You might hate me for this one but.. stay with me guys. PLEASE. I LOVE YOU ALL. xx
P. S. Sorry im late. School started. *sigh*
.
One month after
Classes are back on track. And God was it stressful. This is even busier than last year. Last year, they sort of treated us nicely because we were all new and all. But now that we're already graduating, they started giving us tasks even on the first week. Thank God it's only a two-year course.
All I have been doing is go to school and get home to do some research about something to be discussed the next day. Because of the stress, I've been sleeping at 9:30 and that's a record. My classes are mostly during the morning nowadays. Only tuesdays and fridays have 3:30 to 5:00 classes. So I could do more on the evening now, if I wasn't so tired.
Melissa and Andy were the same. We barely see each other outside the campus nowadays. And it's only the second week. God.
Anyway... today is Friday. Andy and I don't have classes tomorrow anymore, but sadly, Melissa does. But it was only for two hours, I think. At least she has like an hour and a half of class only on wednesdays. And that was one of the classes where we all have the same schedule.
The three of us decided to have lunch together, since we will all be meeting our mentors later. And since Lou is somewhere in Europe right now, then I guess I'll stay at home and just Skype her.
"Fuck this." I muttered, taking a sip of my soup. "I remembered I still have class this afternoon. And it's at one of those lecture halls."
Andy snickered. "Good luck staying awake."
I rolled my eyes.
"This is so stressful. Honestly." Melissa said. "It's just the second week and they've been giving us research and shit."
Andy shrugged. "I think the school is aiming to belong to the top 10 beauty schools in the world."
"Who even makes a survey on that?" Melissa said.
Andy just shrugged.
"You know, because of all this, I feel like Michael's getting sick of me." Melissa sighed.
"Why?" I frowned.
"It's just everytime he calls me up, I push him away because I have to get some shit done." She said.
"I'm sure he'll understand." Andy said.
"He says he does. But the way he says it gets more and more tired everytime." Melissa said. Then she took a deep breath and said this with her voice nearly cracking: "What if he breaks up with me because of this?"
"Oh, no." I shook my head. "No no no no. Melissa, you know he's not that type of guy. You two have survived long distance. Why would he end it for this?"
"And also, you've been keeping up with his shit for almost a year, so it's time he keep up with yours." Andy said in that sassy way he always does.
Melissa buried her face in her hands for a moment and sighed. "I guess you're right. Maybe I'm just overreacting."
"Yeah." Andy said.
I laughed.
We all finished our lunch. Andy and Melissa went home already. They said they'd take a nap early so they could be more productive later. As for me, I went back to the campus for my last class of the week.
.
.
I was back at home, alone. I was doing something for school for three hours straight. The laptop screen suddenly hurt to look at with all the words on it. My head is already aching so I decided to stop researching for a moment. Maybe I should start wearing glasses. God please no.
I made myself some coffee, trying to ease my headache for a bit. I put on some songs, mostly bands. Influences of Luke. He was the one who downloaded them on my phone some time ago. And well, I kinda' like them. It was mostly All Time Low, Good Charlotte, Green Day, Blink 182. All those kinds...
But now, Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings is playing. I closed my eyes and just listened to the song, singing along quietly to the lyrics.
"Run, baby, run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart if you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart, don't say we're not meant to be
Run, baby, run, forever we'll be
You and me."
I remember watching Michael and Luke's cover of this song. It was one of their deleted covers that I found on youtube. I remember Luke tried to stop me from watching it, but he gave up in the end. I was laughing the whole time, looking at how cute and dorky they both were.
"Sydny," he groaned, halfway through the video. "Stop watching it anymore."
I just laughed at him. After the video was finished, I messed with his quiff, trying so hard to bring it down to a fringe, but it just won't. Luke was poker faced the whole time.
I laughed to myself as the memory runs through my mind.
