Title: Aircrash Investigation: Lessons Unlearned
Pairings: Harry/Louis
Rating: PG-13 (for slash themes and language)
Warnings: Death of minor characters. Talk about the effects of a plane crash; content may upset some readers.
Word Count: 7,300
Summary: The Air Crash Investigation series releases a new episode that is very personal to Harry and Louis. The first half reads like a program transcript, the second half is normal storytelling. Er… not so heavily edited so there may be a few more typos than normal.
Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction – i.e. it had never happened. All real people in this story own themselves and I am in no way affiliated with them. Nor do I make any money from writing about them.
Author’s Notes: This story is a small thank you to everyone that has been helping to take down copies of my stories – especially the efforts put in yesterday/last night. Love to you all xx
April 2014, 18:20pm: a Boeing 787 soars through the beautiful twilight sky over Britain. It is heading for StanstedAirport in London. The 787 is the most sophisticated civilian aeroplane in current existence – eclipsing all other aircraft in terms of safety, passenger comfort, fuel consumption and performance. These machines are designed to absolute perfection; with back up systems for back up systems to ensure that if any component stops working the plane will still be able to fly safely to it’s destination. There are over a thousand of these planes in operation, ferrying millions of passengers across the world every week. On this calm and clear spring evening, however, the perfect record of the 787 is about to be perpetually tarnished.
Unknown to the passengers of Flight EJ6258 they are only a few minutes from crash landing at Stansted airport. The impact will cause the plane to burst into flames on the tarmac, killing 126 of the 260 passengers onboard. Determining the cause will leave the public and the aviation authority reeling about the true practices happening behind the scenes of the air industry itself.
AIR CRASH INVESTIGATION
Narrated by Jonathan Aris
This is a true story. It is based on official reports and eyewitness accounts.
It is 18:22 on the 27 April 2014. Flight EJ6258, Ibiza to London, is on the approach to StanstedAirport and should be landing within the next few minutes. Onboard are 260 passengers including 4 flight crew and two pilots. In the cockpit sit Captain Murray Lawson – a very adept and experienced officer with over 30,000 flight hours – and, beside him, is his slightly younger co-pilot, Ben Wilson, with 20,000 flight hours under his belt. These men are considered two of the best and most experienced pilots in the world – also serving as training officers as well as active civilian aviators.
In the passenger cabin are four seasoned flight attendants – Jennifer Cartland, Megan Townsend, Archer McColl and Nattia Mahil. They had all travelled that particular route from Ibiza to London several times already that day and are looking forward to finishing up for the evening. They can’t rest yet though because, in the cabin, every seat is filled. Due to a previous flight having been cancelled, this plane is picking up the slack of passengers left stranded by the cancellation. It’s only a short flight from Ibiza to London – barely two and a half hours – but the crew have been kept busy looking after their passengers all through the journey.
Amongst the sea of passenger faces there are a few well known celebrities as well as a few regular fliers. In the first-class section sits the new Manchester United left fielder, Sean Smith. He’s just returning home after a week’s holiday with his girlfriend, Lucia, and is looking forward to getting back to training. Across the aisle from them is 59 year old George Jenkins; a senior banker who travels back and forth to Ibiza several times a month. This was a longer trip than normal for him and he’s preoccupied with his regret at having to leave his family for so long. His wife had recently been diagnosed with cancer and George hated having to leave her side during such a hard time.
George Jenkins: I remember spending most of the flight planning what I was going to do the next day. I was feeling really guilty at having left my wife behind during such a hard time in her life and I wanted to make up on my absence by doing something special for her. I didn’t know at the time that simply staying alive would be more than enough of a gift.
In the middle of the plane are Piao and Hsui Mei Tong and their young family, Fei Yen who is five and Lin who is only six months old. The baby hasn’t settled all flight and the Fei Yen has been travel sick twice. Piao and Hsui are now desperate to land and are relieved at the announcement that the plane is on the approach.
Much further back, at the rear of the plane, is Louis Tomlinson – one of the members of the hugely successful British popband One Direction. He is on his way home after a few days impromptu holidaying in Ibiza with his friend Stan Lucas. Due to last minute seating arrangements they were not able to sit together. Stan is much further forward, in the centre of the aeroplane, a few seats behind the Tongs.
