I woke up to rustling and whines over the baby monitor. Connie was still asleep, and since there was no crying yet, I assumed whichever baby was awake didn't need to be fed. After rubbing my eyes and stretching, I got out of bed and patted towards the nursery, pushing the light switch up to just a dim glow so I could see. I peeked over at Zach, smiling as she smacked his lips in his sleep. When I looked over at Aria though, she was a lot less peaceful looking.
"What's wrong, love?" I hushed. "Why are you fussing?" She whimpered at the sight of me, but I didn't let that stop me from picking her up. I carried her out of the room so she didn't end up wake Zach up, and took her downstairs, clicking a lamp on as I sat on the couch.
I grabbed her chubby legs and kissed her feet. "You're a piece of work, you know that?" Her grumbles died down as I encased her little hand and let her press her feet against my cheek. "That's all you wanted, isn't it? To abuse Daddy? Terrible."
She stared at me with her big brown eyes, and I swear, if it was even possible I fell more in love with her. She may be the fussiest baby on the planet, but she was just so damn cute. And she was mine. My first and only daughter. It was still surreal to me that I even had her and Zach.
Turning my head to the side, I pressed a kiss to her ankle. A toothless smile—I think she was smiling. "Love you so much, Aria." I leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Even if you do have me up the night before my interview..."
Talk about things I'm dreading...
When the morning rolled around, it seemed like the universe was trying to send me a sign about this interview. Zach was crying since five in the morning, Aria had probably the worst smelling diaper to happen in the history of diapers, and Archie was in one of his moods again. I didn't get to have breakfast. I barely said ten words to Connie, both because she probably wouldn't have heard me over Zach crying, and because I was feeling guilty for not telling her about getting fired. It was just a bad morning.
My first interview was at Stein publishing firm in Reading. It was a reasonable distance from home both by car and train, so this was the one I wanted. The pay was okay, my hours will be flexible, and I'll have Thursdays off—for whatever reason. I wanted this. I needed this.
And I think it went well. The guy seemed impressed that I worked for Flander Inc. and was kind of acquaintances with Robert Flander himself. The setting was conversational instead of interrogational, and by the time I got out of there, I felt confident. It wasn't until I got in my car that I realized it only took forty minutes to get in and out of there.
What am I supposed to do now?
▼▲▼▲
I was proud of myself.
I've never been fully alone with the babies before, so I was a little apprehensive about Niall started up work again, but I think I was doing pretty well. There were a couple times when I had to let baby cry while I changed or fed the other, but for the most part, everyone was happy. I didn't feel terribly exhausted since both babies slept almost fully through the night. This is good. It's almost like I can handle my children.
Except Archie.
"Oh Archie," I sighed, staring down at the twins as they watched the mobile spin over them. I tried to imagine a time when Archie was so innocent and easily amused, but the image was destroyed by the scowl he's been wearing lately.
He was so frustrating. Talking to him was useless. Nothing I did for him was good enough, and nothing Niall did lasted long enough before he needed to help with the babies. I was at the point where I couldn't make up excuses for him anymore, being nice has gotten me nowhere for almost three months; he was just being a rotten little kid. I never thought I'd saw that about sweet little Archie, but it's true.
Every time he walked into a room I could feel the tension spike. I could feel the room temperature drop from his coldshoulder and icy look in his eyes. A small part of me was almost convinced he saved his coldshoulder just for me—like he was especially upset with me—but I couldn't figure out why, and it's not like he was willing to have a civil conversation with me. Niall said Archie just needs to get used to the babies, but it's been three months; how much longer does he need?
I was almost looking forward to him going to Maria's this weekend. It was the only time I got a bit of relief from the aggravating headache he gave me. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but...he's just been getting on my nervous, and I don't particularly need that when I have two babies that are on my nerves all day and night.
My ears perked up as I heard an engine outside, and for a split dread pooled in my stomach as I thought it was Archie's bus pulling up outside. I wasn't ready to deal with him just yet. But I quickly realized it was only noon and I had another couple hours before Archie got home.
There was a knock at the door and both the twins' eyes popped open. "We have a visitor," I said excitedly. I got to my feet and scampered over to the door, looking out the window to see Princess and Kitten standing on the other side. As soon as I ripped the door open, we all squealed and squeezed into a group hug.
"What are you doing here?" We pulled out of our hug just in time for me to catch Pickles before he bolted out the door and gently toss him towards the living room.
"To see the little nuggets," Iris gushed, then walked past me. "Where are they? Give them here. Here baby, baby. Oh! Look at you two! You're so—oh God. Angel! Your son needs a diaper change, STAT."
I looked towards Gemma as I closed the door. "We had the day off, so we decided to visit the new momma and help out for a little—"
Iris' screech cut her off. "Connie! He's leaking!"
----
I placed Zach in Iris' arms and Aria in Gemma's, only to take her right back when she started crying. "She's not good with anyone that isn't me or Niall...mostly Niall," I explained. "Zach is friendlier."
"You definitely made some cute ones," Iris cooed, making a face at Zach. "Look at those cheeks. Oh, I'm so in love!" She pulled him into a hug and I laughed a little at the blank stare on his face. "Is Archie enjoying his new siblings?"
"Yeah, how's Archie's doing with everything?"
Just then it hit me that I haven't spoken much to Iris or Gemma since the twins were born. If I talked to them like I used to, they would already know about the rift between me and Archie. They know that he doesn't like being around them, and the constant bickering that I always find myself in with him. They would know everything.
But they don't. As far as they're concerned, we're still a happy family plus two, and a big part of me wanted to keep it that way. I've lost the motivation to automatically tell them about everything in my life, and I don't want to start digging things up and sound like I'm complaining. I did ask for this after all. Dumping all my hardships on them would make me seem ungrateful.
