Life is strange. Just when you've got a handle on things, when you can finally see the path ahead - everything you've taken for granted seems to vanish in the pure light of day. Paradigms shift, leaving you breathless and unsure of yourself.
Then one night you run in a man so completely different your whole world comes unglued. Paradigm shifts don't mean a thing because nothing matters anymore; nothing's important except the man beside me
Patrick took my hand and wandered through the memorial garden, breathing in the beauty surrounding us. How I loved to come here, be engulfed by nature’s canvas and filled by the sound of its music. The scent filled my senses and my mind. Such a flower caught my eyes, as I settled onto the soft grass beneath the shade of a large magnolia tree in full bloom. Sunlight filtered down through the leaves and I have squinted my eyes against the pale-green sparkle.
And just beside it engraved a tomb
In Loving Memory of
Kier Jeffrey P. Santillano
“What are we doing here, Pat?” I said dragging my eyes from the grave and gazing at Patrick who was still staring down at the tomb
He held out his hand. I hesitantly took it, and then looked at our hands a moment. His long tapered fingers glowed bronze against my smooth skin as our fingers entwined. I shivered, the image was almost prophetic
“It’s his death anniversary”
I glanced up, staring into his brilliant dark pools that almost made me lost for a moment and felt something stir deep in me. It moved like a tidal wave, setting fire to my heart and soul.
Pat grinned and led me down to the stretch of grass below.
“I always knew you even before I met you, Meg” He began and I was stunned not knowing what to say next after he said that. Gazillions of question crawled up at the back of my head.
How come?! Why?
As if hearing my question he said “We were close cousin. In fact it was like he was the brother I never had and Kier always talked about you in every chance he could get” A smile crept up on his face as he said
“You should’ve seen how he had that goofy smile whenever he talks about you” He shook his head but the smile was still there on his lips. “He would always mention how headstrong and stubborn you were who spoke her mind, and always knew she said nothing she didn't mean. And that you have a certain sweetness about you that draws him closer.”
He gaze up finally meeting my eyes and reached out for my hand for him to hold “When he told me he had fallen in love, I knew it was real. I respected his relationship with you, so never allowed myself to think of you as anything less even tho I haven’t met you back then”
The revelation of his feelings made my eyes widen and turn suspiciously wet around the edges, but Patrick merely radiate satisfaction and wore a content smile.
“And you know what, Meg? Now that I finally met you, I could honestly say Kier was right about you all along. You are as charismatic to a fault, with a skewering wit, and could be counted on for a seemingly endless mix of alternating hilarious and touching stories”
As my eyes were close, I listen to the wind blowing my hair as it whispers in my ear, the sound of chimes ringing somewhere outside, the smell of tropical flowers in the air--- It was driving the essence of peacefulness.
And the moment I opened my eyes I found the light and shadows seemed to draw attention to Patrick’s broad shoulders and strong frame. His face under the sun was ruggedly handsome. His neat, dark hair fell effortlessly on his forehead which suited him the most. This was the first time I really looked at him and I found my self falling more in love with him.
Licking my bottom lip, I tried to think of something to say but there was nothing. "I don't know what to say," I murmured, at last.
When he turned to look at me, I noticed the brightness of his eyes. Although everything about him denoted a roughness, his eyes seemed gentle and kind. I felt drawn to this man just like the first time I met him.
"But thank you for doing this, It has got to be my first time seeing his grave" I said gently. “Pat, I have so many mixed feelings flowing through me.” I sighed deciding I finally let it all out from my chest “I miss Kier” I said but it almost came out as a whisper “I terribly miss him.”
I searched his face, trying to find some emotion, any emotion, but it was harder to decipher. Horror roiled through my stomach and I found that I couldn't meet his eyes, knowing that if I did, I’d see the rawness beneath his emotions and I wouldn't be able to hold back the tears.
“You have always been so kind to me, and I am grateful you are here. In fact, I see a lot of him in you. I sense he was probably more reliable and consistent, while you were playful and impulsive. I see value in both directions. I like you, but there were moment I feel liking you is cheating on Kier's memory. And I feel guilty."
