Blue is officially two months old now and it's so crazy how time flies. My family and in laws got to see the baby and Blue has everyone wrapped around her little finger. I love being home with her and JoJo. Both of the girls have this strong sisterly bond that I have that with my sister. JoJo learned how to feed her, change her, make her bottle and everything. Whenever I'm about to do one of those things she would say "Don't worry, mommy I'll do it." JoJo also understood that there are times where Joe and I are gonna show Blue her undivided attention because at first she was jealous but knowing that she's an infant and a little talk with Joe helped her understand.
~
Flashback
I was in Blue's room sitting in a rocking chair, holding little Blue in my arms rocking her to sleep and humming a nursery rhyme to her.
"Mommy, mommy," I heard JoJo yell. Soon she appeared in the doorway.
"Mommy can you--" I interrupted her by shushing her. She wanted me to play Barbie's with her but I couldn't do that right now. I have to put Blue Blue back to sleep.
"Joelle, the baby is sleeping. You know better to be yelling around the house, knowing that I'm putting the baby to sleep. I can't play Barbie's with you right now, okay? It wouldn't hurt if Daddy plays with you this one time, right?," I asked.
"No, I really wanted to play but since you can't do it, I'll just go to bed," she said, sadly putting her head down. I instantly felt bad.
"I just came to say goodnight... So goodnight," she finished. But before I can say goodnight to her, she left and went to her room. I sighed. I felt really ashamed at this point. As soon as I was sure that Blue was sleep. I slowly got up from the chair and gently put her in her crib. I put the baby monitor on the dresser that was next to her crib and quietly walked out of the room.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, baby girl?," Joe asked.
"Why don't you and Mommy love me anymore?," I heard.
"Baby girl, how can you say that? Mommy and I love you very much." I noticed the conversation coming from JoJo's room. I stood quietly at her bedroom door and began listening to the conversation.
"Every since BlueBear came, you and Mommy pay more attention to her than to me," JoJo said.
"JoBug there are times where we might show BlueBear a little more attention. It's not intentional at all. It's just that, she's a baby and she's gonna get a lot of attention. When you were a baby, I was the same way with you, giving you all of my attention," he told her.
"Really?"
"Yeah and you wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because you were my world and you still are. Just because Mommy and I aren't giving you the attention that we used to doesn't mean that we don't love you. We're not favoring Blue because have no favorites. We love you both the same and Blue loves you just like you love her. Can you be the best big sister I know you can be?" JoJo nodded.
"I know you will, too. Good night, baby girl," Joe said, tucking her into the covers.
"Good night, daddy. I love you," she said.
"I love you, too. Sweet dreams."
~
It is Monday and Monday Night Raw is taking place in New York. Days after I gave birth, I've been on the road with Joe as he worked and it's so much better than staying in the house doing nothing and taking care of the baby. I'm uncomfortable with having my baby on a plane so we've been on the road by tour bus. We were sharing it with Jey, Trinity and their baby, Jacob. He is so cute.
We were driving to New York and I just put Blue Blue to bed. Then Trinity came into the room and we started talking.
"So how do you like motherhood so far?," Trinity asked.
"I love it. I feel a deep connection with Blue. Every time I leave a room, she winds up crying and whenever there is someone else holding her except for Joe, she'll start fussing." Trinity laughed and I laughed with her. Looking back, I know I shouldn't have been jealous about Trinity having a baby before me. All I had to do was be patient and wait for my time to become a mother and because of my jealousy and selfishness, I almost lost my cousin-in-law, my best friend and other half. I'm glad we got to make things right again.
"Have you ever thought about getting back on stage and performing again?"
"Yeah but it's not my time to make my comeback yet. I'm just enjoying my time as a mother and a wife right now. Even if I tell Joe, he'll tell me it's still too early to go back on stage. Literally," I said, causing Trin to chuckle.
"Well if you feel like you're ready. You should go for it. But talk to Joe about it first," she told me. Eventually I was gonna have to talk to Joe about it but right now, I can't because I'm just enjoying life as only a mother right now.
~
8:00
Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to our live coverage of Monday Night Raw. Tonight we are at the Staples Center in Buffalo, New York...
I was backstage in Joe's locker room putting Blue Blue on my chest as I lay on the couch. I watched on the TV as Joe started the show off coming to the ring and speaking into the microphone. I smiled thinking about enjoying seeing my husband doing what he loves to do. It also made me wonder when was the right time for me to make my comeback in the music industry. Don't get me wrong, I love staying at home with the baby and all but I would also love to be a mother and a business woman. But the big question was, "When am I ready to get back on stage?"