When I was seventeen, a young lanky boy I had grown up with suddenly told me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and that he wanted to marry me. I was the perfect age of marriage and although I had gotten many requests from the people around my village, this particular boy, Heng, was someone I was willing to marry. He was average looking, but he had a pure heart and a beautiful soul.
I had grown to love him and when we were eighteen, he told me that he would marry me after the war was over, when he had his own position in the army and when he could provide for me. Although I was old enough to marry, I agreed and we promised that we would marry after the war. There were people that wanted to take over the empire—a rebellion led by a pompous man named Lu Hai. The rebellion was dying down and it wouldn't take long before it completely withered away, so Heng was ambitious and wanted to join and earn a title for himself.
One year later a man named Drakkon Meilin joined the war and took Lu Hai's position. That was the same year that Heng, my betrothed, was killed in battle, and the following year, the ambitious Drakkon Meilin took the throne, killing the royal family and coating his reign in blood.
I couldn't marry anyone the following year and before I knew it, I was twenty-two and unmarried, much too old for a regular virgin. No one wanted to marry me from my village since there were rumors that I had lost my virginity to Heng and that I was too old to have children, and because of that, I stopped hoping for a marriage and focused on taking care of my family.
I had given up on marriage, until Drakkon Meilin told me he would take me as his wife.
"Can you believe that she will be the wife of the emperor?" one of the servants murmured to the other as she straightened out my bed.
It was odd to be talked about so much. The palace had erupted in confusion, jealousy, and awe when it was announced that I would be Meilin's wife, not concubine.
"Wife? I heard about that," the older one muttered. "But soon after, he'll have a harem of concubines and no one will care." She sighed. "Men always do that. Never satisfied with one woman."
Although she meant no ill, it struck my heart that I wouldn't be cherished as a one and only. It was the sad truth; the emperor would most likely choose a couple concubines later on and I would have to endure it. I had no say in the matter of whether he kept concubines or not. It was his right as emperor and as a man to have as many women as he needed.
"Excuse me," I asked the ladies, both of whom had stiffened and were watching me with wide eyes, as if they didn't realize that I had heard everything. "How long until the emperor comes and fetches me?"
It had been almost two weeks since the emperor had told me that he would make me his wife. I hadn't seen him after that and other than the change of rooms, nothing had changed. He hadn't talked to me, called for me, or even sent word to me. I had been eating alone in my room and I spent my afternoons by myself, staring out the window as I contemplated my life.
I felt like a prisoner.
"His Majesty is a busy man," the younger one said.
"My dear, he's the emperor," the older one said with a loud sigh. "He has other meetings and people to attend to and he most likely hasn't thought much about you. You will be sent to him once he's tired and needs a bed to warm."
My shoulders dropped at her comment and I felt a bitterness in the back of my throat. Was I to be treated as a mere bed warmer from now on? Was I nothing more than a pretty face and a good lay for him? A complacent little rabbit?
"He will either take you whenever he sees fit or . . ." the younger one trailed on. "He will wait until the wedding night."
He hadn't even set a wedding date so I doubted the latter.
After a moment, the two of them curtsied and left the room, leaving me alone once more. I stared off out the window and dreamt of possibilities. What if I had been born into a different empire? Or what if Heng never died in battle? What would my life be like then? I had loved Heng and although he rarely touched me, I had told myself that he was the one that I would allow to sleep with me, since I planned on marrying him.
He had died five years ago and I had moved on from him, but I couldn't stop wondering what life would've been like if we had married. Would we have children? If so, how many? Would Heng love me even after marriage, or would he chase after other pretty women?
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and the beautiful Jia stepped inside my room, her eyes bright and her smile even brighter. She was as lovely and chipper as the first time I had seen her and this time, her eyes were all on me.
"Hello, I'm Jia," she said upon entering. "We met in the room with all the other women?"
I nodded and smiled. "Yes, I remember. My name is Yin Daiyu."
"Nice to meet you, Daiyu," she said as she came towards where I was sitting. She plopped down on the spot across from me and snapped her fingers at the women trailing behind her. "Tea, please, young women."
