It was late at night and outside of Loona's apartment building, Skoll was just dropping her off after another date. It was fun and both had a good time, which was really all they could ask for.
"Thanks for tonight, I had a great time." Loona commented.
"It was fun, that dancing game was bullshit though."
"You lost fair and square. Same time next week?"
"Count on it."
The two kissed and Loona went back into her home with a happy smile.
========================================================================
Two weeks later, the grey and white Hellhound sat in her chair and spun around in it. She rubbed a hand down her wolf-like face and checked the time, Skoll was supposed to pick her up over two hours ago. Thankfully Blitzo was out, otherwise he likely would have wondered why his daughter was so dressed up and still at home. She opened her phone and checked her text messages.
Loona: Hey, you still coming for our date?
She had sent that message about two hours before her date was supposed to start. There was no reply.
Loona: Hey Skoll, it's been thirty minutes, is everything ok?
There was still no reply. She had sent similar messages every now and then but there was still no reply, she let out a sigh and decided that he wasn't coming. So Loona changed into something more comfortable and went to bed soon after. In her mind were thoughts about what had happened. To make matters worse, this wasn't the first time this had happened. The couple had been official for close to two months and Skoll had been missing quite a few dates. She wondered once more about what her relationship was, Skoll's recent tardiness didn't help ease her insecurities. Whenever those doubts started getting out of control, he would do something genuine, something sweet and romantic, he'd be there for her and make all the doubts go away by planning a date. Loona wasn't even sure she could be upset, for all she knew Skoll was hurt and needed to rest, and his search for Hati seemed to be going somewhere and she didn't want to seem like a bother. But, she couldn't help it, she was worried for Skoll's safety and now she was getting worried about their relationship. It didn't help that Skoll was private about his mission, giving as few details as possible.
Meanwhile, in Pentagram City, Skoll had just cleared out three of Nathan Nash's hideouts. It was an intense fight, the sinners he hired for protection were equipped with Angelic steel and had quite a few souls under their belt. He even had to fight an Overlord at the last location, a rabbit demon who controlled fire as well. In the end, it took Skoll two hours to clear out three different locations across Pentagram City. Surrounded by dead demons, he checked his phone which he had turned off to avoid distractions. Upon seeing the messages, the colour drained from his face.
"Shit..." he muttered as he read all his girlfriend's worried texts.
Skoll: Hey
I know I forgot our date, and I know I fucked up.
I'm really sorry, I got busy with searching and was in a tough fight.
I promise I'll make it up to you.
He saw that the text was read immediately but there was no reply. Skoll sighed and put his phone away. It was one date to him, he could make up for it later, but his search couldn't wait. It was already getting frustrating, he'd search five heavily-guarded locations to no success, and each time security was getting tougher. But if Nathan was scared enough to hire an Overlord, he had to be close. This was it, he could feel it in his bones, he'd find his sister first, anything else wasn't a priority.
========================================================================
In a Cherub Towne, a place in Heaven with curved and stylized buildings, a small Angel who looked like a human baby appeared, he had red hair and matching overalls.
"Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did somethin' good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!"
He was accompanied by two more small Angels, both resembling goats. One was a blue boy named Collin, and the other was a yellow girl named Keenie. Both their clothes matched their skin and hair colour and all three Angels had wide smiles.
A man on Earth jumped out of an airplane, he was attempting skydiving but when he pulled the cord, it snapped and he crashed down on a rock in a bloody mess. The gore was censored by a fluffy cloud with the words 'Oh No' written on.
Collin: 🎵Does it make you want to cry?🎵
A young teenager was run over by a speeding train from a tunnel as "Oh No!" appeared in a censor cloud.
Keenie: 🎵When your loved one has to die?🎵
Another man came alone and accidentally shot himself in the face with a shotgun. "Oopsie!" is seen in another censor cloud.
Cletus: 🎵Does it hurt you through and through?🎵
A dying man's face turned blue in a hangman's noose. A stylized version of Cletus's head faded into view with a sad face and a tear running down his cheek.
All: 🎵When your face is turnin' bluuuuue?🎵
Collin: 🎵Well, luckily for you...🎵
Keenie: 🎵There's somethin' we can do!🎵
Cletus: 🎵We can help keep them alive🎵
All: 🎵So you can watch them thrive!🎵
All three pose together as an orange C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appeared with a registered trademark symbol. In smaller writing underneath the logo were the words 'Sub-division of Divine Guidance'.
All: 🎵'Cause here at C.H.E... R.U.B.!🎵
Cletus rescued a woman from a pack of wild animals. Keenie pushed a scared Collin in front of them, as he held a plank of wood with a nail in it.
Collin: 🎵We'll save your honeybun from dying violently!🎵
The C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appeared once more
All: 🎵'Cause here at C.H.E....R.U.B.!🎵
Cletus appeared, waving a dismissive hand at a person handing him a handful of dollar bills.