He wrapped his arm around my waist. I felt his face beside my own. The warmth of his cheek against the side of my head was like a dose of courage. For a split second, my mind entertained the thought of us being this close under different circumstances. What if I wasn’t Meg? What if Patrick was just himself and was not bound to get married?
“I would never be with anyone who was with me out of obligation, and I'm not the type of person who attempts to convince others of my value. What I may see as value might be different from what others see as value."
Feeling secure in Patrick’s embrace certainly helped. I nuzzled my face into his chest before slowly pulling away. “I was the reason he ended up his life.” I felt my lips quivering as my hands fidgeted over our entwine hands. I had the uneasy feeling that things were about to get ugly, and fast, if I didn't do something but I can’t keep this for long.
With a helpless shrug, I stared down sightlessly at the grass beneath my feet, knowing that if he saw the pity in my eyes, it would just probably enrage him. "I'm so...I'm so sorry," I managed to gasp out, biting the inside of my cheek to keep my voice steady. “I killed him, Pat. I’m sorry”
I started to cry then. I cried before I even knew I wanted to cry, the tears just came, hot and painful in my throat, clamoring to get out. I took in the smooth, fleshy-whiteness of Kier’s grave and gazed up at the magnolia tree where the branches had been, I looked to where the two branches lay forgotten—one on top of the other—in the shade by the fence.
I turned my face away but Patrick carefully cupped my face and rested his forehead against mine.He turned to face me. "No, Meg. It was not your fault" he repeated while looking into my eyes.
“Sa bawat maling desisyon na nagagawa natin, may mga bagay o tao na nawawala sa atin. At hindi lahat ng nawawala, nakakaya natin bawiin." He eased his embrace and kissed me on the forehead “But it’s the circumstances around us that drove us to our actions. If Kier would be here, he would say the exact thing. It wasn’t your fault, Meg”
“Pero Patrick, If I didn’t dump him.. If I wasn’t a spineless coward, If only I told him about it he wouldn’t have killed himself. If only…I--” Still, even with regret making me feel almost ill, I couldn't get my mind, or my mouth, to form an explanation, or an apology, to try and set things right.
“Shh..” He eased my shivering body by running his hands to my hair as if it could somehow serve as a reassurance. He locked me once again in his warm embrace “You were raped, Meg. It wasn’t your fault” And one look at Patrick’s expression told me that it didn't even matter. I could see that he was beyond hearing me.
"Margareth, thanks for sharing. I see things much differently, now, though I'll probably still struggle with a shaky transition. I don't know what can exist between us now that .. You know, but I promise not to put up any barriers, and I promise you my words to you will always be the truth. If you haven't made any plans for today, I'd love to spend the day with you."
I turned shyly looking away from him. He approached me and took my chin into his hand. He turned my face until my eyes met his. We looked into each other's eyes and just knew.
He slowly leaned down and kissed me. I felt the warmth of his kiss travel throughout my body. When the kiss ended, I sat there and carefully embraced him. I reached my arms around his thick neck. He kissed me again, more hungrily than before. I met his lips with eagerness.
“Meg, I'm far from perfect myself, and It never even popped into my mind to blame you on Kier’s death.” Something inside me broke away then. I didn’t know what, I just knew that I would never be the same
“I view the whole package, not specific parts. I've always been one to look for opportunities rather than obstacles. Why focus on what it is not when there is so much to enjoy that already exists?”. Just hearing him say those words and accepting me whole made my heart ached because I knew I will never have him in return
“I've never seen you as flawed. I've seen you as a very sensitive, caring and respectful person. I look forward to enjoying you, not any preconceived notions you may have about what you think I should be attracted to.”
Then he stood, taking my hand, forcing me to stand up next to him. Taking my face gently between his hands, his lips lightly touched mine and I melted into him.
One kiss, that’s all it took and I was all over him. I couldn’t get enough of his lips, his tongue, the taste of him. I tangled my fingers in his hair and forced his mouth against mine harder, wanting his tongue deeper in my mouth.
His hands were lightly stroking the sides of my breasts, causing my nipples to harden and strain against the material of my black stretchy shirt. I could feel his arousal pressing into my stomach. I slightly rose up on my tiptoes but we quickly broke apart gasping for air when we heard the nearly inaudible pad of footsteps across which caught both our attention.
