Maia woke up with a sharp inhale. Too close, she thought, that was too close. One more glass of wine or one more touch or one more look and Maia probably would've woken up in his bed instead of just his clothes. She covered her face with her hands and curled up on her side, embarrassed at the events of last night. How desperate must she have looked, almost throwing herself at Andrew. He invited her to stay to be polite, not for anything else. She was just a way for him to stay entertained while in Denver.
She pulled her phone off the nightstand and saw 4 new messages from Lauren.
"If you're staying the night somewhere then I'm the president. When are you coming home?"
"Helloooooooooooooo???"
"Maia Lee if you're serious right now I'm going to lose it WHO IS IT"
"Hell has frozen over. I want ALL the details when you get home. Call me when you wake up."
She locked her phone and set it back on the nightstand. Maia definitely wasn't calling, and Lauren definitely wasn't getting the details. She felt that horrible cringing feeling in her chest again at the realization that she would have to come up with yet another lie before getting home.
Getting home...Maia began to panic. What was the protocol for sneaking out after a night of drinking that didn't end in sex or even sharing a bed? Did she strip the sheets? Start the laundry? Duck and sprint away? Her heart grew tighter and tighter. Surely, Andrew was gone by now. He probably had loads of stuff to do before a big show.
A blessed smell filled the air, pulling Maia out of her spiral. Was that...she sat up, ignoring the spin of her head. Bacon? Was this one of those things that happened before people had a stroke?
Maia slid out from under the covers and shimmied her jeans back on. Her school t-shirt lay over her work bag. Allowing the slightest of smiles, she kept Andrew's grungy pub shirt on. She wrapped herself in a small throw blanket before opening the door. Definitely bacon. The smell was so much stronger now. The tile was cold against her bare feet, sending a shiver up her spine. Maia rounded the corner, now convinced she was still drunk from the night before.
"Morning, coffee's in the pot still. I'd've fixed it for you, but I don't know how you take it," Andrew stood at the stove, a pan of eggs and bacon crackling in front of him.
She moved towards the pot of coffee and single mug next to it, watching Andrew out of the corner of her eye. "Black is fine," She lied. She hated black coffee, but she was too overwhelmed to worry about what creamer Andrew had. "What is this?"
He laughed a bit under his breath, the smile barely visible under his bedhead. "Breakfast!"
"Right..." she poured the coffee and sat down at the kitchen island. "But...why?"
He shrugged. "I woke up hungry and was going to cook anyway, figured you might as well eat too." He turned off the fire and grabbed two plates from the cabinet. He set her portion in front of her before sliding a stool around to the other side of the island, positioning himself in front of her.
Maia felt frozen, paranoid, like at any moment cameras would burst from the walls and prove that she was on some prank TV show. It took conscious effort to pick up the fork, scoop up the eggs and put them into her mouth. It was an astronomical feat to swallow them, despite how good the food tasted – again.
Again.
She was a distraction. The feeling hit her like a truck. He was leaving, in less than 24 hours probably, and he was making her breakfast for the second time? She didn't even feel the flame fill her chest and cloud her vision until it was too late.
"What are you doing here?" She set the fork down, just hard enough to make Andrew halt mid bite. "I mean, what do you think is going to happen? You're going to make me breakfast, and invite me to rehearsal, and let me stay here, and then ghost me as soon as you leave city limits?"
Andrew's face showed the hurt he clearly felt. "Ghost you? No... No I thought that we could-"
"Stay in touch?" She interrupted him, unable to stop herself, despite feeling her own heart crack. "How many other girls in how many other cities have you told that to? How many of them do you actually keep up with?"
Andrew's mouth hung open, head shaking slightly. The eyes he met weren't the same ones he spent so much time looking into last night. These weren't soft or kind or sparkling with her laugh. These were icy and hard. "Did I say something last night?"
The confusion and slight crack in his voice broke through that flaming wall inside her. She ducked her head, unable to bring herself to see his face. "You're leaving tomorrow and I just," she stood up, realizing that she couldn't get herself out of the hole her temper dug again. "I don't want to be another one of your girls." She set off towards the bedroom, grabbing her stuff and slipping her vans on.
Andrew sat frozen at the island. Maia allowed herself one more glance at him as she put her coat on. She wished she hadn't. His eyebrows were just barely furrowed, mouth still barely open, concern, confusion, and hurt plastered across his face like a billboard. His eyes cut through Maia like a knife. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but no sound came out. Cold guilt filled her where the fiery temper once was. She couldn't stand it, and was out the door and in her car before the first tears fell.