Keenie: 🎵No, we never even ask a fee!🎵
Collin and Keenie gave each other a hug as a yellow heart shined in the background.
Collin: 🎵Because good people spread the love!🎵
Small hearts of light spread out around a spinning Earth in space.
Keenie: 🎵And we're here for all above!🎵
A stressed Collin rapidly wrote on piles of paperwork in an office. Each paper had another signature from the Head of Divine Guidance, Zadkiel Magne.
Cletus: 🎵We do the paperwork for you!🎵
Keenie lifted a boulder from a woman trapped under and flattened by a boulder, who gave her a thumbs up.
Collin: 🎵 And the heavy liftin', too!🎵
The three Cherubs comforted a horribly wounded man after a car crash. He was bleeding profusely from a neck wound.
Cletus: 🎵So sit right back🎵
The three Cherubs appeared and sang in harmony. They posed some more as the song continued playing.
All: 🎵And let us bless a soooul for you!
Oh, we... are the C.H.E.R.U.B.!🎵
========================================================================
As it turned out, the Cherub's songs was playing as a commercial on an old television that Blitzo promptly shot with his flintlock.
"Nice one, B!" Millie cheered for her boss.
"Gimme another, Mox!"
Moxxie nervously swept away the flaming debris and put another old-fashioned TV onto the stand. He turned it on with a scared look on his face. The 666 News logo appeared while Blitzo poured gunpowder into his flintlock.
"Eh, nah. Not feelin' it. Next!"
Moxxie switched the channel. A demonically dressed Betty Boop appeared in black and white, dancing erotically with prominent, bouncing breasts, holding a pitchfork. Moxxie flinched in anticipation. Blitzo and Millie looked on in boredom. Skoll was cleaning his carbine at the table, while glancing at Loona, who awkwardly glanced back. Both hadn't talked all day and they both knew they needed to.
"Uh-huh. Keep going, keep goin', keep goin'..."
Moxxie switched the channel again. An imp in a nice suit and small goatee appeared on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane.
"I say, I say, are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?"
Wally whacked his cane on the wall at either side of him, producing the graphics for "CRAZY CONTRAPTIONS" and "GOOFY GADGETS" as he spoke.
"Well, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory!"
The Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea "Factory" trademarked title appeared against a similar circular background of classic old cartoons. The panel with the title then fell over forwards, landing with a thud.
"Where you make the things and I make the money!" Wally moved close to the screen with a pleading look. "Please! I'm very desperate!"
"Bingo!" Blitzo shouted, destroying the television.
"How many TVs do we have?" Skoll wondered.
Loona had one foot up on the table that twitched lightly. A plastic cup with her name written on it and filled with water was on the table next to her foot. A loud rumbling started, knocking her cup over and spilling its contents.
"Guys... do you feel that?" she asked the room.
"Oh, shit! Is that a hellshake?"
Skoll raised an eyebrow, "The fuck is a hellshake?"
Moxxie had a similar question, "That's possible."
"Alright! Don't panic, Moxxie!"
Moxxie's body stiffened from his wife's sudden outburst and she grabbed him by his shoulders.
"I am surrounded by idiots." Skoll commented, Loona let out soft noise like a hound. "Mostly idiots."
"I'm not 'panicking'!" Moxxie shouted, making air quotations. "Because hellshakes don't happen."
"Stop getting hysterical, fatty!" Loona slapped Moxxie in the face and he flew into the wall.
He was then knocked down further by what appears to be a wrecking ball made of black tubes. Part of the wall crumbled on top of Moxxie, crushing him completely. As the dust cleared, the wrecking ball untangled into multiple robotic tentacles and a supervillain-esque demon used two of them to hoist himself into the room through the hole, covering himself with his cape. Loona growled while on all fours. Skoll had his M16 ready to gun down the demon.
"Do not be afraid!" he shouted.
The boss stepped forward to meet the man. "Please tell me you got that insurance thing!"
"Who are you, and what do you want!?" Millie asked, bringing out her signature black axe.
"I am Loopty Goopty!" he replied in a silly voice. "Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!"
"Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing." the goth Hellhound commented.
"I am eccentric and must therefore do eccentric shit!" Loopty countered, doing a strange dance.
Blitzo sniffed the air and flinched, "Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?"
"Yes! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me here!"
"Ok, that's all well and good. It's business," Skoll said. "But wouldn't the front door work as well as... all this?"
"Shut up, dear furries!" he shouted to Loona and Skoll, causing the two to growl in anger. "This is the man I'm gonna need you to kill!" Loopty showed a picture of an old, bald man with a mustache lying in bed.
"Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitzo, the 'o' is silent."
"What 'o'?"
"Aww, thank you. Now, what's the tea, sis?"
