The fairs held at Blue Valley were much different to the ones I was used to back home. They were like a knock off version, the ideas were the same, most of the rides and stalls were the same, but everything just had this sad, poor vibe. Like at any second one of the rides would collapse and kill everyone in sight.
"I'm telling you boys, this is our big chance. If we can get everyone to like our band then we're sold." Ashton moves around the stage, setting up his drum kit. His bandana sits tightly across his head, pushing back his curls. He bends down, hiding himself beneath his drums as he fixes something, his voice muffled. "I mean, we have a real shot here. This could be the best day of our lives."
"We don't even win anything," Luke states stiffly. Like the rest of us, he wasn't really sure why Ashton was treating this as the most important thing of his life. The gig the boys had done the week before was way more important. He fiddles with the amp behind him. "Just cash. And we only get ten minutes."
"Luke, you're the one who signed us up for this," Michael states. "It was literally your idea."
"I know, I'm just saying that Ashton doesn't need to be so fucking over the moon about playing for ten minutes when last weekend we played for half an hour and probably got paid more."
"Why are you so caught up on the money?" Ashton cries. "It's not about the money, it's not even about winning. It's about taking every chance we can to showcase this band."
"I agree with Luke." Michael shrugs. "If we're not getting anything out of this then what's the point?"
"The point? The point is the music! If you don't get that then I'm fucking leaving the band."
Calum, who's been tuning his guitar this entire time, looks at me and rolls his eyes, mouthing the words 'every time'. He doesn't even look bothered, just totally focusing on his guitar. Ninety five percent of the time I'm sure Calum is off in his own world, not even aware to what's happening around him. He always stays out of the conflict between the rest of the boys. He starts humming under his breath as he strums his guitar, rocking his head back and forth smiling as the other boys attack each other. So oblivious. I don't know how he can do it.
I sit on an amp with my head resting on my hands, watching the whole scene unfold onstage. The boys were on in about half an hour, they were starting the whole show, and then they had promised me that we could go look around after they had seen all the acts play. They wanted to 'seize up the competition'. I could just go look around by myself but I didn't want to look like that one loner kid with no friends playing the games by herself. Nobody wanted to be that person.
"Oh for fuck sakes, Luke. You do this every time. Every time!" Ashton yells out suddenly.
"Who elected you boss of the band?" Luke fights back. "Just because you're older doesn't make you some kind of dad to us. Just because girls like that doesn't mean we do."
"I'm the only one who actually gives a shit about this band! To you it's just some after school hobby, but to me this is actually a dream. A lifestyle. This band actually means something to me, Luke."
"It means something to us too, Ashton," Michael cries. "You're not the only one who wants to be here."
"Aren't I?" Ashton cries. I'm struggling to keep up with all the yelling and it's giving me a headache. And the boys haven't even started playing yet. "It seems like I'm the only one who actually puts effort into making this band work. You guys don't care, not at all. God, this could actually be something for us, yet you don't even care!" He kicks over the microphone stand and storms offstage, leaving us all to look at each other in silence.
Luke runs his hands through his hair in aggravation. "Fuck. Fuck!"
"Why does he always do this?" Michael cries, shaking his head. "That boy has anger issues, man. I swear it."
Luke paces around the stage. "We're on in fifteen minutes. Ella, go talk to him."
I almost fall off my amp. "What? Why me?"
The boys just look at me with a collective 'duh' expression. "Because you're the girl?" Luke says.
"Plus he's so into you he'd do anything for you," Michael adds.
I'm so baffled I can't even move, yet I blush. "Really?" I grin goofily.
"Just go! Fucking hell, if he ruins this for us I swear to god ..."
I jump off the amp, sighing, and head in the direction Ashton ran off in. I'm feeling both flattered and annoyed that I'm the chosen one to 'calm Ashton down'. I'm kind of scared to find him. He's a very angry boy. I can't fight him. My arms are too small.
I find him sitting on a bench a few metres from the stage. Students pass him, blocking my view, but through the gaps of legs and bodies I can see him sitting with his head in his hands. I take a deep breath and move and sit beside him.
