"Hmmm!!! How much do ya think she'll fetch Boss Ugachi-Sama!!?" A Goblin yelled out as he danced around Selka's unconscious form. "You think she'll fetch any big bucks!?"
"Hahahaha! How should I, The great Lizard Killer Ugachi-Sama know what to do with such a simpleton girl!?" said Ugachi with a laugh. "Oh wait! I would know!! I AM The Great Ugachi-Sama after all!! Of course I'll sell her!!"
"Uhh.. Boss, I know we're sellin' her. Just wanna know how much she'll fetch!"
"Uhhh.. let's do the countables on our wittle fingers shall we!?" said Ugachi. He held up his fingers and began counting off. "Uuuhhh.. she's got an arm.. that's one Goblin Coin.. she has two arms!! Two Goblin coins.. uhh.. she's gotta head... so.. what's after 2?"
"Hmmmm." said a Goblin. "Five?"
"Pie?" said another Goblin.
"Bacon!!" said another.
"Nappa cabbage!!" said a third goblin.
"Vegeta!!" said one goblin.
"Wha!? What's a Vegeta!?"
"I don' know! It just sounds right when ya say it with Nappa Cabbage!! Whenever I think about Nappa, I think of somethin' bald and annoying!!"
"You're bald and annoying!!"
"We're goblins! We're allll bald and annoying!!"
"The Great Ugachi-Sama has a plan!!" said Ugachi. "We can use the money we get from sellin' this fine piece'o' working livestock to buy ourselves hair!! Then we'll just be annoying!"
"YEAAAHHHHH!!!" All the goblins yelled. "THE GREAT LIZARD KILLER UGACHI-SAMA HAS ONCE MORE SHOWN HIS GENIUS!!! ALL HAIL THE GREAT UGACHI-SAMA!!!"
"Indeed!" said Ugachi. "I am totally great aren't I!? Yes sirrrreeeeee!!! Now let's cook that girl, eat her.. then figure out how we're going to sell her!"
"Uhhh... boss? If we cook her and eat her, won't that mean we can't sell her? Cause, ya know.. we ate her?"
"Uhhh.. right!!" Ugachi said. "I was just joking! Of course we're going to sell her first! Then we'll eat her!"
"YEAHHHHH!!!!" The goblins exclaimed. "THE GREAT UGACHI-SAMA ONCE MORE DISPLAYS HIS UNBRIDLED GENIUS!!! ALL HAIL THE GREAT UGACHI-SAMA!!!"
"But wait.." said a goblin. "If we sell her.. then we can't eat her.. cause she wouldn't be ours anymore.
"But wait!! Here's the kicker!" said Ugachi. "We'll eat her BEFORE we sell her!! That way, we'll sate our hunger and earn money!! And when we eat her, we'll be okay!! Cause she'll still be ours right!!?"
"THAT'S BRILLIANT!!" All the other goblins exclaimed, jumping up and down with delight. "LET'S EAT HER RIGHT NOW!!!"
"WAIT!!" said Ugachi. "This fine specimen o' meat needs some good 'ol preparin' an' stuff!! You guys go an' patrol the corridors!! After all!! We don' wan' know idiots ambushin' us while we're eating righ'?
"THAT'S RIGHT!!" The goblins roared.
"Cause we ain't stupid are we fellas!?"
"NO!!! WE'RE GENIUSES!! AND UGACHI-SAMA IS THE BEST!!! ALL HAIL THE GREAT UGACHI-SAMA!!"
And so a regiment of around 6 goblins trailed into the caves.. as the rest of the group began arguing on how best to cook Selka, as if it were some twisted remake of the Troll chapter from the Hobbit Novel.
As the 6 goblins trailed through the dark caverns, lighting torches that were attached to the walls as they went, there was a silent 'fwip'.. as two arrows hit two more isolated goblins in the head.. killing them instantly..
