The journey to the farmlands took so long that Mona had fallen asleep, and when she woke, it was to Minerva.
"Hello sleepy head," she greeted teasingly and Mona huffed.
"Not my fault you don't talk and drive."
"I had other things on my mind," Minerva told her, nodding to the still slumbering puppy. "Let's get this done, shall we?"
Mona nodded and Minerva scooped the puppy from her. They exited the van onto a large open space, buildings dotted around everywhere. A couple collies ran over, whole body's wagging in excitement. A sharp whistle called them back, and a woman in dirty jeans and a jumper walked over.
"That the pup?" She asked. Mona was surprised she wasn't Scottish, but American. Minerva nodded and they all headed towards a far off building whilst Minerva explained what she'd assumed happened.
The vet wasn't impressed, and led them into an examination room. Minerva gently put the puppy down on the table and the vet began her exam. She murmured to herself as she worked, typing a few things into the system, checking teeth, ears, eyes, nose, then taking its temperature.
"She's a girl, by the way," she revealed.
"Told you," Mona said and Minerva hushed her softly, which was enough to remind Mona about what she'd said.
"Will you run bloods?" Minerva asked and the vet nodded.
"I'll run everything. Full screen of the whole body, check for every disease I can. It'll take the day, though."
"That's fine," Minerva said, "call me when you're done."
"Will do!"
Minerva herded Mona out of the room.
"A day? Ain't that quick! Vets normally take days for this stuff!"
"Ana has everything she needs here. I made sure of it. There's a team to help her with tests, every piece of equipment she needs is here too. What you must remember, is there are a minimum of fifty dogs on my property. That's just with the shelter and the sheep dogs. I'm not including the cattle guardians or the pets, or the barn cats. I will not have any animal on my property suffer if I can help it."
"You got over fifty dogs here?"
"Yes. There are thousands of sheep and cattle, and the dogs are used for all of them."
"Are we gonna wait here until we find out of the pups okay?"
"Would you like to?"
"Yes, please."
"Lady Edevane!" A man jogged over to them, "we not seen you here for a while!"
"Fly in visit, Arran," Minerva replied, "there was a pup by the waterfall, so we brought it here."
"Really? We had a pup found last night, foxes tried to rip it to pieces. Nasty bastards they are."
"Can we see?" Mona asked and Minerva nodded.
"Afternoon, Ma'am," Arran tipped his peak hat at Mona, who scrunched her face at it.
"Just Mona," Minerva corrected. A look of realisation crossed Arran's face.
"The lass you married?"
"Yes."
"Lovely to finally meet you. This way for the pup."
Arran led them to a barn, a few cats Lounging in the hay bales. He took them to a stall, where a grey lump unfolded its gangly limbs, long tail whipping back and forth.
"Deerhound?" Minerva asked, unlocking the stall door and crouching down to greet the friendly dog. Something about him was wrong, but Minerva couldn't pinpoint it.
"Irish wolfhound," Arran corrected, earning him an odd look from Minerva, "we had the same reaction. Cant have come from us, we only run deerhounds, so it had to have been dumped."
"Two in less than twenty four hours," Minerva muttered, attention back on the puppy, who melted under her hands, rolling over to show its belly, also revealing that it was a boy.
"We're thinking of running him with the deerhounds, but Ana says his back legs are bad, so we're not quite sure what to do with him."
"Miri," Mona said her name quietly as she too got down to say hello to the puppy. He leaped up, launching at Mona and running happy circles around her as she stroked him, grinning. Minerva watched her, seeming to consider what she knew Mona was asking.
That was when she realised what was so wrong about the puppy. His back legs were at odd angles, almost like someone had put them in back to front. Realising he must've been dumped because he was born that way and it was either too expensive to fix, or he couldn't be sold because of it, annoyed Minerva to no end.
"Does he have a name?"
"No, my lady, we didn't want to name him in case we don't keep him."
Minerva nodded as the puppy ran back to her, unable to decide who to give his attention to, until Mona got down on the stall floor, and he tripped over his own feet to clamber all over her.
"Anyone here have an attachment to him?" She asked, and Arran shook his head.
"Honestly? This," he gestured at the pup, "is the friendliest he's been to anyone."
Mona gave her a pleading look, but Minerva had already made her mind up.
"Give him a name, pet," she said as she stood up, "he's yours."
"Wait, really?!" Mona shot over to her, hugging her tightly. "You're the best!"
