I find myself once again in an empty hospital room, bed unmade. Staring at the room it feels desolate, alone, aching like me. I thought this was going to be the light path, I think in horrified dismay. Why am I here again? "Please, oh please don't make me witness this again." I cry out as the same Nurse One and Nurse Two enter the room "Please, no!" I collapse onto the chair and start to hysterically cry.
"Hush, look" Ms. Manners voice tries to soothe me, but the cruelty of her making me go through this again sparks my rage.
"I won't watch!" I yell at her defiantly, before curling back into myself. "Won't! Won't! Won't!" I repeat stubbornly.
"LOOK UP YOU FOOLISH CHILD – SEE THEIR FACES!" Mr. Loud startles me from my panicked state that I follow his directions without meaning to and glance at Nurse One and Two who are cheerfully stripping the bed. Wait, why are they cheerfully talking about Dr. Stud? Eww, no I did not want to hear you wonder if you could do that with him! This isn't what happened last time. Part of me liked the somber and sad nurses better.
I slowly uncurl from my chair as I cautiously watch them. They are chattering away like a pair of magpies trading stories about various patients. My mind starts to drift toward Jeff and what he might be doing right now when Nurse One suddenly catches my attention.
"Did you see the young man?" Nurse One asks. Oh no! I stand up, thinking of trying to flee, even though I know there is nowhere I can go. It's going to happen again, please stop. I can't take it.
"Yes I did!" Nurse Two replies enthusiastically, "and I swear they could hear him all the way on the other side of maternity, when he came tearing into the waiting room screaming that she was awake. Isn't young love grand!"
The nurses continue to chit chat gaily as they continue to make up the bed. I collapse back into the chair in dazed relief. I'm awake.
"I'm awake!" I yell out in glee. Then a thought hits me, "wait, if I'm awake then why am I still here? If I'm awake who's running my body? Mr. Loud get out of my body and let me back in it!" It would be just like that spooktacular jerk to take a joyride in my body. The least he could do is wait until it was monthly girl time and then take over then. Haha Mr. Loud with menstrual cramps would be poetic justice I think vindictively.
The nurses having finished their task, start to exit the room. Nurse Two suddenly bends down and scoops up something from the floor. She shows my bracelet to Nurse One and says "I'm going to go return this to the patient before the shift nurse gets in trouble for not noticing it's gone. I'll be right back."
Both nurses exit the room leaving the door, thankfully, wide open for me to follow after them. I follow Nurse Two through a series of hallways and corridors. She pauses in front of one random door and knocks quietly before quickly opening it and slipping in. Shutting the door firmly behind her. Well darn it, I think angrily, how am I supposed to get in there now? I press myself against the door willing to attempt to be ghosted through if it allows me entrance.
As I wedge myself tight against the door, I suddenly find myself falling through the door and end up flat on my face inside the room. I fell through the door! I think in disbelief as I hear a loud dark chuckle in my head! That rat faced bastard, I think meanly, I hope fleas infest his crotch hair!
"Tsk, tsk, child," Ms. Manners scolds me, and I settle down a bit since she brought me here. I can play nice for now. I get up carefully, avoiding glancing around the room until I have thoroughly checked that every tiny piece of non-corporeal me is fine. I am playing ostrich again as I concentrate on wiggling each of my toes, first one by one, and then all together. I switch to the other foot and pay just as much attention to it. I don't want to see another empty room. I don't want to see a crying Jeff. I concentrate fixedly on my feet, while my ears are strained to hear everything around me.
"...managed to slip off during transfer." I hear Nurse Two tell someone hopefully me, and not Mr. Loud pretending to be me. "I'm so happy you are looking better!" Nurse Two continues in a happy bubbly tone. "We were worried for a while, and this young man here, refused to leave your side. You are a very lucky young lady!"
"I am," I hear myself quietly whisper and it creates the oddest double sensation in me because I didn't say it and yet it's my voice saying it. I look up from my sudden and extreme fascination to see in-bed me smiling nicely at the nurse clutching tightly to Jeff's hand.
"Jeff!" I cry out happily as I step around the nurse and to his side to hug him. Before I can reach him though I am frozen again. "Let me go!" I cry out angrily. I want to hug him you evil spooks! "Let. Me. Go!" Whatever force that is holding me pushes me away from Jeff and back against a wall. I struggle and it lets me go. I stick my tongue out at it and start back toward Jeff. I am extremely frustrated because while I can move but around I am suddenly stopped if I take more than a step away from the wall. I hit and kick at the invisible barrier in frustration. Stupid invisible barriers anyway!
"Watch, listen, learn." Ms. Manners scolds reprovingly.
Seeing Jeff and In-Bed Me okay has boosted my morale and there is no way she was getting away with that comment unscathed. "Watch this." I say as I eloquently give her my best one finger salute. "Listen to my first line of my newest ditty," I snark before singing, "Prude and Ass went walking one day." I stop after the first line wanting them to appreciate the artistic brilliance. However I wasn't done she had said to do three things, I showed them what to watch, and then let them listen to my brilliance, so now it's time for.
