11:50 AM
As I leave Xavier behind guilt grips tightly at my throat. A solid knot prevents me from swallowing and my eyes begin to sting. It shouldn't be this way. He's my best friend. My oldest friend. For the longest time, he was my only friend yet now, it's hard to look at him. The parallel between these two realizations is a hard pill to swallow.
I stop my descent for a moment, long enough to consider going back and talking things through but I don't have the words Xavier is hoping to hear and I can't bring myself to force them out so I keep walking until I exit the building.
It's not even June yet and the sun is high in the sky, scorching the surface of the earth in unforgiving heat. By the time I make it to Murphy's pub, sweat is making my clothes stick to my skin and I'm parched.
Once inside, the crisp coolness of the air condition delivers a welcoming, icy blast. The place is not busy at all given that it's the middle of the day and it should be the lunch rush. Aside from a couple of people in business suits and a couple I recognize from campus, it's empty. I don't spot Jackson, despite a quick loop through the dining area.
Jax can be odd, maybe he's a fan of unrelenting heat. Maybe he's on the patio. I slip through a side door, hoping to see him but once again, the space is virtually desolate. Sliding my phone from my pocket, I check the time. 12:07. I'd bet my life on the fact that Jackson would never stand me up so I assume he's running a few minutes behind.
I prefer to wait inside, having no desire to melt into a puddle of sweat. I'll take tolerable over baking my skin any day but when I turn around, I stop dead in my tracks.
Xavier.
He's as relentless as the fucking sun.
I inhale the hot, sticky air and exhale softly before I sweep my eyes up to meet him. It takes all of my resolve not to start yelling at him, screaming at him to go away. To leave me the hell alone. "X, what are you doing here?"
He shrugs. "What do you think I'm doing here Lola? You won't answer your phone, you won't answer my texts, you won't even talk to me, fuck, near as I can tell you can hardly even look at me. Figured if I followed you here, you'd have no choice but to talk."
I once again scan the space for any sign of Jackson. Perhaps he can save me from an awkward conversation I'm not ready to have. He still hasn't shown. I'm backed into a corner with X and it's the last place I want to be.
"I don't have a choice thanks to you, so talk X. Spit it out."
He steps forward.
I step back.
"You aren't being fair, Mouse."
I splay my arms out the side. "Isn't that the mother of all contradictions? God X, you're such a bloody hypocrite. It's you who isn't being fair."
He dark brows knit together. "Me? Lola, you're acting like a ten year old child. You won't even hear me out."
"That's because I've heard all I need to hear, Xavier."
"You're not really hearing me," he argues. "If you were, we wouldn't be standing here melting in the pits of a fiery hell."
I roll my eyes. "And you say I'm dramatic. I've heard you X. Every freaking word. Doesn't change anything. Look, I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear, I really am, but it is what it is X. I can't change it."
He scowls. "Clearly it fucking changes everything, Lola. Look at us. At you."
"Look at me!" I practically shout. "Look at me. And take a good look. A mental snapshot of the moment. I am happy. For the first time in my life, I'm happy and I'm sorry if it's not because of you. I truly am. I'm sorry if you think you're in love with me, but you aren't. You're used to poor pathetic Lola locked away in her dorm room like a princess in a tall tower waiting to be rescued. I'm not her anymore. In fact, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I ever was. Took Jackson to get me to know myself and I'm never going back to helpless Lola."
"You were never helpless, Lola. Not for a millisecond. You just didn't believe in yourself enough and now you do. I loved you before now, I'll love you long after."
"Xavier, you don't love me. At least not like that."
"I do."
"You don't."
"Don't tell me how I feel, Lola. It's not you who has had to stand by and watch while someone else makes you feel the way I want to. It's not you who feels the gaping hole in your chest, the terrible feeling of being empty, of missing a piece of yourself."
"You don't love me, Xavier. Not like that. You've just never had to share my attention before and I get it—it's an adjustment but you don't love me as anything more than a friend."
