1 5
n o c t u r n e
[Fr.] : Night; a musical piece written for the night.
OVER THE NEXT two days, I quickly fell into a routine at work. But that morning, I was taken aback when Kaden called me into his office before I could even pass him his sandwich and coffee. I went, my heart beating in trepidation because he was now unpredictable and I hadn't a clue how to act around him.
But he seemed to be hard at work again and barely shot me a glance as I entered. "Did Stella show you how to organise my schedule?"
"Well, no," I began haltingly. "She told me to clarify it with you."
"It's been three days and you haven't."
I knew that what I said next was in no way appropriate and I could get fired if Kaden willed it. But to me, this was never just a job to begin with and Kaden was never just a boss. This was a second chance and Kaden was someone I knew well enough.
So I simply shrugged. "You did tell me not to bother you unless you called me in."
"And yet you still bring food in on a daily basis," he deadpanned, staring the sandwich and coffee in my hands pointedly.
"Oh, right," I suddenly realised that I hadn't given it to him and quickly crossed the room, setting the food down on his table. "This is for you."
He eyed it with distaste. "You didn't have to – "
"I know, but I wanted to."
My words were met with a surprised silence on his part, and he briefly took his eyes off the computer screen to study me. I met his gaze evenly and held it, wondering why he'd become far more closed off despite getting his sight back. The eyes were supposed to be the windows to the soul. But how could I decipher anything when the windows were shut tight?
Finally, after a second or two, he glanced away and closed his laptop. "Take a seat."
I sat, watching silently as he drew out a tablet from the side drawer and pushed it across the table to me. When he didn't do anything else, I looked up at him.
He simply leaned back against his chair, spinning a pen effortlessly between his fingers. "You know how to unlock it," he said flatly.
He was right; I did know how to unlock it.
I remembered helping him to unlock his tablet on one of the afternoons I'd spent with him, and then hogging his tablet altogether when I got addicted to playing one of the games installed on the device. I'd spent over an hour deeply engrossed in it, while Kaden was surprisingly content just to sit next to me.
"You're terrible at this," he'd tease, every time the game made a sound when my avatar died. "I'm blind and I could probably still play better than you."
I remembered elbowing him gently each time he said that. "I just have really bad hand-eye coordination."
"Obviously," he had deadpanned, but when I finally managed to clear the level, he smiled warmly. "Not bad, you're getting better."
"Well, practice makes perfect."
"Yeah, and you've got a long way more to go, love."
It was the littlest details, smallest interactions like these that made my heart ache with nostalgia now. It was a stinging, bittersweet feeling that never quite went away. I missed it dreadfully, I was a fool to throw it all away; but I would've done the same all over again given the circumstances.
Reaching for the tablet, I pressed the button and watched the screen flicker to life. With my forefinger, I swiped a quick pattern across the locked keys, all the while aware of Kaden's heavy gaze on me.
He seemed to be calculating my every move, watching me with guarded eyes, even as he reached across the table to teach me how to set up his schedule. He spoke in the same kind of arid professionalism I recognised him using whenever he spoke to clients and I forced all thoughts of missing him aside, focusing instead on the task at hand.
Eventually, he started to become annoyed at having to reach across the table. He got up, pushing his chair back, and came over to stand next to me. Bracing one hand on the back of my chair, he leaned down to point at the screen. And my senses seemed to heighten immediately at his sudden, close proximity. I caught a faint whiff of his scent that I was so familiar with, like an old aphrodisiac I had sorely missed.
"At least three meetings a day. Arrange the slots from three to five here," he explained, and I could practically feel the warmth of his breath on my ear.
I did just as he directed, trying to pretend like his presence didn't affect me at all. He watched me in silence as I continued slotting in meetings for the rest of the week, before reaching down to tap at the screen again.
"I don't get off work any earlier than ten," he said, dragging one of the icons onto a Monday slot. "So you should fit in as many meetings as you can."
