Life as Han Jisung from Stray Kids was pretty great.
You might think it wasn't, that it just looked that way from the outside, but that didn't really apply to Jisung.
From his own perspective, he was a handsome young guy with a brilliant brain and a really good body who, if his insecurities or anxiety didn't get in the way, usually did great at whatever he set out to do. Anything other than some sports maybe.
He worked and lived with a group of people he loved, made a lot of money doing something he was passionate about, and had tons of fans. It couldn't get much better than that.
Well, it could... if they won more awards and got even more famous. They were working on that.
But lately, something felt... off.
A vague emptiness lingered in the back of Jisung's mind, though he couldn't quite place why.
It wasn't about being busy or not having enough time for himself.
It wasn't about lack of love in his busy schedule either. He was living his dreams and was more than satisfied with his loneliness.
He had been good with everyone lately. His family, the members, everyone.
If this had been back in their pre-debut days, he probably would've blamed whatever this feeling was on those random fights he used to have with Hyunjin. But Hyunjin had become one of the reasons he laughed and had fun so much these past few years, one of the people who made things lighter without even trying.
Sometimes he wondered if maybe his anxiety was creeping back in, but it didn't feel the same. If anything, he just found himself missing their fans more than usual, wanting to see them, talk to them, feel that connection again.
The songs he'd been writing lately sounded right to him. Which, considering how perfectionist he could get, meant a lot. And dancing felt easier too, his body looser from all the hours he'd been spending at the gym.
Maybe it was about Minho.
Or maybe Jisung was overthinking everything like he always did.
Jisung was Minho's favorite dongsaeng.
Or at least, that's what he liked to believe.
He considered himself Minho's best friend, soulmate, and everything Minho needed in a person—for a lifetime of never-ending peace and happiness.
Minho wasn't the only friend Jisung had in the group, but he was definitely the only one who made him feel this kind of important and seen. Not because he paid attention to him, not exactly. Chan was known for being caring in the industry, and honestly, that reputation wasn't wrong. Felix, too, was just naturally touchy with all his friends. Jisung probably flirted the most with Felix and Hyunjin out of everyone. Well... after Minho. But that was normal because Minho was the biggest flirt in the group anyway.
The thing that made it feel different with Minho was that he just... didn't do this with people. He rarely paid this much attention to anyone. It was rare for him to let someone joke around with him this much. Rare for him to just go along with something without being the one who started it. Rare for him to talk to someone this much or care for someone like he cared about Jisung. Minho didn't let anyone get away with as much as he let Jisung. And it wasn't like Jisung had done anything in particular to earn those privileges. He had just... kept being Jisung. And apparently, that had been enough for Minho to feel like he was someone different or special.
Maybe it was after seeing that fanart.
That hyper-realistic, too detailed fanart, depicting him and Minho, kissing.
They were kissing!
At first, it was just curiosity. A joke, even.
But curiosity became late-night scrolling. Then watching fan edits with heart-thumping transitions that felt too real.
Once he started realizing it, it was too late to stop whatever he was doing.
Of course, he knew they existed. They had been shipped together since debut. Their dynamic was popular, so much so that their company even encouraged certain interactions on camera. It was all part of the industry. Fans wanted something to believe in.
Still, something about seeing it all from an outsider's perspective felt... different.
But he didn't talk about it with Minho. They could laugh at those fanarts together but he just kept it to himself. Because Jisung found out that it didn't feel like a joke to him. Not anymore.
"It's hard for me to imagine you with a girl."
Jisung had said it casually, two months later, during a late-night ramen run. Minho had barely reacted, sipping his broth with that unreadable smirk.
"Is it easy for you to imagine yourself with me, jagi?"
Jisung had laughed it off like he always did.
"Of course. We're made for each other. Were you planning on cheating on me with a girl or something?"
"No. No one can replace you and your perfect ass."
The teasing had always been like this, effortless, natural. Just part of who they were. Just part of their friendship.
But Jisung hated their jokes for the first time.
He hated the fact that he wished they weren't joking.
It was during a movie night that Minho came out.
The moment itself had been casual. The group was sprawled across the dorm's couch, half-focused on the screen as a gay couple shared a kiss in the film they were watching. Typical Netflix movies. Someone had made an offhand comment about it, and Minho, in his usual bluntness, had shrugged.
"I like guys. I guess I liked them even before knowing I like cats."
Just like that.
The group started laughing.
No dramatic pause. No nervous stuttering. As if Minho was commenting on the weather.
Felix barely blinked. He'd come out as bisexual a year after their debut. He didn't even announce it to them. He just showed his crush's picture and they figured it out. Changbin, never one to take anything too seriously, snorted.
"Good to know. Just don't hit on me, dude. I'm taken by Hyunjin."
Hyunjin frowned. "Since when? I don't even like..."
Changbin shrugged. "Since now. We're gonna get married, love."
Hyunjin clicked his tongue, looking away. "I hate you all."
Laughter. Teasing. The moment passed.
But something inside Jisung tightened.
"Why didn't you tell me first?"
Jisung had asked him later, after everyone had gone to bed.
Minho hesitated. "I didn't plan on saying anything at all. Changbin saw me with someone he knew at a cafe, so... figured it was time. I still don't know how the hell he has more gay friends than I do. I don't have many friends, though... but still..."