Minerva sighed, "I know."
Mona pulled away, bending down to ruffle the puppy's head. It had been a long time since Minerva had visited, and she left Mona with the puppy to go for a wander around the stable.
That turned into going to the barn. The day was passing quickly, Minerva meeting several new staff and chatting with them about their lives before working here. Then, Minerva introduced Mona to everyone there.
A lot of questions were asked, and they both answered lovingly, adoringly. Mona blushed at the looks Minerva gave her, and she grinned inside, knowing she was flustered. But Mona was also hitting her limit with people, creeping closer to Minerva as more people arrived.
Minerva decided it best that she have a shower and a hair wash here, and suggested Mona do the same, getting them away from everyone. They both redressed in the van, and then Ana called.
Mona was gone before Minerva could stop her, and she grabbed Mona's coat, hurrying outside to grapple it around her shoulders.
"Honestly," Minerva tutted as they went towards the vet clinic. Ana let them in, and took them into the back section, where there was large bays, almost like an animal shelter. Two had other dogs in, one a collie, one an Anatolian Shepherd. The third they approached with their puppy in.
"She's all good. Bloods came back clear, scans are good, vitals are good. There's no sign of any worms, infections, bone damage, muscle wastage or brain damage. She is, other than her weight, absolutely perfect."
Minerva nodded, relieved, "how old is she?"
"About eight weeks, give or take a week, but the neglect has been happening potentially since she was born. She will have scarring on her side; it looks like someone tossed boiling water over her. There's also cigarette burns on her paws and-,"
"No, thank you," Minerva stopped Ana immediately, "I don't need to know that. There's nothing I can do about what happened to her, so I don't want to know."
"Fair enough," Ana nodded. "I assume I'm sending her to the shelter."
"No," Minerva said, and she knew her response was a surprise to Mona, who stared at her with a slight open mouth. "We're taking her home. There's another pup here, and Irish Wolfhound. We're taking him too."
Ana nodded, "I'll pair them together. They're far enough apart in age to avoid littermate syndrome."
Minerva winced and nodded.
"Find a name," she said to Mona who shook her head.
"I wanna name them both together. They're our dogs."
"Alright," Minerva agreed. "We won't be taking them now," she said, "we'll be back at the castle in a week, will you be able to get them there?"
"Sure. If anything that works better for her," she nodded at the pup, "I need to get her weight up to scratch."
"Wonderful," Minerva saw the slight sad look in Mona's eye, and then said, "can we go in and see her?"
"Sure," Ana unlocked the door and they went in, the small pup crawling out of the pile of blankets to greet them with excitement. This girl was more shy of Minerva, swerving her to go to Mona first, but quickly warmed up and bounded to her, snuffling her hands.
"What about Maya and Cleo?" Mona asked, and Minerva looked over at her.
"About Maya," Ana said, "I want to see her. I didn't do her surgery, so I want to do tests to make sure the cancer is gone. I can't trust that the other vet cut a large enough margin around the tumours."
Minerva felt Mona's horrified stare, keeping her attention on Ana and nodding.
"We only knew after we did the biopsy that it was one of the more aggressive cancers, so it will come back eventually. I'm just worried they didn't take enough to prevent the original cancer from spreading."
"They're at the lodge currently. I'll call Tori and have her bring her down to you."
"Thank you."
Minerva stepped out of the kennel, Mona following her.
"You never told me Maya had cancer," Mona said as they left, hurt in her voice.
"I'd assumed I wouldn't have to. I didn't think you'd ever need to know."
"Does Esmé know? You tell her everything."
"No. I kept this to myself."
"Really? Why?"
"Things that hurt me, I don't tend to share," she admitted. "This was painful to me in a way I don't think many people understand. It still upsets me, because I know that eventually it will become too much for her. There's only so many surgeries I can put her through, and this time they found the cancer was more aggressive than the first time. I doubt I'll go through with another surgery, because all I'll be doing is keeping her here for me, not her, and I won't be that selfish."
They entered the caravan and Minerva was surprised when mona grappled her for a hug.
"You don't keep that shit from me now, okay? Your dogs are your children, and you shouldn't have to suffer all this alone."
Minerva hugged Mona back, squeezing her tightly.
"Thank you, pet," she murmured, "that means more to me than you realise."
"Why are you such a good hugger?" Mona mumbled into her shoulder, nestling closer, "you're just warm and soft even though you don't look very soft."
