Chapter 23
**When you see ( # ) then the flashbacks are over in case you get confused***
Mistakes and Memories
>>>Carter
You know, I remember a time when something like this was one of the best feelings I've ever had.
You see, I've known I was attracted to boys when I was fairly little and that terrified the hell out of me for years at that revelation. At thirteen I had crushes, but never initiated any sort of gestures towards them knowing that was not the smartest thing to do. I merely watched from afar and kept my feelings to myself. I didn't tell friends. There was only one person I truly trusted to tell this to back then.
There was nothing impressive that happened when I first entered freshmen year in high school at Newton high. The faces of students were the same, the teachers weren't any different, and I found everything completely dull and mundane for the time being.
There was, however, the day I bumped into a certain senior while I was rushing through the halls one Wednesday because I was extremely late for a class. My feet rushed, one hand holding an opened bottle of water, while the other cradled the books I quickly snatched out of my locker in haste, not even sure if they were the right ones nor did I care at the time.
I turned the corner, only to bump face first into someone who obviously had more muscles than I did since I was the only one who fell flat on his ass. My water splattered all over me as I look up at the person who simply watched me curiously with deep brown eyes as he tugged on his own wet shirt.
"I am so sorry!" I said in embarrassment, getting up as the realization hit me on who I bumped into. I adjusted my glasses, retrieving the books that fell out of my hands as I stood up quickly. "Oh God your shirt! Um wait, I have an extra shirt in my locker, but... damn it, you're too big. I don't mean big in that way but- well you probably are big in that way too, but not what I meant at first, it's just you are very um. Crap." I face palmed myself hard across the forehead. Shut up Carter. Just shut up.
Yeah, that's fourteen year old me. A clumsy, tongue-tied rambling idiot.
"I get it." He laughed, finding the situation funny instead of creepy. He bent down, picking up my folder off the tiled floors before handing it over to me as I shyly took it from him. "It's alright. It's just water, I'm on my way to Physical Ed. anyways."
"Oh okay, then I'm just going to uh." Go now before I embarrass myself anymore. "I'm already um late so... yeah. Bye."
"Woah, Woah, Woah." He snickered, taking a hold of my shoulders making me gasp softly at the sudden contact. "Can I at least ask you your name?"
"Wha?"
"Name? Like what do they call you? The thing on your birth certificate?"
"Uh... aren't you Patrick Price?" I asked confusingly as he scrunched his brows together, as if trying to understand me. "Why would you want to know my name?"
"Because." He states, running a hand through his dark curls before taking a quick survey around the empty halls, then looked back to me. "I think... You look cute."
My breathing hitched in my throat.
"W-What?"
"Oh I know you heard me." He winked causing my face to heat up.
"Um...it's Carter..." I finally said after a long moment of silence, and I had the nerve to answer.
"Carter huh?" he whispered, as if testing out the name himself. "I like it."
"Thanks." I said, my thoughts completely scrambled at the moment. "I really need to get to class. Mr. Donavon already has anger issues. I don't want to get on his bad side."
"Aw man he's the worst." Patrick says nodding in agreement before looking at me again as if an idea just formed in his head. "Hey since it's the last period... do you want to go get out of here?"
I was taken back by the question. "You mean ditch?" I asked, making him nod in response. "Where?"
"Anywhere you want to go if you come with me." He said coolly, his voice full of promises as my eyes widened at the revelation at what was happening... was I being asked out?
"Hey Car." He said as I looked up to meet those soft brown eyes of his. "Let's go." He gestured his arms towards me, as if telling me to take it as all this came crashing down in my mind. I smiled in a giddy manner, taking his hand in mine without a second thought.
It was like a daydream I didn't plan on coming out of anytime soon. I don't know what possessed me to leave with him that day... I could have avoided the problems that came along with it.
Mistake number one.
We met outside of school hours many times... too many memorable times that stung in my chest whenever I thought about it too much. In a couple of months, I had considered him one of my best friends even though I wanted a lot more than just that, but felt that it would just never happen. I remember fond chats about what we wanted to do in life, our hobbies, our dreams, and it was just so innocent at first I couldn't see any signs. I invited him to my house one time when no one was home, and we had fun playing this new video game that I got. I got my ass handed to me several times, but it was fun, I'll admit.