I still miss Luke. I'm not going to deny it. But everyday, the things I said about wanting him as a friend is beginning to be less and less of a lie. I still want to hang out with him. And if I can't hang out with him as his girlfriend, then why not hang out with him just as a friend? I think it would good for us both. Besides, I'm still a friend of the band. It would be better if Luke and I got those things out of the way. And maybe someday, I will stop thinking of him as more than a friend. Maybe someday, our romantic histories will fade out in the past behind us.
.
.
Luke's POV
"Check yes, Juliet
Here's the countdown:
3, 2, 1, now fall in my arms now
They can change the locks, don't let them change your mind." I sing along.
I was in my bunk right now, with the curtains closed. I don't know where the boys are at the moment. Maybe Calum and Ashton have gone off wandering around again. Michael is probably at the backlounge playing xBox. I could go play with him but I really don't feel like talking to anyone right now. So here I am.
I just tweeted hi to the fans and replied to some. I still don't know how they could respond so quick. Honestly. Being the first retweeter/favoriter (is that even a word?) must be a big deal. Anyway, I figured its been quite long since I've last tweeted them, so yeah. Why not now?
There was an account who had the same twitter icon as Sydny, and I swear I almost had a heart attack. She tweeted me something about ice cream and unicorn. I faved her tweet.
I realized it's been a while since I've last checked Sydny's twitter and Instagram. I admit, when we broke up, I would view her profiles to see if she tweeted something that would somehow relate to me. I know it's a girly thing to do, but I don't care. I just feel like I want know that somehow, I'm still a part of her. But I wish I could stop being the part that hurts.
So right now, I typed in her username in the search box and tapped on her profile. She hasn't been tweeting much. Mostly, it was about how busy and stressful it was with college. She uploaded photos of her, Melissa, and Andy, together with Andy's mum and grandma. Suddenly, I felt a longing for them. Sydny sometimes connects her instagram with twitter, so I just clicked on one of her instagram tweets to get to her instagram.
Her latest post was uploaded just a couple of minutes ago. It was a video with the caption "because college is stressful..."
I scrolled down the comments. Most of them were nice, while some were asking how Sydny was, some where asking how I was. But some... well, you can't get rid of the hateful comments. There will always be some people who won't gove it a thought whether his/her comments or opinion would affect that person. Being famous or something won't endure your feelings from hurt and self-disappointment. If only I could protect her from all these bullshit people were throwing at her.
I tapped the video again for it to have sounds. Her hair was up in a messy bun, which I really love. She was singing along to Check Yes Juliet, while making weird faces and ended up laughing at herself in the end. I let the video loop for about 10 times, laughing at the end of each one.
God, I miss her.
After I finally decided to stop watching it, I scrolled down through her profile. There were about four posts with Nick's face in it. They were both laughing. Her captions were always about whatever they were doing and all that.
I scrolled some more... and there are the posts with me in it. I would have thought by now that she would have deleted it, but it's still there. I opened each one. Sydny has a way of making things sound far better than they are, so her captions make me laugh and reminisce about all those times. And it hurts.
But what I can't get out if my mind was the fact that she might like that dude. And yeah, I'm jealous. There's no point in denying it, really. I am. Because I know that if things were different, she wouldn't be with him. She might even be with me right now. Or we could simply be talking to each other, saying how much we miss each other while saying inside jokes. I let out a deep breath before ending instagram and locking my phone.
I was about to open my curtain and go down from my bunk when Calum opened it first.
"Cuddle?" He asked, holding his phone up to my face. I know instantly he was filming.
"No." I said. "Go away."
"You suck." Calum said, leaving me alone.
After a while I said, "Calum, I have something to tell you."
I heard him say bye to the camera as I went down my bunk.
"Where's Ashton?" I asked.
"In the backlounge." He said, the frowned. "Is that all your going to tell me? Where's Ashton? How dare you."
I rolled my eyes at him, pressing the button that would open the door through the backlounge.
"I think Sydny likes that Nick dude." I said, walking inside.
Ashton was on his phone, looking up when Calum and I walked in. Michael was playing something on his console.
"So?" Calum shrugged, taking a seat in between Michael and Ashton. I sat down beside Ashton.
