[ one ] - hot chocolate & elevators
↠ thursday - eight days until graduation
MY TOES WERE FALLING OFF.
The little red flag waved lamely in the colder-than-it-should've-been early May air, as the tourist guide who carried it led the wave of students into the pier, called Jennette's Pier. I shivered in my sandals, trying to wriggle warmth into my toes again. When the permission slip read senior beach trip, I had packed for just that. Not for some winter excursion to a frozen pier.
"This is definitely not what I had paid for," I whispered to my best friend, Kara, leaning over to her. "I thought North Carolina was warm."
"Why'd you think that? It's North of the equator," Kara laughed in my face jokingly, but wrapped an arm around me.
"You think you're so cool just because you're wearing a jacket and sweatpants," I rolled my eyes.
"Well, no one told you you had to wear shorts and a blouse as thin as paper."
She eyed my summer outfit with a mocking look before I shoved her to the side of the railing, making her squeal and gaining many looks from our senior class. She stuck her tongue out at me, as we kept walking, following the tour guide down the long, long pier.
In the distance, I saw my boyfriend, Austin, walk ahead of us in the crowd. I tried to ignore the fact that he was standing abnormally close to Patricia Willis's supermodel body, but I failed at it. I only stared at the back of her head, suspicious thoughts making me jump to conclusions, something I did a lot.
Kara looks at me and follows my gaze. "Aw, Vi, don't think that way."
"What? Think in what way?" I ask innocently. But I couldn't tear my gaze away from Austin and Patricia, who were laughing at some joke. A lame one, I assume. But my jaw dropped as Austin shuffles closer to her body. I glared at Patricia's perfect blonde locks hard, like I could turn her into stone if I concentrated enough.
"You think Austin has feelings for Patricia," Kara whispered low enough so that no one can hear.
"It's not something impossible, they were almost exes, Kar," I tell her without tearing my gaze away from the pair of them. Jealousy was something that came common to me, and I hated it. But I couldn't control it.
"They never went out in the first place," Kara rolls her eyes. "Don't sweat it, love. He loves you and only you."
But I couldn't stop looking.
"Stop that," Kara scolds, poking my shoulder roughly. "He asked you out three years ago because he likes your random, quirky personality. You're ten times hotter than Patricia Willis, my friend."
I scoffed, tugging at my blouse that didn't help ward off the cold weather. "That's what best friends are supposed to say."
And that was when Austin wrapped a taut arm around Patricia, and tucked back a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
Kara and I share a heated look, our jaws dropping. I frowned, crossing my goosebump-covered arms across my chest. A deep feeling swelled in my gut, and I clenched and unclenched my fists so my nails bit deep into my skin. I knew I shouldn't be too harsh, but this kind of thing has been happening for months with Austin, except, with other girls. I tried to tell myself each time that it would stop, that Austin would come to his senses, but it never has. Maybe Austin was getting tired of me. After three years, from sophomore year to our last days as high school seniors, maybe he wanted a new change scenery.
My nerves had been thinned down to the very last one. I wasn't going to stand for this and be the public humiliation; not before senior year ends.
"Now, Vi, don't be too hasty—They're probably sharing one of those friendly hugs, see, like this!" And with this, Kara wraps her arm around me and pulls me close, which was hard, since she was a wee bit shorter than me.
"I appreciate the comfort, Kar, but it's no use," I say. I watch with beady eyes as Austin laughs at another one of Patricia's jokes, and it was of no comfort that she was the head of the popular crowd. They were the perfect match. I had to admit that.
After the pier tour, of which I spent the whole time shivering to my toes, we had the privilege of spending thirty minutes at the gift shop. Most of the students ran straight for the hot cocoa machine, frantic to get something warm in their stomachs, so by the time Kara and I got there, there was barely hot chocolate left in the machine.
Kara resumed to smacking the huge tin barrel with her fist. "Come on, you stupid machine! Pee out some hot cocoa, will you?"
"Kara, people are staring," I hiss at her, though I couldn't help smiling myself.
"Let them stare! As the Great Shakespeare once wrote, 'men's eyes were made to look!'" she screamed. She was always the defiant, loud one, not afraid to be herself, not afraid to be seen. Kara's been the theatre junkie ever since I could remember, spontaneously belting out lines or bursting into various Les Mis choruses on the bus. I was just the slightly-less theatre junkie best friend who just so happened to be dating the lacrosse star, and for god knows what reason.
As Kara tried (and failed) at obtaining us some hot beverages, I looked across the many aisles of snowglobes and plush toys to see Austin, alone for once.
"I'll be right back," I tell Kara, walking straight towards Austin, getting ready to tell him a piece of my mind.
"Control yourself!" I hear Kara call behind me.
No promises.
