It was then I'd decided I needed to stay here in Vancouver. This was totally not my original plan. My original plan had been to wrap up my manuscript, have a bit of romance, then continue to London to find my community, and be a REAL writer... a REAL professional writer, one who gets paid to write... you know like...instead of a total wanna-be.
I had resumes and job applications and maps of London and guidebooks and camping towels and everything! I had specific castles and palaces I was all lined up to see. I mean it's London! There's so much to do and experience there. I've got a lot of mileage to cover, churches to explore, fancy hats to wear, and tea parties to attend. And I'd be devastated to miss the Sherlock Holmes house on Baker Street, the literary festival in Edinburgh, the geometric ceiling of the British Museum that diffuses sunlight in crisscross on white floors which makes me think of Chanel's runway. And I was even planning on renting a flat with elegant balconies, with the money I shall make from my writing job, and host parties for writers every week. With tiered plates and pretty bone china. I was hoping we could eat cookies and talk about writing.
But to stay put, to immobilize myself in a city where I can't seem to find my people, where the literary community is tiny, no, this was not my plan.
On the other hand, as the Chinese aunties would often say with pointed fingers for emphaaasis: working well isn't as important as marrying well. So something was telling me it would be negligent of me to run off now, when so much was happening with Matt. I'd waited 7 years for this. Isn't it kind of silly to cut short this budding romance, without ever giving it a chance to evolve? Without ever knowing if he would love me back? Besides, if I want to write, can't I write anywhere? After all, writing is a solitary endeavor, isn't it? Shouldn't I cherish him? Can't I do London later? Do I really need to host English tea parties with writers to get better?
I didn't know what to do. I spent a day wavering over the decision.
Isn't it a pity not to go to London, when it would clearly accelerate my career?
Yeah.
But...
I can't bear the thought of leaving him.