"Yeah." Michael said. "Mel said they've been hanging out a lot."
"Does she like him?" I asked quietly.
Michael just shrugged.
"So what if she does?" Calum said. "Seriously, I think you would have moved on by now. It's nearly four months or so. Bro, remember what I told you..."
I didn't reply. I do remember. But it just seems impossible. I just can't imagine her with someone else.
"No offense, Luke. We love Sydny, but if she's doing this to you, then it would eally be better to let her be. Because honestly, Luke, what could you do? You don't have the right to get jealous anymore. You're not in a relationship." Calum said. And I know he was right. I'm just not yet ready to accept it.
"If you love her, you should fight for her." Ashton said. "Really, Luke. I think you should show her that you still love her before it's too late."
"Yeah, but what if she doesn't want him back?" Calum said.
Michael just shrugged, not taking his eyes off the screen. "You did hurt her pretty bad, bro. Maybe that dude comforted her when she was busy moping over you."
"So maybe she doesn't like him. He's just a friend." Ash said.
"They don't look like friends." I said.
"Then he's not." Calum said.
Ashton frowned. "I wouldn't jump to conclusions."
Michael laughed. "You two are confusing him. Leave Luke alone. Let the guy talk."
We all looked at Michael, still busy with his game. He realized we were all looking at him a moment later, so he paused the game and said "What?"
"Is that you?" Calum said, squishing Michael's cheeks.
I laughed lightly. "You sound like Ashton."
Ashton giggled. "Ohmygod, Michael."
Michael jusy rolled his eyes and returned to his video games, leaving Calum and Ashton's attention to me. "So talk." Calum said.
Ashton held his hand up. "Wait. I'm just gonna say... this is so amazing how we're not talking about nonsense things."
Michael laughed. "Luke's moving on problem is pretty nonsense since he can't figure out what to do with himself."
I groaned. "Yeah. Fuck you. I know that, thank you very much."
"Just say what you have to." Calum said.
"I don't know!!!" I leaned my head back on the wall of the bus, closing my eyes. "If I know what to do to get her back, I would have done it now. And I don't even know if she wants me to have her back. Maybe I'm just a memory now. Maybe she's moved on, and all we are now are 'friends'."
"That friend thing is bullshit, to be honest." Michael muttered.
I just shrugged. "I don't want to force her to want me back. If I did, then it won't be real anymore. And besides, there won't be a point in doing all these if she has already started to like someone else."
Calum frowned. "Well, don't sit there like all hope has abandoned you. If that's the way you're thinking, the more reason you have to move on already. Sydny's not the only girl in this world, Luke."
I shook my head. "You won't understand. Even I don't understand."
They all sighed. It was quiet for a while. Michael invited Calum to play with him, and he accepted.
Ashton gave me a brotherly pat. "You'll be able to do it soon, Luke."
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Someday, you'll be able to look at her and not feel the same way." Ashton said. With that, he stood up, telling everyone he's going to eat.
Someday... I hope someday soon.
.
.
Sydny's POV.
Sunday night, still slightly busy. I'm almost done with my works, but I could feel there are still more coming this week. I started asking Lou for help about all the things she might help me with, and she's been a really huge help.
Nick was here today. He said my Check Yes Juliet video was pretty funny, and it was obvious that I was pretty stressed so he brought some donuts for me. Aww.
Now, for the past hour, he's just flicking through the channels as I was doing my work. We were seated at the opposite sides of the long couch. I caught him stealing glances at me sometimes, but I just ignore it.
All this school work is making me moody. Like I can't bring myself to care about anything else until I have finished what I was supposed to do. It didn't feel like this last year. There was also a period last year when we were so busy. And I was just at chill. I was Skyping with Luke. I remember saving my assignments for later just so we could talk. So I ended up having lesser sleep. I used to keep it a secret from Luke, because I know that if he knew, he would talk to me less and I didn't want that.
So then again, maybe it's just about priorities.