"So, Meg, you are determined to use all your wicked charms on another cousin of mine huh?" She said not bothering to hide her sarcasm.
I was pretty sure it was her voice. Not certain, she hadn't spoken much. I turned around and I was right. It was her. The look on her face was not an angry glare, but an amused question.
It was Kathrina.
"Kath?" Patrick asked softly, perhaps long used to his cousin's bitter comments. He took my hand and gave it a squeeze.
Kath was solely determined to make my presence be degraded by her glare dagger she’s been shooting. "Tell me, what is your relation to JP? You and Patrick, I mean," She asked scrutinizing us both until her eyes landed on our entwine hands
I tried letting go of Patrick’s but he held my hand tighter “Drop it Kathrina”
As Kath paid no attention to her cousin’s state of distress, she continued. " JP has been very attentive to you, Meg. I understand you must’ve invited him between your legs just like you did to Kier,” she said waiting for my response
Patrick starred at her incredulously. He seemed disturbed and didn't like her at all. "Kathrina…" he said firmly giving her off a fair warning
I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Everything was pointing to my direction. My careless demeanor, my supposed-flirtatious manners, my effect on men, the little something with Patrick...
Kathrina decided to finish him off. "She's like a glass, JP. All bright and crystal clear, but you never know how many have drunk from it."
She gave me a satisfied smug and Patrick was about to open his mouth when I cut him off “Having sex doesn't make me a whore. Just like you being a virgin, it does not make you a saint at all, Kathrina. Actually, with all the things you’re saying right now it just speak so much of who you really are”
I saw how I hit a nerve in her. She was so furious I could even see her face flaming up with anger as her nose flared. I raised my chin in a challenge as she consequently raised her palm on me determine to have its contact on my cheek.
But before she could, Patrick already caught it just in time “Stop it, Kath!”
“You stop this ridiculousness JP!” She exclaimed roughly taking her hand away from him. She scowled at the both of us as her lips were in a thin line before she drew a harsh breath and said, “You’re engaged—bound to be married yet here you are acting like nothing has changed. Get a grip, Cous!”
“Don’t fvcking tell me what to do, Kathrina.” He demanded, anger blazing out of his face as his finger pointed to her direction. His jaw tensed and I noticed his hand bawled into fist as he trembled with so much anger. “Just don’t” His voice was slightly raised, yet he didn't sound angry this time, instead it was laced with aggravation
“And stay out of this before I even forget we're related by blood” His voiced died out in few octaves but it was murderous
Kath was obviously stunned by her own cousin’s words but she didn’t say anything else. Instead, her eyes landed on mine giving me a disgust and disapproving look
“Let’s go, Meg” He whispered next to my ear and he led me to his car. I can’t help, as we walk hand in hand, but to glance back at Kathrina who just stood there watching us from a far.
From the longest time I knew her, she’s not the usual type who gives up the fight that easily. She’s the type who never backs down and waves the white flag in surrender.
She definitely has something up on her sleeves and for the first time in my life, that’s what scared me the most --- Kathrina’s wicked plans
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Everyday I wake up expecting bad things to happen even if my life is perfectly fine. Well not exactly as perfect, but unlike others… I don’t really have much to deal with.
I’m still negative about everything. Even if people encourage me to think positively, it just comes naturally. I don’t show it, but my mind knows it. I know the real thing. I know what I feel and I can’t hide from that. I don’t know… maybe I became like this because I don’t like disappointments.
If I expect the unexpected bad thing, it wouldn’t hurt that much unlike when I think very positively then I end up wrecking everything that hurts.
Lights sparkled and flashed. Cars passed in dots of color and form. The sidewalks buzzed with weekend energy. Impatient horns shouted over laughter and distant music.
People walked in their individual packs on their hunt to and from the next good time. I strolled hand in hand with the man whose presence elevated everything around us into something beautiful. Every matching step we took was pure perfection.
"I had my doubts about Channing Tatum but he really pulled it off. That was one of the best action movies ever!"