It was during an unexpected time when I lost yet again that he leaned over and took my first kiss. To say I was shocked was the understatement of the year as I stared at Patrick for the longest time before he burst out in laughter saying he wished he could've taken a picture of how wide my eyes popped like an anime character. I started to laugh at that, joining him as we both brushed it off and went back to our game. Now that I think about it... we never really had a conversation about what was occurring between us at all. We just went with the flow.
Mistake number two.
Patrick avoided me like the plague if others were around or simply if we were in school, and before I had the time to be hurt by it, he always left me little notes in my locker, or on my desk to give me a setting where we would meet, and like the love struck puppy I was, I was content.
Our hidden kisses became harder, and harder each time we could spare together as he started to touch me more in such a desperate need, it made me feel special. I couldn't ask for more; nor did I ever, because at the time I thought how lucky I was to find someone to like me.
What. A. Fool.
Mistake number three.
I remember bringing up a conversation about telling our friends about us, which, completely bought out a scary atmosphere out of Patrick that I'd never seen before.
"Are you trying to make me look bad?" he said, glaring in my shocked expression as I shook my head in disagreement.
"No. It's just that-"
"I'm in my final year Car. Do you know how bad it would look when I apply for a school, and word got out about us?"
"Rick I didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to-"
"Well stop trying."
That was the first time he made me cry. I grabbed my stuff quickly, not looking at him as I made a dash towards the door. I was this close to turn the handle when I was hauled back for an unexpected kiss. I fought at first, honest I did, but the movement of his lips made me completely forget what I was angry about in the first place. I had no excuse but to say I was young, impulsive, and gullible back then. He didn't even say sorry. He just pulled away to give me some air before saying 'We can't jeopardize my future.'
I should've listened to the way he said the word 'My' instead of 'Our'. That was my first clue that I was never part of his plans.
Mistake number four.
I remember a few weeks after that little incident, Patrick was the talk of the school, but I never paid much attention to it. After all he was labelled the popular guy being the captain of the basketball team and all.
"Man did you hear?" A friend that never stuck around asked me as I looked at him in confusion.
"Hear what Garret?"
Yes, Garret Dane was my friend, at least that's what I thought and hoped would stay like that. You'd be surprised how sweet he was back then. Giddy, outgoing little nerd with braces, and a goal to be on a team. It amazes me... how times have changed.
"Dude Chelsea freaking Villa is taken now! Man I'm so bummed out, I've liked her since-"
"Since she offered you gum in fourth grade. Yeah. Yeah Gary. You're also in love with Melissa Chow, Geanna Perry, and let's not forget-" I start counting all the girls that probably didn't even remember his name on my fingertips as he flushes at each name I called. "Oh and then there's Rubina Alami and-"
"Cary!" he whines childishly, calling me by that awful nickname I eventually got used to. "What kind of friend are you?"
"You know you love me." I tease, causing him to roll his eyes in response. "Okay Gary, sorry that one of your many, many, many crushes has been stolen from you. So, who's the hunk that stole your princess?"
He sighs. "Patrick Price."
I stopped in my tracks, the pain clawing inside of my chest that it was almost consuming the organ that was my heart. I looked at Garret in disbelief as he complains about not being able to compete with the hottest senior alive while I tried my best to not let the tears make an appearance in my eyes.
.....
I waited for Patrick to come to our secret spot (the school's rooftop) for over an hour that evening, and let me just say I was hurt and pissed off at the same time. I kept on asking myself one big question. Why? Why is he going out with her? Why didn't he at least tell me? Break off whatever was going on between us? If he didn't want to be with me anymore why didn't he just tell me? All these questions kept ringing in my thoughts as I paced up and down on the rooftop so focused that I didn't hear when Patrick came up.
"You're already here?" He says, making me turn around to glare in his direction as he stepped forward with arms open, expecting me to go in for a hug. "What's wrong Car?"
"You figure it out." I state through gritted teeth as he scrunched his brows in confusion.