My eyebrows knitted together faintly. "Ten? Isn't that a little too late?" I turned to face him, only to realise that my action forced us into a distance merely a hairsbreadth apart.
Kaden paused, uncertainty glossing his features briefly as it suddenly dawned on him how close we actually were, close enough for me to see the freckles dusting his nose. The air was already painfully charged and I wondered if perhaps I wasn't the only one affected by our proximity. And if, perhaps, the closeness could momentarily dull our sanity, crumble his defences.
"Kaden – " my voice was barely audible. I hardly dared to breathe; less I ruin this precious window of opportunity. His eyes fell to my lips as I murmured his name, the green in his irises darkening with some shade far too complicated to name. I could practically feel my heartbeat kick up a notch as his head dipped a fraction of an inch closer to me. "I – "
But the rest of my sentence never left my lips, because a sharp knock on the door promptly destroyed the moment. Kaden blinked and quickly fell a step back, striding back to his desk, his face once again expressionless.
"Come in."
The door to his office opened, and a pretty blonde entered. "Mr Bretton, the files for next Monday's meeting are in." I didn't miss the look of intrigue she threw my way or the gleam in her eye as she approached his desk. "Would you like to review them now?"
"Just leave them on my table," Kaden returned evenly. His attention seemed to be focused on his laptop and he hardly spared her a glance.
The girl set the files down on his table and fell a step back. "Also, Ms Crossbow's been waiting in the lobby for the past half hour. She wants to know if you're still interested in the deal and if you're able to have dinner with her tomorrow. Shall I send her up?"
Kaden seemed adamant on avoiding my gaze. "Send her up in ten minutes," he replied, but I could've sworn I heard a faint trace of irritation in his voice.
"Yes, Mr Bretton." The blonde quickly left the room, throwing me one last look on the way out.
Then the room was silent once more and I faltered, wondering if I was supposed to leave. Was he done teaching me how to plan his schedule? Biting my lip, I stood up hesitantly, setting the tablet down on the desk. "Uh – I'll just be outside, then – "
"She's just a potential client," Kaden said abruptly.
Something in his voice made me pause and I stared at him curiously. He was still firmly avoiding my gaze, his fingers flying furiously over the keyboard. But my lips curled into a tiny, chewed-off smile when the implications of his statement suddenly occurred to me. "I didn't ask."
Kaden's eyes shot up to meet mine. The flicker of realisation dawning on his face was unmistakable as he quickly noticed his slip. "I – "
"But thank you for the clarification, Mr Bretton," I quickly added, hardly able to keep the amusement out of my voice.
His eyes immediately narrowed and he stood up, pushing his chair back abruptly. "Get back to the bloody schedule. I expect to see it planned out by the time I get back." He strode quickly out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I jumped at the sound, but once alone in the room, I couldn't help but let a satisfied, relieved smile bloom across my face. It was nice to know that he still cared about what I thought, even if only a little.
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Working at Bretton industries was something like running a marathon where the finish line was never in sight. The phone was practically ringing off the hook, an influx of unread emails flooded my inbox each morning, and Kaden's schedule was packed. Clients stepped in and out of his office at every hour of every day, and if Kaden wasn't in his office making new business deals, then he was rushing off from one meeting to another.
To say I was unnerved by the sheer hustle and bustle in the office was an understatement, but Stella soon assured me that it wasn't always like this.
"It's just a build-up," she explained, when she dropped by on one of the afternoons to retrieve a folder from Kaden addressed to Human Resources. "There's the annual company dinner some weeks from now, and a lot of charity organisations and potential clients will be involved, so it has to be a success. It'll ease up after that."
I simply smiled and crossed my fingers for her to see, before handing her the file. "Does it, really?"
"By a fraction. I mean, it is Bretton Industries, after all," she winked briefly and headed off, waving the file in her hand by way of saying goodbye. "Hang in there, Isla."