The other goblins were such idiots, they didn't even think to turn around when the bodies let out an echoing thump while making contact with the ground.
two more arrows met their mark.. and two more goblins fell.. and still the two remaining goblins noticed nothing.
Finally, Eugeo jumped out of the rocks quietly and grabbed a Goblin from behind, covering his mouth with his face as Sinon, who had been using the Dragon Bone Bow to kill the goblins quietly slipped out and shanked the goblin in the chest with an arrow in her hand.
Kirito slipped out from some other rocks, and took the Goblin's machete.. "Hmm.. a weak blade.. brittle.. dirty, not well cared for.. "
"Hey!! Who you!!?" The only goblin left turned and drew his sword, pointing it at Kirito.
"Who are you?" Kirito said.
"I'm me!!" The goblin replied. "But the question is! Who are you!?"
"Are you sure the question isn't who am I?" said Kirito.
"No! Cause I ain't askin' who are you! I'm askin' who am I!" said the goblin. "Wait! I got that wrong! The question is who you are and not who me is!"
"Or it could be who me is and who you are and who I'm not!" said Kirito.
"No! It's who I am and not who you are and yet who is who and who isn't who!" said the goblin. "Y-yeah! Or.. somethin'.. to that effect!"
"No no no!" said Kirito shaking his head. "That's all wrong, it's who are they and if they are you and not you and who it might be if they are actually you to an extent to the power of 10!"
"B-but!" said the goblin. "NO!! Tha's all wrong!! It's gotta be who they are to the power of 2 with me being who I am and at the same time they being who they are, and therefore they are me while I am who you are with.. with.. what am I saying!?"
"Here.. I'll help you out." said Kirito. "I am me.. you are you.. but who is who? I don't know, it's you right? You are who and who is you, and yet no who equals fish who and T-rex has a mega who and all the whos in Whoville will gather and sing, as the Grinch stood up there hating the Whos! It's simple! We have to keep Christmas from coming!!"
"Christmas!? Yeah! I hate Christmas!" said the goblin. "Wait.. what's Christmas?"
"I don't know why you're standing there hating Christmas when you've got a sword stabbed in your chest." said Kirito.
"Sword?" The goblin looked down at his chest to see that Kirito had stabbed him there. "Ohhhhh.. that sword.. wait.. who is who?"
The goblin then fell down, dead.
"You had way too much fun with that." said Eugeo.
Meanwhile, back in the main chamber, Ugachi was getting impatient and angry. "Where are those goons!? They shoulda been back by now!!!"
"Shoulda, coulda, woulda.." Kirito, Sinon, and Eugeo emerged from the dark of the chamber. Sinon had her bow at ready, and Kirito was wielding the Goblin Sword.
"Well well well!" said Ugachi with a big grin. "Shoulda figured we'd be hav'un some more in those caves!! Hey boys!!! We've got some new fresh meat lying around here!"
The goblins all roared, laughed and jeered at the three.
Kirito's eyes turned to anger as he noticed Selka lying nearby, unconscious. "Let her go.. now.."
"I don' think so!" said Ugachi. "Ya see.. there's a bit of money I've been hopin' to get with this un.. so.. after we eat her.. we're goin' to sell her!"
"How are you supposed to sell her if you've eaten her though?" asked Eugeo.
"Don' ya use your Inverse Pathology on me!!"
"Don't you mean Reverse Psychology?" said Sinon. "And we're not using it. You're just really dumb.."
All the goblins stared at Sinon with supreme shock
"SHE JUST CALLED UGACHI SAMA DUMB!!! GET HER!!!"
All the goblins charged, ferociously wielding their blades with anger. Kirito blew into the fray himself, the Goblin Sword flashing in his hand as he slashed and hacked his way through the goblins like a demon.
No blade was able to hit him as his skills outshone the Goblins by a long shot.. and as he wielded the sword.. sometimes the sword would shine with a bright light, and a Vorpal Strike would actually glow like a Vorpal Strike from SAO and hit it's mark.