"I'm... lost here."
I narrowed my eyes, digging my nails into my palms to keep myself from yelling as I asked. "Are you going out with Chelsea Villa?"
"Yes."
He said it so easily. So freaking easily that I thought he'd rehearsed it. I bit my lip hard as anger rose within every vein in my body that I thought they'd burst.
"Come here." I said, placing the most realistic fake smile I've ever played off on my features. I tapped a finger on my lips in a teasing manner, indicating I wanted a kiss as he grinned at the gesture. He puckered up, leaning down to reach my height as his eyes closed.
I punched the hell out of his jaw in that moment of vulnerability. Surprising not only him, but myself as he plummets to the floor, knocking his head on a vase that was placed there, which was just a bonus in my opinion.
"Fuck!" he hissed. Holding a palm towards his head that leaked a nasty red colour.
"Go kiss her then!" I snapped, the hurt and anger I felt no longer hiding, but making an obvious presence within my voice. I've never hurt someone before, but damn did that feel good. With a disappointing shake of my head, I made a mad dash to the staircase, ignoring Patrick's calling behind me.
First thing I did right.
I rushed, feet burning from not taking a break for I was about as fit as fat albert, but didn't care, because if I didn't get home right now I'd break down and probably cry here and that was not an option. I turned the corner, only to bump hard into someone that seemed to have lost his balance as I fell on top of him.
I needed to stop running into people.
"I'm so-" I stopped, staring into bright green eyes that looked equally as shocked as I was at this position. My hands were on either side of his face, chests a mere inch from each other as one of his knees were placed in between my legs. Then it dawned on me who I bumped into and my soft features that were vulnerable that second hardened in an instant.
"Oh it's just you Drake. Never mind." I state bluntly, getting out of that uncomfortable position as quick as possible.
"Not even an apology Summers?" a younger Nolan glared, brushing the dirt of his shirt after he got off the floor. I gladly returned one of my own glare as the annoying tension surrounded us at the stare down. Conversations like this were pretty much normal for us, but that day I was already a mess. He was just unfortunate enough to bump into me. Nolan narrowed his eyes, scanning my face as he raised a brow in curiosity. "Were you crying?"
"No." I lied, glancing my face downwards so he couldn't see my probably blotched features as I clenched my fist. I needed to get out of here before-
"Carter!"
I paled, not giving it a second thought as I pushed Nolan out of the way and started running once more towards the door. I am not going to see Patrick right now, I was already weak when it came to him.
"Carter wait!"
"Hey Price! How's it going man?" I hear Nolan said, making me glance back in curiosity as I see him blocking Patrick's way out the door, and tried to make a conversation with him.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was helping me back then.
I remember riding my bike so fast from school to home, I was almost afraid my wheels would catch fire, or I'd be pulled over for breaking the damn speed limit, because it sure felt like it.
I remember opening the door to my house, but I don't remember closing it for I was too busy holding it all in as I rushed inside. I smell of honey and cooking oil hit my nose, and I headed straight towards the source, which would be the kitchen.
"Is that you Carter?" the soft voice of the only person I truly trusted called out as I let myself become visible at the corridor. She turned around with a dazzling smile that I'll never get to see again, melting it into a worried frown as she saw my features. "Honey what's wrong?"
I didn't hold it in anymore as the tears make their debut appearance.
"Mama..." Was all I managed to say before my words failed me. On instinct, she immediately ran towards me and enveloped me in a tight reassuring hug as I hung on to her smaller frame like a life line.
I remember thinking... at least I had her.
.....
The next few weeks were a blur.
I just went straight from school to home, and occasionally to Garret's house since he was starting to worry about me too. In a way, I was a terrible friend for lying to him about why I was so down lately, but I thought that if I came out to him too soon I'd lose him too. Fortunately, he was kind enough to just let the subject drop, and like the best friend he was, cheered me up with his crappy jokes, long talks, and lack of a girlfriend complaints.
I missed that... the way we used to be.
"I'm going to join the team." Garret told me with an excited grin on his face. I looked at him, stunned that he made the cut. I tackled him into a huge bear hug as the room filled with laughter once more.