"Learn how to quietly pass gas so you can blame it on Ms. Manners, Walter!" I finish triumphantly. Funny how just being able to see Jeff smiling and laughing has put me back to my normal snarkastic self. I missed me I think as I give myself a hug.
I watch as In-Bed me, Jeff, Jason, Annie, and Mike all quietly talk of inconsequential things. After a while Annie kisses In-Bed me goodbye and rounds up Jason and Mike shooing them out of the room. Jeff and In-Bed me just sit there quietly. Jeff still is holding In'Bed me's hand like he is never going to let go of it. In-Bed me looks tired and is starting to fall asleep.
When Jeff notices this he freaks out and yells "Wake Up Becca! Do NOT go to sleep!" He picks up the remote thingy and hits the call nurse button frantically. When a Nurse using the intercom to ask what is the matter. Jeff frantically yells "She's trying to sleep!"
Part of me shares Jeff's worries about In-Bed Me falling asleep and going back into a coma but the other part of me is amused watching the sleepy indignation on In-Bed Me's face as I start to drift off and he shakes me awake. Jeff, I think we glee, In-Bed Me loves you as much as I do but if you shake In-Bed Me one more time you are liable to lose that hand.
Thankfully before In-Bed Me drifts off again and Jeff loses his dominant hand. Dr. Stud breezes in all smiles and cheerfulness. Gosh he's hot I think and then notice that In-Bed Me has discretely checked him out too. A discrete glance of appreciation is okay, a blatant glance is just plain rude. Occasionally I will find myself in a situation where I've caught a strange guy ogling my assets and a quick glance will make me feel sexy but if the creep continues to stare my snark will come out and I am liable to tell him they won't talk to him like my favorite story book hero Zoe did. If that doesn't embarrass them into looking away I am liable to accidentally bump into their crotch with my knee and apologize profusely for my accident and then nail them in the face with my bag as I turn to find help. Oops bad me.
Dr. Stud doesn't notice In-Bed Me's glance as he is checking my various monitors and reassuring my frantic boyfriend that me sleeping is a good thing. Listening to him use words like trauma and stress, healing and healthy I discover that most coma patients feel very sleepy upon waking and want to go back to bed. Huh, I think bemusedly, who would have thought that sleeping without being able to wake up would make you sleepy.
Dr. Stud reassures Jeff again that In-Bed Me is fine, throws a smile at In-Bed Me and exits the room. Closing the door softly behind him. Almost immediately In-Bed Me's eyes start to drift shut. Jeff gently kisses In-Bed Me and says, "Sleep Becs, I'll be here when you wake up."
I watch as In-Bed Me sleeps and Jeff caresses my hand. Once he feels that In-Bed Me is soundly asleep, he gently removes his hand and gets up and walks across the room and flops into one of the chairs next to me by the wall. He covers his face with his hands and proceeds to have a quiet but very violent breakdown. I cautiously move closer to him and sit down in the chair next to him. Why is he crying now? Dr. Stud says I'm okay. I try to reach out to touch him and find the barrier is still firmly in place between us. If I ever get my hands on whichever of those spectral buffoons who is creating this barrier I swear I will make them so sorry that they will flinch every time they hear the name Rebecca!
Jeff is mumbling something under his breath as he continues to break my heart with his tears. I put my ear up to the barrier trying to understand what he is saying. I am astounded to here him saying "thank you for giving her back to me" over and over again. My poor Jeff I think as I futilely try to touch his hair. I desperately want to comfort him and not being able to is just one more brick that has been added to the burden of the reckless decision I had made.
Jeff eventually rouses himself, goes into the bathroom and cleans up and is back by In-Bed Me's side holding my hand when In-Bed Me wakes up. I watch as they kiss again and find myself jealous of In-Bed Me. I want to kiss Jeff.
I watch, stuck in my corner, ridiculously jealous of myself as the kisses grow a bit more intense. Finally Jeff pulls back, cradles my face in his hands and asks In-Bed Me. "What were you thinking?"
I cross my arms and nod my agreement to Jeff's question, all of a sudden not so jealous anymore. Yeah, I think to In-Bed Me, what where you thinking? Let's let In-Bed Me handle these hard questions. I'll just sit here in the spectator section and watch, and laugh and gloat.
In-Bed Me opens her mouth and finds herself at a rare loss for words. I can visually see her start to process everything that has brought here her. She curls in on herself and my jealousy and snarkiness at virtually myself fades at the bald misery on my face. I lean forward to hear her sadly whisper, "I didn't want to hear you say you didn't love me anymore." In-Bed Me starts to sob.
Jeff carefully scoops In-Bed Me into his arms, being careful not to jostle the various items connected to In-Bed Me. He rocks In-Bed Me back and forth in a soothing way, whispering "shh" and "I'm here," and "I love you," until In-Bed Me calms down.