"Austin," I say, through gritted teeth and a forced smile.
He looks up from a catalog, and smiles at me. "Hey, babe."
That was it? I knew it. I learned not to expect too much from Austin anymore. I suddenly realize that my mind had gone blank. All of the things I was supposed to rant about had poof! Disappeared. Now, I was struggling to say something in the form of a sentence.
"This is cute," I say to him, picking up a dolphin plushie off a shelf. Austin nods without looking, flipping the pages of the surf catalog. A sinking feeling appears in my stomach, like an anchor weighing me down.
"So Austin—" I start.
"Hey, Austin!" someone interrupts then. I turn to look at Patricia approaching the two of us. Was she even aware of our relationship, or was she just doing this on purpose?
"Hey, Trish," Austin replies then, putting down the catalog and facing her, making eye contact, doing everything he didn't do for me just a couple of seconds ago. I never had a nickname, I thought bitterly, and then mentally slapped myself for being so childish. Where did all of this jealousy come from?
"Hi, Patricia," I manage to make myself noticed, feeling more pathetic as each second passed.
"Oh. Hello, Vienna," Patricia drones, like she's bored and unplesantly surprised. Then, she turns her attention back to Austin. "Isn't this cute?"
She holds up a dolphin plushie, identical to the one I just showed Austin a few seconds ago. She squeezes it and holds it close to her face, making a scrunched up expression and smiling flirtatiously.
"Yeah!" Austin almost screams into the heavens. "It's adorable."
I stand there, my jaw dropping and my fury getting redder by the minute. I sigh heavily, placing the dolphin plushie back onto the wrong shelf with the store owner glaring at me. I couldn't take this brutal replacement. I would break up with him definitely, as soon as this damn trip was over. Stalking off and walking away, probably with smoking ears, I went back to Kara's side.
"You know, he wasn't always like this," I sighed, grabbing a pair of sunglasses of a gift rack and trying them on.
Kara sips her hot chocolate. She managed to get it anyway. "I know, sweetie. I know all about the times when all three of us to play hopscotch on the culdesac, but face it. People change. Sometimes, not for the better."
I bit my lip, putting back the sunglasses and remembering the times when Austin used to live across from me, with Kara only three doors down. Austin was the neighborhood pest five years ago, with an average face and larger-than-normal ears.
He used to be the only boy on our street, and Kara, Austin, and I used to be the infamous trio; Austin, the sports junkie and lacrosse fanatic, Kara, the spontaneous one who made rockin' snow cones, and me, the one with the Netflix account. Maybe the only reason we were all friends in the first place was the lack of other kids our age in the neighborhood, but it worked, for a while.
That was before the hormones, teen magazines, and the surreal illusion of popularity hit.
I was still shocked when Austin wanted me to be his girlfriend, and for a long period of time I like to call "the Happy Medium", it was great. I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend back then, so he would help devise ways so that I could sneak out. He was a great boyfriend, there was no lying about that. Funny, caring, the whole sha-bang. But somewhere along the way, hidden between memories of make-outs, double dates, and netflix nights, Austin started to change.
He moved away from our culdesac and hung out with different people. The Netflix nights that he used to come up with were replaced to him dragging me to another party. Bowling dates were replaced for nights at the football games. And for a while, I was happy. I was by Austin's side, his arm always around mine, and I was content with that.
But now that senior year has come, Austin's been treating me as if I didn't exist.
A frown etches its way onto my face when I realize that I've stuck by Austin for the majority of high school. Getting another beau was foreign territory for me, and frankly, I doubted my abilities of man-snatching.
"I should just end it, shouldn't I?" I mumbled.
Kara jiggles her hot chocolate in accomplishment. "Why not do it now?"
I bite my lip. That was a valid question.
"I don't think I can bear the embarrassment if he just shrugs it off in front of everyone," I admit to her. "I want to do it in private."
Kara sips her Styrofoam cup. "I understand, brotha."
I roll my eyes, grabbing Kara's arm, and say, "Come on, we'll miss the bus back to the hotel."
--x--
Back inside the hotel, I say farewell to Kara, my weak body exhausted from the day's physical excursions and the emotional rollercoasters I had to ride. Thankfully, the chaperones were smart enough to separate the boys and the girls into different hotels for some good common sense. People could get crazy in their senior year.
"I don't understand why I can't have you as my roommate," she shakes her head, grabbing her key card.
"It's a one-person room," I tell her. "And we're only two floors away from each other," I say, like it's not that bad, when in fact, I would have killed to have my best friend room with me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.
She rolls her eyes as I walk her to her room. "About that Austin garbage. . . you better do it now. Before it's too late and he does it to you. Then you'll really be embarrassed." I hated the fact that she was right. If I was afraid of anything, it would be of public humiliation. I was always that kid who couldn't stand being in the attention spotlight for a bad reason.