Louis Tomlison: I had just split up with a long-term girlfriend the week before and was pretty heart-broken. The fans hadn’t taken the break up well either and there were a lot false accusations flying about and terrible rumours. As I was due to start a tour of concerts around Europe with the rest of the lads, Stan, one of my best friends from Doncaster, thought a few days in Ibiza would be just what I needed before facing the public again. It was kind of a random holiday but we had done that sort of thing before. We… we had a great time – lots of sunbathing and clubbing, as you do at that age.
Down in the terminal many of the friends and families of those onboard are already waiting for them in the arrival lounge and are impatiently checking the screens to see if the plane had landed yet.
John Townsend (Stewardess Megan Townsend’s father): It was just another typical evening. I had stopped to pick my daughter up from work and was waiting in the car. I knew it would take her about half an hour to join me once the plane had landed so I settled back in my seat to read a book.
Harry Styles (Band-mate of Louis Tomlinson): I can remember the waiting part so clearly. Liam and I had gone to pick Louis and Stan up at the airport and we were sitting having coffee in the international arrivals lounge, keeping one eye on the board for their arrival. On another board was the Sky News channel and I remember growing bored of the same loop of news stories about the expected collapse of the European banks and the outcry over the controversial choice of new manager at Liverpool. Later I would wish the loop had never changed.
Seven thousand feet in the sky above London, the pilots have just switched off the auto-pilot and Ben Wilson is in control. A few seconds later, after setting their trajectory they receive their final permission to land. Despite it having been a cloudless sunny day, the temperature outside the plane is very cold. Britain is currently being hit by an unusual blast of chilly artic air, which is much more pronounced higher up in the sky than down on the ground. But the pilots are not concerned. Their fuel temperature gauge has constantly been within the safe limits for the aircraft throughout the journey.
Control tower: …Easy 24 you are clear to land 27 left.
Captain Murray Lawson: Clear to land 27 left, Easy 24. Stable?
Co-pilot Ben Wilson: Stable… whoa!
It happens in a fraction of a second. Ben Wilson’s hand on the thruster moves forward but nothing happens. It doesn’t engage with the engines.
Captain Murray Lawson: What’s wrong?
Co-pilot Ben Wilson: There doesn’t seem to be any power to the engines…
They both watch as Ben moves the thruster back and fourth with no effect. The captain’s stick is the exact same. In front of them the instrument readings start to drop rapidly.
Co-pilot Ben Wilson: What is going on? It’s like we have a double engine failure.
Captain Murray Lawson: But that’s impossible!
He is right to say this. The chances of a double engine failure on the previous model, the 747, were astronomically small; on the 787 it should be impossible without some external cause – such as a terrorist act or a collision. The plane is designed that, no matter what goes wrong mechanically, there should only be one engine affected. There was no scenario that could possibly lead to a double engine failure on that type of aeroplane. However, Captain Lawson’s mind can’t help but think back to what happened at Heathrow in 2008. A 747 had crash landed because of ice crystals restricting the flow of fuel to the engines. The cockpit symptoms he and Wilson were facing were eerily similar to those of the Speedbird 38 and yet it should not be possible for ice to cause that particular problem again. Boeing had rectified the fault in the system and this was a much newer model.
However, Captain Lawson has no time to ponder over the similarity or how it might be possible – he has the lives of 260 passengers and five crew in his hands and, literally, only seconds before they crash into the ground.
Then to make matters worse, it suddenly goes deafeningly quiet. It’s the sound that every pilot hopes they will never hear in their lifetimes while in the air. Both engines have switched off mid flight. Power is cut to everything and the cockpit plunges into darkness. The plane has now become a 150 ton glider descending towards the ground at 206 km/h.
George Jenkins: As soon as the lights went out and everything went quiet everyone started screaming. I remember sitting there thinking; I cannot die here, my wife needs me. I can not die.
Louis Tomlinson: It was crazy. One second we were all blissfully unaware of the situation - just thinking about getting home and relaxing. The next second, literally out of nowhere, we were plummeting towards the ground…
I can still feel the pressure on my back from the chair, how it was shaking back and forth. I felt like I was going to slide out from under my seatbelt… There were papers flying everywhere, people were screaming, my stomach felt like it was in my throat from the force of the fall…
It’s hard to explain what you feel in that kind of moment because it all happens so fast. We were falling for barely fifteen seconds but… it felt like forever. I won’t lie… I was terrified out of my wits but I also felt calm – sort of weirdly accepting.