Oh, I was hanging in there, alright. I knew that my workload was extremely light compared to my other co-workers, and wondered why Kaden seemed adamant on keeping it that way, even though I knew for a fact that there were so many things to do.
The intercom buzzed at that moment and I immediately jolted to attention, tapping the button quickly and picking up the phone. "Mr Bretton's office, how may I help you?"
"Hi, Ms Moore," the person on the other end greeted nervously. "There's one Mr Nolan Mortez from The Mortezion here to see Mr Bretton."
An amused smile glossed my lips at the thought of meeting Nolan. It wasn't a surprise to see him here, because the company dinner was to be held at the grand function room in one his hotels.
"Send him up," I returned quickly, before grinning as I recognised the voice on the intercom. "Oh, and Dylan, is that you?"
"Uh – yes – "
"Hey, Dylan, didn't I tell you to just call me Isla?"
"Yeah, you did. Hey, Isla," he sounded marginally more at ease now, and I presumed it was because Nolan had left the front desk.
"Hi," I greeted brightly, because speaking to the people who worked on the first floor was just one of the things I liked doing in between my job. They were nice and I felt far more at ease with them than with the people working on the top floor with me. And Dylan, who was a year older and still studying like me, was someone I could really talk to. "How're your classes going?"
"It's going great. I'm a little behind on my research, so I'll probably pull a couple of all-nighters to finish my thesis on time."
"Do you need my help?"
"Do you even know anything about neuroscience?"
"I can try," I returned defensively, my lips twitching up in a reluctant smile when he laughed. "Don't you dare laugh at me, Dylan, you know I could go to the library and – "
"Isla." A familiar voice cut in, and I glanced up, only to see Nolan heading towards me, not bothering to hide the curious expression on his face. "Who're you talking to?"
"I'll talk to you later," I said regretfully into the phone, hearing Dylan 's amused goodbye on the other end before hanging up. Then I grinned at Nolan, deciding to tease him just for the fun of it. "My secret lover."
Nolan's eyes narrowed. "Not funny. Was that the bloke from security downstairs?"
"I can't say."
"Why not?" he demanded, looking more agitated by the second.
"Because he's my secret lover. That's kind of what the word secret means, Nolan, you can't expect me to tell you."
"Does Kaden know?"
"Does Kaden know what?" A smooth voice cut in, sounding faintly irritated.
Nolan and I glanced over, only to realise that the door to Kaden's office was open now, and Kaden himself was leading a client out. The client herself was Diane Crossbow, from one of the potential beneficiaries who was to attend the company dinner in a few weeks and also one who paid frequent visits to Kaden.
When she glanced over at me, I smiled, only to be returned a slightly frosty, hostile look in return, which I simply shrugged off because it wasn't the first one I'd gotten from her. Kaden, on the other hand, glanced between Nolan and I, a suspicious look slipping onto his features.
"Isla has a secret lover and she won't tell me who," was Nolan's blunt, albeit a little sulky answer. My mouth fell open and I glared at him, but the affronted look on his face told me that he'd well and truly bought my earlier lie.
And, judging by the frozen look on Kaden's face, so had he.
"Well," Diane interjected, "I think it's best that I leave before I hear more about such frivolous scandals." She threw a pointed look at me and I smiled back, feeling rather amused. She ignored my smile and turned to Kaden, whose expression was almost stony. "I'll contact you soon," she told him, reaching up to press a brief kiss to his cheek, "do let me know what you think."
"I'll see you to the lift, Diane," he returned calmly, his eyes flickering over to me one more time, and they headed off.
"Have a good day, Ms Crossbow," I called after her, and waited until they were out of sight, before I turned to Nolan. "I don't have a secret lover, you bloody git."
His eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Then why'd you tell me you had one?"
"I didn't think you'd actually believe it!"
"You have a knack of being very convincing, Isla," he rolled his eyes, but something in his tone struck me and I paused, realising the gravity of his statement, even though he'd meant it to be teasing.