"So, that was a bit of a laugh," I say about two minutes into the silence. He doesn't look up, just sits there. I sigh. "Ashton, like, uh, are you okay?"
I hear him laugh and he finally looks up at me. "El, you are the shittiest person at comforting others."
I'm slightly offended. "I am not! I just ... what do you want me to say?"
He sighs, looking ahead at all the crowds of people. "This is all I have, you know? Like, this is my only thing. This band ... I don't know, it's saved me."
I look at him, slightly confused. "Saved you from what?"
He hesitates and then shakes his head. "Never mind, it's whatever." He turns to me and stares for a while. I start to get paranoid that's something on my face. "What would you rather; dying from cancer or dying in a car accident?"
I just stare at him, blinking. I laugh nervously. "What?"
"Would you rather die a knowing death or an unknowing one?"
"I don't know, I'd rather not die at all-"
"That's stupid, that's not an answer. You have to die, so how would you rather die?"
I just stare at him in utter disbelief. He's so ... fascinating. Every time I think I'm close to figuring him out I realise I'm not at all. "Uh, I don't know? I guess knowingly, so I'd have time to prepare and all."
He just looks at me and then nods. "Thought you'd say that. Come on." He grabs my hand and stands up, pulling me back to the stage. The boys look grateful to see us.
"Finally. Are you ready now, Princess?" Luke scoffs.
Ashton just flips him off and takes a seat behind his drums.
"We've changed the songs," Luke announces. "We're doing 'Green Light' and '18'."
Ashton puts down his drumsticks. "What happened to 'End Up Here'?"
"We've done it too much."
"Yeah, because we've been practising it. I don't know '18' well enough, we've played it once."
"It's not like you've never heard the song, Ashton."
"Why did you change it?"
"Because. 'End Up Here' is boring."
"I wrote it."
"Did I stutter?"
Ashton stands up, slamming his hands down. "Are you fucking kidding me, Luke?"
"Guys, come on. Don't cause a scene," Calum speaks up. He looks around at the forming crowd nervously. "People are watching."
"You're such a dick, Luke," Ashton seethes.
"Look who's talking," Luke scoffs back.
"Oh, my GOD!" I cry, louder than intended. "I have never met more gossiping, nasty, sensitive little fuckers in my life! You're supposed to be best friends for fuck sakes! Luke, don't go changing the setlist because you think a song is boring. That's god damn fucking rude. Plus, I like that song. So stick with it. Ashton, you need to chill. You got no damn fucking chill. Michael, who's side are you even on? And Calum .... well, there's nothing to say. Keep doing what you're doing. But can we please just shut up and play the damn setlist before I gauge my eyes out with the hot wires on this damn fucking stage!"
The boys all silence and stare at me with wide, fearful eyes. I'm breathing so fast I think I might explode, my cheeks red and my heart beating quickly in my chest. I feel some sort of weight drop off me and I'm somewhat relieved. It feels kinda nice to yell. I can see why people do it all the time.
"Well damn," Luke says. "That was intense."
"Is it weird that I'm kind of turned on right now?" Michael speaks up.
"Shut up, Michael," Ashton snaps. "She's right, can we just play?"
"I don't know, can we?"
"Oh for fucking-"
"WELCOME EVERYONE!" The boys are interrupted by a teacher mounting the stage. I'm extremely thankful for his entrance. "I hope you're all ready to hear some live music. Up first we have 5 Seconds of Summer. You ready boys?"
The boys sort themselves out and I decide to leave the stage and embed my way into the crowd. It takes them a few minutes but eventually they're starting to play 'End Up Here' and everyone's cheering.
It's funny watching the boys play after their argument seconds before because you wouldn't even know. They seem so at ease on stage, all together in this sense of unison. They strum together, sing together, move around in sync. I'm not really one to be educated on music but this looks like a real proper band to me.