I guess everyone reacts differently in those sorts of situations. Some will think about their friends and families, some will start thinking over their regrets about things they might never get to do should they die, some will lament about everything they’ve achieved so far and some will just waste the time panicking over how terrible the dying process might be. I… I was thinking about someone… someone unexpected… I don’t know why but… the situation gave me such an odd clarity - like everything in my head and heart had been stripped back until the only things left were the things most important to my existence. It surprised me as to who I was thinking about at such a time. It gave me a perspective that I hadn’t managed to find during the holiday. I… I realised I had a lot to say to someone and… I… I begged in my head… prayed to a God I had never believed in… that… I might survive and not waste another opportunity… I did and I didn’t.
In the cockpit the pilots are fighting for control.
Computer: Warning terrain! Pull up! Warning terrain! Pull Up!
At such a speed and without the ability to reverse the engines there is little Captain Murray Lawson can do to slow the plane down. They are too close to the ground. The landing gear is lowered – causing drag but it’s effect at slowing the aircraft is minimal. The plane is going to hit the runway at over 200km/h. Lawson’s only hope is that the landing gear will take most of the impact because, if it doesn’t, and there actually is fuel left in the tanks, the plane could break up and explode upon hitting the solid ground. He has no choice. Announcing over the tannoy system that all passengers should brace themselves for impact, he then makes that final call every pilot dreads ever having to make.
Captain Murray Lawson: Mayday, mayday, mayday, this is Easy 24. We have double engine failure…
That is the last thing the cockpit voice recorder captures. At 18:26 pm flight EJ6258 crashes into the tarmac at StanstedAirport, skids, spins, breaks apart and bursts into flames.
George Jenkins: The landing was hard – brutely hard and very loud - we were being tossed about like rag dolls as we skidded across the ground. I think I lost consciousness for a few moments… when I came to, everything was eerily quiet and I hurt all over. We had stopped moving and the cabin was full of smoke. Small sections of the fuselage had been stripped off on impact, letting in cracks of daylight, but there was so much billowing black smoke that it was hard to tell how big the cracks were. I thought about jumping out of one of the missing panels but then I got a glimpse of how far off the ground we were and knew I had to find a door.
Louis Tomlinson: It was the silence afterwards – it still gets me at times… I thought it was in my head – part of the concussion from hitting the seat in front but it wasn’t. Too many people heard it - like it was a natural pause to acknowledge the dead before all hell broke loose once more...
George Jenkins: It took a second for me to put the smoke into perspective – and I heard it first before I could see it… fire. Lots of fire.
Louis Tomlinson: I think instinct just takes over. I saw the smoke building up fast and I knew I had to get off that plane and I had to get off it fast.
George Jenkins: I remember fumbling with my seatbelt and coughing harshly – the smoke was clawing at my throat and getting thicker by the second. I could also feel heat – fierce heat that clawed at my skin. As soon as I was free of my seatbelt I dropped to the floor...
Louis Tomlinson: I tried to wake the man beside me but… I couldn’t. I tried to lift him but I couldn’t do that either – he was too heavy and I felt really dizzy from the smoke. There was a woman on the other side of the aisle from me but… she wasn’t moving either. I tried to drag her out but… again, she was too heavy. But then I heard a small cry from down in front of her seat. There was a baby on the floor. It had a nasty cut to it’s forehead and wasn’t old enough to sit up – it was squirming about. He must have been sitting on her lap and slipped off during the impact. I tried to rouse the mother again but couldn’t so… I picked the baby up and zipped him inside my jacket. The only thing I could really do at that point was get out and get some help for those I couldn’t move. The smoke was really thick by then I could barely see and my eyes were burning so bad I thought they were actually melting. I got down on my hands and knees and started crawling to where I thought the nearest exit was…
I couldn’t even bring myself to even try to look at the seats that I crawled past. I wasn’t brave enough – it was too quiet and I knew there had been quite a few children sitting about me. I just focused on following the few others who were moving in front of me in the direction of the emergency door. I needed to find my friend Stan. I had to make sure he was okay and I had to make sure the baby I had got out safely too. That’s all I could think about.
George Jenkins: It took me a while but I eventually found the emergency door. I just wasn’t prepared for the horror of what I saw next… Instead… instead of rows and rows of seats beyond it there was just orange light, fleeting glimpses of daylight and thick, thick black smoke. At the time I didn’t realise that had I have taken a few more steps forward I would have fallen out of the plane.
