Aina and Jonathan- today was the hardest moment, but you know what American people say....
I won't whisper goodbye, just yell see you soon.
Tokyo and Switzerland are god damn awesome places because you two are there. Don't miss me too much (though you can't because we're skyping every day).
•••••••••••••
We all headed to the beach at 12:30, and everyone was pretty pumped. Cameron was in his stroller that had a canopy, shielding him from the sun while my two brothers and Sophia sprinted to the sand. My friends and I followed close behind, enjoying the salty air and fresh breeze. We had pulled out our chairs and towels and gotten ourselves situated when Caleb and Ali went for a walk on the beach. Sophia and Ryan ran into the ocean, and were splashing each other, laughing the entire time. Jason turned to me with wide eyes.
"I wanna go in." I ruffled his hair.
"You need an adult with you honey." He pouted and gave me and Jesse a look.
"Can you guys come in then?" Before I could tell him no, Gina jumped in.
"How about me and James go in with you buddy?" His face lit up.
"Really?"
"Really?" James echoed. Gina gave him a glare and then smiled at my brother.
"Definitely." Jason turned to me, asking for permission using his eyes. I glanced at my two friends.
"You better stay with him in the shallow part." Gina nodded.
"Of course!" With that, the three went jogging down to the ocean. I sighed tiredly, sitting down on a towel. Jesse came and scooted next to me, and I could feel his shoulder lightly touching mine.
"I've decided something." His voice was so confident that it made me wonder what he was talking about.
"And that is?"
"I'm getting you out of here." I raised my eyebrow.
"I can walk back to the house perfectly fine on my own." He shook his head, staring out at the water. The way he responded made me realize he was really serious.
"Not right now. I mean when we go home. I'm getting you and your brothers out of there." It felt like the world stopped. What did he know? Had Will told him everything? Oh god.
"Why...?" Jesse let out a short breath.
"I saw you with your mom a little while ago." Shit. Trying to play it cool, I shrugged.
"So?" He turned his body to fully face mine.
"She was drunker than my brother used to get." I looked away from his prying gaze and instead pretended to be fully concentrated on watching Jason in the water.
"People get drunk Jess. It's how the world works." I heard him snort.
"Of course they do! But taking care of a drunk mother like you've been doing it for years shouldn't be how your world works!" I didn't answer so he continued. "Right now I'm just thankful your dad isn't in the house because then something worse would've happened."
He had no idea.
"It's fine." He sighed and I felt him stand up. Hoping he was walking away, I let the tension drain from my shoulders. However, instead of leaving, he came up behind me and sat down, pulling my back to his chest. I subconsciously leaned into him and felt his arms wrap around my torso, his chin leaning on my shoulder and his warm breath whispering into my ear.
"You deserve to be happier than you are." I shook my head slightly, the wind blowing my hair gently into my face.
"You don't know who I am Jess. You have no idea what I deserve." His hands tightened and for the first time in my life I felt completely safe. No, not safe....I never felt safe.
I felt protected, something I'd been wanting for as long as I could remember.
"Enlighten me then." I didn't want to tell him, I truly didn't. But sitting on that towel underneath the blazing sun, watching my brothers have the time of their lives in the ocean, wrapped in the arms of someone who I had immense respect for made me realize something. I was never going to want to talk about it, but I had to. I had to.
"It was my fourteenth birthday. I had been out with my friends at the time and we had just gotten home. My mom wasn't back yet and Ryan was with my dad. Jason was sound asleep in his crib, so when my mom rang the doorbell, I stepped outside because I didn't want to wake him. I wasn't expecting to find someone besides my mom." I felt him stiffen slightly and I leaned my head backwards on his shoulder, sighing. Jesse waited a moment before asking,
"Who was it?"
"My mom had introduced him to me as her boss." I tried to hint at what he was, but when I glanced back at his face, I could see Jesse didn't understand. "It meant he was a pimp."
"You're mom's a prostitute?"
"Kind of. She had to stop when Cam came along and I hope she hasn't gotten back into it." He sighed.
"That doesn't have anything to do with you deserving happiness." I swallowed.
"You didn't let me finish." He nodded an said,
"Sorry, go ahead."
"Her boss's name's Donny. At the time he was thirty five, but now he's thirty seven." I closed my eyes and tok a breath, knowing Jesse would look at me differently after hearing what happened. "He- he told me I was beautiful and I had such a low self-esteem back then I- I didn't see the signs."
"What signs?" I could hear the fury slowly mounting in Jesse's voice, but I ignored it.
"He kept coming back with her, to dinner, just to watch a movie with us or to go to the park. He always called me beautiful. Jess, I'd never heard anyone say that to me before and it was...different. He was different." Jesse's eyes met mine and I saw worry in them.
"What are you getting at Charlotte?" I rubbed my face with my hand and leaned forward, Jesse's grasp around me breaking.
"That one night, my birthday, mom pulled me aside in front of the door. She told me I had a job to do, I owed her a favor because she gave me a roof over my head and food on the table. I didn't know but before anything happened I was-I was--" I started hyperventilating, but Jesse made no move to comfort me.
"You were what Charlotte?" HIs voice was gruff and honestly, terrifying. I glared at him with my bloodshot eyes. How dare he talk to me like that.
"I was raped. In the back of his Lexus. Raped by my mom's boss, a thirty five year old man." My cheeks burned in shame and I stood up, pushing my body off from the towel. Jesse sat there in shock and I shook my head.