Nick stood up to get some water. When he came back, he sat closer to me. I was too busy trying to save myself from the distraction of the TV to care about how close Nick was. He was humming some tune as I was typing some notes for me to remember.
I'm unable to contemplate how I didn't enjoy my weekend, and that classes are back on tomorrow. They're all getting on my nerves. I'm losing time for myself, my friends, everything else. If I have a pet, I might have forgotten to feed it and it would've died by now. And it's making me really, really, really frustrated!!!
"Woah, cow girl." Nick chuckled beside me. "Your keyboard keys might not pop up again if you're pressing them that hard."
I made a "pfft" sound and ignored him. I know that I'm being kinda' rude right now, but I couldn't bring myself to care about it as well.
I continued doing what I was doing. Nick decided to ignore me for the next 5 minutes, but after that, he started staring at me. It was getting annoying so I raised my eyebrow at him.
"What?" I said.
"Why are you so.... off today?" He asked, leaning back into the couch, looking at me.
"Can't you see, I'm busy?" I said, not caring how rude it sounded.
Nick looked a bit hurt. Suddenly, I wanted to take back what I said. He just took a deep breath, as I awkwardly return to my work.
"If there's anything I can do to help.."
I waved him off. "There's none."
I heard him sigh again. "Sydny, maybe you should take a break. All this work is stressing you out."
I looked at him. "I would if I could. I have to finish this."
"Are you almost done?"
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I don't even know why I'm being so frustrated about this. "Just let me finish, okay?"
Nick just shrugged. "I'm just worried about you."
"God, Nick. You don't have to be!" I was aware of my voice raising, but all my frustrations seemed to come out at this. "I can handle this. You don't have to get all worked up about it. I'm not your responsibility. Why are you always... there?!"
I didn't intend for it to sound like it's so bad, but that's how it turned out. When I saw the look on Nick's face, I immediately wished I could take back evreything that I said. Ohmygod. What is happening to me?!
"Fuck it, Sydny." He said in the same tone, standing up from his seat in frustration. "Are you really that naïve?! I've been trying to show you signs, because I couldn't say it. I couldn't bring myself to tell you about it when I know that you're still getting over that goddamn Luke. You don't have any idea how much I'm restraining myself from saying that I like you."
"What?" My eyebrows furrowed, not because I was angry, but I'm so confused.
"I like you, Sydny. Dammit." He exhaled. "And I know that I don't have a chance, because even until now, I know it's Luke. Maybe I'm wrong. God, I'm so fucking lucky if I'm wrong. But I don't care if you don't like me back. The least I could do is be your friend."
I bit my lip. My eyes are stinging with tears. And I'm trying to hold them back.
Nick took a look at me for a second.
I wanted to say something to him. I wanted to stop this things from falling down to pieces, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out.
He opened his mouth to say something but later decided against it.
"Nick.." I muttered, a teardrop falling down my face.
He just closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, and with that, he left...
I sat down, staring dumbfoundedly at my laptop. I know I should continue writing, but my mind won't function well. Did Nick really just said those things? Did he... did he like me?
I mean, sure, he acts all friendly. He was always there for me. We do a lot of stuffs together, and I enjoy them. I love being with him. But... ohmygod, why didn't I notice?!?!?!
Actually, the question now is...
Do I like him too?
.
.
Next Day.
"Yow. Sydny." Andy waved his hand in front of my face.
I shook my head and said "What?"
"You're spacing out a lot. What's up?" Melissa asked.
Mondays are the ones with the most number of classes per day. So the only time Melissa, Andy, and I could meet up are after classes. We weren't given the same free periods for lunch. So now, we decided to hang out at Andy's flat because he said he wanted to cook us something he learned over the summer. And since the new works aren't due tul next week, tonight it's YOLO.
We were all gathered around his kitchen. Melissa and I were just watching him chop and stir and mix and everything else.
"Something.. happened last night." I said, biting my lip.
"What?"