Louis Tomlinson: It’s funny the things that stick in your mind. I don’t really remember much from the moment I left my seat – it was just a haze of noise, panic, burning heat, choking black smoke and dizziness until I was suddenly being pushed out and was sliding down onto the hard tarmac. I remember feeling so confused when I hid the ground… so disorientated that I actually crawled blindly away from the wreckage on my hands and knees - yelling out for Stan while trying to hold the baby secure so it didn’t fall out of my jacket.
I… I can still remember the feel of the wet grit under my hands and I remember moronically thinking that ‘it’s always bloody raining in Britain’, not realising I was actually crawling through the leaking fuel. Everything was so loud and I could hear people screaming…
Unnamed Passenger: The people in the middle section are trapped! They can’t get the doors open!
Louis Tomlinson: I remember hearing someone clearly scream about people being trapped and I looked back and… and…
What happened next shakes every passenger, who has made it to the ground, right to the core.
George Jenkins: I was being dragged across the tarmac by a member of the ground crew when there was this almighty blast that knocked us both to the ground and…
Louis Tomlinson: …heat… heat like I’d never felt before…
George Jenkins: The whole plane was just… gone… completely engulfed in flames… it was horrendous.
Louis Tomlinson: That was when I knew… I knew… I knew… Stan… I could feel it… he… he hadn’t made it off the plane…
In the 140 seconds between landing and the explosion, 134 passengers of the 260 onboard, managed to make their way off the damaged plane. The rest, including Stan Lucas, footballer Sean Smith and his girlfriend, Piao and Hsui Mei Tong and their two daughters plus flight attendants, Megan Townsend and Nattia Mahil, all perished in the explosion. It will never be known whether they were alive or dead at the time.
The intense investigation that followed does suggest that many of those still on board were already dead from the impact and those that weren’t would have died instantly from the flashover.
Harry Styles: The first we knew that anything was wrong was when we heard this almighty bang and a long rumbling, squealing sound - like a car exhaust scraping along the road – only much, much louder. It made the roof rattle and the cups shake on the table. Then suddenly there were staff dashing about the terminal with radios to their mouths. There were no windows to the outside so we couldn’t see anything but everyone just knew instantly that something was very wrong…
John Townsend: It came over the radio as I was sitting there – breaking news – suspected plane crash at Stansted. For the first few seconds I just dismissed it as preposterous. That couldn’t be right, I was Stansted! Surely I would know if there had been a crash right under my nose. But the report kept coming in and so I eventually got out of the car. As soon as I did I could smell the smoke.
I don’t know why – I can’t explain it – but in that moment I just knew it was Megan’s plane and that she was gone.
Steve Fairchild (whose parents were onboard the BA flight scheduled to land immediately after the Easy Jet): There was a large group of us waiting for our family and friends in the terminal. We knew something was wrong but none of the staff would tell us what was happening. All of the arrivals were suddenly put on hold – the flight screens froze. It didn’t take long for the rumours to start that there had been a major crash or a bomb explosion. Staff weren’t letting anyone in or out of the terminal building, which just fuelled the rumours and panic. Five minutes went by, ten… then it came up on the Sky News channel of all places.
SEE SIDE PICTURE
Harry Styles: It’s hard to describe what you feel during a moment like that… Your thoughts are only on the person you’re waiting for. You think of everything; the time you spent with them the things you regret not doing with them, of not saying… the things you might not ever get to do because you squandered the precious time you had together. You start to pray and plead for their lives so that you can change those regrets. You promise that you won’t ever squander another moment ever again if you could just have one more chance.
Louis was my best friend – we had been through so much together… in fact, it’s quite cliché but we’ve spent so much time together that he’s like a part of me. He’s my rock, my muse, one of the reasons I find the energy to get up every morning… he keeps me sane and grounded and I didn’t realise how dependant I’d become of him until I was suddenly facing a future without him in it. *Sniff*… the thought of him being gone… I just couldn’t handle that… I’ve never… I’ve never felt that level of pain before… it felt like I was tearing apart inside… that both our lives were ending… I… I don’t want to ever feel like that again. I don’t think I could survive it.
John Townsend: The loss of a child is something very hard to put to words… It leaves a gaping hole in your life… A very painful empty space and I’ve not gone an hour when I haven’t regretted over having not said something or done something with Megan. You constantly wonder if they knew how much they were loved. You pray that they did because you will never get another chance to check.