The song ends and everyone's feeling the 5 Seconds of Summer vibes. The girls beside me are cooing over how hot they find each of the boys, emphasising on Ashton, and I 'accidentally' elbow them in the sides.
"Hi everyone." Luke steps up and speaks into the microphone. "We're 5 Seconds of Summer and we hope you're enjoying our music. This next song is called 'Green Light'."
I'm excited to hear this one because I haven't before. That is I think I haven't until I hear Calum start singing.
"It started with a picture, those messages you sent to me. You're like a perfect mixture of Megan Fox and Katy P."
Michael steps up then. "It's such a sick obsession and now you've got the best of me. I've got the worst intentions so call me over, set me free. I can give you what you want."
I can't believe it. They actually turned this into a song. And they decided it was the best song to play at the school fair? The girls surrounding me are literally going crazy.
"It's taking me over, I don't wanna play this game no more. All you gotta do is tell me right now you want me right now. Come on. Give me the green light we can have all night, if you just say the words. Tell me it's alright give me the green light."
"God, Ashton is such a hottie," the girl beside me says. "Don't you agree?"
I just give her a stiff smile.
The boys move around stage, thrusting and lip biting and trying to seduce the fuck out of the crowd. It's definitely working, and I can't believe I didn't see through their little innocent 'it's all about the music' dream. It's just about getting laid.
"You've got me where you want me, I'm hanging on your every word. It's such a twisted story how you got me. Now you've got me. I can give you what you need."
Luke points at someone in the crowd and I swear they faint. This is absolutely ridiculous, these boys are the biggest pussy hounds I know. How gross. Except ... damn, Ashton looks really good behind that drum kit.
The song finishes, much to everyone's dismay, and the boys pack up their things and join me in the crowd. Girls compliment them on their 'really cool band' and the boys act all cool and aloof. I can't help but roll my eyes at how pathetic everyone in this world are.
"Ella, Elllaaaa!" Luke dives towards me and picks me up, with absolutely no warning at all, and spins me around. "How'd we do?"
I smack his shoulders. "Put me down, Luke! What the hell!"
He just grins and sets me down carefully. I dust myself off, straightening out my shirt. "You did fine." I throw my nose in the air.
"Man, everyone was loving us. Do you reckon we have a chance at winning?" Michael asks in absolute excitement.
The boys all look at me and I've never seen anything so hopeful in my life. I think it's in that moment that I really know just how much this means to them, to all of them. Not just to Ashton, but to all three others as well. I've never really had something to believe in so much and it kind of makes me happy to see it in someone else. And you can't bring people's happiness down like that. So I smile and I nod. "Yeah. You guys have got this in the bag."
------
"Oh come on! 'Lego House'? That's original." Luke throws popcorn onto the stage. "You suck!"
"Luke!" I cry. "You can't do that!"
"He's right though. Look how he's holding the guitar," Michael adds. "Rookie."
"They don't even have a bass player." Calum shakes his head.
I have to agree that the band onstage at the moment suck ass. They're absolutely mutilating the songs they're covering and the lead singer sounds nowhere near as angelic as Luke does. With each new act that comes onstage, the boys grow more confident at winning.
"This is stupid, man," Ashton speaks up. "It's obvious we're going to win. These rookie acts are just wasting our time."
"Then why are we watching them?" I say. "Can we go look around. We've still got another half hour of watching these acts."
"Yeah, but we have to wait and see who wins," Calum says.
"This whole area is literally two centimetres," I state. "I think we'll hear."
"Alright fine." Luke sighs. "But I wanna play the clown game."
"Dude, you're on! I'm the master at that game!" Michael cries and him and Luke sprint off into the crowd.
It's then just Calum, Ashton and I. And it's a rather awkward combination. You know those people in the group that, like, you're friends with, but if you were to be left alone with them it would be very awkward. This was me right now.
"Uh, so, what do you wanna do?" Ashton asks.
"Shooting ducks," I say at the same time Calum says "ring toss."
"I was asking El," Ashton says gruffly.
Calum avoids eye contact and I quickly speak up. "I like the ring toss. Lets go there."