"Wait!" Kara called behind me before closing her door. "Don't forget, a bunch of us are going to the pool tonight at eleven."
"What? That's not allowed," I replied.
Kara laughed, "Oh, you. Of course it's not. But that doesn't mean anything!"
I shrugged, "I don't know. I don't think I'm up for it tonight."
There was no doubt that Austin would be there, being the ringleader of everything since pre-school, and I didn't know if I could handle another bout of nostalgia. But on another note, it meant getting him alone, where I could talk to him for once. We could sneak behind the gates and be alone.
"Actually," I said slowly, "I change my mind. I'll meet you downstairs before eleven."
Kara's eyes brightened intensely, "That's my girl! I'll see you!"
I felt deflated, exhausted, and a little bit unnerved. I was never one to break the rules. I liked being in the happy medium; content, but not too wild. That was Kara, not Vienna. But maybe, just maybe, tonight could be the night things change.
I said goodbye and caught an elevator to my own floor upstairs. But suddenly before the silver doors close, the door stopped and opened. A boy comes in, smiling at me.
"Hi," he said cheerfully, as he stepped in. I don't say hi for my exhaustion was taking a toll on me. I only give him a weak smile as he punches in his floor number, but stops when he realizes it's already been pressed.
"Same floor, huh?" he said to me. I take a good look at the stranger, who in fact, wasn't that hard on the eyes. He was quite the opposite. He wore a beanie on top of his head, and a drawstring backpack from Nike on his back.
I nod, giving him a weak smile. I rest my head against the elevator, closing my eyes and sighing through my nose as the elevator lifts us both up through the shoddy shafts of the shoddy hotel.
"Tough day?" the boy persisted. I was forced to open my eyes. What was this guy's deal? But as I took a closer look at him, something vague popped in my head. A sheer sense of deja-vu comes crawling into my mind and for a second, I think I know him.
"Um. . . this might sound strange, but, do I know you?" I ask him.
He blinks at me for a minute when suddenly, our floor opens up, the silver doors going opposite directions. "No, I don't think so, sorry."
We step out together, but find the door was too narrow for that. We end up rubbing each other's shoulders, bumping each other as we pop out of the elevator. He laughed, "Sorry. Didn't know I was that fat."
This time, my smile to the familiar stranger was genuine. "No, I'm the one who ate two Big Macs today."
He smiled as well. "Are you on that field trip? I see a lot of them here, mostly girls."
"You must be enjoying that," I nod, grinning. "Yeah. We're leaving tomorrow, though."
He nodded slowly, and suddenly, we're standing in quiet in the middle of the hallway.
I stared at him with acute focus. I knew I've seen him somewhere but I just didn't know where. Maybe in a dream? But how often do dreams like that come true? Maybe I've bumped into him in California or something.
"Are you sure we haven't met?" I said. I looked into the stranger's eyes but couldn't put my tongue on what was wrong.
He looks at me for a moment. "No. I don't think I've met you. I think I would've remembered," he grins cheekily, to which I responded with a natural look down at the floor.
"Ah," I nod my head. "Well, what are you here for?"
"Just stopping by my grandparent's city before I leave for university tomorrow," he tells me, his hands now on the drawstrings of his backpack, looking at me intently, grinning, "Stanford, here I come."
"You're California bound too, huh?" I reply, my tired eyes drooping heavily. I yawned, covering it up with my palm.
"Yeah," he laughs. "Well, I see you're about to collapse onto the floor. I'll say my goodbye now."
I wave him farewell, and he turned to the right of the hallway, where I go to the left. It was already too late to realize that I never got the dude's name. I shrugged it off as I was alone in my lonely hotel room. He was just some stranger I had a conversation with; no big deal.
As eleven o'clock approached, I started getting antsy. As another rerun of Full House blares on my TV, I stared at the sole bikini I had brought for this trip. It was nothing special; just a black two-piece. It was my emergency bikini; Kara had pushed me to think of all the possible scenarios for this trip. And once again, she had been right.
It was 10:52 now. I either had to make a decision between watching another episode of Full House (where Michelle had lost her memory) or actually making the best of my senior year. It would, after all, be ending next Friday. And besides, the last thing I wanted to do was waste such a trip. I wasn't looking forward to going back home to my mother and her new fiance. I definitely wasn't forward to seeing my mother at all.
Not after what she'd done to my father.
"Go big or go home, Vienna," I whispered to myself, throwing on the bikini, grabbing a plush hotel robe and sneaking out of my room with bare feet.
* * *
Surprisingly, I had gone down two floors without being caught by a teacher or a chaperone, and now Kara was holding my hand tightly as we ran through the halls and down the stairs, to the back of the hotel and towards the pool.
