Reviewer: lantea-
Client: Olivia_Benedetti
🌹》 Title, Cover, & Blurb
The cover is very pretty and attractive! I recommend moving the title down because the H in "The" is a little cut-off. There's also a lot of empty space at the top of the cover. The title could be a little bigger too. The author name needs to be moved up, it's cut off at the bottom. The title fits the story and is appealing. The blurb needs to introduce the story and characters better. It's pretty short, it's only three sentences, and hard to understand in some places because of spelling errors or incorrect words. In the first sentence this part, "Olivia Winter has been cheated on, her ex boyfriend cheated on her," would be better phrased something like "Olivia Winter's ex-boyfriend cheated on her." The part as it's written now is repetitive and it doesn't flow well.
🌹》 Plot
It doesn't feel like the story has a plot because it's not written like a story. It's written like "here's what Olivia did after she lost Kyle," and just tells the readers everything that she did. This feels like a story where emotions should drive the plot, but they don't. The pacing feels fast due to the short chapters and the readers being told what is happening. The way the story is written doesn't elicit a lot of emotions from the readers. Maybe show Kyle writing the letter to Olivia. Some of the parts in the chapters are repetitive as well. For example, chapter four is very similar to parts from chapter three. When I first started reading chapter four, I was actually confused for a second because it felt so familiar. Chapter five just tells the readers how Olivia gathered stories and memories about Kyle. Instead of telling readers how she did it, show her doing it. The exposition doesn't really introduce the characters to the readers, however, it does introduce their situations a bit. Kyle's situation could be introduced and shown better to the readers.
🌹》 Characters
The characters need to be introduced better and described. There aren't any descriptions of the characters in the story. I know Kyle is not in the story, however, you could describe him when Olivia is looking at the photograph of him in the café or earlier on when she's looking at a photograph of him. The characters' personalities are told to the readers instead of shown. The readers are told about Olivia's determination and how passionate she is about her cause. Show it instead with descriptions and scenes. Show her deciding to start the campaign and deciding together stories about Kyle. Show her fighting and advocating. Show her receiving the letter and messages from those she's helped with everything she's done and her emotions when she reads them.
🌹》 Grammar/Spelling
I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors in the story. I recommend you be wary of using ChatGPT for editing. I've heard it can be less accurate than apps made for spell-checking and grammar help, such as LanguageTool and Grammarly, and the spell-checking/grammar tools in Google Docs and Microsoft Word. Also be careful parts of the story aren't being rewritten by ChatGPT.
🌹》 Writing Style
The writing style is consistent throughout the chapters, however, it needs work. As mentioned, the readers are told everything instead of shown through descriptions and actions. There aren't any descriptions of what the characters look like or the scenery as well. Also as mentioned, the chapters are very short. Expand upon the events in them and show the readers the events.
🌹》 Enjoyment
I did end up reading the whole story since it's a short story. The premise of the story I got from the blurb sounded interesting, however, the story didn't draw me in. I was expecting a very emotional story, or at least some emotional chapters, but how it's written doesn't convey the emotions as well. I wanted to see Olivia deciding to start the campaign and gather memories of Kyle. I wanted to see her healing from the experience and trying to help people in similar situations.
🌹》 Overall
Overall, the story needs to be thought-out and developed more. The style the story is written in doesn't convey the plot of the story well or the emotions readers expect from a story like this. Instead of telling the readers what Olivia has done and her personality traits, show them. Also be sure to add in descriptions of the characters' appearances and the scenery. Good luck with your story!