July 9th -- 8:45pm
I was the last one here, and I arrived ten minutes before the group was over. I got many disapproving looks, but I didn't care. I glanced at Scorpio who looked back at me rather annoyed. He had an empty chair beside him. Suddenly I felt bad. I brushed that feeling away and went to sit there. After all, there were no more empty chairs.
"Gerard, nice to see you." Linda said sarcastically. I nodded her way. I vaguely heard Scorpio mumble something my way, but I didn't even look at him.
Linda finished with some inspirational bullshit before saying the meeting was over and she'd see us all next week. I sighed and stood up, making my way out of the building.
I didn't stop at the metal pole this time. I walked right by it, making my way back to my house.
"Hey, wait!" I heard Scorpio yell. I rolled my eyes and didn't look back at him. I kept walking.
"What the hell is your problem?" He yelled. Again
I felt a hand grasp hard onto my shoulder and spin
me around. I gasped and flinched back instantly.
"Do not touch me." I spat, glaring.
"Sorry, but honestly what is your deal tonight?" He asked. He wasn't the least bit sorry.
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with." I said, rolling my eyes.
"I just want to help you. Listen, I'm sorry for grabbing you, but you wouldn't turn around and I needed to talk to you." He said.
"Why did you need to talk to me?"
"Well, I wanted to ask if you wanted to maybe uh, hang out tomorrow or something." He said. I raised an eyebrow.
"Why me? You probably have tons of other friends." I mumbled.
"Me? Nah. Remember, I'm the faggot, the freak." He laughed. I cracked a smile which made him smile even bigger.
"Sure, I'm free
"Meet me at the pole at one." He ordered. I smiled and nodded.
The boy and I said our goodbyes and then I started making my way home. It was four blocks to my house, and usually took me about twenty minutes. The whole of those minutes, my mind was consumed with the thought of the boy. He made me feel something; something I've never experienced until now. He brought a smile to my face and a good feeling to my entire body. I wanted to hear him laugh, I wanted to make him smile, I wanted to draw him and I wanted him to be able to trust me.
And that terrified me.
--
August 20th -- 6:25pm
I walked into the kitchen to see Mikey fighting with our mom over something. He scoffed and slammed his hands onto the counter.
"No, Mikey." She said, taking a deep breath.
"Mom, seriously. You're doing nothing! Why can't you just-"
"Mikey, you are a child. I am busy. Go upstairs." She was trying hard not to yell.
"What's going on?" I asked, walking towards them.
"Mom won't take me to see the movie! It's a special showing tonight and it's supposed to be awesome. She promised she'd take me." Mikey said, sighing.
"Why won't you take him?" I asked, eyeing my mother.
"I'm busy." She said.
"Doing what, exactly?" I asked, leaning on the counter. She definitely wasn't doing anything. She did promise to take him. She shook her head and turned to me, glaring.
"I will not have my children attacking me. I am not taking him. Got it?" She snapped. "Go upstairs, both of you."
I rolled my eyes, and glanced at Mikey.
"Come on, Mikes." I said, sighing. He followed me upstairs. We walked into my room, I shut the door behind him and we sat on my bed.
"What movie?" I asked.
"What?" He said, confused.
"What movie do you want to see?" I repeated, annoyed.
"Jaws- the second one." He said. He was getting excited.
"How much to get in?" I asked, already taking out my wallet to count my change.
"Six each." He said, grinning. I pulled out a twenty dollar bill.
"Okay kid, low-key go grab shoes." I ordered. Mikey nodded and left my room.
I laid back on my bed and took a deep breath. I hated cinema movies. I hated the hot room, the giant screen, and the fucking noisy people. I would much rather wait until it came out on DVD. But, Mikey really wanted this and I wanted to get closer with Mikey.
Mikey returned with a grey sweater and his shoes on. I smiled and put on my own shoes that were beside my bed. He was practically bouncing. He was so excited. It made me really happy knowing how happy this would make him. I wish I could get excited over things like that.
"Okay. Here's the plan. You and I are exiting through this window, we'll go to that movie. We'll come back through this window, and mom will know nothing. Got it?" I said, opening
"Okay, I'll go first." I said, climbing out the window and ushering Mikey out also. He followed me as I carefully climbed across the roof and stepped onto the fence beside the house. I cautiously stepped from the fence to a stable tree branch, and then I swung my legs down and jumped. It still hurt my legs a little, but I didn't show it. I didn't want Mikey to be scared. Plus, I'd catch him.
"Okay Mikey, your turn." I said to Mikey, who was still on the roof with his legs hanging off, barely touching the fence.
"Is it safe?" He asked. I nodded.
"Come on."
Mikey slowly stepped onto the fence, and then practically fell onto the tree branch. He help onto it by his hands (Which was probably a better idea than just jumping off), and then fell to the ground, landing feet-first.
"That was terrifying." He said with a laugh. I grinned at him.
"Alright, off to the movies we go."
We walked to the cinema, which was a couple blocks away. We got there just as the movie was starting. I paid for us, and bought Mikey popcorn. He thanked me, and we walked into the actual theatre part. The movie had just started. We were a couple minutes into the movie, but Mikey was still ecstatic. Mikey wanted to sit in the very front (I wanted the very back), and I reluctantly obliged. We sat in the front centre, where it was loudest and largest. It was horrible.
Mikey definitely enjoyed the movie though, and his happiness made up for my uncomfort.
I tuned out and sat staring at the ground for what seemed like seconds before I felt myself being violently shook.
"Gerard!" Mikey yelled. I frowned and looked up at him. His face was stricken with concern and his hands were on my shoulders, shaking me.
"What?" I asked, my eyes widening.
"The movie's over. You wouldn't move." He said quietly. I glanced around. The theatre was empty.
"Oh. Sorry." I mumbled. Mikey furrowed his eyebrows.
"Are you on drugs?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.
"No." I said truthfully. It was strange how I zoned out for an entire movie in what seemed like seconds. I was pretty sure I hadn't taken any drugs since Wednesday.
"Okay, lets go." He said, taking my arm and pulling me up and out of the theatre.
It was dark outside, the only lights being the street-lamps and the occasional glow of stores. Mikey and I walked back in perpetual silence, the only sounds were our footsteps and Mikey's breathing. We arrived on our street, and suddenly Mikey stopped.
"You okay?" I asked. Mikey turned to me.
"I really, really liked this, Gee." He said seriously. "I love spending time with you. This is just like old times, remember? We were so close. I miss that." He said. For a fourteen year-old, he was sure smart and understanding. I guess it's because he's seen so much of the horrors and evil in the world.
"I miss that too, Mikey." I said.
"I miss you, Gerard." He said. He looked down and I could tell he was crying. I pulled him into a hug.
"I swear, I'm gonna change for you." I promised. "After everything that happened, I'm so glad we're even still together. Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be back to normal soon." I assured him-- more-so assuring myself.
I hated myself for what I was doing. On one hand, I really did want to change and be a better brother for Mikey. But on the other hand, I knew I was just lying to him. I would never change. I was always going to be a burnout, piece-of-shit human. Nothing could change that. Scorpio couldn't, Mikey couldn't, nothing could.