Something in the way he said it made Jisung's throat feel tight. The way he was trying to keep talking made him feel even worse.
Jisung was still sad, but not because of Minho being gay, or not because Minho didn't tell him he was gay.
"Hannie, does this... new information make you... you know..."
"Hyung..."
For the first time in his life, Jisung forced himself to be serious for something other than his job.
"Nothing could ever change how I feel about you. Unless you kill or rape someone. That's a different story."
Minho huffed out a laugh, tension melting from his shoulders. "You're an idiot. I can't promise I won't do the first one, though."
Jisung shook his head with a sigh. "You'll always be my best friend and soulmate. No matter how many dicks you see more than me. I've seen three. Mine, my hyung's and Chan hyung's. He used to sleep all naked when we were trainees."
Minho let out a laugh at that, smacking Jisung's arm. "I didn't need to know that. I'm imagining it now..."
"Yeah, that sucked. And let me tell you that you're still the most handsome hyung I've ever had. Just don't let Hyunjin know I said that."
That night, Jisung couldn't sleep.
Why did Minho coming out made his chest ache? Jisung hated how much he thought about it.
It didn't make sense. He liked girls. He was sure of it. Cute, soft girls with pretty voices and sweet perfumes. The kind he always imagined himself with. The kind he used to crush on back in high school.
So why the hell did Minho make him feel like this?
It started small. Just a weird thrill whenever Minho watched him during practice. He was their dance leader and one of their choreographers, so of course he watched them.
Or when Minho smiled when Jisung did or said something stupid. He looked at him so fondly and... beautifully. Jisung never looked at the face he made more than three seconds, because he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to look away until he weirded Minho out.
Whenever Minho smacked his ass, laughing like it was nothing, Jisung always rolled his eyes, played along, shoved him back, but deep down? He liked it. More than he should.
Then came the other moments. The way Minho's hands felt when he adjusted Jisung's posture during choreography, fingers firm against his waist or gripping his shoulders. The way Minho, without thinking, would sometimes grab him by the hips when passing by in the crowded dressing room. Every touch lingered. Every touch made something tighten in Jisung's gut.
At first, he told himself it was just nerves. Stress, even. But stress didn't explain why his body reacted the way it did. Why he felt his face heat up when Minho stretched in front of him, sweat clinging to his skin after a long practice. Why his eyes always drifted down—down to Minho's thighs, strong and thick from years of dance.
The kind of thighs that could hold someone up.
The kind of thighs Jisung wanted to feel.
The thought had hit him one night, late and restless in bed, phone screen dimmed as he scrolled through things he wasn't supposed to be looking at. He'd watched guys together before. Just curiosity after finding out that Felix liked a guy. But that night, it was different. Because when he closed his eyes, it wasn't a girl or even some random gay porn actor in his head. It was Minho. Minho beneath him, Minho's hands gripping his waist, Minho's voice low in his ear as Jisung moved against him, Minho giving him all of his attention and telling him no one can replace Jisung and his perfect ass.
He came embarrassingly fast to the thought, breath hitching in the dark, a quiet, shameful mess.
But it didn't stop there.
Then, whenever Minho touched him, too casually, too easily, Jisung couldn't help but imagine more. What it would feel like if Minho wasn't just teasing. If he meant it. If he actually meant whatever he said. If he acted on it.
Jisung groaned into his pillow each time, frustrated beyond belief. This wasn't normal. This wasn't how he was supposed to feel.
Minho wasn't even trying, and Jisung was losing his mind.
And Minho slept around.
It wasn't a secret anymore.
He was careful, of course. Nothing scandalous, nothing messy, but Jisung wasn't an idiot. Minho flirted with dancers, stylists, even other idols.
It shouldn't bother him.
It shouldn't.
But it did.
Once, after a long day of schedules, Minho had casually mentioned taking Jisung and Seungmin to a new restaurant for a Racha Log.
It was nice. The food was great, the atmosphere cozy.
After they finished filming, Minho pulled out his phone and dialed a number. "I'm going outside to call my friend and thank him. He owns the restaurant."
Jisung suddenly lost his appetite.
Seungmin, however, was more direct. As soon as Minho came back, he raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't know you were into business men. He's what? Forty?"
Minho scoffed. "He's so soft and sweet and likes food. We're the same age so we hung out sometimes."
Seungmin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay, whatever you say."
Jisung didn't ask what hung out meant. He didn't want to know.
But something bitter curled in his chest.
That wasn't the first time Minho had mentioned his fuck buddies.
Jisung couldn't find a better name for them.
One night, after finishing his lyrics before Changbin, as always, and being told by Chan to go rest, Jisung went to Minho's shared dorm with Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin. All he wanted was to crash on Minho's bed, steal his snacks, and lose himself in the anime they'd been watching. Anything to escape the mess in his head.
He entered the password, kicked off his shoes, and—
"Fuck... you're so hot."
Jisung froze.
That voice didn't belong to any of his groupmates.
It was coming from the hallway.
"No kissing, remember?"
This time, a very familiar voice spoke up.
Jisung's breath caught in his throat.
This couldn't happen...