"The tea!?"
"Guys, help!" Moxxie groaned from beneath the pile.
"Moxxie, I'll save you!" the white and red Hellhound rushed over and started digging the imp out of the rubble.
"Yeah, why are we killin' this guy? I mean, what did he do to you?"
"Save me, Skoll!" the white-haired imp begged.
Loopty began whimpering as he explained his need for vengeance, "He was... my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man! My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!" Loopty went on to explain how he died. "Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop, or reverse, the aging process! It could've saved all three trillionaires!"
Loopty recalled his last moments on Earth where he and his friend entered their 'de-age-ifier'. Both looked cocky and arrogant, and neither realized the machine was set to accelerate their aging.
"Isn't Earth burning? Couldn't all that time and money be used to help the environment and you know... the survival of your species?" Skoll wondered.
"Yes... but how does that help me!?"
"No wonder so many humans come down here."
"Anyway... Lyle and I neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius! But the machine was accidentally set forward! By the time we managed to get out... it was too late! At least... for me!"
The two men struggled to open the door once they realized the situation. Both of them rapidly shriveled up and aged. Loopty stared in horror at his shriveling hands. Lyle grew old and fat and slid to the floor. Loopty clutched at his chest as he suffered a heart attack, then fell dead to the ground, his leg twitching. A man opened the door, saw the two men, and motioned for doctors to come in. They put a stethoscope over Loopty's heart, and they shook their heads somberly. A woman put an oxygen mask over Lyle's nose and mouth. Loopty's body was zipped shut in a body bag. Lyle was given all the money and inherited all the businesses he and Loopty made.
"Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together! Without me to share it with, he'll make all the goddamn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire... and get all the credit!"
"That's pathetic on so many levels." the male Hellhound muttered as he got the delirious Moxxie out of the rubble.
"And it's not really evil." the tall imp added.
"It's evil towards me! Now, get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless, no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!"
"Eh, y– y– y– You do know, Poopty–"
"Loopty!" he corrected for Blitzo.
"Of course! Of course... If we do kill him, though, and he ends up down here... y'know, you will be stuck with him. Forever."
"Oh... I'm counting on it." Loopty turned his tentacles into a series of weapons.
"That's... kinda hot." Moxxie muttered in his dazed state.
Skoll looked down at the imp in his arms. "Moxxie, what the fuck are you into?"
========================================================================
Blitzo decided that the job was simple enough for him and the other imps to handle, so while they were gone, Loona and Skoll were alone in the office. Loona sat at her desk while Skoll was over by the coffee table, sitting on the sofa. The silence was deafening as both thought of what to say.
"Hey." the called out in unison.
"You go first." the goth Hellhound offered.
"Well, I wanted to apologize. For what happened last night."
"Apology accepted." she replied, she thought for a moment and spoke out again. "We should talk about this."
"Agreed." Skoll paused for a moment. "Wanna head out? We can turn this into a make-up date?"
Loona smiled and grabbed her phone from the table, "I'd like that. But we're still having this talk."
"Motherfucker." he muttered.
========================================================================
The imps were wearing wigs and disguises on a tour bus. Moxxie looked through binoculars at Lyle's mansion. "Gee! I wonder whose house this is." he shouted, sarcastically.
The tour guide pointed to the house for his guests to see. "And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!"
The crowd made "oohs" and took pictures with their cell phones. None of them seemed to notice the three imps in disguise with them.
Blitzo removed his sunglasses, wearing a clown wig. "Let's do it, gang!"
All three Imps pull out their weapons: Blitzo had a gold flintlock pistol, Moxxie loaded an assault rifle and Millie wielded two sharp swords. The Imps jumped over a fence and landed in bushes.
The female imp cheered with glee. "Let's kill this rich guy!"
The Imps raced over toward the windows, which the tour guide saw, "And here you'll find three tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!" his tourists then began taking pictures of the three.
Blitzo and Millie dashed over to the window, while Moxxie slid on his back. Moxxie peered through the window, joined by the sock puppet cat on Blitzo's tail.
"Wow..." the white haired imp began.
Millie and Blitzo then join him in looking through the window. Lyle Lipton was lying on his bed, an IV bag was attached to him. A heart rate monitor sat on a shelf next to the IV bag. A TV screen and video player sit at the other side, connected to the bed itself. Lyle was holding a framed picture in his hands, looking at it sadly.
"That machine really did a number on him." Moxxie finished.
Lyle kissed the photo, which was a stock image of money. "Goodbye... my one true love." Lyle ran a finger down the picture lovingly. Lyle then put the frame down and grabbed the tube from his IV bag and began tying it. "All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value."
Blitzo smiled at what seemed to be an easy paycheck. "Oh, fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us!"
"Should we go in there and tie it for him?" Moxxie asked.
