Oh, crap.
I wasn't prepared for this.
No, no, no. No.
Take it back!
What do I say what do I do I will I cry I don't know I don't know I don't know
"Uh..." June started.
"So, um, I had this roommate, right? Her name was Layla. She was in the popular crowd, you know? Didn't have an identity of her own. She just did what everyone wanted her to; she wasn't really my type. She used to host these annoying parties every weekend and I almost considered moving out.
"But one day, I came home from my classes and found her half dead; a trail of bleach leaking from her mouth. I didn't really know or even like Layla, but I couldn't let her die, so I took her to the hospital. I guess that was a real eye opener for her, because she stopped hanging out with those poisonous people, and we found more and more common things between us. Soon, living with her turned out to be the best decision of my life. We became closer than sisters; took better care of each other more than our mothers ever could.
"She turned her life completely around. Hell, she even scored higher than me. And "
She paused here to take a deep breath and fail to blink away tears.
"She signed up for sailing lessons for both of us. She promised me that we would travel the whole world together. She gave me, um, this gold locket shaped like a globe, and it was the cutest thing ever. Yeah.
I don't know what happened. I don't know where I went wrong. I just... Don't. But she went on a camping trip one weekend, and just never came back-"
June broke off here. She just couldn't continue. She had gotten to that stage stage of crying where each breath of hers was shaky and hesitant. She covered her face. Luke didn't need to see her ugly crying face.
Awkward didn't even begin to describe what Luke was feeling. He suddenly got very conscious of himself; where should he put his hands? What angle should his frown be set at?
But now her face was covered, so it didn't really matter anymore. Why would she hide her face? He thought. Is she not comfortable enough around me?
Luke didn't know how to react; if he was in his hometown and this happened, he would just get up, leave, and never see that person again. But he and June were the only two people on the island, plus she was crying. He couldn't just up and leave. So he stayed, and just sat there silently.
June was so thankful that Luke wasn't saying anything, even though he was visibly uneasy. She was so glad that he knew how valuable his silence was. Luke was so sensitive, and that made June's heart warm. He understood her.
Luke just didn't understand women. But he needed to pretend like he did, because apparently that's something they like. Being understood. But if they liked it so much, why did they make it so damn hard? Why couldn't June just choose one emotion to feel at a time?
June's tears finally stopped, and her hands came away from her face. Her face was flushed and blotchy, and she kept sniffling.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized with a sad smile.
Luke got flustered. He told her in his mind: don't apologise. Tears are naturally produced in your body; you have every right to let them free when you choose.
"Oh, you don't need to apologise to me." was all he ended up saying.
"So," June continued shakily, "where was I?"
"You don't have to continue if-"
"No," she interrupted. "I want to."
"Oh, yeah. So she went on a camping trip, and when she didn't come back, I got worried. She had thousands of friends, and I didn't know who she went with. I called the cops, and they took no time at all to figure out what happened. They found her in a pool of blood, her wrists slashed and a knife in one hand. She had so many dreams, aspirations, and she didn't get to fulfill any of them. And the worst part is, it's all her own fault. So I decided to work, buy a little sailboat, and travel the world; just like she wanted. I won competitions and all that, but I still ended up getting caught in a stupid storm. It just really made me question... Everything. I thought I knew Layla, but I didn't. I thought I knew sailing, but it turns out I don't. I thought I knew myself, but I don't. And I don't know how to feel about that."
"I'm so sorry." Luke said with sadness in his eyes.
"Don't be. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."
"You know what, though? Layla's gone now, and no matter what you do, you can't change that. There's nothing selfish in forgetting her. I know that you think you don't know yourself, but you don't really need to; in fact, you won't know yourself until you're 90 and in your deathbed. The things that happen to you are the cause, and you, as this amazing individual, are the effect. You happened because of something, and you can only truly know yourself when you remember each and everything that happened in your life, and remember how you responded to them all."
Great, Luke thought. Now she's gonna think I'm the preachy type. She'll never want to talk to me, in fear of a life lesson.
June was surprised, to say the absolute least. She had always thought of Luke as a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and to see him sprouting monologues like this left June speechless. In her mind, Luke was one step closer to the wall she had built. And if he got closer, he might even break it.
Luke apologised. "I'm sorry for that."
"What?" June questioned. "That was the most heartfelt thing ever. In fact, I should be the one apologising, for being such an oaf with words."
That earned a small laugh.
"But seriously, though," Luke got serious for a minute. "I absolutely believe in what I just said. And even if you don't know yourself, I'll be more than happy to do it for you."
------***------
Luke started to notice things. How June's eyes got wide and her voice got all high when she talked about something she was passionate about. And her eyes, her eyes were so beautiful. They were a vibrant green, with black lining the irises. She looked so natural there, amidst all the ocean, sand, rocks, trees, birds and wind; standing there in her dirty white cotton shirt and black basketball shorts. A patchwork of colors, in a patchwork of nature.