Patrick’s eyes lit up and his right brow twitched in that way when something struck him as funny. "You actually noticed his acting even he played a small part on G.I. Joe: Retaliation?"
I tugged his hand. "Yes I did," I swore, "but c'mon you have to admit his physique's —"I trailed off, trying to find the best adjective as I imagine the blond Adonis rising from the ocean, beads of water rushing over muscle, then stripped and bound in a seatless chair, looped over and over in my head. "—insane. That interrogation scene in the chair—"
"Hurt to watch. Every guy in there felt it."
My fingers left his so I could sneak my arm around his waist. I ran my hand under the hem of his ribbed black sweater-shirt, touching the roughness of his jeans below the warmth of his skin. "Aw," I pouted sassily. "Maybe you need someone to kiss the pain away."
Patrick’s arm hooked my shoulders making me halt my steps when he paused to contemplate. "The only someone I've got is you and People’s going to throw us a million reasons why this isn’t going to work out between us, but I’m armed with one reason why it will... I Love You"
He rendered the information in a flat, unaffected tone, one that didn't match the way he looked at me as of the moment. Not one bit. I wished I could hit the pause button or slow this moment down.
"Gee, thanks. You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted and special."
"Anytime."
He gave me a quick, appropriate-for-public-viewing kiss and escorted me to the passenger side of his Tesla S. I followed his unhurried stride to the driver's door. His legs covered a lot of ground with masculine grace. The black sweater-shirt hugged the breadth of his shoulders.
Its high neck touched the black waves of hair at his nape. I smiled and felt a dart of envy at how his hair always had that perfect three-weeks-after-a-hair-cut look. My eyes poured over every detail that made him and saw past them. He was still the same man I met Nine months ago, only he'd become...more...of everything.
I couldn't quite describe it, but it felt good. The incessant chime of the car key finding its home made me jump out of my reverie. His question came over the click of his seatbelt. I found my self grinning as I remember that naughty thing we did inside the cinema
"What are you smiling at?" The simple question warmed me from the inside; I saw in his eyes that my answer truly mattered. These, simple, not-so-fancy moments were a treasure.
His hand rested casually on my bare arm, but for some reason that hand was all I could think about as the previews played, the warmth and weight of it multiplying exponentially the longer it lay there without moving. I shifted toward him, settling myself against his side and was rewarded with a gentle squeeze of my shoulder.
We were about half an hour into a movie that neither of us was paying any attention to when I decided I couldn't take it anymore. Sitting this close to him trying to pretend that I didn't want to climb into his lap was making me fidgety and irritable.
I kept expecting him to make a move; put a hand on my thigh or lean in for a kiss or something. Anything. But the hand on my shoulder lay still as a stone. I turned toward him, catching him looking at me out of the corner of his eye. We moved toward each other at the same time, his tongue sliding into my mouth as I met it with a satisfied sigh.
There was no hesitation or doubt in either of our minds this time as he pulled me so I was almost straddling him on the couch, one hand in my hair and one hand sliding up my ribs under my shirt.
I arched against his body, wordlessly urging his hand further up and he complied, his warm palm closing on my breast as he pulled back his kiss to nibble on my lower lip.
I settled myself so I could feel the bulge in his pants as I reached for it to stroke, eliciting a groan of pleasure from him as I brought my hands up and down his shaft.
He bit down harder on my lip and tightly pinched my pebbled nipple in response, sending a dizzying rush of desire through me.
His fingers trailed down my trembling belly and danced lightly just above the waistband of my pants while I held my breath waiting for his next move. He released my lower lip with a wet pop and leaned back, looking in my eyes as he ran his open hand along my belly, dipping his thumb into my pants.
"Pat," I whispered, knowing it would spur him on. His eyes narrowed to slits as he moved his hand lower, running his thumb along the elastic of my panties. I reached down and put my hand over his in a futile effort to push it down where I wanted it to be.
I leaned to him as far as my seatbelt allowed; He met me halfway. My fingers combed the thick strands behind his ear as I whispered, "Nothing .. It’s just that, Everything’s perfect."