Had I? I'd never actually thought about that before, but was this the reason why Kaden was always on his guard around me now? Because he thought that I had the potential to fool him again and again and again by mere words alone?
"Isla? Are you alright?"
Pushing the thoughts from my mind aside for a moment, I looked back at him and smiled. "Of course," and the lie slipped so quickly past my lips that the sudden magnitude of what I had just said hit me in full force and I could hardly breathe.
I was so proficient at lying, and the fact that I didn't notice it made the things I said even more toxic, even if I said them with the best of intentions. Perhaps Kaden had figured this out before I had, and maybe this was the reason he was so adamant on keeping his distance.
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Kaden didn't leave his office for the rest of the day, not even to see Nolan off when he left. I wasn't surprised to see him stay past working hours, which he almost always did every night. But when he didn't even leave his office to have dinner, I couldn't help but worry.
So when Stella dropped by my desk to see if I wanted to head out for some food with her colleagues, I shook my head. "It's alright, you go on ahead."
Her shrewd eyes didn't miss the way I glanced briefly at the Kaden's closed door. "He's probably busier than usual. We all are."
I knew that. I also knew that most of the workers here didn't mind staying an extra hour or two to finish up their work, because the overtime pay was excellent and their boss was more than generous. It was already eight in the night and some workers were still lingering to do some last minute work.
"Here," Stella said, as she slipped a card in my hands. I glanced at her in confusion and she smiled. "Best Chinese food in town. Thought you might need it for tonight."
I studied the card, realising that there was a delivery number printed below. "Thanks."
"Have a good night."
She headed off, and I spent the next five minutes on the phone ordering Chinese food for two. It took another twenty minutes for the food to arrive and instead of buzzing the delivery-man up, I headed downstairs to get the food myself. On the way down and then up, I realised that most of the lights in the building were turned off, apart from the lobby, which was lit twenty-four seven.
When I came back up, I knocked on Kaden's door and heard his brisk reply for me to enter. It didn't come as a surprise to find him at his desk as usual, a plethora of files and papers laid out in front of him.
"I bought dinner," I said, refusing to feel disheartened when he didn't spare me a glance. "Are you hungry?"
"No."
I almost rolled my eyes at his prompt answer. "Now why don't I believe you?"
He cast a sardonic expression my way. "That's ironic, coming from you."
Again with the standoffish behaviour. Sighing, I closed the door behind me and headed towards the window ledge, setting the bags of food down. Maybe it was the sudden realisation I had had today, or the fact that the night was long and it was finally wearing me down. Whatever the case was, I felt almost adamant to have my way and not be ignored for once.
"Okay, look," I began calmly, "I know you probably hate me and want me out of your face – and fine, I get that. But you're going to eat and I'm not leaving until you do."
He continued to study the file in his hands, his face expressionless as he scribbled on it with a sleek black pen. "Why're you doing this, Isla?"
"Because you're torturing yourself by not eating and that's not bloody healthy!"
"I'm not eating because I'm busy," he returned evenly.
"Busy enough to starve yourself?"
"Yes."
Gritting my teeth in frustration, I stormed over to him and neatly plucked the file out of his hands, ignoring the furious look he threw my way. "You are going to eat – "
"Isla."
" – or so help me I will rip this thing to shreds," I warned, a note of finality in my voice.
There was a beat of silence and I watched as his jaw tightened and eyes darkened, something like resigned aggravation seeping into his irises. A part of me wondered if he'd flare up and lose his temper altogether, and another part of me wondered why that idea alone didn't faze me at all.
"Fine," he growled at last, striding quickly towards the food on the ledge and starting to unpack the cartons from the bag.
One-upping Kaden Bretton gave me a strange sort of satisfaction. It wasn't the triumphant kind that made me feel accomplished, no. It was more along the lines of a satisfaction that was heart-warming, because at least he listened.