Harry Styles: There were about a hundred of us gathered around this huge television screen in the lounge – mums, dads, grandparents, children...
It’s funny how something, which most of us had been ignoring for the last half hour, suddenly became the most important thing in our lives. None of the staff would talk to us and so the television became our only avenue of information. All we wanted to know is if our loved ones were okay. There were five or six planes due to arrive within a few minutes of each other, none of which seemed to have arrived according to the airport screens. It was the television that answered our questions. Firstly it was whether there had been a crash. It finally told us there had been. Then the question was; how bad was the crash? The television eventually showed us a picture of the burning wreckage – it was bad. Then we needed to know if there were any fatalities. It eventually told us there were. At that point it didn’t matter to us how many were dead, we just wanted to know which plane it was. And we waited and waited…
Steve Fairchild: People – strangers – were holding on to each other for dear life, hoping and praying it wasn’t their loved ones on that plane. There were a few pictures on the news show but what was shown just illustrated a shell of a plane completely engulfed in flames – you couldn’t even tell which company the plane was with, that’s how bad it was. It also didn’t look possible that anyone could have gotten out alive. All we wanted was to be put out of our misery; which flight was it? We waited and waited and waited…
Harry Styles: Then it came up… the flight number…
Harry Styles: … … Lou was on that flight…
For many of the friends and relatives glued to the television and radio, this was the devastating news they’d been praying desperately not to hear. However, the news that there were only some fatalities gave a few hope.
Steve Fairchild: What had been an agonising wait for confirmation of the crash and flight number then became an even more desperate wait for news of any survivors. Once again, the airport staff gave us no information.
The subsequent report into the crash would slate Stansted airport staff for their lack of organisation and compassion to the relatives of the friends and families awaiting news in the terminal.
Paul Ballie: (lost both his brother and sister-in-law in the crash) We were treated with hostility, impatience and like we were an annoyance to the staff. All we wanted was some information. Our families had been onboard that burning plane – they could be dead for all we knew – we just wanted some news… some reassurance, some compassion, anything. Surely that was understandable. But the staff gave us nothing.
Steve Fairchild: For twenty minutes after the flight number was released we waited in absolute agony. We began to question the TV’s claim there were only ‘some’ fatalities – what if everyone was dead? Then all of a sudden, all these paramedics and first-aiders and police poured into the lounge – bringing in stretchers and other medical equipment. They taped off the area between the entry hall and the baggage claim and set up first aid stations. That’s when we started to get some hope back – it seemed as though there must be some survivors. Still, nobody would tell us anything. Then finally a manager stood on a bench and told us they were bringing the survivors in here to treat. We were to remain calm though and not move past the tape so that the passengers could get seen by the paramedics first.
Lynne Anders: (two sisters were on the plane): Nobody could truly describe the moment the first survivors walked into the lounge. It was a surreal moment… a magical moment and yet a terrible moment too.
John Townsend: The screams of relief and joy as the first few survivors limped into the lounge… they were a sound that could brighten the darkest of days. The memory still brings a lump to my throat. My girl may have never have walked in but I will never begrudge any of the families of the survivors their happiness.
Lynne Anders: The first tangible thing that hit you was the smell. Kerosene. It was so strong.
Paul Ballie: They came in two or three at a time, shaking and covered in soot. Many of them were bleeding from cuts on their faces and arms. It was like a war scene. It was hard to make out their faces.
Lynne Anders: When my sisters walked through I barely recognised them. They were wrapped in red blankets and black from head to foot. They saw me first and called to me. I think I screamed until I couldn’t anymore.
Harry Styles: There was about a minute or two between people walking through the door. Occasionally people would rush forward, spotting their loved one. I was glad for them but I kept staring at the door, willing the next person to come through to be Louis or Stan but it never was. They kept coming in until there must have been over a hundred. Then someone called out that the last ones were coming through. I thought… this was the last chance… he had to be there… he had to be with this group. I remember Liam was holding me, telling me to keep calm. Then… then, it was like a dream, someone Louis’ size walked through the door but I couldn’t see his face very well, it was black and bloody. Then I saw the man was holding a baby so I figured it couldn’t be him. I looked to the door again and a woman came in, followed by an elderly man and then two young teenagers and… that was it.
