Chapter 10
Jameel...
(Sinfully Sexy Kamal)
I have been awake for a while now and I didn't know what to do with myself. I had no clue where to go or who to talk to and I desperately wished that Kamal was here to help me, I felt safer and comforted when he is here with me. I hung my head in defeat because I shouldn't even be harboring any thoughts about the man. Especially whimsically wishing he was at my side to take care of me.
My overextended bladder spasmed and made its need to be relieved known. I stuck my head out from underneath the pile of blankets I had burrowed under during the night and cautiously peeked around the elegantly decorated bedroom. This new found sense of peace and freedom still felt unreal to me, like I was in a wonderful dream or something. I was very afraid that Mahmood was going to come bursting through my new found freedom with his hateful words and bruising fists. I still couldn't believe that Master and all his punishments was gone for good as well.
Climbing out from underneath of the mountain of covers and the warmth they provided, I sat on the side of the bed and adjusted the oversized fluffy white robe I was wearing the best I could around my skinny frame before pushing myself up onto my feet. I tracked my way back to the ensuite bathroom I had taken such a delightful bath in the night before. I relieved myself while looking longingly at the massive tub. I was tempted to take another deliciously warm bubble bath, but I wanted to wait for Kamal first before I did anything else.
I flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink and washed my hands. I saw a new toothbrush along with a brush and a comb sitting in a neat pile of personal toiletries. Reaching over, I picked up the toothbrush and slowly unwrapped it. I ran my thumb over the soft bristles of the toothbrush and I slowly raised my eyes to the gigantic mirror in front of me and I really looked at my reflection for the first time in God knows how long.
My throat constricted and I choked on a heart wrenching sob. The last time I saw myself in a mirror I was barely a teenager. I was shocked to see this broken disheveled young man staring back at me. My current appearance made me feel like I was lost in a time loop. How long has it been since Master locked me up in that claustrophobic little room of horrors, hidden from the world like a shameful dirty little secret? I guess to him, I was a filthy and immoral blight against Allah and the world in general.
Master believed that I deserved to be punished for being an abomination, but according to both Kamal and Yasmin, they said that Master was completely in the wrong in saying those things to me. They seemed to firmly believe that everything that Master has done to me was not him punishing me per say, but he was taking out his own immoral behavior and projecting the blame for his deplorable actions onto me. They firmly encouraged that I shouldn't believe anything that he had drilled into me more ways than one.
It's kind of hard to not believe the things someone has repeatedly screamed at you, beaten into you, raped you, and tortured you into believing. Otherwise, why were they doing it? Kamal had tried to explain that Master was an evil man and that he had sick and perverted ideals. I heard him screaming at one of his brothers in the hallway last night that the man was a hypocrite, and I wondered what that meant at the time, and now that I think about it. Do I have the courage to ask him what he meant? Will it displease him if I questioned him about what he meant?
I shook my head, everything was so confusing to me right now. I guess Kamal will let me know or help me figure out what to do from here. I located the toothpaste and happily brushed my teeth, it felt so good that I brushed them again and again until my gums tingled and the mintyness of the toothpaste began to sting my tongue. Next, I combed my hair, it took some pulling and a little tugging but I finally got both the comb and brush through my shoulder length locks.
I never seemed to be able to grow much hair on my face or my body even though I have a head full of thick dark hair and hair surrounding my privates, of which I was glad for. At least the bush down there hid the burns from Master's cigar. The ruined skin was well hidden in the crease of where my thigh met leg, the spot where Mahmood had attempted to throw acid on my sinful cock as he had screamed at me when he made the attempt. I'd been quick enough to shift my privates out of the way, but not fast enough to prevent the corrosive liquid from splattering and burning the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. Better my leg than my shaft and my balls. I winced as I recalled how excruciating the pain had been. I was almost happy when Master punished Mahmood with a severe whipping after he found out what the servant did to me without his consent.