He doesn't verbally respond. Instead he moves lightning fast, stalking forward. I back away, determined to keep a safe distance between us but I feel my shoulder blades press into the wall behind me. His arms cage me in on either side and before I have a chance to blink—to process what's happening—Xavier's mouth presses down on mine.
His lips are soft and as hot as the sun in the sky.
I feel my eyes begin to close and they do—for a flash of a second—long enough to think about Jax.
Jax, my future, my everything.
I flip them open, realizing I'm stuck and I have nowhere to run. I wait for a beat, long enough for my body to play catch up with my brain and I'm able to wedge my palms in between us, press them to his chest and push him away.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"That's exactly what I was wondering, Angel," Jackson's voice cuts in.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Jackson sails forward, gathering the collar of Xavier's shirt in his hand. X is broader and more muscular than Jackson and he easily breaks from his grasp with a shake of his shoulder.
Jackson's hand releases its grasp but he's not deterred. His arm moves up, he arches his elbow back and delivers a fast and efficient blow to Xavier's jaw.
I hear an audible popping noise and bring my hand up to cover my mouth.
Xavier is stunned for a moment, his hand gripping the spot Jackson just made contact with, rubbing it as if to get the sting out. His eyes darken and glaze over. I've seen that look before—Xavier is about to lose it. I've never seen Jackson fight but I've seen Xavier enough to know that this is going to go from bad to worse in record time.
Xavier's fist pulls back and releases, knocking Jackson right in the solarplex. He hunches and gasps at the air for a moment before gathering his composure and straightening his spine.
"She doesn't want you," Jax says to Xavier. "Get that through your useless jock skull. Or have you just been hit in the fucking head too many times?"
Xavier's fist moves to strike again but Jackson is ready for it and blocks it with his forearm at the same time as he issues a hard punch to Xavier's side.
I think I scream.
Xavier surges forward and the only thing running through my mind is that I have to stop them. Stop this nonsense. I jump in between them the very second Xavier's fist pulls back a third time and shoots forward.
It's a direct blow to the side of my head. The impact is so hard, it makes my brain shake and my teeth rattle. Holy shit. Xavier hit me.
I'm stunned stupid for a second before I grab the side of my head and cringe, stumbling to the side out of the line of fire I so hastily put myself in. I can't help the hot tears as they spear my eyes. That hurt like a sonofabitch.
The moment X realizes what he's done, his fist drops loosely to his side and his mouth gapes open. "Mouse. I—"
The expression on his face is clear. Pure and undeniable horror. Jackson on the other hand is enraged. There's a vein in the side of his neck, popping out from under his skin. His entire demeanor changes and he surges forward in one swift and fluid moment. His hands move so fast, I barely register that he's pummeling Xavier's face like a speedbag. X, still floored by his action doesn't have the time he needs to react. After several agonizing seconds, he gathers his bearings somewhat but it's too late—his face is unrecognizable.
I scream bloody murder. My cries bring a large, burly man who works for the pub running outside. He pulls Jackson off of Xavier but the damage is done.
I am hysterical. "You're both animals! I wish I never made that stupid god damned wish!" I scream.
The guy who has Jackson's arms wedged between his glares at me accusingly. Two bros fighting over a girl. It's an obvious assumption that it's my fault.
Jackson's breath is heavy, Xavier is wiping blood from his face with the bare skin of his arm and I'm shaking like I've just downed an entire espresso bar.
I look from Jackson to Xavier and back again. In a split second, I make the decision the right now, even though I hate him, Xaiver needs me more. The past month doesn't matter, years and years of history do. Xavier is battered, beaten. I can't pretend like that doesn't gut me. I step to his side and use the edge of my shirt to begin cleaning the oozy, sticky blood from his face.
When I glance up, I see Jackson's face fall and he shrugs until the bouncer lets him go. He holds his hands up, indicative of surrender, looks at X, looks at me, then back to the bouncer. "I get it Angel. You made your choice. I was just leaving," he says. He pushes through the gate, turning to face me. "Later, Lola."