I think… I think I’d already decided that Louis wasn’t ever going to walk through the door; I was just going through the motions of having hope. But then… Liam yelled out Louis’ name and the man with the baby turned around…
_________________________________________________________
Harry slipped out of his seat and up the dark aisle towards the exit door. He shakily pushed his way out of the theatre into the brighter lit hallway of the cinema complex and took in a long shuddering breath of popcorn air. His heart was beating rapidly and his face felt pinched in the way that belayed the threat of tears.
God, he remembered that moment so well. His eyes meeting the watery blue of his best friend’s across the while tiled forecourt – practically the only recognisable feature of his friend. Louis’ face was streaked with dirt and soot, feathered hair plastered wetly to his head, a small cut oozing blood down his brow. Relief, love, elation swelled up inside Harry’s chest and erupted in a piercing cry as he leapt forward. Louis pressed the baby into the hands of one of the paramedics and hobbled towards him. Seeing Louis was clearly hurt, Harry had slowed down, not wanting to just grab him as his instincts told him to do and risk hurting him even more. He stopped as he reached the outskirts of the mess of medics and passengers. There were first aid kits, oxygen bottles and stretchers scattered across the floor. Louis was slowly picking his way around the mess so Harry waited; suddenly calm. There wouldn’t be enough room to meet his friend in the middle of all that mayhem so he forced himself to wait.
Navigating around the last paramedic treating a burn to a man’s forearm, Louis had stumbled the last few feet and stepped, trembling, into Harry’s waiting arms. It was a moment Harry would cherish and replay forever. The sheer relief, thankfulness and fierce love he’d felt in that moment was insurmountable.
Even to this day he could still smell the potency of the kerosene coming off Louis in that moment. Long washed away, it was a smell that seeped into odd moments everyday – a chilling reminder that it may be over but it won’t be forgotten.
He could also remember, with such clarity, the way Louis’ small hands had gripped the front of his jumper like he was grasping for a rope to save him from drowning. The smell had became unimportant as, before Harry had even finished gently closing his arms around him, Louis had begun to cry. It didn’t take Harry more than a split second to follow.
It had been no surprise that Louis had needed therapy afterwards. If surviving a terrifying plane crash wasn’t enough to set a man off kilter, Louis had also lost his one of best childhood friends, Stan. It had been confirmed by dental record that their friend had been one of those left on the aeroplane at the time of the explosion. In fact, the professionals were certain that he would have been one of the ones who’d died on impact, which meant that he wouldn’t have suffered. Of course, that was little consolation to his family and friends – and especially Louis.
For Louis himself, there would be nightmares and flashbacks and bouts of sudden grief and survivor’s guilt to contend with in the months and years to come. For a while he would grow clingy – to Harry mostly – in a way his personality had never allowed before. And Harry, in turn, would become clingy over Louis too but in a slower, more encompassing and lasting way.
The trauma he and Liam had suffered, as bystanders, was greatly overshadowed, underappreciated and underestimated by everyone… except maybe by Louis himself. Perhaps it was because the older lad had been a part of the ordeal, had seen the scene first hand, that he, alone, seemed to have a small understanding of what it must have been like for the two of them to watch on, helpless and in limbo. In the end, he was the one who made them both go to see a counsellor – although it did take eight months of nagging and guilt-tripping for him to convince Harry to go. But Louis won in the end and that’s all that mattered really because Harry had needed it.
Louis, for his part, had tried to put on a brave face to begin with and had tried get on with his life right from the following morning but the sleepless nights and flashbacks caught up with him quickly. Harry had been there through it all; gentle, reassuring and understanding. All the lads had been there for him. They didn’t push too hard and they never lost their temper in frustration whenever Louis struggled.
It was also not surprising that Louis couldn’t get on a plane again for the best part of the year and nobody pushed him. In fact, they acted like it wasn’t a problem in the slightest. Even management had been kind on this point, and the overseas fans were very understanding when only four members of the band turned up for gigs and interviews.
It took a lot of time and a lot of empathy but Louis eventually did bounce back to a version close to his old self. His first flight after the crash was fourteen months down the line – a half hour crossing to Belfast for a signing. He had been sandwiched between Zayn and Harry on a three-seat row and had trembled quietly in his seat the whole time. Harry had kept a hand squeezing his knee in reassurance while Zayn lent him one of his earphones. While it was a step in a positive direction, it would turn out that he would never be able to fly without the aid of tablets again. But even though he managed to get onto a plane he still just couldn’t talk about that tragic evening. Not even to Harry.
