It's important to take the time
to tell the people you love,
how much you love them...
—Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
____________________________________
KATIE
NOVEMBER // 4 MONTHS EARLIER
"Finnegan Jameson Hawthorne, you have exactly thirty seconds to get your little butt down these stairs!" Nora shouted, one hand cupped against the side of her mouth as she leaned against the bannister. I looked up from my book to see Finn hopping down the stairs moments later.
"I've been try to tie this thing forever." He held up a red bowtie that had little powder blue squares on dotting it. I watched as Nora knelt down to tie it, her eyes level with his.
"There, now you look fit for a party."
"Do I look dapper?" Finn looked up at her.
"Incredibly dapper." She touched his head. "You know... Nana and Papa are here." She said with a sly smile before heading back into the kitchen to check on dinner.
"Katie, come on." Finn dragged me off of the couch before I even had time to protest.
"There's the man of the hour!" Dad said as we walked into the living room. Finn ran over to two people who I could only assume were Nana and Papa, but I wasn't sure if they were mine or not. I watched as he threw himself into their arms. "Hi, sweat pea." Dad smiled at me.
"Hi," I didn't really know what else to say because there was so much happening right now. Typically, 'grandparents' and 'overstimulation' don't belong in the same sentence, but that law didn't apply to me since I hadn't seen them since I was eight and my memory of them was fuzzy at best.
"Holy cow, you shot up like a beanstalk!" the older gentleman said as he made his way over to me and pulled me into a hug. And right then, I remembered. That hug reminded me of cigar smoke and back scratches, stolen cookies from the cookie jar and mini-golf.
I hugged him back. "Papa," I mumbled into his chest.
"Long time no see, kid," He said to me, and I hoped he was glaring at my dad. I pulled away from the hug to find that he and Nana were both shooting daggers at Dad. Good.
"Wait, Katie," Finn said.
"Yeah, Finny?" I looked over at the little boy sitting on the arm of one of the couches.
"These are your grandparents too?" he asked. I nodded. "Oh my gosh, we share grandparents?" Clearly this whole idea of being related was quite perplexing to him.
I laughed. "Well, we are related."
"Are you and Ava related?" Finn asked in the most innocent way possible.
I opened my mouth to reply, when thankfully, Ava saved me. "Of course we are, Finnegan." Her hand slipped into mine for a brief moment and I gave it a squeeze.
I decided that grandparents were a new concept to me. I mean, they were and they weren't. The grandparents on Mum's side died before I was born and I had very few memories of the ones on Dad's side. Before Papa hugged me, I didn't have a problem with that, but as soon as he let go, I found myself wishing for more jelly-donuts on Sunday mornings and half-finished crossword puzzles. There was a pit deep in my stomach filled with resentment, towards Finn of all people—so innocent—he didn't realize how lucky he was to have a family, grandparents and snuggles included.
"Happy Birthday, sweetheart." Nana opened her arms, a warm smile gracing her face. I was pretty sure this was the part where I was supposed walk into them and hug her.
"You remembered?" I asked, as the pieces started to float together as to why Nana and Papa were here.
"Your grandmother never forgets anything, Katie," he said in a worn voice, like those words had left his mouth one too many times. I glanced over to see a devilish sparkle in his eyes, almost as if he couldn't wait to tell people.
"Nana, did you bring chocolate chip cookies?" Finn asked from my Dad's lap.
"I brought Katie's favorite cookies: oatmeal raisin. After all, we're not celebrating you today Mr. Finn, now are we?" she laughed.
"I think we should celebrate me everyday." Finn stretched out only to have Dad tickle him.
"Oh, we do, buddy, every other day of the year." Dad laughed.
"Except for my birthday," Ava said, glancing up from her phone, no doubt she was texting Charlie.
"You remembered?" I asked again in dismay.
"She never forgets anything, K." Ava furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Weren't you just listening?"
"Just another reason to celebrate me." Finn's cheeked reddened.
"Oh shush, Finnegan, will you?" Ava said, a smile playing on her lips as she motioned for him to come sit next to her.