"It'a about Nick." I sighed. "I kinda' lost my shit last night because I was so stressed. He was being all concerned. He kept asking questions, whether I was okay, or if I should stop because I looked streesed, etc. And I shouted at him. Everything I said was sort of rude..."
"Oooh." Melissa frowned. Andy just laughed.
"Then?" He asked.
I let my shoulders sag, and my face fall on my hands with a loud groan.
"Let me guess." Andy said. "He said... he liked you because he also lost his temper and told you all about why he cares for you?"
I bit my lip and nodded weakly.
Andy laughed some more. Then he continued. "Then you just realize that he did like you, but you weren't paying that much attention to him, even though it as plain and clear in how he acts around you and treats you?"
I nodded again.
Andy didn't stop laughing. "Aren't you going to ask how I know?"
"I'm pretty sure Nick told you." Melissa rolled her eyes. She turned to me and said, "Tell us more."
I took a deep breath. "He.. he told me that he, uh, he knows he didn't have a chance because I'm still not over... Luke. He said he doesn't care if I like him back. Just let him be my friend. I.. I pushed him away."
Melissa leaned back on her chair. Andy started to take the situation more seriously now.
"Well," Melissa said, crossing her arms across her chest. "Are you over Luke? If you lie, we can't help you, Syd."
Am I? "I don't know." I groaned. "But he isn't supposed to be a part of this. Luke is out of the picture and he's just someone from my past."
Melissa sighed. "But do you like Nick?"
Now, that is a question that I have never considered. Do I like Nick? Like legitimately like him? Or am I just feeling a certain way for him because he was the one who was there when I was going through hard times?
I looked at my friends, who were both looking at me with serious and worried eyes.
I know that I feel something for Nick, but I have never thought about it before. Maybe because I was too busy moving on or something. But now that I've thought about it, I've realized all the things that we have done together. And well, those did mean something. Maybe my mind was too busy not thinking about certain people that it didn't bother to hear who my heart was calling out to. But even though I would figure out what I feel, what happens next?
"I.. I think so." I said.
I saw Andy smirk.
"Well, you couldn't like two guys at once. If you haven't figured out what's going on with your feelings with Luke, please don't even think about committing something with Nick. You're just gonna make it more complicated for yourself." Melissa said.
"I know." I groaned. "But I know that my feelings for Luke are.. in the past." I know she was waiting for me to say 'gone,' but it's just not the right word. "And I also know what I could do at this point and what I couldn't."
Melissa just shrugged. "Do what you have to."
"Sydny, please don't do anything that would damage you again. If you feel like it's wrong, then stop doing it." Andy said. "Alright?"
I nodded. "I know what I have to do."
.
.
Next dayyy.
3:04 PM
Me: Nick, please answer my call
3:16 PM
Me: Niiiiick. I need to talk to you, please
4:48 PM
Me: look, im sorry for what happened, but i really have to talk to you. I need to tell you something.
Me: it's important.
5:12 PM
Me: ...
5:17 PM
Nick: Hey, im sorry.
Me: oh thank god. I thought you were ignoring me.
Me: im sorry im so sorry
Nick: i wasnt ignoring you. I was just surfing so i couldnt text back.
Nick: sorry.
Me: can we meet?
Nick: sure.
Nick: I'll be over in 30.
.
Nick arrived seven minutes earlier. He looked like.. well, like he had just gone from the beach. His face was still a bit red from the sun, and his nose is shiny. He was wearing beach shorts, and a tank top. And yes, he looks hot.
"So.." He stood outside my doorway, biting his lip. "Do I come in?"
"Oh." I stepped aside to let him through. "Yes, yes please."
When I closed the door, he just stood there, not even bothering to go to the living room.
"Look," He said. "Before you start saying sorry or something, please don't. If there's anyone here who should be sorry, I know it's me. And I'm sorry. I didn't realize the burden I gave you when I.. when I told you how I feel. I know that it won't matter, but that's completely fine with me. I'm sorry, because I know you're still trying to get hold of yourself because of what Luke did to you, and here I am, giving you another thing to think about. But, don't think about it anymore. Just.. let's pretend I never said it, and let's just be friends again."