Once the tea was poured and served, Jia sipped on it and watched me with pretty eyes, her smile evident from the cup she was sipping from.
"You're about to be Meilin's wife," Jia said after gulping down the tea. "It's exciting, isn't it? Getting married and all. Especially since Meilin is so gorgeous."
My smile faltered. I had been excited six years ago when I thought I was going to marry Heng, but this time was different. This time I wasn't sure what my betrothed's feelings towards me were, and I didn't know him personally. Also, I didn't love him. All those factors made it hard to be excited.
"Aren't you excited?" She frowned when she saw my expression.
"I—" I faked a smile and bobbed my head. "It's an honor."
She watched me for a moment before reaching forward and patting my hand. "Don't worry too much about it, all will be better once you're actually married. You must be really nervous, right? Although Meilin is beautiful, he's also very reputable for being a crazy, bloodthirsty, and merciless man. It's only natural that you fear him and this marriage."
All color drained from my face and I stared down at my tea. Did I wear my expressions that clearly on my face? I would be hanged if the emperor heard of this.
"Don't worry, though. Meilin won't hurt you." She smiled widely. "Think of it this way, who looks friendlier, General Fang or Emperor Meilin?"
To be honest, although both were equally as terrifying, at least Meilin didn't have a grim look on his face that told me he would kill me if I breathed the wrong way. Even though Meilin had a cunning look about him, one that showed that he was most likely ten times more cruel than General Fang, Meilin looked somewhat friendlier—though that wasn't saying much.
"Emperor Meilin is very intimidating and it's only when he smiles the slightest that he looks a little bit friendly," I answered honestly. "General Fang, on the other hand, looks as unfriendly as a stone wall. I don't think his face knows how to smile."
Jia laughed out loud at that, her eyes twinkling with mirth as she slapped the ground. It was un-ladylike but she didn't seem to care. After she composed herself, she bobbed her head in agreement. "He has that expression, doesn't he? The one where it looks like he'll kill you? I swear, I thought I was the only one that thought he never smiled."
"He looks like he's always angry," I lamented. "Or at least that's what I heard. I've only seen him that one time with you."
"Yes, Fang always looks angry. It's just his face, I guess," she said with a grin. "He's a handsome fellow, but how can anyone think of attractiveness when he looks like he's about to murder you?" She giggled. "I swear, he's such a downer."
She spoke of him so casually that I couldn't help but ask. "What's your relationship with General Fang?"
Jia smiled widely and blushed, red tingeing her cheeks and lighting up her face. "We're married."
I almost choked on my tea. "M-Married?"
"Yes," she said with a bob. "It's been a little over three years."
By the way she was talking about him, it didn't seem like they were married, but the way she was blushing said otherwise. She was deeply in love with him, that was what her face said.
"He's the first person I've learned to truly love. Puppy love was always around me, but true love usually only comes once," Jia said happily, her cheeks rosy. She drank a little bit of her tea before setting it down. "Have you ever been in love, Daiyu?"
I stared down at my hands before nodding slowly. "Yes, once. We were supposed to marry but then . . . he joined the imperial army and was killed in the Battle of Dragon Lake."
Jia's eyes widened. "Meilin was in that battle, as was Fang and Hai. It's a famous battle since Meilin fought off hundreds of soldiers."
I smiled sadly. "He said he wanted to bring back a position when the war was over. The war was only suppose to take a year or two . . . "
"But then Meilin joined one and a half years into the war and finished it another one and a half years later," Jia finished for me.
"Yes." I had moved on from Heng and his sweet smiles, the way he would ask to hold my hand and then gently take it. I had told myself that our moments together were chaste and kind, but that he was now a memory. Still, thinking of him hurt a little bit.
"Do you hold resentment for Meilin?" Jia asked me slowly as she scrutinized me carefully.
It would've been easier to blame him for everything, like everyone did. He was the ferocious and frightening usurper, who burned paintings and statues of the previous royal family, and forced many people to poverty, but it wasn't his fault that Heng died. Heng was a soldier and he knew what he was getting himself into when he joined the war.