Talking about what he had gone through was the final hurdle Louis had to get over in order to come to terms with the accident. That was the point of him taking part in this stupid program – to prove to himself, more than anyone, that he was finally able to move on. His counsellor had insisted that this program would help and, for Louis, it probably did a great deal.
For Harry though, sitting there, listening to the calm commentating of the events, it had been a painful and frightening sufferance. Hearing Louis’ desperate plight after the crash – how close he’d been to still being on the plane when it had exploded… how he’d tried to help other passengers before getting off… how he’d carried that baby to safety inside his jacket… how he’d selflessly never talked or bragged about that act of bravery.
Harry took a shuddering breath and wiped his eyes with the cuffs of his sleeves. Fifteen seconds dallying… maybe even less… and Louis would have been gone too with the other 126 passengers. The thought shook him to the core.
“Haz?”
Harry looked up, almost reluctantly, to meet the concerned eyes of his best friend standing over him. “Sorry,” he croaked out, hastily wiping his eyes again, “I’m just having one of my ridiculous moments… Just… um… just give me a minute to ‘man up’ and I’ll be right back in.”
To his surprise, Louis didn’t say anything right away, nor did he leave, he just stepped forward and pulled Harry into a tight hug. “Nothing ridiculous about you except your curls,” he eventually murmured. “But they’re a good kind of ridiculous.”
For a long minute more they just held on tight, breathing loudly into each other’s shoulder. “I didn’t realise how close it really was,” Harry eventually mumbled, unable to hold it back any longer. It felt like a huge release to finally say it aloud.
Louis pulled back and looked him dead in the eye. Serious and solemn for one of the few times in his life. “Yeah, it was close. But I’m alive, Haz. I survived. So don’t waste your time worrying about what might have happened to me; be happy about what did happen to me. There are plenty of other people in that theatre who don’t have that luxury because the ones they loved didn’t make it out. Be thankful for what you have because I’m sure there are plenty of people sitting in there who are wondering why I’m so lucky to have survived and not their son or daughter.”
Harry sniffed, “I know, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less that I came so close to being one of those people looking enviously at the survivors’ families.”
Louis’ swallowed hard, “I guess not… but…” He licked his lips and then gently tugged on Harry’s wrist – leading him back over to the cushioned bench. “Can I tell you something if you promise not to make a big deal about it?”
“Of course,” Harry replied instantly, meaning it despite his haste in replying. He would promise Louis the world if his friend wanted it.
Louis nodded at his word and then sighed, looking down at his clasped hands sitting in his lap. “During…” he swallowed hard again, “during those last few moments, when we were plummeting, I found myself thinking about… about the important things in my life… and some of it was unexpected.”
Harry blinked, “Yeah…” he said slowly, thinking hard in order to recall that small part of the interview, “you mentioned that in the program. You said… you said that you realised you had things you wanted to say to someone.”
Louis nodded, “I did.” He swallowed, “I still do.” Harry stared at him, what was Louis talking about?
Louis rolled his lips and tilted his head, looking intently at Harry beside him, “I was thinking of you in those last few moments.” Harry blinked and then shook his head in a double-take. Louis chuckled at that and looked down again. “Yeah, I was thinking about you, Haz.” He admitted quietly. “Not that that should be too surprising. Considering everything...” He peeked up with a sheepish smile. Harry tried to keep himself from bursting into fresh tears. It was almost too much for him to hear – especially when he was already so emotional.
“Me…” Harry managed to whisper, “what… what could you possibly want to say to me that you haven’t already said?”
Louis swallowed again and gave him a beautiful, albeit watery, smile, “I love you.”
The way his stomach jolted, it felt like the floor had just given way and Harry was captured by the sheer heartfelt tone his friend spoke with. He knew his eyes must be wide with his astonishment but he didn’t care. Of all the things Louis could have said in that tone, Harry had not expected to hear that – not in a millennium of Sundays. Louis, however quickly added, “I’m not saying I’m in love with you but...” he shifted, sheepish once more, “well, there’s a pretty good chance that I am that too…” He gave Harry a shy smile that had his heart pounding hard. “I love you: as a person, as a band mate, as a friend, as a brother, as my family. You’ve been through so much with me ever since the X Factor boot camp; you’ve been there for me when others haven’t even if you were finding it hard to cope too. You’ve kept me grounded over the years; you’ve kept me sane while the world around us went absolutely stark raving bonkers. And to be fair, what with our fans, our public image and our management, things have been pretty crazy for us – a ten in a scale of mad to psychotic.