"He's been really helpful. A great big brother," I smiled. "He does like Zach a bit more since he's a lot less fussy than Aria."
"Maybe when she's a bit older he'll like her move," Gemma suggested. "They could play dress up together." I truly don't see that happening. "He'll be her protective big brother." I just smiled and nodded.
Gemma and Iris stayed for a couple more hours before heading home. As I watched them drive away, I felt a bit of envy aching at my chest. They were able to just visit this, while I was stuck at home either alone with the babies, or with the babies and bickering with Archie. I didn't get to drive away from anything. This is my life now. And I want to tell myself that this is what I've wanted for years, for so, so long—but I didn't want it to be like this.
----
"Is Dad home?" was the first thing out of Archie's mouth when he walked through the door.
"Hello Archie. How was your day?" I muttered pointedly.
"Fine."
I sighed and turned into the kitchen, "No, Dad isn't home yet."
He followed after me, "When will he be home?"
"At five." Both babies were placed in their baby highchairs, quietly watching as I started searching for dinner ingredients. "What do you need Dad for so urgently?"
"He's supposed to help me with my homework," He muttered with an attitude.
"Well he won't be home until later. In the meantime, I can help you."
"I don't want you to." I stopped as I was reaching for the chicken in the fridge, and looked at him from over my shoulder. His grey eyes flickered with fear for a moment before he glared right back at me. "What?" he snapped.
I turned around to face him. "What's wrong with you?"
"There's nothing wrong—"
"Then why are you acting like such a brat?!" I yelled, making him flinch. "You never acted like this! What is it, you don't think you're getting enough attention? Because of the twins? Don't tell me you're that selfish, Archie!"
"You do ignore me!" He screamed.
"We do not ignore you. We have two"—I pointed my finger at Aria and Zach—"babies that can't do anything for themselves—it makes sense that they would get more attention than you would! Use your brain, Archie! Dad went to as many soccer games as he could since the twin were born. I try to sit down and talk to you, but you're too busy being a stubborn brat to say anything that isn't snarky or mean! You need to get your act together Archie—and damn it, do it quickly because I can't take much more of this. If this is how you are now, you might as well go live with your mother!"
He stared at me with tears in his angry, furious, eyes. I've never yelled at Archie before—not once in the time I've known him. That was always Niall's job. I was good cop. He was bad cop. But now what am I? I'm not even bad cop, because that look in his eyes was more than just remorse from doing something bad; it was more than pleading for forgiveness. I wished I didn't care, that I was confident with the fact that he needed that wake up call. But just take look in his eyes made me want to back pedal, even before he shrieked his response at me and stomped up the stairs.
"I hate you!"
----
I tried to check on him twice, but he yelled at me to go away, and on the third attempt, I decided to give him space. I used the twins to keep my mine of the errant eight year old, currently stomping around his bedroom hard enough to make the chandelier tremble. Aria had gotten fussy and was on the verge of one of her belting crying fits, and Zach seemed strangely quiet. That was enough to completely push Archie to the back of my mind.
"Cat got your tongue?" I cooed to Zach. Just then, Pickles' fat grey body hopped onto the coffee table to look down at the twins. Aria got one look at him and her cries came to a halt as she reached for him. She got a hold of his leg but Pickles apparently didn't like that and wriggled out of her grasp before clumsily sprinting away.
The crying started again.
Zach spit up on himself.
I had a headache and I realized I hadn't showered today.
It was almost five-thirty when Niall finally got home. He didn't say anything when he walked through the door, just came to join me on the couch, kicking his shoes off and relax into the cushion. He placed his hand on my hunched back, rubbing gently up and down my spine. It must've been obvious I was on the verge of frustrated tears. Only a few spilled over before I leaned back to rest my head on his chest, and he wrapped around me.
"Where's Archie?" he whispered after a while, once Aria had cried herself to sleep.
"Upstairs. We had a fight."
"What happened?"
I sighed and closed my eyes. "I lost my temper and yelled after he said he didn't want me to help with his homework and that we ignore him." Recapping it, it sounded more like I was the terrible one and he was a little kid that just tried to express his feelings. And I yelled at him. "He said he hates me. I don't blame him."
"He'll take that back the second he realize he made you cry," Niall chuckled.
"He should hate me," I mumbled, ignoring his attempt to lighten the conversation as I opened my eyes. "I'm a terrible mother. There's something wrong with Zach. He doesn't cry that much."
"Zach just isn't as fussy as Aria. You're not a terrible mother, Connie." He kissed my hair. "Did you talk to him since?" I shook my head. "Go talk to him. With a peace offering of popcorn and Wall-E. He'll come around."
Deep down, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Niall didn't know exactly what I said, he didn't know just how bad I felt, or what Archie felt, especially after just walking in the door. But, I trudged upstairs anyway. I don't want this tension with an eight year old, I want my sweet Archie back. I want use to be how we were before. To be the happy family we're supposed to be.
I knocked on his door. "Archie?" No response. "Archie...um, I'm sorry I yelled at you sweetheart." Nothing. "I don't want you to move away. I want you to stay here. I love you too much to—" I pushed the door open, my eyes going straight to his bed, only to find it empty. My eyes scanned the whole room, under the table, in any corner he could be hiding in.
"Archie?!" I hissed, sprinting over to the closet door and my heart dropped when he wasn't in there. I clawed at his clothes, moved them out of the way, but he just wasn't there. He didn't go out on his bike. The front door didn't open until Niall got home. Did the side door open? No, it's a loud door, I would've heard it.
Panic sent my heart into a frenzy. I felt a breeze come from behind me, and whipped around to see the window was wide open.
"NIALL!"
~~
why archie why