“don’t even realize
how the time goes
Anywhere anywhere,
I think about you
Anytime anyplace, it’s full of you spreading out
Come a little bit closer to me
If we face each other
Even an imagination
Feels so sweet.”
~‘Heart attack’
By LOONA
There is no way that he will forget the way to his home, well not his but still his. When he comes to the main road, he can see the convenience store. As he walked towards it, he just looked at it but didn't enter.
It is already night here, maybe it is their dinner time. He doesn't know because the hand watch that he was wearing is not on his wrist. But looking at the crowd outside of the bar, he can say it is pretty late. And maybe the people are already sleeping inside the house that he is about to knock on.
Nothing has changed. The small flower tubs are still in its place as the broken wooden chair is trying to balance itself on the ground.
'should I knock? What will be their reactions?'
And doubtfully, he placed soft knocks on the door, not switching on the calling bell at first. And no one has come, he is sure that they are already sleeping. He waited there for a moment before calling the bell.
And he can hear the bell rang inside the house. He swallowed his saliva. He is nervous, and scared as well. What will he do if they forget about him just like what happens in movies? What if they don't open the door for him? What if-............
And his thoughts got interrupted by the sound of the opening door, a little harshly. And after a few seconds, he can hear Mrs. Park.... muttering something by herself, maybe cursing at the person who is calling at that sleeping hour.
Heeseung stayed still, in front of the monitoring hole of the door.
"Who is it?"
Heeseung gulped when he heard Mrs. Park's clear voice. For a moment he felt everything paused.
'Her voice is still the same.'
It is stupid to think that someone's voice will change in just a month, but in the case of Heeseung, it is not normal to think it will not change.
"Mrs. Park...." He said and placed his hand on the door to balance himself, or maybe trying to balance his mind from getting too weak.
"Who is there can you tell me your name?" She asked again. She didn't hear Heeseung saying that properly.
"Me.... Heeseung. Ca- can you..hear me .....Mrs. Park?"
He said, who ever imagined that one day, Lee Heeseung would stand in front of someone's door waiting for it to be open?
"Who....who is Heeseung?"
Heeseung gave a shot glare towards the door. What does she mean by 'who'?
"I'm Heeseung. Lee Heeseung....Mrs. Park?" He said. Still don't know how to speak properly so that she can understand and hear him clearly.
"I don't remember anyone named Heeseung."
And Heeseung broke at that point. He is on that same page, like every movie and drama....they don't remember him, their memories related to him have vanished.
"I only know a boy, who left without saying anything."
And Heeseung's thoughts stopped in his head. What did he hear? But before he could think of anything, the door opened.
The door has opened, revealing the middle aged woman wearing her night dress while decorating her eyes with tears.
"Mrs Park"
And she pulls him into a big hug. Heeseung froze for a moment for the force, but soon he melted into it when he heard her soft sobs. And Heeseung pulled out to erase the tears from her eyes.
"Don't please.... I'm so sorry for what I did." At last Heeseung said.
"You are fine ........ that's all I prayed to God." How can she say something like this? How can she pray for Heeseung, without praying for herself?
"Yes I'm fine. Thank you." He said and again rubbed his fingers to erase the tears from her face.
"I was so scared."
"Yes, but now I'm back."
"And I also thought that you found your home, and you left."
Heeseung can't say anything now.
" 'Were we that bad?' That's what I thought." She continued.
"I'm sorry"
"I was scared and sad..."
Heeseung looks at her again. He lost words to speak. Yes, it is true he found his home, it is true he left without telling them anything......but it doesn't mean he didn't miss them. He missed them too.
"I missed you too, I missed you, grandma, everyone." Heeseung said but he knows it is not enough for her to stop her from crying.
"I'm back, and I'm hungry as well, can you cook something for me?" He asked. He is not hungry, but he is trying to distract her.
"Yes yes." And he weeps her tears with her hands as she walks towards the kitchen in no time. Heeseung just looked at her and felt guilty. He cursed himself for leaving them.
"Mom wha-"
Sunghoon stopped on his track.
Heeseung's lips parted by itself a little, when he looked in the direction while following the voice. The younger's wide eyes, his slightly open mouth, he can see, Sunghoon is shocked. He was wearing his white tee shirt, the one that Heeseung once told him not to wear. Heeseung examines him from top to bottom, like copying his little details and taking notes as much as he can. Heeseung feels the systole of his heart against his chest. He can only see the one thing, and that is Sunghoon and can hear only one sound, his own heartbeat.
"Sunghoon... Heeseung is back." After staring at the two boys from the kitchen counter, Rumi said, making the two boys break the gaze between them.