As Lyle put the makeshift noose over his head as the Imps watched with drinks and popcorn. The noose glowed white and a concussive force knocked the Imps back. Blitzo's cat sock is blown away by the blast, making him sad as he tried and failed to catch it. Lyle's eyes adjusted to the light and saw the three Cherubs floating down gracefully in three rays of light. With them was a tall, cyclops Angel with pale white skin in a matching suit. Unlike the smiling Cherubs, this Angel had no mouth and was expressionless.
"Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now! And a guy with a birth defect!"
Blitzo and Moxxie recovered from the sudden blast of light. Moxxie rubbed his head to soothe the pain.
"Who the fuck are they?" Blitzo asked.
"Oh, no! Sir, those are..."
"Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!" Cletus explained.
"I hate filthy, stinking orphan children!"
"We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven... benefited by your amazing... technological advances."
"Oh, Hell no!" An angry Blitzo rolled up his sleeve, hoisting his flintlock pistol at the same time. He then marched in through the window, smashing the glass instantly. "Don't listen–"
He misjudged where the floor is in relation to the window, Blitzo face-planted onto the floor, multiple glass shards sticking out of him. Moxxie entered through a door to the side, Millie peeking in.
"Lyle Lipton, it is our–" Moxxie glanced at Blitzo before looking back at Lyle. "...humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die."
"I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you're old... and gross?"
"Is that a serious question?" Keenie adjusted Lyle's bedsheets, revealing his wallet full of dollar bills. Cletus grabbed the wallet. "He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!" she flew around, grabbed Lyle's wallet from Cletus and happily threw dollar bills in the air.
"Nnnno!"
"He could pay for new hospitals and schools!" Collin suggested.
"Why won't you let me die?"
Blitzo appeared beside his target. "Oh, sounds like ya need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?"
Moxxie reached into his coat and tossed a variety of weapons to Blitzo and Lyle. They each caught an assault rifle, Blitzo also grabbed a crossbow with his tail.
"I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, Tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas–"
Collin shouted, "He's classier than that!" Lyle pointed the assault rifle into his mouth, before Collin took it from him. "There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle!"
"Yeah, right. Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months!"
Millie sniffed Lyle and became visibly ill, she covered her mouth, and held Moxxie by the shoulder as she vomited on the floor. Moxxie patted her on the back.
Cletus smiled in a peaceful manner, "Life can be beautiful at any age!"
"And we'll show him!" Keenie smiled.
The Cherubs cheered, "Yeah!"
"Noo!" the imps yelled.
========================================================================
"And that's what happened. I wasn't expecting Nash to beef up security like that, otherwise I would've told you in advance about what was happening. Promise."
Loona looked at her boyfriend in worry, "You fought an Overlord!? Those guys are feared for a good fucking reason!"
The two were sitting at a metal table in the patio of a cafe, it was the middle of a work day so there were only a few people there, but the couple were careful not to draw attention to themselves.
"I'm alive, aren't I? Look, I'm sorry I missed the date but shit got in the way."
The female Hellhound paused for a moment, she thought about dropping the topic, wanting to avoid the fight entirely so Skoll wouldn't think she's bothering him. But she needed to voice her concerns, she wanted the reassurance from him that their relationship was real.
"That's fine if it's once or twice, but this has been a problem since... before we started officially dating. We've been together for two months now, and you've either stood me up or shown up late for a third of our dates."
"Sometimes things get out of control. It's not that I don't want to be there." he replied. "But the search is... slow and time consuming."
"You're my boyfriend. I just–"
"Just what?" the man cut her off, his own frustrations seeping into his words.
Skoll's search was going somewhere, but progress was so slow and he felt like he was going down the same rabbit hole with Nathan Nash as he did with other leads. Lust was the fifth ring of Hell, and even after searching the first four to completion, he was still in the same spot. The Hellhounds thought back to when he and Ramiel had similar fights. Back then, Skoll wanted to go his own way and his master wanted to keep him safe; Ramiel had trouble accepting Skoll was an adult. But his search for Hati was becoming all-consuming, he didn't have time to care about anything or anyone else around him. And he couldn't realize how much it could hurt people he loved.
"Skoll–"
"I need to find her, Loona. It's been ten years, I–I can't stop now."
"I know."
"I don't mean to miss dates or keep you waiting, but I need you to understand that I'm doing something important to me, and... I'll need to prioritize certain things. This has been ten years in the making, I need to see this true."
Loona lowered her head in response, "I understand."
Skoll saw her expression and reached over to hold her hand, "Loona, you are incredibly important to me. You make me feel happy and peaceful, I don't worry when I'm with you. If that makes sense. I like us."
The woman smiled thankfully at her boyfriend's words, but in her heart she wasn't fully convinced.