June didn't once think of going back to her island. Everything she had there was here, and more. So much more. More brown hair with hazel eyes, more faded brown t-shirts, more warmth, and more man. Why would she ever go back?
But June was starting to see the flaws in him. And she didn't know why it didn't occur to her before that Luke had flaws? Everyone had them. But sometimes, the way he dawdled everywhere annoyed her, and so did the fact that he would turn to June before making decisions. They were nothing major, but they irritated her nonetheless.
Luke didn't know why he felt that he still needed to make sure that June would stay as comfortable as possible, so that she would never think of leaving. That was always a thing hovering over him, walking one step ahead of him, and stepping on his heels when he tried to run. So he asked June before he did anything that concerned her, and Luke knew that it irritated June. He could see it flicker across her eyes sometimes. It was a tough habit to break, but he just had to do it.
------***------
"You know what?" June randomly asked Luke one day, as they were sitting under the trees on a hot afternoon.
"What?" he answered with mock suspicion.
"You never told me why you came here."
"Yeah, I did."
"No, you didn't. All you said was that you came of your own choice. You never said why."
"Whoops," he said, throwing his arms up in defeat. "You got me."
"Quit beating around the bush!" she replied, lightly punching his arm.
"Okay, okay!" he finally gave up. "You really wanna know?" After receiving an enthusiastic nod from June, he started:
"My backstory's nowhere near as interesting as yours, but here goes. I had a really good job; I went to Harvard, I almost made CEO, had an amazing apartment, everything. But then, slowly, I started realising that Harvard is so overrated. The necessity of having a good job is overrated. Life in a corporate world is overrated. I kept asking myself, in a perfect world, what would you do? How would you live?
I realized that I didn't even have enough self discipline to care of a dog, if I ever had to. What kind of a person did that make me? I took a vacation to Laos a little after my 'epiphany'. Life there is so simple that it's terrifying. In my world, I was a lion; I intimidated everyone I met with my wealth and power. But in Laos? There, I was just the idiot white man, who didn't know the language or land, and disrespected the culture on every possible occasion. I had no hold over people there, and I thought, "this is how I wanna live. I wanna be invisible." What better way to become invisible than come to an island that no one knows about?"
"Almost no one," June corrected.
"I'm sorry, almost no one."
"So how did you get here?" she asked Luke.
"I bribed my man Pepe to take me here." he said. "But he left, just like everyone else in my life." he added with mock sadness.
"Aw, let me dry your tears for you," June said sarcastically.
A minute of silence.
"So," June continued. "CEO, huh? You know, I just realized, I don't know how old you are."
Luke blushed lightly. "27."
June guffawed. "Wow. That's... Wow."
"Hey, if you're gonna make fun of me-"
"Alright, alright!" she said with a laugh. "It's just that, I'm almost 25 and all I've accomplished is getting shipwrecked on an island."
"Hey, if you weren't shipwrecked, I would never have met you, and I would be all alone." he replied. "But I probably would be having more intelligent conversation by myself."
That earned Luke a smack on the head.
------***------
"Luke, no, please please don't I don't want to Luke stop!!"
Luke let go of her arm, his face frozen mid-laugh. "What's the matter?"
June's anger blazed in her eyes, unhindered by her tears. "How the FUCK could you?!" she thundered. "I told you to fucking STOP!"
Luke's heart filled with iron, like he committed a crime and was finally caught for it. "Jeez, I'm sorry, June, I-"
"You're sorry? You're sorry? Well, let me wipe my eyes with your fake apologies! How could you? You knew! You knew how much I" she paused to take deep breaths and wipe her eyes with her wrists. "You knew how much I detest the ocean."
"All I did was ask you to come swimming with me." Luke said with a small, inappropriate laugh.
"You violated my trust," she replied softly, betrayal etched in her eyes. "I can't even look at you."
Luke had barely opened his mouth to truly apologize, before June ran away into the woods. Luke just stood there, the hem of his shorts getting soaked by the oncoming tide.
------***------
June was angry. Angry at Luke, angry at herself. But mostly at Luke.
The audacity. He knew. He knew that her only weakness was the water, no matter if it was blue as the sky itself or not.
June stumbled into the wooded part of the island. The canopy was surprisingly thick, and rough grass and leaves scratched her bare feet. She had no idea where she was going, but she didn't even care. She just never wanted to look at Luke's face again.
Luke ran his hand through his hair. His emotions were going crazy. June was out loose somewhere, and he had no idea where to find her. Luke was there for about six months, and even he hadn't finished exploring. June could be anywhere, anywhere, and he had no idea where to begin looking for her.