He perhaps couldn't agree more as my tongue traced his lower lip before melding with his. The sealed cabin amplified the smack of mouths meeting and the dry creak of leather as we leaned into each other and parted.
He sampled the taste of peppermint and I have kiss him fearing I might ruin the moment. But it wasn't enough. I gasped when his hand left the back of my head, sliding over the delicate ridge of my right clavicle then lower to the swell of my breast.
Perfect. That's how I filled his hand. I arched into his caress, letting him feel my response. Patrick was so generous, so welcoming—even more so as time went on. I made a tiny sound as he strummed my nipple, feeling it rise and harden under his attention.
Just then his phone rang interrupting the magical moment between us and before I hurried into my seat as if I'd morphed turned into one, just caught doing something very adult and very naughty, I noticed how his face scowled at his phone like he had seen something offending.
His phone, however, kept ringing and I leaned in to see who it was.
“Sandy” --- That was the caller ID and Patrick seems deliberately whether to answer or not.
Patrick smiled and ignored his phone entirely. He proceeded to cup my chin and stole another kiss, eliciting a roar of catcalls from the three voyeurs standing in front of this car.
I felt that foreign rush of heat on my cheeks and ducked my head. The gesture probably reminded him how uninhibited I'd be once they rushed inside my apartment. He turned the key.
All too soon, it was time for our last set. Patrick droved us all the way to Manila Hotel so we could dine at Champagne Room where Crystal palm trees, elegant upholstery, fine china, and art deco interiors made it the perfect setting for a classy dinner date.
Unlike most fine dining date places I have been with him that have dim lighting, this establishment's brightly-lit dining area casts a warm glow, making everything appear more beautiful—possibly.
The Interiors are amazing, glass chandeliers and decor light up the place and gives it an old world feel. Walking in feels like walking into a different world; part fairy, part Spanish Era. Live violinists or a string quartet usually play in the background
When I stood up from the table, Patrick stood also and pulled out my chair. His arm brushed against the bare skin of mine and a jolt of intense desire rushed through my body.
As I looked up at him, he smiled and took a strand of my hair and caressed it with his fingers for a moment and let it go. Without losing eye contact, I leaned over the table and picked of the rose he had brought and inhaled its sweet fragrance.
Fine French cuisine is what the Champagne Room is known for. The upscale dining spot offers a businessperson’s lunch menu and a deputation menu that features hard-to-pronounce French fare like pate, escargot, and foie gras. Good thing I took French when I was still in Ateneo, who knew it might have been handy for reading a menu
Music was coming softly from somewhere and in the corner of the room was an indoor waterfall. The sound of the water flowing over the stones put a finishing touch on the ambiance of the room. Very romantic.
What more could a girl ask for? Patrick had thought of everything. I nervously sipped my wine, trying to make small talk but failing to do so, I just sat there and stared a the wine in my glass. I could feel Patrick’s eyes on me and a slight shiver went through me.
"I um, I'm not sure where I should start." He said rubbing the back of his neck. "I had this whole speech planned out for when I would take you out for a date, and now it doesn't seem right."
I let my gaze wander back over to the window gazing at the busy street below "Well, you can start by accepting my apology."
He looked at me like I was crazy. "Why would you need to apologize?"
I gave him a small smile. "The way I acted towards your cousin yesterday, I feel like a bltch." He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't let him. "It was more out of shock than anything. I mean, it was definitely a surprise to see her and it still is now. But I shouldn't have acted the way I did; I was being well.. a bltch and for that I'm sorry."
Patrick shook his head. "I'm the one who should be apologizing, and you have every right to be angry at me..." He sighed. "I didn’t know Kath would show up and act that way.. everything she said, don’t let it go under your skin"
You’re engaged—bound to be married yet here you are acting like nothing has changed. Get a grip, Cousin!
I looked away from him, trying to fight down the lump that was suddenly in my throat. I didn't want what to but the pain in my chest was still there even after all this time my heart still constricts at the thought he’s going to be with someone else soon.
I'd loved Patrick with all my heart, and I was so sure he felt the same way.