========================================================================
The three cherubs rolled Lyle in his bed outside to a hill overlooking a forest and a lake. The cyclops was close behind, his intimidating stature and presence struck fear into the human.
"Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age!" he then winked at Lyle, "Or wealth!"
"If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this!"
Blitzo appeared in a tiger costume. "Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?" He made a suggestive gesture with his fingers, indicating sex.
Keenie covered her mouth and gasped. Collin blankly stared in disbelief, and Cletus gave a disappointed look. Meanwhile the cyclops' eye briefly flinched in an amused manner, which he quickly put away.
Keenie gasped in disgust. "That is so inappropriate!"
Millie and Moxxie appeared in cat costumes. Both were identical, except Millie's was a light pink and white while Moxxie had a black version on.
Millie scoffed and flipped Keenie the double bird. "Oh, kiss our ass, prude!"
Blitzo shoved Lyle aside in the face and sat next to him. "Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close."
Blitzo grabbed a pair of binoculars out of nowhere. Lyle looked through the binoculars and saw an adorable group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters were suddenly torn apart and eaten by a pack of hungry wolves.
"Ohhhh, noooo!" Lyle screamed.
"Oh my God!" the silent cyclops thought, making a reference in his head.
"S-Stop looking!" Collin tried to pull the binoculars away but Lyle wasn't able to let go.
"I can't stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!"
A bear slashed a wolf to the ground. It raised a paw to attack but was then crushed by a falling tree, cut down by a beefy logger with a chainsaw. A beehive landed on the man's head and he screamed, flailing his head to get the hive off while also throwing his chainsaw into the air. The chainsaw came back down, cutting both of the man's arms off and causing him to scream harder, before his body was skewered from behind by the antlers of a charging stag as lightning flashes dramatically.
Everyone froze in horror, Blitzo faked it before grinning smugly. As for the cyclops Angel, he looked unconcerned with the gore and simply crossed his arms.
Cletus nervously turned to Lyle Lipton, "Uhhh, let's go check out someplace else!"
Millie and Moxxie bumped fists, the paws of their cat costumes squeaking as they met.
========================================================================
Inside a shopping mall. Lyle was in his bed and was pushed through the door hard enough to destroy both it and part of the wall surrounding it. The cyclops side and fixed the damage with magic, all with an aggravated sigh.
"Oh, Lord! Where are we now?! Let me perish!"
"We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment!"
Keenie motioned to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wore a 'Craft Mine' shirt, while another kid ate his booger.
"Why... look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Th- Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence! Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this." Lyle told the small Angels.
"Hey, dipshit!" Blitzo shouted. He and Millie were dressed as elves, while a grumpy Moxxie wore a Rudolph costume. They stood by Santa with a kid in his lap. "Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?"
Blitzo grabbed Santa's beard and ripped off the costume. 'Santa' was revealed to be an ugly, sweaty gnome wearing a '#Cuties' shirt and underwear, making a shocked noise. The kids screamed and ran in terror. Lyle sobbed like a baby as Collin and Keenie covered his eyes. A concerned Cletus pushed the bed away. The cyclops appeared once more, and presented the children with presents to calm their nerves.
"Santa's evil!" a boy shouted.
========================================================================
In the woods next to a crude wooden sign reading 'Lovers' Lookout', a cartoon heart replacing the 'o' in 'lovers''. A small note underneath it, possibly written after the fact, reads 'I guess...'
"Egh! This place reeks of teenagers!"
"Lovers' Lookout, sir!" Cletus explained. "We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all!"
Lyle held up his hands with avarice, "Money!"
"No! Love." Collin clarified.
"I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice!"
"It's not too late, sir! You can still find–"
The Imps arrived wearing wigs and dresses, Blitzo even had a wig and makeup. "Ha! Nice try, ugly." the boss then pulled out a megaphone. "Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would fuck this old man!?" All the cars speed away in an instant. Lyle deflates, dejected.
Cletus saw this and glared at the imps. "You know, you three are so utterly c–c–cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!"
"Oh... and you three are so superior to us just because we want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over dead!" Moxxie threw his hands out for emphasis.
"You're makin' things too real now, Moxxie." Blitzo commented. The imp walked up to Moxxie with a spray bottle labeled 'PISS', he adjusted the nozzle, then sprayed it into Moxxie's face, causing him to flinch and hiss like a cat.
"I support the free market and the capitalist machine." the cyclops thought. "Semper fi, possum-looking ass demon."
========================================================================
At an auditorium. A woman dressed as a Viking sang opera on stage while wearing a fake unicorn on her lower torso. A well-dressed man played a grand piano behind her. The Cherubs and the audience were also well-dressed, though Lyle only wore a bowtie over his simple, sweat-stained hospital gown.
"Behold! The wonder of art and music! Somethin' always there to comfort... entertain... and live for!" Cletus exclaimed.