I stood there dumbfoundedly. I just stared at Nick for a long time.
"Nick." I said. "I.. I'm sorry."
He opened his mouth to say somethinf but I beat him to it.
"Let me speak first." I said. He just stared at me at first, consisering whether he should listen. It's totally fine if he doesn't. Maybe I deserve it. But he just shrugged and made me go on. I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I was too blind for your messages and signs. Maybe you're right about me too busy with.. with other stuffs. But the past is the past. I know that I will never forget some of it, or maybe all of it. They'll keep popping up in my thoughts from time to time. But those won't stop me from what might happen in the present. I'm sorry because I feel like I have underappreciated all your efforts, and I have no idea how hard it is for you, but it must have been hard. And still, you helped me out. You were always there for me, and I was too stupid to realize that. So, yeah."
I just stood there. Nick stared at me awkwardly and I stared back. He just raised his eyebrows at me questioningly.
"I don't know what to say." He muttered.
I bit my lip and looked at him. "What I'm really trying to say is.."
I saw him hold in a breath. I fell like I have to hold mine too, but I can't.
".. I think I kind of like you too." I said, exhaling right after.
Nick's eyes widened a bit. "You what?"
I looked down at my hands and nodded.
He stepped closer to me that I could almost feel him breathing on the top of my head. "There are a lot of unsureness in your sentence, but I'm fine with that." He chuckled.
I laughed, looking up at him. "You know what?"
"What?" He was smiling from cheek to cheek and I can't help but feel a little giddy. There was some sort of feeling in my chest that I haven't felt a while, but it still isn't like the other one. I hate comparing but it just doesn't go unnoticed. Maybe this thing is a different thing altogether.
I smiled back. "You're amazing as fuck."
And just when I thought it can't, Nicks smile grew wider, which made me laugh.
He pulled me closer and closer until our foreheads were touching. His eyes flickered down my lips, so I closed my eyes to tell him that it was fine.
He closed the gap between us by pressing his lips on mine. My arms went up to wrap itself around his neck. God, I've never kissed anyone this serious other than Luke and it still feels weird.
Nick's hand stayed at my waist as he smiled through the soft, sweet kiss. And it wasn't long before he pulled back.
"Goddamn." He whispered. "I don't know what Luke found in that other girl. You have fucking everything."
I looked down, removing my hands. "Let's not talk about him. I feel like you're just here to examine me all over again after he was done with me."
"No. It's not like that. I'm sorry." Nick said hastily, removing the hair away from my face. "You're amazing, Sydny. I'm sorry. I promise never to talk about him again."
I just smiled. "It's okay. I forgive you."
"Sooo...." He said.
"Sooo..." I said.
"What are we now?" Nick asked, biting his lip awkwardly.
"Still human, I hope." I said.
He laughed. "No, like.. you know what I mean."
I sighed. I haven't really thought about this yet. What happens next and whatnot. I was hoping it would work out itself like it usually does. But now he asked... "Can I be honest with you?" I asked.
Nick nodded. "Of course."
"I don't know if you will be disappointed." I said. "But, you know it hasn't even been a year since my last relationship. And you know how I still am with the thought of it... So.."
"You're not yet ready for another relationship." Nick continued, with a soft sigh. "I know."
"I'm sorry." I said, biting my lip.
"It's okay, Sydny. I understand." He smiled. "I didn't really expect for you to like me back, yet here I am... just getting over getting kissed by you." Nick laughed.
"Are you sure?" I asked. He looks a bit disappointed. If I haven't known him for a while, I would have been fooled by that smile.
He nodded. "I am."
"Okay, then." I smiled softly, tiptoeing to plant a small kiss on his lips. "Thank you."
He smiled, genuinely this time. "I can wait.."
I just smiled back. If anyone can wait, it's him. If ever the universe lets us be, then I might be lucky... again.
.
*runs for life*
THEY'RE ALRIGHT THO... (pun intended)
SKH IS AMAZING OMFG