"So there ARE sword skills in this world." Kirito muttered. "I just have to have the OC to wield it!"
As the Goblins fell left and right before him, suddenly, one sneaky goblin came at him from behind, intending to cut him down.
"KIRITO!! LOOK OUT!" Both Sinon and Eugeo shouted at once. Sinon moved quickly to knock an arrow, but she knew it would be too late..
That's when Eugeo himself, jumped in front of the blade, letting the sword slash across his belly. Blood spilled from the wound as Eugeo roared with pain.
"EUGEO NO!!!" Kirito roared.
Kirito was about to turn and help Eugeo, when Lizard Killer Ugachi charged in, sending his blade hurtling down at Kirito's head. "YOU'RE MINE RUNT!!"
"ZAMMMM!!!" A powerful lightning bolt exploded into the fray, blasting the blade and leaving a melted broken hilt.
Ugachi dropped the decimated weapon in shock. "What the!?"
"Wow, I actually got lost for a second there.. those caves are huge! Guess this party started without me.." Mikoto walked into the cavern.. lightning crackling from her bangs.
"M-Misaka-chan.. get back.." Eugeo groaned as Sinon held him. "We're outnumbered.."
"Numbers mean nothing.." Said Kirito with a grin.
"Wh-why? How would you know?"
"Because." said Kirito. "She's the Railgun..."
Music starts.
Mikoto popped her neck, and then she cracked her knuckles. "So.. guess you're the boss.. can I kill ya?"
"NO ONE'S GETTIN' NEAR DA BOSS!!!" The goblins roared. "KILL HER!!"
The hordes and hordes of goblins rampaged at Mikoto, throwing up dust with their feet as they raised their blades furiously. "KILL KILL KILL!!!"
"Oh yeah!?" Mikoto growled. "COME ON!!!"
Mikoto lashed out a hand, and massive walls of incredible electricity sent goblins hurtling into the air as she charged in.. as she ran.. massive waves of Iron Sand raged out of the ground, vibrating fast and slicing through goblins like shredders.
Each time a goblin came at her with it's sword, the blade would automatically be repelled by the intense electromagnetic force surrounding Mikoto's body.
She rammed both her fists each into a goblin's face.. and a violent rage of lightning blew their bodies into smithereens.. the leftovers of their bodies shattering into silver light like what was normally done for a VR game... at one point a blade nicked her cheek, causing her to leap back, using energy from her feet to increase the power and distance of her jump.
"Wow.." said Mikoto taking a look at the blood that she wiped from her cheek with a finger. "So, you can actually bleed in this world.. amazing. They really dedicated their time to the detail of this world.. "
The other goblins were looking at Mikoto uneasily. "B-boss.. she's real strong.. it's like she's got powers or somethin'.. she keeps goin' all zappity zap!!"
"It's fine boys!! We have numbers on our side!" said Ugachi. As he spoke, numerous hordes of goblins poured through the caves.
"This isn't a simple raid group." Kirito growled. "This is an troop regiment of some sort!"
"That's right 300 strong! Or 268 strong now that you and sparky pruned em off a bit." said Ugachi. "We were goin' to take care of Rulid Village and set an outpost for the Dark Territory in the Human Empire! But now Ima dedicate this entire fighting force to decimating you and flat chest!"
Mikoto's eyes twitched with rage. "Flat chest?"
"Tha's right!" said Ugachi. "Look at ya!! Ya must be.. uh.. 2!! Yeah you're 2 years old and still ya haven' got any sizable woman parts!!! HAHAHAHAH!! Flatty flatty flatty!!"
Mikoto's body exploded with electricity, carving deep scars into the floor, walls and ceiling of the cave. She picked up one of the fallen goblin's swords and raised it high. "I AM SOOOOO KILLING THE HELL OUT OF YOU!!!"
Mikoto's lightning raged into the blade, and in an incredible moment, the lightning merged with the blade. All the sword's brittle and dirty nature was wiped away by the electric power.. creating a deadly shining blade of extreme killing power.