Setting the file aside, I went over to him, helping him to unpack the cartons. "I wasn't going to do it," my voice was soft; almost reconciliatory, and I noticed him cast a brief glance at me in my peripheral vision. "I don't even know where the paper shredder is."
He was silent for so long I almost began to believe that he was well and truly upset. But then he spoke, and his voice was quieter this time, but still guarded. "Doesn't matter. I've got several other copies of it down in admin anyway."
So it was an empty threat that he still bought into? My lips curled in a fleeting smile that he pointedly ignored. He handed me a carton of fried rice and I settled down on the window ledge.
After a moment's hesitation, he sat too, keeping a fair distance between us. We ate in silence, the sounds of forks scraping against plastic boxes breaking the peace every so often, and I couldn't help but sneak surreptitious glances over at him. His position reminded me so much of the afternoons I'd spent with him back at his beach-house, but now, in another setting and situation – everything felt different.
"Do you always keep the curtains drawn?" I asked randomly, staring at the drapes that ran along the length of the window.
Kaden was silent for awhile. "Yes," he finally answered.
"Why?"
He shot me an aggravated look. "Why not?"
"You didn't have them drawn at the beach-house." He didn't deign to reply, and I set my carton aside. "Can I open them?"
He let out an audible, exasperated sigh and returned back to his food. "Do whatever you want."
I didn't have to be told twice. Climbing to my feet, I went over to the slit between the curtains and pushed the first half all the way to one end, before doing the same for the other.
The view that greeted me was utterly stunning, and I could hardly believe that I hadn't thought of opening the curtains before. The city was bathed in an ethereal glow of streetlights and staring down at it from this height was positively dizzying. Cars whizzed along roads at different speeds, the people below crawled along like tiny ants and it was one of the most breath-taking views I'd ever seen.
"This is unbelievable," I breathed, placing my palms flat against the glass and wishing that I could capture the landscape before me and store it forever in my memory. "So this is what it feels like to have the world beneath your feet."
Kaden didn't answer, and I turned to look at him. But to my surprise, he was watching me, the look on his face unreadable but unguarded for the first time.
I smiled. "Never, ever shut your curtains again. I can't believe you're depriving everyone who walks into your office of the view you have from here."
But my words seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he was in, and he set his food carton down before standing up. "I've got to get back to work."
"Oh."
I couldn't help but feel faintly disappointed. After all, I thought I was getting through to him, if only a little. Picking up the empty cartons, I pushed them back into the paper bag, setting mine aside to finish for later. Then I glanced over at him, realising that he was already leaning against his desk, another file in his hands as he made amendments to it.
"Do you want coffee?" I asked, as an afterthought. It was clear to see that he was going to spend a few more hours in the office and a part of me just felt reluctant to leave. When he didn't reply, I simply shrugged. "Well, I'm making some. Be right back."
"Wait," he stopped me just before I could leave, and held out a couple of files. "Send these down to Finance on the seventh floor."
I took them from him, along with the bag of trash. It took me a good five minutes to head down the Finance and locate the correct offices to leave the files in, and another five minutes to operate the coffee machine in the rec room. The building was now mostly cleared out, and heading around with only the dim lights to guide me was both thrilling but scary at the same time.
When I returned with two steaming mugs of coffee and a new stack of files, Kaden was still leaning against the table, a different file in hand now. "You know that there's an espresso machine in my office, don't you?" He said flatly, without glancing up.
My eyes widened. But a look around the room and I realised that he was right, there was a coffee machine and I'd just gone out of my way for nothing. "Here," I said, stifling a sigh and handing him his coffee, pleased when he took it instead of outwardly refusing. "And I found these files addressed for you, so I took the liberty of bringing them up first, since someone's probably going to send them over tomorrow anyway."
"You brought me more work?" he sounded almost accusing, and I raised my eyebrows defensively.
"Well, sorry. Do you want me to take them back down?"