"Dinner's ready, guys," Nora walked out with chicken covered in some sort of sauce. My mouth started watering in the best of ways.
"Is that what I think it is?" I asked Ava, too afraid to ask Nora.
"Chicken piccata?" A smile crept onto her face. "Yep," she sighed a content sigh.
"I love chicken piccata," I told her.
"Yeah I know, that's why Mom made it," she said as we sat down for dinner.
△
"Oh, Katie! Open mine next!" Finn said to me from across the table. He bounced around excitedly in his seat, like if he had to wait another minute longer, he would fall out of his chair, or end up opening the present for me.
I had to laugh at that and reached for a present that could only be wrapped by a five-year-old. I tore the wrapping paper off somewhat delicately, but nothing could compare to how delicate I held the framed crayon drawing in my hands. I didn't say thank you, like I knew I should, even though I wanted to so badly. I didn't hug Finn or smile. I just stared at the disproportional, very colorful people drawn by Finn.
Finn didn't seem to notice because he went on and described his handiwork to me. "Ok, so, Mom is the tall purple lady with the glass of wine."
"Seems fitting." Nora nodded, her hand wrapped around an actual wine glass.
"And then you're next to her in the orange. Then comes me. And then Ava And then Dad is on the outside with his clipboard. He's smiling because he's with us, but obviously if he was at practice, he would have an angry look on his face and yelling something like, 'you worthless bums! Skate faster!'" Finn stood up on his chair to imitate Dad and everyone laughed at that. I was still mesmerized by the picture. "That's our family." Finn said more quietly as he sat back down in his seat.
"You ok, Katie?" Ava whispered, so only I could hear.
"Uh-huh." I barely nodded, before retreating into my mind.
There was that word: Family. I'd always questioned what it meant and how I was supposed to interpret it. But now I knew. Family was your little brother waking you up at 6am so he would have someone to watch Saturday morning cartoons with, and most importantly, snuggle. Family was your totally unbiological sister saving you from last period so the two of you could go shopping, because there was a secret sale that only she knew about. Family was the woman—who didn't have to be a mom to you, but did anyways—reading over your English papers and making sure you were home by a certain time on school nights so everyone could eat dinner together. Most importantly, family was the man who left you with your alcoholic mother, but had enough of a conscience and guilt to come back for you and make things right. And to top things off, he was pretty good at the whole being-a-dad thing so far. That was what family was, at least to me anyways.
"I love our family," I said, my voice cracking slightly. A tear attempted to spill over, but I wiped it away before it even had the chance. I felt Ava's hand on my leg, steadying me and a moment later Finn crawled into my lap.
"We love you too, kiddo." My dad said. When I looked up, he smiled at me. A real dad smile.
"Katie, open Papa's present next. He gives really good presents." Finn looked up at me, and I could only hug him a little tighter.
"I don't know if I'm gonna be able to top yours, Finny." Papa smiled as Nana reached for a gift with light green wrapping paper.
"This paper is so pretty," I said, running my fingers along the little rabbits that were jumping across. "I always loved rabbits."
"Never forgets." Finn and Ava said at the same time and the whole table laughed.
Just as I was tearing the wrapping paper off, someone knocked on the door. I stopped, one hand still clutching the paper, the other wrapped around Finn. He looked up at me again and I shrugged.
Dad stood up and went to the door. "Where's my daughter?" I heard the slurred, drunken words of my mother's voice. There was no denying that. "I wanna see her." The volume increased. "Kate!" She called. "You let me see her, Michael." I set Finn down and stood up. "Kate!"
"Dad?" I asked as I walked around the corner.
"Katie, go back into the dining room." He ordered me, and when he turned around, I could see the pain written clearly across his face. He pointed towards the room. If I hadn't felt so bad for him, I would have listened, but after seeing his face, I couldn't even move.
"Happy birthday, sweetheart." Mom said to me, leaning against the doorframe for support. She was clutching a bottle of something that made my stomach churn. I just stared at her, not saying anything.