She made the drive home in record time, making it home and almost falling out of the car. She threw the door open, tears blocking her vision and running down her cheeks.
"What the hell happened to you?" Alli asked from the kitchen.
"Get out," Maia hissed at Alli.
She put that stupid, incredulous look on her face. The same one she uses when she can't get a table at a fully booked restaurant despite her Instagram following.
"Get the fuck out, go home!" Maia's voice cracked. She beelined it towards Lauren on the couch who immediately took her into her arms.
Maia waited for the door to close and then some. Partially because she didn't want Alli to be waiting outside the door, mostly because she couldn't form the words.
Lauren rubbed her back, comforting her through the sobs. It wasn't until Maia took a shuddering breath that she spoke, handing her a box of tissues. "Time to talk," she gently ran her hand down Maia's arm. "What is going on? You haven't been you all week and I'm scared."
Maia blew her nose, took another deep breath, and told Lauren everything – details and all. She didn't give Lauren enough credit. Lauren didn't interrupt her once, didn't so much as change the way she breathed as Maia let out a few heaving sobs.
"And that's it! That's the last time I'm going to see him and I'll never hear from him again. Why would he want to after this anyway? I'm such a fucking idiot," her voice broke, head collapsing into her hands.
"Okay, no, we're spiraling again," Lauren cut her off before she could go too far down that path – again. "Why did you flip out? You sounded like you were having a good time?"
Maia shrugged and wiped the tears off her face, finally feeling herself settling down. "I just didn't want to deal with the slow cut off. We both know that's what's going to happen."
"No!?" Lauren scoffed, causing Maia to flinch. "No we don't know that. You don't even know that for sure. You indulged in your feelings again and decided that was a fact and responded."
Maia rolled her eyes, trying to shove down the flame that started to burn. "Well it doesn't matter what's true or not now!"
"You could, oh I don't know, apologize?" Lauren snapped. "From what you've said, he seems like the type of guy that would listen to you, so just explain what happened!" She sighed. "He probably has enough trouble with people trying to suck up to him because of his status. You're actively running from it. At least that sets you apart."
Maia laughed, a true, genuine laugh. "Do I just...text him?"
"Oh hell no," Lauren shrunk back. "First you take a nap, then shower. Text him in a few hours, tell him exactly what you told me. But hey," she put her hand on Maia's leg. "You can't lose it if he doesn't accept your apology. Imagine if the tables were turned, how hurt would you be?"
Maia squeezed her friend. As opposite as they were, and as often as they pissed each other off, Lauren was always the person who could talk some sense into her. She hoped Lauren felt the same about Maia.
Maia rose from the couch, blotchy faced but smiling. "Thanks for helping me all the time."
Lauren gave her hand a squeeze and smiled back at her. Maia trudged towards her bedroom, hoping that Lauren was right, and maybe it wouldn't feel so bad when she got some sleep.
"Wait hang on," Lauren stopped her from shutting the door. "You seriously got drunk with him and then slept in a different bed? Have you not looked at him?"
"Oh my GOD, Lauren!" Maia's real, authentic belly laugh came through. "Leave me alone!"
She was still chuckling to herself as she crawled into bed, still wearing Andrew's shirt.
It wasn't, in fact, better when she woke up. Tears stained her pillow as she shook, staring at the delivered notification on her phone.
"I owe you a massive apology. Can I see you before you leave?"
It had been 45 minutes since then. Not even a blip of a message in progress. She could be blocked for all she knew, for all she expected. She mentally kicked herself, covering up a particularly heavy sob by shoving her face into the pillow. She always did this, always jumped to whatever conclusion her mind told her was right. And then made sure it happened, usually by lashing out. This one hurt differently. She couldn't put her finger on why, but she'd never felt such shame and regret as she did when she left his house.
"Why"
Her phone buzzing interrupted her pity party.
Such a simple question, with the most complicated of answers. Maia didn't know why. Why would he meet someone who just flung his kindness and hospitality in his face? Why would he want to be around someone who threw random accusations at him? Who left without letting him say a word? Honesty, Lauren said honesty was the best way to fix this, if he would let her.
"I talked to Lauren. I've just enjoyed the time I've spent with you, talking to you. I don't want it to stop and I was scared it was going to once you left."
She felt sick to her stomach. If he said no, if he said too little too late, if he-
"You talked to Lauren?"
Maia stilled, her phone like a brick in her hands. Another message;
"I'm in your neighborhood. I'll stop by in 15."