"That's great Gar!" I said, and for the first time in weeks I smiled widely. "Promise me you won't get all 'Oh I'm a jock and I'm better than you'll ever be' types. Okay? Oh and I hope you won't go abandoning me either mister." By the look on his face, you'd think that I told him not to kill any one.
"Are you kidding!" he said, surprising me by locking my throat in a wrestling stature as he nudged my hair over and over again with a fist in a brotherly manner. "I'd never leave you stupid! Whose gonna look after you after that?"
"I can't breathe! Foul! Foul!" I faked out as if I was choking; struggling to get free from his larger frame compared to the twig shape I was. "Let me go John Cena, I give up! Uncle!"
With a victorious grin, he unlocked his arm around my neck as I breathe in some proper oxygen.
"That's the first time you've laughed in weeks!" Garret said, giving me a playful nudge as I stuck my tongue out in response. "Oh come on! Don't you know me better than that? Okay look. Pinky promise I won't ever become a conceited asshole, and I won't leave you to fend for yourself even though I'll be hotter and cooler."
I rolled my eyes at the suggestion.
"You're such a kid." I said.
"We're the same age." He defends, extending his pinky finger out, waiting for me to take it.
"Whatever Gar." I smiled, locking our fingers together. "You promise?"
"I promise." He said flashing a giddy smile, braces and all.
You'd never think that... that was the last conversation we'd have as friends.
.........
I remember how normal the following day at school started. I was finally starting to feel like my old self again. I didn't even bother looking around frantically to see if Patrick was around the halls so I could dash in the opposite direction. No... I made the decision that if I saw him again I would be alright. He probably wouldn't even try anything, because if he did it would mean he cared. And he made it very clear the other day that he didn't.
I remember being so carefree, so bored in class like a normal student would. Being able to return like that was like a small pleasure I would do a lot to receive again, but then there was one thing that always hit at the most unexpected moment...
Reality, is really a bitch.
When the bell after the final period, I rushed out of the classroom in an instant. I remember how excited I was to meet Garret, and another friend of ours at the arcade later, and I didn't want to be late. I should've just when straight there. I should've just held it in or wait until I was already with them. Instead, I went into the boy's bathroom, because apparently my bladder just had to have such a bad sense of timing.
I washed my hands thoroughly by the large sink, whistling a random tune when I heard the door open, but felt a strange sense of dread when I heard a small click, signalling that someone locked it. I turned, only to feel my heart clench painfully at the sight of the one person I've been avoiding for weeks.
"Before you freak out," Patrick stated, innocently putting his hands in the air in a defensive stance. "Please listen."
"I don't have to listen to anything you say." I snapped, hiding the panic and pain I was feeling at the moment with anger. I tried to step around him, but he simply grabbed me by the shoulders making me flinch at the contact. "Get out of my way."
"Car hold on!" he said pleadingly as I shook my head stubbornly in response, not trusting my voice at the moment as the emotions built up in my throat. "Car please, I didn't think it'd be a big deal if I dated her. It's you I want."
"Screw you!" I managed to choke out furiously.
"Tell me you don't want anything to do with me then!" he snapped back, taking me by surprise at the hurt in his voice. He sounded so vulnerable right now that I completely forgot what I was angry about for a second looking into his big brown eyes that were riming with unshed tears. "Car I'm sorry. I broke up with her I swear! I was only thinking about myself, but I can't be with you like that in public-"
"I never said we should."
"I know. It's just... people expect things from me. I can't let them down, and I can't take that chance about my future, and family they-"
"Rick." I say softly taking his hand in mine as I sighed. "I understand, just... let me go. I'm done with this. I don't have a problem anymore... we're-"
"Well I have a problem." He said softly, moving his hands to my face making me freeze at the gesture as he rests his forehead on my own. "I think I'm in love with you."
I should've resisted. I should've just turned him down, but at the sound of those words I all sense of logic flew out my mind as I pulled him down by his neck and crashed his lips against my own.
Biggest mistake out of them all.
He kissed back instantly, taking on a passionate force I've ever felt as he lifted me upon the sink and I wrapped my legs around his waist, my mind completely blank at the moment.