"I see." And After saying this, Sunghoon moved backward, as he turned back and stormed towards his room. Leaving Heeseung and Rumi in the living room.
Heeseung had flinched when he heard the loud thud, Sunghoon's door..when Sunghoon closed it not minding about the sound and didn't care if it would break or not.
Mrs. Park comes closer to him and pulls him towards the dining table. When Heeseung was not in his mind to think about what just happened. And for some explanation, he looks at Rumi's eyes..
"Seems, he doesn't like that I come back." He murmured to himself.
"You should eat now." Rumi pushes the bowl full of ramen towards him.
Heeseung thought she would ask him more questions, but she didn't. And even if she asked him, then can't answer those questions, because he doesn't want to hurt them again. And when she led him to his room, he was shocked, he was shocked because not a single thing had changed. Everything is in their places the way he left them. He can see the little difference on his bed, it was clean.
He really wanted to meet grandma too, but she was not there. Rumi told him that grandma is in the village. And he laid down on his bed. Glancing over the door, yet he has no courage to knock on. The thought of his grandma's words, and his friends come to his mind, but he ignored it, he is feeling guilty for doing it but he just wants to enjoy living here for two weeks. After two weeks, he will go back, back to his own universe, for forever and will never come back again.
He loves this place so much, how can he even think of leaving this place again? But he has to right? He loves his parents and friends too, he can't live here for forever. And it hurts..........
__________
When Heeseung opens his eyes, for a moment his heart feels heavy, thinking he is dreaming again....but when his sense comes to his brain, then his sad face turns into a dreamy one as he smiles. It is not a dream, he is here. The rays of the morning sun are shining through his window. The sound of the car passing across the road, and that's all he was waiting and wishing to hear. He slides his duvet to the left as he gets up from the bed. The floor was really cold, he almost forgot again that he is not in his own mansion. But that coldness is not disturbing and annoying like before this time, it is comforting instead of that.
He opens the window to see the garden. There are few vegetables there and also some flowers on the side of the garden. He chuckles when his eyes fall on the small wooden house which is now covered with orchids. And he remembers, he had never tried to look at that small house that majestic. Because he thought it was useless, only two or maybe three people could enter there and you couldn't even stand inside the house. Nohe wants to go there, because he has seen Sunghoon go there plenty of times.
He was about to take a shower after brushing his teeth but when he looks for his clothes in the closet, there is nothing. Only a few of them are there but Heeseung can't wear those in this winter without wearing any warm clothes. He was about to complain, but he remembers, a month ago it was not that cold to wear a sweater during the day time. But he did take a cold shower and wear one of his white shirts with jogger jeans. And then put a blue coloured shirt over the white grandad shirt.
After that he walked out of his room. He walked down from the stairs not forgetting to give a look at the door of Sunghoon's room. He didn't hear any sound from his room from the night, not the alarm and today Mrs. Park also didn't wake him up and for this Heeseung is feeling something off. Without listening to Sunghoon's alarm and Rumi's shout in the morning means, the morning is incomplete. But when he walks down the stairs and goes to the kitchen, he finds Rumi standing in front of the coffee maker.
"Good morning" he greeted as Rumi looked at him.
"Oh morning."
"You bought a coffee maker?" Heeseung asks because when he was here, they didn't have it.
"Yess." She replied and smiled at him.
"You didn't buy one when I was here and was craving for coffee." He said while pouting a little. And Rumi laughs at him.
"We brought it.. thinking when you come back, you don't have to leave for coffee again."
And Heeseung smiles at this point. He can do nothing after all. Her every word is attacking him emotionally and he is just feeling guilty for it.
He sits pulling a chair in front of the dining table. He was thinking, what she could ask him about. She would ask him where he was this whole month, and why? But all he gets is the comforting smile as before.
"Don't you have anything to ask? I promise I'll try to answer all of them." He said, he just wanted to be more confident about himself.
"I don't. You are back, and fine as well .. that's what I wanted. And about why you left, where you were? That's your personal life right?....... com'n I'm not that old fashioned to question that."
And that's all she said. Heeseung is glad, that she is like this, she is different; the way Sunghoon is different from others.
"So, Sunghoon had already gone for school?" He asks while shipping his coffee.
"Yes, and I was shocked when he was making his breakfast at 5am. It was dark you know." Rumi said like she just remembered an important topic.
"At 5?"
"Yes"
He tilted his head. Thinking about Sunghoon making his own breakfast in the morning, at fucking 5 am and going school at 6, when their class starts from 8.30 in winter. Heeseung should be serious at that moment but he can't. He laughed thinking about this.
'Damn Park Sunghoon, you are really something.'