"I-Incredible!!!" said Eugeo.. coughing blood. "Sh-she's creating a Sacred Sword Move without even trying.."
"Her esper power.. it's merging with the system." said Kirito.
"VORPAL THUNDER!!!!" Mikoto let out a tremendous augmented Vorpal Strike which trailed a massive path of enormous electricity as she tore through the goblins. In one fell strike, Mikoto had just destroyed 20 goblins.
The goblins all ran at her, but Mikoto was a raging beast. Her electrified sword combos swept through 10 goblins with each slash.. and Iron Sand raged around her feet, smiting those who dared not to come closer and take the challenge.
Mikoto skillfully maneuvered through complicated sword movements, using everything from sword tricks that Kirito had taught her, to a multi-thrust she learned from watching Asuna practice, to the unique sword techniques used by the Saint Magician Kaori Kanzaki and invented for the Amakusa Remix Style Church.
"IRON CHAIN MAYHEM!!!" Mikoto's blade was suddenly swirling with Iron Sand as it imbedded itself into the blade and became a raging chainsaw of destruction..
Sparks raged among the rocks and through the Goblin's weapons as she cut her way through. "KIRITO!! NOW!!!"
Kirito was at Mikoto's side in an instant, the two of them readied their blades, ready to unleash the move that had saved them when they went to save Asuna.. the dance that was the pride and joy of their partnership in SAO.
"STAR BURST OVERDRIVE!!!"
Mikoto and Kirito danced with incredible grace as they shot forward through the waves of goblins.. weaving a web of steel imbibed with deadly grace and destructive lightning.. the lightning itself also fused to Kirito's blade.. and the combo became ever deadly still, not just destroying the rows of goblins in front of them like the original combo did, but also destroying the surrounding goblins as well with waves of violent lightning
"That's.. that Sword Move.." said Eugeo, wonder in his eyes. "I've never seen anything that beautiful.. "
"It's not a move!" said Sinon. "It's a dance!! The dance of the two best players in Sword Art Online!"
"RAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Both Mikoto and Kirito screamed as they dealt their final strike in a burst of tremendous lightning.. and many goblins were blown to bits.. finally Ugachi was the only one left..
Ugachi was laughing however. "Look at your blades!! hahahahaha!! You can't fight me with those!!!"
Indeed, the power of the Esper enhanced Star Burst Overdrive had been so incredible, that the two Goblin Swords had shattered into glowing orange shards, smoking from intense heat.. Kirito and Mikoto dropped their useless hilts.
"Whatcha goin' to do now Flatty and Stupid!?" said Ugachi. "Wrestle me?"
"I don't need a sword to kill you.." Mikoto growled.
"An' why's that princess?"
"I'm the friggin' Railgun!!" Mikoto picked up a blade shard from the ground, and flipped it into the air.. the shard seemed to fall in slow motion, before Mikoto flicked it in mid air.. and a massive powerful Railgun move burst out in a sonic boom and a spark.
The orange streak exploded through Ugachi's chest and blasted through the walls of the cave behind him.. tearing through numerous chambers behind the wall as well..
Ugachi stared at the massive hole in his chest. "N-now.. th-that ain't fair.."
The leader goblin fell over dead....smoke and electric energy sizzling from his final massive wound.
"They killed the chief!!" yelled one goblin after a stunned silence. "I, Kaya! Am now the new leader of the-"
"BOOOM!!!!" Suddenly, a familiar looking massive red fortress armed to the teeth with artillery smashed through the ceiling of the cave.
"You ain't the leader of anything chumps!!" Scarlet Rain yelled out from within her fortress as she let a massive barrage of artillery rage through the goblins..
Before long.. the goblins had all been completely destroyed, and the passages all beyond the border of the Dark Territory had completely collapsed from Scarlet Rain's assault.
The Fortress recompacted itself until finally the small girl sized Scarlet Rain stood there, leaving a large indentation in the stone where her Immobile Fortress had been.