I honestly, and truly don't remember how my shirt got off. I was too busy being a complete idiot whose heart was being controlled like a yo-yo, and Patrick was pulling the strings quite professionally. I remember thinking that this was it. He loved me. He wasn't going to leave. His hands pulled me close, touching so carefully, as I got lost in the feeling.
"Car I want to-"
"Yes." I answered, not realizing what he meant at that age as I pulled his curly locks in for another kiss. I would've done anything he wanted at that moment... but then he pressed up against me, showing exactly what he meant as my eye widened at the revelation. "W-Wait-"
"It's okay." He whispered, the lust over taking his voice as he brutally attacked my mouth with my eyes widening as I no longer felt pleasant at the touch. I squirmed in his grasp, trying to make incoherent murmurs in his mouth before he finally pulled away, lips swollen, and eyes darkening in ecstasy.
I remember how it felt when the reality of the situation hit hard. I felt embarrassed, and so stupid at that moment it was suffocating. This was a bathroom. Boys like me dreamt of clean sheets with a sweet, loving boy that said the words 'I love you' not with the words 'I think' in the front of that confession. I was supposed to lose it at an embarrassingly late age, not at fourteen. If he did care he would at least understand that... right? I remember looking at Rick while shaking my head from side to side as his face fell in disappointment.
It was then it finally hit that dense head of mine that this was madness.
There was a banging on the door, making both of us stiffen at the sound.
"Hey Ricky are you finished man? Chelse's been waiting for you, and I really don't get why I have keep your girl distracted while you piss ya know?"
My neck snapped towards Patrick, disbelieving eyes gawking at him as he bit his lip guiltily. "You lied to me."
"I know this looks bad-" I cut him off with a harsh glare, pushing myself off the sink before grabbing my shirt of the tiled floor. My face burned in the embarrassment, as my annoying eyes started to behind my glasses. I didn't want to cry anymore, this was starting to get ridiculous. I didn't know how things could get worst.
Then the door opened.
"Hey man, my dad's a cop. I know how to pick a lock, so what are you up to in-" A guy from Patrick's team strolled in, looking at both of us in complete bewilderment, and I could only imagine at that moment how bad this looked to a straight kid. "Holy shit..."
I never had a consensual 'coming out' moment, and I never would after that.
Patrick instantly defended himself, saying I was the one that came onto him, and seeing as I was the only one that had a piece of clothing off, the blame was instantly pointed on me from the guy that came in. I remember how the rumours spread throughout like wildfire, and that's how everyone found out. Patrick told everyone that asked him that he was trying to let me down by saying he wasn't gay as his sorry ass excuse.
What gullible fools. But of course, anything that came out of the popular senior's mouth would seem more believable than what a nobody freshman had to say.
I remember how the conference went in the office when things got out of hand. The homosexual part wasn't a problem with the principal, whom I've despised since then, and she already knew by that time. The problem was that two of her students have been inappropriate upon her campus, and not even me she could loophole out of that one, so I was punished as well.
It was so stupid, even though she took my side of the story which was the entire damn truth. What happened in the office stayed exactly there as she decided what would happen to us. I was literally void of emotions by that time, for I was tired. Tired of crying, tired of being hurt, tired of being called names by people who don't know anything, but mostly I was tired of Patrick and his bullshit.
"I'm sorry." He said in the office as I scoffed in response. "I hope you know that I really do-"
"Just shut up." I said as Maybelle walked into the office.
"Alright." She said before looking at us. "I've discussed the situation with both your parents and-"
"I want suspension." I demanded, making both of them snap their heads in my direction. I needed an excuse to not come to school for a few days. I was a wreck emotionally even though I didn't want to show it.
"Well that seems much too drastic Mr. Summers, so just community service in the school will do. Alright?"
I didn't answer.
"It that clear?" she repeated, the usual annoyance I gave her taking a place in her tone as I sighed.
"Yes mam." I grit through my teeth as she dismissed Patrick to go meet his parents outside, leaving me to fend myself with the dragon lady.