It was freezing by the time we had got there; one sigh and my breath turned to frost.
"We're going to die of hypothermia," I told Kara, holding my robe tightly.
"That's why we use the hot tub, silly."
I sighed, but there was no turning back; I had made the decision to come down here and I scanned the area for any sign of my boyfriend. The boys of the other hotel had come sneaking out too, and there were roughly about forty people here from school, clad in bikinis and shorts and sharing the three hot tubs the hotel provided.
The steam of the hot tubs wafted into the clear, night sky.
Kara and I walked forward, saying hi to a few different people and somehow managed to get cups of Kool-Aid along the way.
Kara laughed, "I guess desperate times call for desperate measures, and the stoners couldn't get any alcohol past the teachers."
"So, Kool-Aid will have to do," I grinned.
So far, ten minutes into the impromptu hotel sneak-out, and no sign of Austin. I had dipped my feet into the steaming hot water, surrounded by a handful of Austin's lacrosse teammates.
"Hey, Dawson!"
Nate Banks, a leading lacrosse star with brown hair fully coated in Axe gel, high-fived me as he sat beside me at the edge of the tub. He was only wearing swim trunks, and he wasn't even fully in the hot water.
"Hey, Nate," I smiled, glancing at his bare (and incredibly toned) upper body, "Um, aren't you cold?"
"Not when I'm sitting next to you," he winked at me. I could only roll my eyes; I should've been flattered, but considering that Nate Banks goes through girls more than he goes through clean boxers, I had to pass.
"Say, have you seen Austin anywhere?" I asked him.
His shoulders slumped, and all of a sudden, he had stopped making eye-contact with me. "I don't know, last I saw him, he was in the pool."
"In the pool?" I echoed. He could freeze to death.
"Uh, yeah," there was a shakiness to Nate's voice now.
I started getting out of the hot tub water, another girl taking my spot, when Nate reached forward and grabbed the crook of my elbow. "Hey, I don't think you should go to him right now."
I was in the middle of pulling my towel-robe around me when I stopped. "Why not?"
Nate's face darkened and he frowned. "I don't know, I was just thinking, maybe we could stay and hang for a while here."
I threw him a soft smile before gently getting out of his grip. "No thanks, I have to talk to Austin."
He looked distraught and disappointed as I left him there, which didn't make any sense considering Nate had barely spoken a word to me before now. But I shoved it all away and padded my way through the throngs of students and followed the chlorine in the air towards the pool.
The number of people thinned out as I left the hot-tub area and started wandering into the small pool. I wondered vaguely why no one else was here; some boys in our grade was famous for doing idiotic stuff to get a laugh, like swimming in a non-heated pool when it was forty degrees out.
But then I realized why no one else was here.
Because there were already two people in the pool, almost wrestling with each other. But I should've known that they weren't wrestling; they were half-naked, and somehow, it didn't surprise me.
In my shock, I accidentally knocked over an unused tiki lamp, making it clatter and fall onto the concrete. The two faces turned towards me, one of them in utter irritation at me and the other wide-eyed and flustered, and now I knew why Nate didn't want me to come here.
Austin and Patricia.
* * *
I ran.
"Vienna, wait!" Austin was struggling to come out of the pool, but it must have been hard considering his lack of clothing and the below freezing temperatures.
There was a burning sensation in my stomach, that made my lungs malfunction and making me gasp for breath. I couldn't breathe. There wasn't any air to breathe. Maybe there was a difference between thinking about Austin going behind my back and actually witnessing it with my own eyes. I ran past everybody else, accidentally shoving someone's Kool-Aid onto the ground, hearing them scream angrily and hearing someone else shush them viciously for being too loud.
I saw Nate waiting for me by the door, almost expecting this to happen, and Kara come rushing to meet me, but I didn't feel like speaking to anyone. I shoved past them, covering my face like a coward, and sprinted to the nearest elevators as fast as my bare feet could carry me. I was afraid that with my dwindling energy, I might just collapse in the lobby if I wasn't fast enough and then I'd surely be caught a chaperone.
"Vienna, wait!"
I would eat glass before I waited.
Thankfully, I had gotten onto the elevator with no one catching up to me, not Austin, or Nate, or Kara. Before I knew it, I was running through the halls, unlocking my door frantically and crawling into bed, feeling the strange sensation of paralysis come seeping through my body.
Strangely, no tears came falling out. Maybe this was a long time coming. One fatal thing was for sure; I needed to learn to stop falling in love with memories.
- x -
© paulina r. all rights reserved 2014.
[ a / n ] there are numerous past / present tense mistakes on this chapter, i'm currently editing through that :-)