Up above the stage, the three Imps looked down from a catwalk near the ceiling. Blitzo wagged his rear and tail as if he were a cat.
"So... how do we make this bad?" Millie asked.
"We can't. There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact." Moxxie replied.
"Unless we ruin it somehow!" the boss smiled mischievously.
Blitzo grabbed the spotlight and moved it away from the singer. The singer paused and followed the light, resuming her song. Blitzo moved the spotlight again, and the singer again paused to follow it.
"She's not very good." Lyle commented.
Blitzo chuckled softly and moved the light faster and faster around the stage as Lyle and the cherubs narrowed their eyes in suspicion. Blitzo wiggled the spotlight around aggressively, then gasped as he accidentally broke it off entirely. The woman sang a final high note before the light crushed her on stage, smashing her to pieces and splattering blood all over the stage. The audience, Lyle, and the cherubs screamed, while the pianist nervously tried to keep playing, his face drenched in sweat.
"Well, at least we made it bad."
The three cherubs fly angrily up toward the Imps. Meanwhile the other Angel observed from the side, waiting to see if he was needed.
That's it!" the ginger Cherub proclaimed. "I have had it! You three monsters have messed with us enough!"
Collin stuttered as he spoke, "D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j–j–job!"
Moxxie scoffed, "Well, so are we!"
"Enough!" Cletus and his fellow Cherubs summoned golden crossbows and aimed them at the imps. "We are saving that shitty old man's life, whether he wants it or not!"
"Well, someone wants that fucker dead, m'kay? And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this..." Blitzo reached into his coat and pulled out a jewel-encrusted green horse figure wearing sunglasses and a "Mare-ajuana" cap. "...so he's gotta go!"
Keenie flew face to face with the imps. "You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of humans!?"
"So are you!" Millie shouted. "So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-havin' bitch!?" she yelled at Keenie.
"Filthy demon crap!" the female Cherub shouted.
Keenie and Millie rolled over in a cat fight as Cletus and Collin shot golden arrows at Blitzo and Moxxie who ran away and drew their guns in the process. A thud was heard behind them and they saw the cyclops with an axe at the ready.
"I need to make a phone call." Blitzo muttered.
========================================================================
At the same time, the couple were at a nearby park, enjoying the nice weather. Loona wanted to enjoy herself, but the insecurities were coming back, it seemed like Skoll was unconcerned with her feelings. The same doubts came back tenfold in her mind, telling her that no one could love her, that it was all fake, that all she was doing was making Skoll want to leave.
Meanwhile, the white and red Hellhound was trying his best to make up for the previous night. He tried engaging in conversation, showing affection, and tried to make everything enjoyable. But he could tell it wasn't working. Skoll noticed this pattern in the past, Loona was affectionate at one moment the cold the next. It had been happening since their first date, and every date after that. Now, he could understand her iciness, though he was wondering why it occurred when things were going good. He wished Loona could simply say what was on her mind, and he wanted to clear the air. Maybe if they both said what they wanted to say, things could work out for the better.
"So..." the white and red Hellhound tried to start what he knew would be an intense conversation. "I get the feeling there's still some things we should talk about?"
"No." she replied quickly.
"Loona," he scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her. "I can tell something's wrong. Please, talk to me."
"The truth is I–" Loona was cut off by the ring of her phone. "Blitzo?"
"The mission's done already?"
"No, it's too soon. He has to be in trouble." Loona answered the phone with a worried expression. "Hey? W–What? Slow down? Angel with an axe? I– But we're– Fucking Hell, fine!" she hung up the call and turned to Skoll, "They need backup."
"Now!? Fucking dumbass... We'll pick this up later?"
Loona paused for a moment, "No, it's fine. We're fine." she thought about giving him a kiss on his cheek but she decided not to and used the grimoire to open a portal. "Now go!"
"Loona–"
"Just go already! Fuck, I don't need to talk! Just go do your job!" she shouted, her doubts forcing her walls back up.
Skoll looked down for a moment and went through the portal. When it closed, Loona looked down in sadness, regretting her choice of words and not opening up about her doubts when she had the chance. Though a small part of her tried telling the Hellhound that this was better because she wasn't sure what would have happened had she told her boyfriend.
========================================================================
The cyclops, Cletus, and Collin had Blitzo and Moxxie cornered against the end of the platform. With a blank expression, the one-eyed Angel lifted his axe to kill the two demons as the Cletus smiled.
"Well Mox, if this is the end... I have one thing to say to you."
"Yes, Sir?"
"You were always my least favourite employee."
"And you... were an ok boss."
Blitzo then looked agitated. "Damn it! You were supposed to insult me, now I need to think of something nice to say! Fuck you!"
A howl was heard as Skoll appeared and tackled the cyclops away. He had his pendant, his M16, his handguns, and a knife ready on him. Blitzo smiled and Moxxie let out a sigh of relief at the sight of his saviour.