"What about the ducks?" Ashton asks.
"What about the ducks? Screw the ducks. Shoot them all I say. Open season. Ha ha. Have you seen that movie? Classic. Okay let's go." I scurry away.
God damn is this awkward.
I look back and see Calum and Ashton very distanced from one another, not talking or even looking at each other. I gulp. Great. Let the fun begin.
------
"Ten points!" Ashton cheers as he yet again successfully lands a ring onto a pole. "I'm the king!"
I roll my eyes and try and ignore the fact that I haven't even landed one yet. I stick out my tongue and try to focus. "You know, no one likes a sore winner."
"No one likes a sore loser either." He winks.
I throw my ring and watch as it hits the pole and then goes tumbling down to the ground. I sigh in defeat. I was already over this game and I had barely even started. I look down the line of people and see Calum off in his own world yet again, throwing his rings and grinning to himself when he lands one. I then look back over at Ashton, and the contrast between the cute and the intimidating is so damn strong it almost winds me.
"You're losing because you don't have a technique," Ashton tells me, suddenly getting very close. "It's all about the technique."
He reaches over me before I can stop him, placing his arms over mine and leaning in. I can feel his breath on my neck and smell his scent of musky cologne and sweat. It makes me very nervous, a kind of feeling I can't explain. I hold my breath.
"You see, there's a trick to this," he says softly, slowly. He moves my hands with his. "It's all about illusion. The pole is not in line with your eye, that's the trick. So what you see is not what you're meant to." He runs his fingers up my forearms, making my back tense up. "When you throw it like this, it'll land down there." He moves my hand underneath his. "But when you throw it like this ..." He lets go and the ring goes flying and it then lands successfully on the pole.
For a second or two neither of us moves, even though the ring has long ago been tossed. Ashton stays leaning against me, his hand on my arm, and I stay absolutely still as if I'm some statue. Until out of the corner of my eye I see Calum staring right at us, a sort of pained expression in his eyes. I pull away from Ashton immediately.
"Technically that's your win and not mine." I laugh nervously, putting a clear distance between Ashton and I.
Ashton looks over my head at Calum and his expression shifts. He frowns as he looks back at me. "He likes you, you know."
"What?" I turn subtly to act like I don't know who he's talking about. "Who, Calum? Don't be ridiculous."
Ashton rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "I've known him for years. I know when he likes someone, and he's into you."
I'm about to defend myself some more when I realise I shouldn't be defending myself at all. I lower my eyes at Ashton, who has his jaw locked and his eyes focused. "What does it matter to you?"
"Do you like him?"
"So what if I did?"
He snorts. "I knew it. Fucking mental."
"Why are you always so angry, huh?" I reach out and shove him, which probably isn't the smartest thing to do. "You're so invested in other people's lives yet you can't even sort out your own."
He looks down at me and I see anger flash in his eyes. He's so intimidating but for some reason I find myself being able to stand up to him. "You don't even know the first thing about my life."
"No, I don't. No one does. You hide behind all these walls that you've barricaded around you and you .... you're so weird! Why the hell are you so weird?"
He looks at me for a while before shaking his head. "Whatever." And then he's off, like he always is. When things get too tough he just walks off, walks away from everything. He drives me god damn crazy.
I sigh, taking a deep breath. Then I feel someone's presence beside me and I know exactly who it is before I even have to look.
"Ella, are you okay?"
I look up at Calum and give him a small smile. He really is so sweet. "Yeah. I'm fine, Calum."
"Do you wanna go on the ferris wheel?" He smiles.
I just look at him, everything about him is so ... precious. I really don't understand how he's friends with these guys, they're all so unlike him. He doesn't even fit into the band, the whole punk rock vibe. He's more like ... a puppy. A small little playful puppy that could never do you wrong. And I realise that if he did like me, it wouldn't be so bad. And if I liked him, that wouldn't be so bad either.
I nod. "Yeah, I'd love to."
yoo fuk im so bad at updating this story but pls keep reading thanx xoxo