"It's fine. Just leave them."
So I left the files on his desk and returned back to my food. But I paused when I saw that the carton was shut instead of opened the way I'd left it, presumably so that the food wouldn't go cold. I frowned, casting a calculative glance over at Kaden, but he didn't seem to notice.
Shrugging the matter off, I curled up on the window ledge and resumed eating; staring out at the night view and falling in love with it all over again.
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After dinner, I spent the time filing up some paperwork that I had originally set aside to do the next day, along with organising his schedule for the next few weeks. Kaden was still going through the files when I was done, and a frown slipped onto my face when I realised that it was past ten and he still showed no signs of leaving.
"Are you going to be here all night?" I asked curiously, replacing his tablet back on his desk with the schedules all arranged. "You're supposed to be done by ten."
"Well, that clearly isn't happening, is it?"
"I could help you. You know, even though I don't really know what's going on, but I'm sure I could read up a little and um – give my opinions on...er, capital assets or something – " I finished lamely, a slow blush spreading to my cheeks when I realised that I really didn't know anything. Business wasn't my strong suit, it never was, and somehow, working at Kaden's company made me feel rather inadequate at times.
Or most of the time.
Kaden finally looked at me, his eyes narrowed and discerning. "Isla," he started quietly, "what're you doing?"
"Well, obviously, I'm trying to help you – "
"I don't need your help – "
"Yes, but I'm your personal assistant," I insisted, smiling when his eyebrows rose. "And I'm almost certain it's a PAs job to stay with their boss when he's working late. You know, in case he needs coffee. Or food. Or a second opinion."
Kaden stared at me for a long moment. And after what seemed like forever, he sighed and turned to his desk. "Come over here and make yourself useful," he began, and I headed over curiously, wondering what he needed me to do. He picked up a stack of files and handed them to me. "Read through these and tell me which beneficiaries I should pick for the company dinner."
My mouth fell open in surprise. I'd expected him to ask me to do some arbitrary paperwork, but this? This was not paperwork. This was actually very, very huge, because it involved half of the dinner's purpose, and there were dozens of beneficiaries seeking help from Bretton industries from this dinner alone.
And he was asking me to pick them?
"Oh, no, I can't," I hastily said, trying to push the files back at him, "that's far too huge a decision to make and I can't make them."
"Isla – either make them, or go home. It's your choice."
My eyes widened. And I realised belatedly that while I could, occasionally, one-up Kaden and get him to do whatever I wanted him to, he could do just the exact same thing to me. Taking a deep breath, I hugged the files to my chest and went over to the window ledge, ready to work through the night. "Alright."
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I hadn't realised that I'd fallen asleep until I felt strong hands gently shake me awake and the persistent calling of my name by a very familiar voice. Blinking blearily, I slowly began to register that Kaden was leaning above me, his face an unusual shade of concern. But the moment I focused on him, he drew back, the concern vanishing and replaced with his usual mask of indifference.
"Is – is it morning?" I asked, feeling completely out of sorts. But one glance out of the window told me that it was still dark out.
"No," Kaden's replied smoothly. I couldn't help but notice that he was only wearing a long-sleeved shirt without his black suit, with the shirt untucked and sleeves pushed up to his elbows.
But as I slowly began to stir from my curled up position on the ledge, I realised that his black suit top was draped over me. A tiny smile glossed my lips as I remembered how he'd once done the same thing with a blanket. So Kaden with sight and without sight was still one and the same – caring, kind and thoughtful throughout, even though he acted otherwise at times.
Pushing his suit jacket gently aside, I climbed unsteadily to my feet. The window ledge was scattered with the documents I'd been reading, and my eyes widened with dismay as I realised that I'd actually fell asleep midway through the task Kaden had set me with.
"I'm so sorry," I threw him an apologetic look over my shoulder, bending down to stack the files again. Once I was done, I handed them back to him and bit my lip. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I marked the ones I thought had potential with the post-it notes, but I didn't manage to go through all of them, I'm afraid. Sorry about that."