"There's my favourite employee–"
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" the Hellhound snarled, causing everyone to pause and look at him. "This was a simply fucking job: kill the dying old man! And you three still fucked it up! I have shit to deal with! Fuck! I have enough on my fucking plate without you three adding to it! This is so fucking annoying! Everyday there's some new fucking bullshit that just makes me so fucking frustrated! Either one thing or the other is going nowhere or having problems! Why!?"
"Damn, I think we're missing some context here." the tall imp commented.
"Is he always like that?" Keenie asked.
"Naw, he's a sweetheart." Millie assured before punching her opponent in the face.
"You good?" The cyclops asked. "Like, are you ok?"
"Shut the fuck up! This is all your fault, starting all this bullshit!"
"Hey man, I'm a Power. I–I just protect Angels, I–I'm doing my job!"
"Fuck your job!"
"Look, I get we're fighting but I think it's unfair you're throwing your frustrations on me–" he was cut off by Skoll firing a few bullets at him from his rifle. "Motherfucker! That's it!"
Millie and Keenie rolled off the catwalk. Moxxie saw them as he fought Collin and jumped off of the catwalk, grabbing and swinging on a rope. He aimed his pistol at Keenie, who was still fighting with Millie as they fell. Millie and Keenie exchanged punches to the face. Moxxie aimed and fired at a rope which released a sandbag. The sandbag hit Keenie, separating her and Millie, and Moxxie swung over and caught his wife as the other two Cherubs chased them down, firing their crossbows. Millie grabbed Moxxie's face and they stared into each other's eyes with lustful looks. They made out as they swung above the stage, Millie pulled two machine guns out of Moxxie's coat and fired as they spun rapidly. Blitzo climbs onto a catwalk and spots Millie's bra and Moxxie's bow tie fly past him. The bullets hit and killed various audience members in the first rows, but they all missed Lyle. Skoll and the Power were locked in combat on the catwalk. Skoll had the Angel trapped behind cover as he shot out bullets of pure fire from his rifle. The Power growled and pooled an orb of Holy Light in his hands, he threw it over his head and it created a blinding light. He rushed Skoll and swung his axe at him, but the Hellhound turned into smoke and avoided the attack.
"What manner of creature are you, Hellspawn?"
"I'm a limited edition kind of motherfucker."
"Your magic... it's Angelic– no, not entirely Angelic either."
"Maybe cause I'm a demon!" Skoll lunged forward and threw a few fast punches at the Angel.
The Power grabbed his axe, blinded Skoll and cleaved it into his shoulder. In retaliation, Skoll pulled his opponent close and stabbed him repeatedly with a fire-coated knife. He pushed the Angel back and groaned in pain.
"How did this happen? I'm smarter than this." the Hellhound complained.
Down in the audience, the target watched the otherworldly beings fight with a look of realization on his face.
"It's all starting to make sense now! Life is worth living because we only get one! We must cherish it! If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer! Plus... I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! I no longer crave death!" Lyle cheered.
The audience clapped happily for the decrepit, old man. Millie and Moxxie were still spinning while firing their guns and being chased by Collin and Keenie, accidentally shooting a woman in the audience in the eye, killing her instantly. Blitzo ran along the metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol. He jumped onto a bit of scaffolding holding some spotlights attached to the ceiling with a rope. He and Cletus point their weapons at each other. Blitzo attempted to fire but his gun was empty, looking at it in shock, he then threw the flintlock into Cletus' face.
"Oof! You fucker!"
Momentarily blinded, Cletus recklessly fired an arrow, severing the rope holding up the scaffolding Blitzo was standing on and that Moxxie and Millie were swinging from. The three Imps all fell with the metal scaffolding as it smashed onto the floor of the stage, narrowly missing the pianist and cartoonishly bending a board so it held up the piano at an angle. The pianist was startled and stopped playing, then straightened his bow tie, dropped his stool down onto the stage, and used it to drop down from the bent floorboard. The board then sent the piano flying through the air, breaking in the process. Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Skoll, the Power, Cletus, Collin, and Keenie followed the piano with their eyes as it fell. Lyle turned to see the piano flying straight towards him, screaming like a girl and scrambling out of his bed into a seat. Unfortunately for him, the piano suddenly shifted to his new location and crushed both him and a few corpses that were shot by Moxxie and Millie.
Moxxie grinned in delight, "Well, well. Would'ya look at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!"
Millie smirked and gave the cherubs two middle fingers. The cherubs stared at Lyle's unfortunate death in utter shock. Skoll returned to his comrades, with the axe in his hands.
Collin began panicking and gasping in horror. "Ohhhh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God!"
Keenie grabbed Collin by the shirt and slapped him across the face a few times. "Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do not use the Lord's name in vain!"