Once In-Bed Me has stopped sobbing and is only sniffling a bit, he pulls back and looks in my eyes. "Listen here, Rebecca, I love you. I have loved you since I understood what love is, I probably loved you before that. You have been my friend, my sounding block, my plot conspirator, my humor, and my happiness. I have loved you, protected you, ached for your pains and done everything I could to show you how special you are to me. When I thought you were gone I almost couldn't handle it." Jeff has tears in his eyes as he looks deeply into In-Bed Me's eyes willing her to see the truth. I want to turn away from the intimacy between them and yet I am glued to the spot because it's me and Jeff.
In-Bed Me looks at Jeff and I can only assume it's because of all the stuff that has happened to her but her carefully shielded face hiding all our emotions are down. For the first time in a long time you can actually read every emotion as it flits across my face. First it's incredible joy at hearing the depth of Jeff's love, and then remorse for the pain I have caused, however it finally drifts into confusion and then quickly flits to suspicion before In-Bed Me's walls crash down blocking off the expression.
"Who was that Red Headed Girl, you took to the party, and were with in the hall then." In-Bed Me starts out soft but by the end of the question she is biting the words off angrily. In-Bed Me is furious. "Who is she Jeff that you felt the need to tell her you can't handle us anymore. That we aren't working and pretending is killing you! Who is she?"
Jeff effectively cuts off In-Bed Me's indignant angry hurt questions by kissing In-Bed Me silent. Again I find myself torn as I silently cheer him on perversely eager to see my face when he explains the error of our thoughts, yet part of me still wants to rip him away from me and kiss him myself. I'm not quite sure if there is a term for a spectral being upset at their self as they watch their self kiss the love of our lives. If there is a term I am definitely it though.
Once Jeff has kissed In-Bed Me so soundly that my heart beat monitor is starting to go nuts, he pulls back looks me in the eyes and calmly states, "she is a relative of yours on your Mother's side." He leans back so In-Bed Me can process this bombshell. In-Bed Me quietly thinks on this, and I marvel that she is taking the news way better than I did. Of course Jeff's the one telling her and not Thing One and Thing Two. That would make the news easier to hear.
Finally, In-Bed Me rouses from her internal musing and asks a question that has never been satisfactorily answered, "why did you take her to a party?" Go In-Bed Me I think as I acknowledge that that question had been buzzing in the back of my mind too.
Jeff reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, his expression is almost sheepish, and he mutters something but it is too hard to hear all of his words. I clearly catch the words, "thought...idea...news...Kelly."
Apparently In-Bed Me didn't catch them either because she asks him to repeat it.
"I thought it would be a good idea if you heard the news from Kelly first." Jeff repeats. "It was a stupid idea," he continues, "but Catherine thought that you might take it better from a close friend and that then I could confirm it and introduce you two."
"Catherine," In-Bed Me whispers thoughtfully as she processes our cousin's name. "I think I like Jezabel better." In-Bed Me states after being quiet for a bit.
Jeff snorts, and covers his mouth in an attempt to hide his amusement at my choice of names. "Rebecca," he says reprovingly as a small smile tugs at his lips despite his efforts to appear unamused.
"What?" In-Bed Me asks innocently and I note that I really need to work on that innocent face. My eyes sparkle with too much mischief and my mouth keeps trying to turn up to be truly innocent.
In-Bed Me finally gives up the pretense and huffs out a small laugh. "Don't blame me for not liking her Jeff," she scolds him. "She almost ruined our lives with her little game. And I bet she was trying to break us up so that she could date you!" In-Bed Me finishes petulantly, knowing In-Bed Me as well as I do, because duh, she's me, I know I am probably convincing myself right now that it's all her fault.
Watching In-Bed Me, I find myself, awkwardly feeling ashamed at her...my behavior. In-Bed Me sits there convincing herself this is all Catherine's fault when in reality I was the one who did the deed. I find myself wishing In-Bed Me knew the whole story. Saw what I saw, felt what I felt. It seems wrong watching her build a case against Catherine without all the facts.
Jeff interrupts In-Bed Me's internal justifications when he starts to laugh. In-Bed Me and I watch as he laughs and laughs until he's out of air. He sucks in deep breaths and gets out between breaths and more chuckles. "Your.. Jealous.. Of.. Catherine!" The last word sends him back into deep chuckles. Looking at In-Bed Me's face she's looking ready to run him over with his beloved truck. I'm pretty sure I'd help her.
Jeff, finally, stops laughing and wipes the tears of mirth out of his eyes. Seeing In-Bed Me glaring evilly at him, he quickly explains. "Becs, she's seeing someone."
In-Bed Me opens her mouth to tell him what she thinks of that lame brain excuse when he drops an unexpected bombshell. "I like her girlfriend, she's nice."
In-Bed Me and I freeze as we both process this last piece of unexpected news. Catherine has a girlfriend. Well now I'll have to find a new reason to dislike her I think as everything around me starts to fade.