Maybelle sighs, shaking her head from side to side in disbelief as she said. "I'm disappointed."
"And I've always been disappointment for you, what's new?" I rolled my eyes as she flinched from that comment.
"You know I'm still your-"
"Oh would you look at that." I cut her off, immediately getting up from the chair making my way to the door. "Time's run out Principal Summers, so I best get going. My mother is waiting for me outside."
"Cart-"
I slammed the door shut, strolling down the halls as I made my way outside, almost home free for the day as I saw my mom's car straight outside.
Yeah, because things were just that easy right?
"Car!"
I strictly told myself to keep on walking. Don't look back. Did I listen to myself? Of course I didn't.
"Carter please." His voice getting closer as he blocked the doorway before I had a chance to escape.
"What do you want from me?!" I groaned in irritation as I stared at Patrick in disbelief. "Just get on with your life you already ruined mine!"
"I'm so-"
"Don't say I'm sorry anymore alright! I'm done. I'm done. I'm so done with you! Get out of my-" I was cut off by his poor overly used attempt to kiss and make it all better.
I remember being so proud of myself for feeling absolutely nothing anymore.
#
So here he is, after three years doing the same bullshit he had then. My eyes were wide awake as my fist clenched in anger, digging my nails in palms so hard I thought I'd puncture the skin and bleed.
This
Was
Fucking
Disgusting
Nasty.
And just plain Wrong.
He pulled away, looking at me expectantly.
"You done?" I ask in complete and utter boredom, wiping my tainted lips with the sleeve of my shirt, watching as his face fell from hopeful to disappointment.
"Car-"
"This would be the part where I punch you, but you know what? That's too tiring. A punch wouldn't be near enough to let out the anger I feel." I pushed him away vigorously. "Don't come near me again. Don't talk to me again, or I swear I'll report fucking sexual assault to the school board. I doubt anyone would believe your bull if it came from a minor right?"
"You're bluffing." He paled, making me laugh out as if that was the funniest thing I've ever heard. I looked at him almost as if I felt sorry for him, which I didn't just to be clear.
"That just goes to show that you no longer know me Rick."
"You act as if you don't feel anything anymore." He whispered almost disbelievingly as I slap a palm on my forehead at this stupid conversation. I thought I was the desperate one back then, but this is just getting childish.
"I don't." I said truthfully as the brown eyes I once adored gaze down to the floor in embarrassment. I hated how easily he bought memories into my mind. It was so overpowering that I almost cried in here, and that was enough to annoy me.
"Why?"
Did he not get it?
"Bye Patrick." I said, ignoring that stupid question as I strolled past his shoulders to walk out of here.
Today was so dramatic I should sign up for MTV to record my fucked up life, but I'm pretty sure they already had a show with a girl that had my name finding herself so that position has been filled.
Before I even had a chance to place my palm on the handle of the door, my heart jumped in surprise as it flew open. Revealing bright green eyes that looked down on me.
Nolan looked like he ran miles without stopping, his dyed black hair stuck onto his forehead, as he breaths heavily while looking at me. Then his gaze shifted in the bathroom to look towards a shock Patrick; I felt my breathing hitch in my throat. Oh God, this is gonna look so bad.
What made my heart stop completely was when he glared intensely straight in my eyes with his intelligent green gaze, and I was sure about two things.
One, Nolan was angry, and two, this drama isn't over.
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*Sips chocolate milk at 5 in the morning*
Bello Guys!
Alright so please keep in mind Carter was fourteen, so don't judge him too hard or anything okay? Like seriously my friend read this, and I wanted to choke him for saying some not nice stuff about my baby. (I did Btw and he shut up for the rest of the chapter.)
Guys this chapter had like many, many, many important factors in it, so I hope you paid attention.
Gah. I just had to run out of M&M's jezz. it's my only comfort. Gah I should sleep... probably won't. Oh well I know you guys have some stuff to say sooooo....
Hate mail here
Love mail here
I hate Patrick T-shirts order here
Nolan better hurt someone named Patrick mail here
Nolan better step up his game mail here
How you think the story is going so far here
Love ya'll going now. #PassOut
TripleJ ^.^