about it much.
"I'll keep that in mind," Lauren laughed half-heartedly, scanning her emails once more. "So...."
"So..." Toby mimicked her, making Lucas laugh in the background.
"I was thinking for the Gagery project that we could get H-," Lauren began, but was interrupted.
"Woah, woah, woah, we're working?" Toby laughed. Lauren raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Dude, don't stress yourself out."
"It needs to be done," Lauren shook her head. "It's fine."
"No it's not," Toby rebutted. "Take a break, Laur. I can handle it from here. The Gagery project isn't even due for another month."
"But-,"
"I'm serious. Otherwise I'm gonna send Lucas over to slobber all over you," Toby laughed. Sighing, Lauren shut her laptop.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I can handle it for now, I promise," Toby laughed at Lauren's hesitancy. "Go... take a nap or something. Just give yourself a break."
"Thanks," Lauren laughed softly. After saying their goodbyes, the green eyed girl sighed, bringing her hands up to her forehead and rubbing at her temple. She, too, was exhausted.
Quietly, the green eyed girl tiptoed down the hallway and back into the bedroom. She silently celebrated when she found Camila asleep, one of her legs dangling off the bed. Wolf sat beside the smaller girl protectively, tilting his head to the side when he heard the door creak open.
Lauren remained silent, sitting down on her side of the bed and letting out the breath she'd been holding. Wolf padded over to her, sniffing her hand tentatively. Once he confirmed it was Lauren, he hopped off the bed and headed into the hallway, content that he had left Camila with someone trustworthy.
Sighing, the green eyed girl ran a hand through her hair. She felt the bed move behind her, but just as she was about to turn around, a pair of arms snaked around her waist.
The smaller girl scooted forward behind Lauren, resting her chin on the older girl's shoulder and sighing softly. Lauren was frozen for a few seconds, shocked by Camila's actions.
"Did I wake you up?" Lauren asked softly, turning her head slightly to try and look at the girl. Camila just shrugged, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the older girl's.
"I love you," Lauren whispered, letting out a tired sigh when Camila didn't respond. She caught sight of their reflection in the mirror and bit her lip.
Gently, Camila moved one of her hands to find Lauren's, slowly tracing a heart on the back of her palm. She lifted her head to see if the older girl understood.
Lauren glanced down at their hands and then over at Camila, smiling softly. She took the younger girl's hand in hers, repeating the action by tracing a heart on her palm before kissing it, gently curling Camila's fingers into a fist.
Yeah, things would get better.
--
a/n: there's hopeeeeeee
also, quick reminder that there won't be an update tomorrow bc i'm spending part of the weekend at my friend's house. (with her weird cousin who thinks flirting consists of making fun of something god help me) but anyway, just wanted to give you a heads up
as always, have a wonderful wonderful day and be nice to yourselves
- lena (lenajfc on twitter, tendermoonlight on tumblr)