Mahmood had always blamed me for leading Master down the road of taking forbidden flesh. He never once thought that it may have been the other way around. I had sometimes wondered, but Master had always found a way to painfully drive the point home that I was the one responsible for my punishments, and if I didn't stop being a deviant, he was going to punish me until the end of my days. There were times when I was gripped under that man's merciless hands that I actually had wished for my end.
"Jameel, are you decent?" I heard a delicate voice call out to me. I set the brush I was using on the vanity and quietly tiptoed my way over to the bathroom door. I peeked through the opening to see Yasmin set her medical bag on the crumpled bed as she looked around the room. I breathed a sigh of relief and I edged out of the bathroom and slowly made my way towards the petite little doctor.
"How are you this morning bright eyes? " She chirped as came close enough for her to pull me into an exuberant hug and once again my body froze completely for a second and then I hopped away from her as if she burned me. No way was I supposed to touch a woman that wasn't my wife or related to me in any way. "Oh gosh, I don't think Kamal would even condone this." I thought as I scurried across the room frantically looking for somewhere to hide. I slipped into the bathroom and promptly slammed the door and locked it. Oh goodness, why would she do that, if someone had walked into the room and saw us embracing....I shuddered at the thought of what the outcome of such a situation might've caused.
Working myself up into a fine frenzy, I didn't hear the gentle knocking on the door or Yasmin apologizing for scaring me. I don't know how long I frantically paced the length of the bathroom from wall to wall, but I nearly jumped out of my skin when there was loud cracking noise and the door flew open and banged against the wall. I immediately ducked into the small linen closet, slid the panel closed, and flattened myself against the wall. My heart was beating so fast, it threatened to burst right out of my chest. Oh my, did I ruin my chances with these kind people? What will Kamal say to me about touching his sister?
Through the slats of the door, I saw a tall shadow come to a stop and then the door began to slide open and I slid down the wall and made myself as small as possible. I covered my head with my arms, just incase they were going to beat me for my transgression. I heard the rustle of fabric and then everything went silent. I could literally hear the blood rushing through my ears and I waited and waited but nothing happened.
My curiosity got the better of me and I slowly slid my arms off my head while I prayed to any Deity out there that I wouldn't soon regret not protecting myself. I peeked up from the curve of my elbow straight into Kamal's unblinking gaze. I ducked my head again but it quickly popped back up as I felt two big hands wrap around my waist and pull me forward and out of the tiny space I had burrowed myself into. My mouth popped open and my mind just upped and died when I was plopped right down in front of Kamal, and he refused to let me go anywhere or move more than inch to the left or the right.
"What triggered this reaction." He whispered and it took me a minute to register his words. I felt my anxiety levels spike all over again. He didn't know what happened. Do I have the guts to tell him. Oh no, no, no, no. I tried to pull my hands out his grasp be he held on while I quietly had a nervous breakdown inside of my head. "Yasmin told me she gave you a hug and you got upset and ran away from her. Is that true?"
Letting out a deep sigh of resignation, I decided to just be up front and honest. These people have been nothing but nice to me and they deserved the truth, so I nodded my head and lowered my eyes in shame. I felt two thick fingers slide under my chin and raise my face upwards. I still refused to meet his eyes until he ordered me to look at him.
I blew out another ragged breath and raised my uncertain gaze to his intense one and I almost lost my breath all over again. This man was beauty personified and it only got even more intense the closer you got him. I felt like I was trapped in his smoldering gaze, I couldn't look away if my life depended on it, and it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying because of the poetry in motion that was his mouth. I found myself thinking all those forbidden thoughts about him all over again and I could have died right there on the spot.
Mortified beyond belief, I blocked Kamal out the best way I could by closing my eyes and tuning him out completely. All I could hear in my head was the harsh voice of Master telling me that I was a deplorable excuse for a man. That I was useless to Allah because I wanted a man's cock filling my ass, that I was less than nothing, nothing at all.
