As much as he does drink, I've never seen him like that. While his high tolerance is probably what keeps him from ending up like that, I'd like to think that he is aware of his limits. I, on the other hand, have definitely struggled with knowing my limits. Although I'd like to blame it on how much smaller I am compared to him.
"It's okay," I say, and I really mean it. Everyone has their nights. "Too bad you probably don't remember me picking you up all by myself and carrying you to the limo."
He laughs. "I always knew you were stronger than me. Last person I'd want to get into a fight with."
Our conversation carries on a happier note as I drive home. His words are warming my insides, and I'm actually laughing again. I feel like I haven't been able to truly laugh lately.
As I pull into the parking space at my apartment, his tone switches back to serious. "Listen, Gianna, I hope you can tell how much I care about you. Again, I'm sorry about last night. It's just hard for me to want to be conscious if you aren't a part of my life."
Fuck, I don't even know how to respond to that. There's no way he could care to depend on having me so much in his life. I don't know any other man who would even admit something like that.
It's crazy to think that someone who looks so chill and like Bawdy would even give two shits about someone like me. It's even crazier that he'd put his ego aside and say something like that. I know that he is aware of how hot he is and how he can have any girl in the world, but for some reason he wants me.
"Bawdy," I begin, but he cuts me off.
"I know I can be a bit over bearing and haven't left you alone, but it's so hard for me to. Don't you miss me too, baby girl? It was going so good with you."
It was going good. More than good. Sure, I've had a few shitty things happen, but he has always been there to help me out.
And I can't deny that I've been missing him. Missing spending time with him. Talking with him. Missing his touch.
I let out a sigh. "I've been missing you too. I can't lie. My life has been shitty without you."
It really has. I've been driving myself crazy without him. I just need to let myself trust him, but I've learned to never give someone my full trust from the start. It needs to be earned instead of lost.
I stay sitting in my car to finish talking with him, because I don't want Kennedy to overhear this yet. I know that she's angry with him for messing with my emotions, and she was around to witness my deterioration. Bawdy doesn't even know half of how he made me feel, but it seems like he might not have even been much better off.
Maybe we do need each other.
"I have an event to go to on Wednesday, and I'd love to take you with me. I'll do my best not to overstep talking with you until then, and you can let me know if you want to come. I know that you know that neither of us has been happy not being around one another." Damn, if he wasn't a musician maybe he should have been a mind reader.
Although, I guess it's pretty obvious I haven't been doing the best.
I pause to think about his offer, pulling my knees up onto the seat. I'm not ready to let him go. I'm not sure if I'd ever be ready to do that now that he's in my life. "Okay, sure, I'll think about it."
That answer is good enough for him, and we say goodbye, and I hang up the phone. I swear if I didn't hit end, he never would have ended the call before I did.
I make my way upstairs and warm up some left over lasagna. Time to try to turn all of my attention to my work. I can't get myself to focus like I need to, so I decide to take an Adderall. Until it kicks in, my mind keeps drifting to Bawdy. Finally, it starts to work, and I devote my attention to getting my assignments done.
I swear so many people think that photography majors must never do any work and just take photos. I wish that was true.