"Don't look at me like that!" said Scarlet Rain, folding her robotic arms. "I followed you cause I was curious!! Then I got super lost and heard noises below me, so I thought I'd take a chance!!"
Mikoto and Kirito didn't have time to worry about this though.. the two of them ran over to Eugeo, who had already lost a lot of blood.
"Oh no.. " said Mikoto as she drew a Stacia Window quickly and saw the rapidly depleting life. "We have to save him!"
"Selka can do it!" said Sinon. "Selka made that potion that healed your wonds Mikoto!"
Kirito was already frantically shaking Selka awake. "Selka!! Please.. we need you!! Eugeo is.."
Selka, having just awoken, stared with fear at Eugeo's wounds. "Stand back! Let me see him!!"
Selka ran over to Eugeo.. and observed his wound. "There's only one way I can do this.. I've got to transfer another person's Life over to Eugeo's Life meter.."
"I'll do it.." said Mikoto. "I got us into this mess anyways, I'm getting us out best I can.."
"R-right.. this is going to drain some of your life Misaka-chan.. are you sure?"
"Hell yeah I'm sure.." Mikoto said. Mikoto didn't know if this was like Sword Art Online.. she speculated that there might be a chance that dying in this world would cause an instant Log Out.. then again, she didn't know what would happen. But.. she couldn't allow Eugeo to die.. not after he sacrificed himself to save Kirito.
Selka cleared her throat apprehensively. "Sy-System Call..."
Selka recited the necessary lines in English.. and Mikoto began to feel her strength sap away at a frighteningly phenomenal rate...
She wasn't going to make it.. Eugeo was definitely going to live.. maybe.. but this was Mikoto's last run through the Underworld.. or so she thought...
A voice spoke... as a familiar blonde girl, invisible to everyone but herself.. glided down from an unknown place and put a hand on Mikoto's shoulder.
"I'll be waiting for you at the Sword Academy.." Alice whispered into Mikoto's ear.. "for all three of you.. my friend.."
At the sound of the voice.. tears welled up in Mikoto's eyes.. as her unknown memories pulled at her heart. "A-Alice..?"
Immediately, Mikoto felt her strength surge, as invisible guardian angel increased Mikoto's Life, allowing her to survive as Eugeo's wounds were healed..
Finally.. Eugeo opened his eyes. "S-Selka...?"
"Thank goodness!!!" Selka exclaimed.
Mikoto stood up silently, she didn't know why Alice had sounded so familiar.. but she knew that the person she heard was Selka's sister.. she knew...
Mikoto's thoughts were interrupted by Scarlet Rain, who had drawn the blaster at her hip and blasted the head off of Ugachi's corpse.. she took the goblin's head and tucked it under her arm.
"What are you doing?" Mikoto asked.
"That's what are you doing 'master'!!" said Scarlet Rain. "And I don't mean that just to be rude like I always am! It's an actual legitimate term that a Symbiotic Apprentice must refer to her Teacher by!"
Mikoto frowned and rolled her eyes. "What are you doing master?"
"Evidence!" said Scarlet Rain. "We're going to use this to say that the Goblins kidnapped Selka from the village, that way, nobody will know she ran off, and she won't have broken any rules! Bingo! Thank you very much!
Eugeo, Kirito, and Sinon stared at Scarlet Rain, shocked by her unexpected kindness.
Mikoto however, smiled broadly.. having already seen the potential for kindness Yuniko had by hanging around with her before..
She took Scarlet Rain and sat the little robot avatar on her shoulders.
"Wh-what are you doing?" said Scarlet Rain. "I've got like 13 minutes left in this form! I think I can manage walking!!"
"Well.. I thought my Master could go for some height." said Mikoto with a chuckle.
"Wow.. since when did Electro Ass get all nice on me?" Scarlet Rain growled..
But everyone could see the pink patches just beginning to appear on Yuniko Kozuki's red metallic face...