We used to walk around our apartment writing poetry, cooking naked, & making love
Your presence to me baby girl was like a drug
We took Polaroids of each other
Hung our happy memories on the wall
put our favorites in our wallets
and even had them in our cars
You were the only woman I could think of every morning, noon, & night
You weren't a secret pleasure that I tucked inside my closet
You were who I carried around at all times like a golden locket.
I was so in love with you,
all of the simple things about you
the way you would smile as you looked in my direction
Baby girl you just don't know how much of a slave I was to loving you
But something went wrong that I can't explain as if a great wind came and blew out our flame
no understanding of ourselves so at each other we blamed
I wish we could've worked it out but every delicate discussion became a bitter argument with emotionally damaging repercussions.
Things got so bad that we couldn't even hold simple discussions without cussing
All of a sudden all of our loving turned to bitter resentment on why we ever gave each other any time
Even our sex felt like a cold distraction from the truth
That you weren't feeling me and I wasn't feeling you
& finally you came to a decision.
You packed your bags two weeks before Christmas without even saying goodbye
You were gone on my favorite holliday and no gift could fill the void your absence left.
I came down with the flu while you were with someone else sipping wine probably telling yourself that you were fine
But I cried every night.
Looking at those Polaroids
All those happy memories trying to not accept the painful reality that you were gone.
Blowing up your phone just begging for a conversation
I had a withdrawal that lasted a whole year
Didn't talk, didn't sleep, sometimes I wouldn't even eat
the taste of other women was bittersweet & all the liquor was tasteless
I could never truly tell myself that I was happy
I had a rough time finding happiness without you
Even till this day where my mind is wiser & my heart is stronger
Even with a plethora of women on demand & plenty of friends
I still wanderlust about you
Reminiscing about our love
Hoping that you're alright.
Do you think about me at all?
-Vonsensei