Again I gasped in shock as I was once again shifted from my spot in front of Kamal and placed right in the middle of his lap. I immediately tried to scramble to my feet but Kamal smoothly flipped us over until he had me pinned underneath him. I panicked some more and tried to twist and buck his body away from mine. After a few minutes of fruitless struggling, I only succeeded in wearing myself out. Exhausted and breathless, I gave up and went completely limp beneath his mouth watering bulk. Kamal's ripped body was pure masculine muscle. He smelled like heaven and of course he looked like a God amongst men.
"Now are you ready to listen to me and actually hear what I have to say?" I patiently asked me now that I was no longer struggling with him. My chest was heaving and I was wheezing like a hundred year old man who smoked every hour of everyday of his life. It sort of ticked me off that Kamal wasn't even breathing hard. He looked as calm and as cool as if he's just freshly showered and dressed himself for the day. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. I just nodded my head in response to his question and just that fast, I found myself sitting upright once again.
I sat there and quietly listened to him explain about the dynamics of his family. How they interacted with one another, and about their parent's giving them the choice to chose their religion, even if they wanted to have a religion in the first place. My eyes got wider and wider as he told me how his siblings interacted with one another within the privacy of their own home, and not only did their parents allow such familiarity, they encouraged it, but what really floored me, I mean knock me totally of kilter and made me really question everything I was told was when Kamal, tall, muscular, and the epitome of all things male told me about his sexual preference, that he preferred men over women and his family was alright with it.
We sat there for what seems like hours as he told me about his grandfather, the same man who had been my Master. He told me all about all the heart breaking things his own grandparent had said to him, and my heart shattered and my mind splintered at how similar those hateful, spiteful words eerily sounded like the same phrases he used to curse me with, even when he was using my body to do the things he was forcefully damning at the same time. It was now becoming clear to me and I was beginning to understand what exactly the old man had been doing to me for all these years.
I held up my hand to stop the outpouring of Kamal's words. He stopped talking almost mid sentence, and for that I was glad because I didn't think that I could possibly process anymore of what he was telling me. I now fully understood what the word hypocrite meant. I felt broken, I felt used and dirty. Most of all felt betrayed and downright disgusting. That old man had used me like a whore. He made me believe that everything that has happened to me was entirely my fault. He had beaten and abused me in unimaginable ways for a long time and he almost got away with it.
My stomach rolled with the knowledge of close I actually came to dying in the awful little room and I pitched the side and scrambled for the toilet. I raised the lid and dry heaved into the porcelain bowl. Tears poured out of my eyes as nothing but the bitter bile in my stomach rushed past my lips.
"Jameel, I didn't plan to tell you any of this until later on, until you trusted us a little more and felt even more secure being in our home, but I can see that our relaxed attitude towards one another and what you have been trained to believe would've have caused you even more anxiety and discomfort in our presence. I'm sorry little one for what has happened to you, but I want you to know that I am here for you. My whole family is here to help you. The old man is gone and it will take time, but you are going to heal and move on from this. I will be by your side the whole time, and I will help you any way I can. I promise you that."
The tears were still flowing down my cheeks as I closed the toilet lid and flushed it. Kamal surprised me yet again by picking me up off the floor as if I weighed nothing at all. He set me down on the counter next to one of the sinks and he filled one of the glasses of water and handed it to me. I quickly rinsed my mouth and set the glass down, but instead of letting me slide off the counter. He took a fluffy washcloth from the folded pile on the counter, wet it under the flow of water and wiped my tear stained face.
"Do you understand what I said just now." He asked me and I nodded my head. Words were beyond me at the moment. I was overwhelmed and my brain just closed off as if refusing to deal with any of what I learned and what I was beginning to realize about the tragedy that was my life.
I peeked up from under my lashes only to be caught up in the intensely sincere gaze of this beautiful man standing in front of me, and some deep instinct within me told me to go ahead and trust this man. I had no other options really and sooner or later I'm going to have to come to terms with everything that has happened in my life thus far.
"Come on, let's get some food into you, everything looks better on a full stomach." He urged and I let him pull me off the counter and lead me back into the bedroom. My future is uncertain, and the only thing I can do now is take it one day at a time.