"It's fine," he returned, hardly glancing up from his screen as he texted busily. "Just get your things. There aren't any buses this time of the day so I'll send you back home."
"Are you still going to continue working?"
"I'm done for the night," he told me, slipping his phone into the pocket of his pants and headed towards the door, holding it open and patiently waiting until I'd stumbled out before closing it behind me. "At least one of us had to finish our jobs."
"There were a lot of beneficiaries," I argued weakly, picking up my bag and hugging his suit jacket to my chest. "I'll finish up the rest in the morning, I promise. Just leave the files on my table."
"You're not coming in to work today."
His words made me pause to look up at him, startled. "Am I fired?" A strange, painful tug shot through my heart at the idea of that. Getting fired from a job was one thing; getting fired because Kaden didn't want me there was another altogether.
But he shot me a flat look instead. "No. You get a day-off."
"Because I pulled an all-nighter to help you?"
"Because I need a breather from you."
I glanced at him, wondering if he actually meant it. But the slight twitch of his lips made me wonder if he was actually teasing, in which case – well, this was progress indeed.
We made our way towards the parking lot, and I raised my eyebrows but didn't say a word at the black Ferrarri parked in the reserved spot. A flashy car wasn't completely unexpected, and I was just glad that it wasn't bright red the way Nolan's car was. It didn't surprise me either when Kaden held the door open for me, or waited until I was properly settled with the seatbelt strapped on before putting the car in drive.
But when Kaden punched in the address to my flat into the GPS, I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows, now feeling genuinely surprised. "How'd you know where I live?"
"Parker told me."
"Alright, let me rephrase the question – why did you have to find out where I live?"
"It's Parker's place, I've known the address for awhile."
"Still doesn't answer my question," a tiny, sly smile curved on my lips, my voice light and teasing. "This is getting real stalkerish, real fast."
He didn't answer. But there was a tick in his jaw, like something about the topic was actually breaking through his normally steely façade. And I was suddenly determined to find out.
"So why did you have to find out where I live?"
"Don't fucking push, Isla," his voice was almost deadly, his jaw clenched as he gazed out at the road.
"Is it because you're my boss?"
"Isla."
"It's not part of the job description now, is it?"
"It's because I can't fucking lose you again, alright?" He suddenly snapped, taking his eyes momentarily off the road to glare at me with a furious intensity that took me completely by surprise. "Because I spent months searching for you and I knew fucking nothing about you and I'd like to at least know something now, just in case you decide to pull another fucking disappearing act in front of me – is that what you wanted to fucking hear?"
Yes, yes, this was what I wanted to hear. I'd gotten more out of his sudden outburst than I had in weeks, and I wasn't going to ignore it.
Because, damn it, damn him, his words left a slow burn inside me and it was a pleasant one, one that made me feel like reaching out for him and pulling him to me, to press my lips against his and show him that none of his worries were ever necessary if I had at least the slightest bit of say in the situation.
"I'm not something to lose," was all I could manage to say, after a long, painful silence.
Kaden didn't spare me a glance. "You know that wasn't what I meant," he returned shortly, his posture rigid.
"Yes, I know," I said gently, and turned to face him. "But you should also know that I'm not going anywhere."
It took a good few seconds before he responded, and his gaze was still distant and guarded. "That's what you said the last time before you fucking up and left."
"I know," I shut my eyes briefly, remembering how it all went down. The past flashed through my mind in vivid, heart-breaking images and I forced myself to open my eyes. "I never meant to hurt you."
"Yeah, but you did anyway."
And there was something infinitely raw in his voice, a kind of raw that swung at me and hit me hard in the gut like a sledgehammer. I found myself speechless, grappling for a plethora of words that could never come. And it was funny, I was a wordsmith and I prided myself on using words to express myself.
But when it came to Kaden – I had none.