"You don't know me Jesse." With that, I picked Cam up (he had just started opening his eyes) and headed closer to the water. I saw Ryan look at me and saw his facial expression turn into one of alarm, probably because I was crying, Shaking my head, I gave him a watery smile and a wave, knowing he could never know.
------------
Jesse was silent for the rest of the day, not answering anyone who tried to talk with him. I kept my distance and realized that I had probably ruined everything, though it wasn't my fault if he couldn't except me with all of my broken pieces. I had warned him.
My phone began ringing in the middle of dinner, and I glanced at the caller ID, which said my mom's name. Giving an apologetic smile at everyone I said politely,
"I think I have to take this guys. I'll be right back." Then I walked out onto the back patio and shut the door firmly behind me, then answered it, my mom's voice ringing through my ears.
"Charlotte?" She sounded fragile, lost, and that scared me.
"Mom? Are you okay?"
"Charlie, I need your help." My heart was pounding, and I felt fear coursing through my veins. Where was she? What was going on?
"Are you with Donny?" She coughed and it sounded like someone was stabbing her lung.
"N-no."
"Mom, what's going on?" Another wet cough, and I heard her shaky voice whisper,
"I need help." I ran my hand through my hair, my hands trembling.
"Where are you?"
"Centerville." What in the name of hell was she doing there? That was only a forty five minute drive from the beach house.
"Who's with you?"
"I'm-" she was interrupted by another hacking cough, and I could hear the pain she was in. "I'm alone in a coffee shop off of 49th street."
"Stay put Mom, I'm coming okay?"
"Pinky promise?" I wanted to cry. She sounded so lonely, lost and sick that it made me terrified.
"Pinky promise okay. I want you to stay on the phone. Do NOT hang up okay?"
"Okay." I ran off of the porch and into the kitchen, where everyone stared ta me, as I sprinted towards the counter.
"Jesse, whether you like it or not, I'm borrowing your keys. I'll be back." Jesse stood up and tried to follow me.
"What the fu- what's going on? Is everything all right?" I faced Ryan, and he met my eyes, knowing that there was something seriously wrong.
"Cam's milk is in the fridge. You know how to put him and Jase to bed. I'll be back by tomorrow morning." Jesse interrupted us.
"Tomorrow morning? What the hell is going on?!" I gave him an icy glare.
"This is my business. Let me deal with it." With that I sprinted out of the door and unlocked the car, putting it into reverse before anyone had time to fully process what was happening.
----
I went way over the speed limit and got to Centerville within thirty five minutes.
"Mom?" Her tone was tired and scared as she replied.
"Yes?"
"Where are you?"
"49th, at a diner on the right hand side." I scanned the shops and found a diner on the edge of the parking lots. It was lit up, but there didn't seem to be a lot of people inside.
"Okay, I'm here. Stay where you are and don't move."
"Okay." I bolted into the building and all eyes turned to me but I was busy scrutinizing the room for my mother. Finally in the corner I saw her, huddled in a light jacket and I wanted to scream. Walking towards her in a hurry, I yanked off my sweatshirt (it was summer, but the beach was chilly at night) and as soon as I got to her, I wrapped her in it. Within my arms I could feel her frail body shivering, too thin and too gaunt.
"Mom, what's wrong?" She coughed and it sounded worse in person. Her entire body doubled over in pain and I saw her eyes scrunch up in the effort to hold the tears back.
"I don't know." I waved a waitress over, who glanced at my mother in concern.
"Can you get a warm tea please?" She jotted it down on her pad before asking,
"Is she all right?" I nodded and gave her the warmest smile I could.
"Yes, but her immune system isn't functioning very well at the moment." The waitress nodded and scurried into the kitchen. Turning back to my mom I asked again,
"What's going on?" Her eyes looked at me, and I could see how lifeless they were.
"I'm sick."
"I know." She shook her head and gave me a scared stare.
"No, I'm really sick." I swallowed, trying to process everything. The nice woman came back with a steaming cup of tea, but before she could leave I stood up hurriedly. Pulling her away from my mother's listening range, I asked lowly,
"Ma'am where's the nearest hospital?" She gave me directions and I thanked her, leaving a gracious tip.
"Mom, we need to go." I watched as she struggled to keep her eyes open.
"Where?"
"We just need to go." She followed me out of the door and I practically carried her into the car. She laid down in the backseat and I pulled out of the parking lot as fast as I could.
------
"Ryan?" He answered right away.
"Charlie? I've been worried sick." I heard him pause and could make out a bunch of voices talking to him.
"Ry, I need you to go a place where no one else will listen." He hesitated again, then movement was heard. After a moment he responded,
"I'm alone. What's going on?" I sighed and leaned back on the plastic chair. I hated hospitals....the smell of hand sanitizer, the screams, the scrubs and the people...I hated it all. But what I hated the most was the beeping heart monitor connected to my mother, telling me if she was still breathing.
"It's mom." Ryan sucked in a breath.
"What happened?"
"We're in the ER."
"You're with her? Is she alive?" No fourteen year old boy should have to worry whether or not his mom was alive. It shouldn't have been that way, but it was.
"The doctor said that all of her organs are shutting down, because of the alcohol and drugs."
"What does that mean?"
"She's alive right now, but she's going to die."