Cletus growled in anger "This isn't over!"
Blitzo, Skoll, Moxxie, and Millie smirked as Keenie created a portal to Heaven and the cherubs went through, only to be mysteriously repelled back. The Power clutched his wounds as he rejoined his fellow Angels.
"What the!?" Cletus shouted.
A group of cherubs descend, composed of two bees, two sheep and a deer who seemed to be the leader. The deer conjured up reading glasses and a clipboard.
"Deerie?" the Power wondered.
Deeries addressed the three small Angels. "Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. Lord Michael's rules on human-heavenly relations are pretty clear on this. I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo..."
"What!?" all three shouted in shock.
Deerie spoke in a condescending tone, "Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaah, no... John, you're good to reenter."
"Let's fucking go!" the Power shouted, clutching his stab wounds as he entered the portal.
"Is there... anything we can do!?" Collin pleaded.
Deerie filed her hoof and looked back at the three, "Yeaaaah, nooo! Noooo, no, no." she said while pointing her hooves at Collin, Cletus and Keenie.
Keenie tried defending herself and her friends, "Bu–But, we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all–"
Keenie points to the spot where the I.M.P. crew was only to find them gone. All three cherubs stared wide-eyed, Keenie's hand trembling as panic set in.
"Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah. Byyyye!" Deerie did a happy wave before she and the group vanished through the portal.
"Wait! But–" Cletus flew toward the portal but it closed. He then broke down into tears and cried.
========================================================================
Back at the I.M.P meeting room, Blitzo solemnly clapped his hands and looked out the window. Moxxie and Millie were in their normal seats while Loona was helping Skoll clean the blood off his clothes and make sure his wounds were healing. Since the axe was made from Angelic steel, the injury took more effort to heal with magic.
"Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he's probably up in Heaven now, so... It's a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated, and now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up."
"Sir... when are you going to tell the client?" Moxxie asked.
Blitzo smiled and showed his phone to Moxxie, "Oh, I already sent him a text, and... we're in good hands, 'cause texts don't make people angry."
On Blitzo's phone it showed that Loopty Goopty was called 'Lupis' in his contacts.
Loopty: U fail, U die
Blitzo: Sorry
Saxophone emoji
Moxxie looked worriedly to the wall behind him. He quickly scurried out of the way as a metal escalator proceeded to crash into the office, revealing Loopty.
"Blitzo!"
"Loofaaaaa! We can explain everything. I was–"
Another metal escalator crashed through the wall and squashed Moxxie as Lyle, now a mechanical demon with piano keys for teeth and a rolling ball in place of legs, arrived with a grin. Moxxie twitched stiffly in pain.
The two remaining imps were shocked at the sudden appearance. "Lyle Lipton!?"
"I don't understand. We thought you went to Heaven." Millie commented.
"Heaven?! You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by NOT experimenting on the poor!"
"Oh, you no-good, heartless son of a bitch!" Loopty hugged his friend and turned to Blitzo "Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!"
"The only question now is what do two old genius robotic inventors do now that we're in Hell?" Lyle asked his friend.
Wally Wackford crashed through the ceiling. "Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit– I mean, employ!"
Blitzo got angry at all the damage to his office, "Everyone, stop fuckin' up my walls! Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!" Moxxie was shown trapped, frothing at the mouth and groaning in agony. "Oh, chill out, Moxxie. If you kiss my ass any harder, you'll go right inside me. Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, now this?"
"I guess... you can say, you say, you have a... holey operation here, Blitzo!" he prounced the 'o' and laughed.
"Get out." the boss demanded in an unamused tone.
Wally continued laughing, doubling over onto the floor. Lyle and Loopty glanced at each other awkwardly.
"Oh! I say, oh!"
"No, I'm serious. Get the fuck out!"
After the sinners and Wally left, everyone began packing up and leaving for the day. Skoll was packing his weapons into a duffle bag, he took a few glances at Loona but he kept his distance from her. He was hurt and they were both tired anyway. Millie noticed how the couple was acting and went up to the goth Hellhound.
"Everything ok, sugar?"
"Yeah... why wouldn't they be?"
"You and Skoll seem... off."
"What do we normally seem like then?"
"Come on Loona, don't play dumb with me. I know y'all are sweet on one another."
Loona put down her phone and looked back at the imp. "He missed a date cause he was looking for his sister. We already talked about it."
"Ok, can I give you some advice? Talking is important and all, just make sure you talk about the right things. If something's bothering you, Skoll should know. How else is it going to get better?"
"What if I tell him..." she paused for a moment, seeing Skoll leave the office with Blitzo and Moxxie. "And it makes everything worse?"
"If he cares then it won't. You just gotta trust that he'll be there."
"Thanks, Millie."
"My pleasure. You know, you two look real cute together."
Loona blushed and smiled at the comment.