"I think it's best if you leave." Dad wasn't moving. His large frame and athletic build practically blocked the entire door, which I was kind of glad for right now.
"You can't keep me from her!" She shook the bottle, spattering him with drops.
"You're doing that all by yourself." Dad said solemnly.
"I want to see her, Michael! It's her birthday. She needs to know how much I love her!" My mother wailed. I wasn't sure it she was crying or not.
"You can't see her. You're drunk." He stated plainly.
"Drunk?" she asked. "Drunk?" She swung her bottle some more and almost knocked the railing. "I am not drunk!"
"You showed up here with a bottle of only God knows what." Dad gestured.
"So I've had a little to drink. Who cares?"
"I care. You're daughter does. Everyone in this house cares." Michael put his hand against the door frame to make a statement.
"I want to see her." She still insisted.
Dad turned back to me to see me still standing there. I think a part of him knew I hadn't left. "Katie," he began, speaking to me in a careful manner, like he was walking on glass. "Do you want to see your mother?" he asked.
My bottom lip quivered and I shook my head. "N-n-no." I said, trying to remember how to breathe. "No," I repeated more sure of myself.
Dad nodded and turned back to the woman at the door. "She doesn't want to see you."
"You made her say that. That's ridiculous. Katie! You told her to say it! I want my daughter back! Katie!" My mother was now furiously screaming. So much so, that Dad stepped outside and closed the door.
"Katie, come on," Ava grabbed my hand and led me upstairs. "You don't need to see this."
△
I lied on my bed. Curled up into a ball. The unmistakable tapping of Dad's fingers drummed on my door before he walked in and sat down next to me. "Hey," he said.
"Hi."
"Crazy night, huh?"
"Something like that," I sighed.
"I'm sorry you had to see that." Dad put his hands on his knees.
"Why can't she get it together?" I looked over at him.
"I don't know, Katie." He frowned. "Some people can't do it by themselves. Some people just don't want to get it together."
"Why can't she go to rehab?" I sat up.
"She doesn't want to. It's voluntary." Dad shook his head. I had this strange feeling inside of me, like I missed my mom. But then I thought back to last February when I had shown up at 3am, looking for a place to stay because some strange man had crawled into bed with me. After thinking about it, I wish that feeling would have dissipated or melted into nothing, but it didn't. A part of me knew that living with Dad and Nora was for the better, even if I did miss her.
"What'd you think of everything else tonight, though?" Dad asked after a long bout of silence.
"Dinner was amazing, but the whole presents and cake part was kind of weird." I told him.
"Why?" he looked over.
"Well, the only presents Mom would get me for my birthday after you left were empty bottles," I said. I didn't even tell him about the whole 'no-cake' thing, because I figured he could make that assumption on his own.
"Well, in this house, we love presents and cake." He managed a small smile at me. I thought about how excited Finn was for tonight—it wasn't even his birthday—and I had to laugh. "The only person more excited for birthday and holidays than Finn, is me." He gave me a knowing look.
"That's not possible."
"Just you wait until Ava's birthday rolls around. You'll see." He smiled.
As much as I tried to suppress it, I ended up yawning. "Try not to let what happened tonight get to you too much." Dad rubbed my back. "Get some sleep, kiddo. It's late." He stood up, leaving me with Finn's picture.
"Night,"
"Good night." Dad closed my door.
I opened my laptop and pulled up the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries, which I missed due to tonight's festivities. Halfway through the episode, that strange feeling crept back into my stomach, but this time it wasn't because of my mom. It was because of Isabel. I could only imagine what she would say if we were watching the episode right now. Do not let her go, Damon! Just hug her and everything will be okay! She would be legit, standing up, screaming at the TV, as if yelling would somehow make Damon Salvatore hear her and change his mind. I smiled, but it was a sad smile. I kinda missed Isabel. I opened a new message on my phone to text her, but then I remembered that she probably wouldn't text back, or care for that matter. So, I put my phone down and just continued watching Damon screw up his life over a girl that he loved more than anything.