"No," I answered truthfully. "Even if Emperor Meilin himself killed Heng, I wouldn't blame him for it. They both were soldiers in that battle and neither side cares for who they're killing, as long as it's the enemy. It was no personal fight, so I can't blame the emperor."
"But if Meilin hadn't joined the war, he wouldn't have died."
"Yes, but Heng knew what he was doing when he joined the army. He knew that there was a chance he would die."
Jia watched me for a moment before the corner of her lip rose. "You're very mature, Daiyu, you know that?"
I laughed and shook my head. "It's because I have five younger siblings to take care of."
"Five siblings?"
"Five younger siblings and two older brothers," I told her. "And you, Jia? Do you have siblings?"
She bobbed her head. "Yes, one older sister and one younger brother."
We began chatting about little things concerning our siblings, and before I knew it, my tea was finished and I was genuinely laughing at something she was saying. In moments, I forgot the sadness of losing Heng and the loneliness of being in the Palace.
"Don't you ever wonder about how Meilin rose to power at such a young age?" Jia asked curiously, though by the look in her eyes, I knew she already knew the answer. "Don't you ever wonder? Think about it, he looks younger than you."
It was true, Meilin looked a year or two younger than me, but if he took the empire four years ago, he must've been even younger. It was hard to imagine a young man of seventeen or eighteen taking charge of an entire army and usurping the royal family.
"He must be . . . talented," I said with a shrug.
"Right? But you should ask him about his age, he's actually much older than you think," she said. "Also, can we just stop and say that he is extremely beautiful?"
Color flushed my cheeks and I bobbed my head. "He is, but he's also just as cruel, isn't he?"
Jia seemed to think for a moment before nodding in agreement. "He loves teasing people and Fang told me he's pretty merciless in the battle field. Still, his beauty has no bounds."
"Yes, that's true." He was possibly the most attractive person I had ever laid eyes on. The rumors of him being exceedingly beautiful were true. "But he's just as cruel."
"You've heard about the remaining royal family, haven't you? The three princess and two princes he allowed to live?"
Everyone knew about that, the younger brothers and the sisters of the previous royal family were allowed to live, but one of the princesses was killed during captivity. Some say she killed herself after the torture and rape she had endured at the hands of Meilin's soldiers, while others said that Meilin himself killed her as an example in front of her siblings because she tried to run away.
"The oldest sister, though many believe Meilin killed her, actually killed herself," Jia said with a wave. "Meilin let her live and what does she do? She kills herself."
"But what if she was tortured and raped?"
She furrowed her brows together as if she never thought of that. "I don't think so. Meilin said not to touch them or go near them. He didn't want anything to do with them and he wanted them killed, but he said he didn't want to kill women and children, so he let them live. He wouldn't allow the princesses to be raped."
"I . . . suppose."
"Meilin is quite fond of one of the little princes, and likewise the little prince loves him," Jia mused. "Do not assume that he's nothing more than a ruthless emperor. Did you know that once he took over the palace, killed the royal family, and all was settled, that he wanted Hai to become the emperor?"
I paled at the way she casually talked about the Dragon murdering the royal family. Refusing the throne was, however, surprising. After all, why lead the rebel army and at the last second, push the throne to someone else? That clearly meant that he wasn't striving for power when he took over the Huo empire.
"Lu Hai, the man that had previously ruled over the rebel army?"
"Yes, he's now a general like Fang." She smiled. "He's a really nice and funny person. Very cheerful, you know."
"I don't understand why Emperor Meilin would refuse the throne at the last second."
"I don't understand either, but it just goes to show you that his actions for taking over the empire wasn't for his own selfish desires. He truly believed the previous emperor to be inept."
"Still, he did kill the emperor and the emperor's oldest sons," I pointed out.
"Yes, but that is war."
Still, it wasn't easy to dismiss bloodshed that effortlessly. It was horrifying to think of what my betrothed was capable of.