Maia's heart did a back flip. She had one chance to fix this, to fix her friendship with him before he left. She ran through a mental checklist in her head, points she wanted to make, the order in which she wanted to make them in. How to express her insecurities without seeming...desperate? Fragile? Clingy? She typed and deleted, typed and deleted, over and over again in the notes app on her phone until there was a soft knock on her bedroom door.
Lauren poked her head around the door. "He's here...is it okay if he comes in?"
Maia's heart dropped. Since when did time move that fast?
She nodded, trying to slow her breathing. Lauren gave her a small smile, then a single nod, before moving out of the way to let Andrew enter.
He smiled, but out of discomfort, not the warm, relaxed, happy-go-lucky grin she'd become accustomed to seeing plastered on his face. "Hey," he whispered, taking a seat at the desk across the room – not on the other side or even the end of the bed Maia sat cross-legged in.
"Hi," Maia whispered back, certain he could hear the thundering of her heart.
She couldn't speak, he didn't. Maia went back and forth from her outline to his face, unable to find an appropriate starting point. It wasn't until he scoffed and shook his head, making his way to a standing position that she found the words.
"I'm an idiot," she blurted out. Andrew paused, looking at her before sitting back down in the office chair. "I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I didn't realize until this morning how much it would hurt if it did...drop I mean." She stumbled over her words, not used to being this honest with her feelings.
"You left." A fact. No more, no less.
"I shouldn't have."
Andrew shook his head and looked down at his boots. "What did you mean, when you said I had 'other girls' in other cities? I mean, I know we haven't known each other for that long, but do you really think that's something I'd do?"
"No, no I really don't," Maia almost tripped over her own tongue as she rushed to answer his question. Looking up at him and finding his gaze, she continued. "I had a lot of fun last night. Like the most fun I've had in a while. I just didn't like knowing that might be the only time we get to do that."
A sympathetic look crossed Andrews face. "Why didn't you just tell me that?"
Maia shrugged, either unwilling or unable to explain why – she wasn't sure.
"I was planning on flying you out to New Orleans in March, during your spring break, to see the show there. Just so I could look forward to seeing you again." He murmured, ducking his head.
Maia tried – and failed – to stop the tears threatening to spill over. "Fuck, I am a grade A asshole."
Andrew's dry chuckle managed to pull one out of her. He met her eyes, concern flashing across his face as he stood and moved to the bed, taking her hands in his. He shushed her, pulling her into his chest. His embrace had the opposite effect he intended. She collapsed into him, clawing at the shirt on his shoulders like he was going to disappear.
"Maia, darling, I need you to take a breath," he gripped her shoulders and pulled her away to meet his unflinching stare. "I want us to see each other again, but you're going to have to talk to me, especially when you're feeling like this." He ran his hands down her arms and held her hands in his again. "I'm not going to be in the neighborhood all that often, love."
His words sunk into her. Maia's heart raced, but in a different way. She didn't feel like running, like yelling, like crying. Staring into those eyes, the color of the Colorado Evergreens, all she wanted to do was to be with him.
Maia let her eyes fall to his lips. His beard, a special shade of auburn she was sure she'd never seen, surrounded them. New Year's Eve came to her mind, specifically midnight, the dawn of the New Year. Her lips were on his, his hands on her waist, just Maia and just Andrew. Her vision glossed over, she pushed her head forward ever so slightly, and-
Andrew looked down, giving her hands a tight squeeze.
Maia's cheeks heated, and she looked around the room trying to act like she didn't do what she almost did. The hair-tie on the ground felt like a safe spot to look at. She cleared her throat, "I'll try...to talk to you about when I feel like that again. I promise."
Andrew gave her hands one more squeeze before letting them fall onto the bed. He slid off, running his hand through the top of the bun he had his hair styled in. "That's all I'm asking. I have to go though," He gave her a sad smile. "I'm glad you texted me, Maia."
Maia couldn't move. She wanted to walk him out, but her body was paralyzed. She could only nod, and return the smile he gave her.
He'd left sometime ago. 10 minutes? 30 minutes? An hour? She didn't know. She hadn't moved. The picture of him holding her hands, sitting cross-legged on her bed, telling her he wanted her to stick around was stuck in her mind. She could wait until March, it wasn't that far. Only a few...months...away. Her back hit the headboard and a sigh tumbled out of her mouth.
Her phone buzzed.
"Come to the same entrance you went to last night. Looking forward to seeing you tonight (:"