I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun. Everything that had been bothering me was pushed to the back of my mind. I actually laughed out loud when Patrick lean closer, dragged his chair next to mine and whispered “Kung tatabi ako sayo, gusto ko kanan”
I quickly gave him a puzzled look “What?! Why?” I asked him when the waiter finally made it to our table.
“Para masabi mong I’m the right person for you”
I laughed at that as he tried to get me to kiss him on the lips but I just ended up pinching his nose when his face came closer
He started to laugh too, but my own laughter soon died in my throat when I happened to glance over by the upper area where the tables were. I spotted two of my sisters --- It was Sandra and Fina
It was Sandra who was talking to the one person I had hoped not to see anytime soon. Kathrina. I was sure my heart stopped in that moment, and I was frozen on the spot only able to just stare over at them.
How did they even got acquainted with each other?
"Hey, you should try this Grilled layers of lobster and zucchini served with a vegetable compote and lemon basil coulis. It’s my favorite" Patrick said startling me.
I finally tore my gaze away from the two of them and tried my best to pull a smile on Patrick. "Oh, um,okay. I guess."
I looked back over only to find them no longer standing there. I quickly scanned the crowd trying to find where they could have gone. I finally spotted them heading towards our table. Alarm bells started going off in my head. Something wasn't right.
The moment was broken when Patrick, who had his back to them, turned to finally face them. He looked surprised for a split second and then he quickly glance at my way.
"What the hell are you doing out here?" He demanded as Kathrina finally came right in front of our table.
I was too surprised to react that I didn’t entirely expect Kathrina to be all friendly at me and leaned to give me a lip-cheek kiss.
Before she drew back she whispered right next to my ear “Surprised weren’t you?” She gave me her signature sardonic smile and turned to Patrick
Stunned, I didn’t even notice Fina and Sandra were there just behind her. Not until they both gave me a beso
“What are you girls doing here?” I said finally finding my voice to speak
“Oh, Ate Kath just thought we could catch a dinner together” Fina uttered smiling down at me
Ate Kath?! Since when?
“Seems like you already got acquainted with Kuya JP, Ate Meg” She added turning her attention to Patrick who was still not uttering a single thing
Kuya JP?!
“We’re friends” Patrick said so casually like I wasn’t even there. I feel like I wanted earth to swallow me up. I was getting uncomfortable with this
Just friends?!
Why was my heart pounding so fast? Deep down I must have known that, right? I'd always told myself that it didn't matter, but hearing it out loud, hearing him admit it made everything hurt ten times worse.
I stared into Patrick's eyes then darted my eyes back to Kathrina who was obviously enjoying the whole thing. I wanted to know what’s going on, but I was too shocked to open my mouth.
“Small world isn’t it, Meg?” Kathrina teased with that really annoying smirk I wanted to slap right across her face “Who would’ve thought friends pala kayo ng fiancé ng kapatid mo” She feigned ignorance about my relation with Patrick and he isn’t even objecting on it
“Fiancé?!” I turned both to my sisters searching for an answer.
“I was going to tell you about it” Sandra began suddenly feeling shy about it I looked at her incredulously. She was about to open her mouth when she was interrupted by Kathrina. She grabbed Sandra’s left hand showing a ring which is 1.3 carat heart shaped diamond with two pear cut diamonds on each side. It has a gold band but the setting is platinum.
The heart is offset just a little on symmetry but it looks great. It's more beautiful than any ring I've ever seen in a store. Most in the store are very elongated whereas my sister’s otherwise. It has some inclusions, which makes it sparkle. It's relatively flawless and absolutely gorgeous. It is also pretty close to colorless
“Isn’t it pretty, JP?" She turned her attention back at her cousin waiting for the reaction I knew she wanted from the very beginning. With a victorious smile, her eyes landed back at my direction
"The family heirloom is perfect on your wife-to-be’s ring finger”
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(A/N: Dedicated to Dianne, Advance HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY! Welcome to womanhood!
&& If it's not so much thing to ask please PLEAAAASE mag comment po kayo. I'm starting to think na pampastress lang tong wattpad na to and I'm not gaining anything. I wanted to know na yung 7K + followers are not merely for display-- na hindi lang shadow ang kausap ko.
I must've been PMS-ing today but seryoso .. )