But it’s more than just you being there. You’ve always given me courage whenever I’ve needed it – you don’t even have to ask how I feel, you just know. You’ve also never tried to temper me whenever I’ve gotten too over excited – you’ve just encouraged me to be as loud and quirky as I want – as I need. You never teased me when you found out I can be really quiet and shy at times too - you just make me feel like, no matter how I act, being myself is perfectly fine.
And the few times I’ve been proper down, you’ve always made an effort to make me smile with your absolutely terrible jokes.
You… you’re just a fucking amazing person Harry. And I love you, for who you are, who you make me and for everything you do for everyone else. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even properly thanked you for everything you’ve done.”
Harry swallowed thickly, eyes brimming, “It’s funny,” he choked out, trying to smile and failing miserably, “but I can return every single one of those things right back at you. You’ve done all that for me too, Lou.”
Louis’ bottom lip wobbled for a moment but then he forced out a wet chuckle, “Oh boy, we’re a right pair, aren’t we?”
Harry chuckled and sniffed, wiping his face once more with his sleeve, “Yeah, we are.”
Louis smiled up at him softly and reached out to cup his cheek, thumbing away some of the moisture. Then he stretched up, with unexpected bravery, to place a soft kiss against Harry’s mouth.
Harry’s eyes fluttered shut almost instantly; the touch damp and heady with the minty hue of Wrigley’s extra strong. For a well anticipated first kiss, it was short and sweet and kind of ridiculous in it’s innocence – especially given their age and past experience. When Louis pulled back a moment later, letting Harry’s bottom lip go almost wistfully, Harry’s heart stuttered in it’s ribcage and he automatically lent in to chase. It made Louis break into a giddy grin before stretching back up for that second, slightly longer, caress of lips.
The second time he pulled away, Louis let his fingers twirl in the curls at the base of Harry’s neck affectionately, “Hmm,” he murmured, as Harry nuzzled their noses together.
“That was a long time coming, wasn’t it,” Harry chuckled softly.
“Too true,” Louis agreed, “and the world didn’t end… We didn’t even get papped. I’d almost be disappointed if it hadn’t have been so satisfying.” Harry chuckled again and Louis sat up straighter. “What say we go back in and find out what brought the plane down.”
“We know what brought the plane down,” Harry mumbled, sounding reluctant, “a flaw in the de-icing unit because maintenance crews cut corners by installing an old heating plate which let a build-up of slush stopping the fuel from reaching the engine at a crucial moment. Or something like that.”
“I know,” Louis sighed, “but this’ll be better explained than at the hearing. The program will at least spell it all out in words that we can understand and in pictures. They’re also going to show us why some of us survived the impact and others didn’t. I… I want to understand that Haz. I need to understand.”
And Harry wasn’t going to take that away from his friend because it would be the final closure Louis needed, for himself and for the loss of Stan. So he nodded, stood up and held out a hand for Louis. Louis took it firmly and let Harry lead him back into the dark auditorium.
It would be great if humanity could learn it’s valuable lessons without the cost of lives but unfortunately it takes a life to give a lesson it’s significance. It likely offers little comfort for those left behind but with every death, another life is potentially safer in the long run.
If you walk away with nothing else, at least step away with the consideration that if you died tomorrow would there be anything you might regret not saying or doing? If so, now would be the time to avoid regret.
The End.
If you haven’t already, you should watch some of the episodes of Air Crash Investigations (also called Mayday in some countries inc USA). Brilliant and enlightening series which includes plane crashes from ALL over the world – the series is full of emotion, heroism and tragedy and is a kind of remembrance for those who have been sadly lost. I personally prefer the British version because I feel it is less ‘movie-ised’ but it’s personal choice; you might prefer a more dramatised version. You can find most episodes on Youtube… like… er… many programs…
You also learn a lot about plane crash survival, which is quite handy. Must watches: “Deadly Crossroads’ if you watch this I suggest you have tissues ready (it’s rather emotionally traumatic), “Lockerbie” – anyone British will understand completely, “the Gimli Glider” and “Nowhere to Land” because WOW great piloting, “Hanging By A Thread’ and, of course, “Hudson River Runway”. If you’re sensitive to tragedy it would be worth while checking the synopsis of episodes on Wiki to see if it’s a happy or sad ending.