"I don't?"
"Bitch you're built to fuck, no, you don't look soft. I figured you'd be rock hard but you ain't."
Minerva was about to turn the comment sexual, but a knock on the caravan door stopped her, spiking her irritation slightly. She'd planned on fucking Mona into a coma the entire week, instead, they'd rescued a puppy and adopted two.
Pulling away, Minerva opened the door to see Arran with a hose in his hand.
"Thought you'd like a tank refill," he said and Minerva nodded, leaving to show him where the tank opening was. "Go on back inside, ma'am. It's cold and late."
Minerva did so, finding Mona had changed into a t shirt and gym shorts, grabbed Minerva's blanket and was sitting on the sofa.
"Can we think about names? I wanted to look some up but maybe we can just spitball a couple."
"If you like," Minerva replied, heading to the small fridge to begin cooking.
"So we got one boy and one girl," Mona mused, "what was your ma's dog called?"
"Arlo," Minerva replied, "my Great Dane was called Sammy. And obviously Maya and Cleo."
"Oh!" Mona sat up quickly, making Minerva jump, "Whiskey! Because you like whiskey, and the girl does have the same colouring as the drink!"
"I feel like that's more of a cat name."
"Yeah I can see that," Mona sat back, looking out of the window. "Bailey?"
"Isn't that your niece's name?"
"Oh yeah, forgot about that."
"You forgot your nieces name."
"You know they've had more kids right? Pa thinks Eros got the twin gene."
"I do know," Minerva said. Eros was Mona's big brother, Esmé's twin, and had married one of her good friends, Clarion. They'd welcomed another set of twin girls only a few months ago. "I don't know what they're called, though."
"Amelia, Bailey, Daphne and Florence."
"Good grief," Minerva muttered, going back to cooking, adding the sauce Katie had pre-made for her to the pan. "Hold on-,"
"Yeah, follows the alphabet, I had the same reaction."
"We're not doing anything like that. No more 'm' names. There's already three of us. No places, no countries."
"Noted. What about planets?"
"I don't think any of them fit, do you?"
"Not really. Oh, also no food. I'm sick of people calling their dogs cookie and biscuit and Mocha. I don't like it."
"Alright, no food."
"What do Irish Wolfhounds look like when they get older?"
Minerva unlocked her phone and tossed it in Mona's general direction, watching her scramble for it, earning a glare.
"Be more careful with your stuff!"
"Well if it breaks you can just buy me a new one, can't you?"
Mona flipped her off, then a few minutes later said, "they look like wizards. Old and wise. Oh! What about Rupert?"
"Rupert," Minerva tested the word, scrunched her nose up and shook her head.
"Rupee for short?"
"No," Minerva decided, not a fan of naming a dog after a currency.
"I want him to start with an 'r'," Mona decided.
"Any reason why?"
"The way you say it."
"The way I say it?"
"You roll your r's, it's very nice to listen to."
"Right," Minerva said. She could've used any other word, but wanted to wind Mona up. Mona gave her a minor glare, rolled her eyes with a small smile, and went back to Minerva's phone.
Mona scrolled for a while, and only spoke again when Minerva placed a small plate of food in front of her. Minerva had been paying attention to the amount of food Mona managed, and had only placed that amount on her plate.
"Riku," Mona said, looking up at Minerva.
"Riku," Minerva sat opposite her, picking up her fork and humming. "What about from those games you play? Are there two characters that you could pick from?"
Mona looked surprised, "but you won't know the characters."
"That doesn't matter. What about that one, you play it all the time. It has a little white creature that you control, and it's all dark and foresty-,"
"Ori?" Mona asked, then gasped, "Naru! We could call the girl Naru!"
Again, Minerva echoed the name back, humming softly, "do you like it?"
"Do you?"
"It's your decision, pet."
"No," Mona was firm, "I want to decide together. They're ours, right?"
"What if you name the girl and I name the boy?" Minerva suggested, and Mona nodded.
"Okay," then she looked at her plate and went, "oh?"
Minerva didn't say a word, hiding her smile behind her drink. Mona had been eating as they spoke, so excited with naming the dogs that she hadn't registered she was doing it. There was very little left on the plate, and Mona's eyes became nervous, darting around as she leant back slightly, gulping.
"You're okay," Minerva reassured her, pressing her leg against Mona's, gaining her attention, "you're doing so well, baby girl."
After a couple of minutes, Mona nodded, and scooped the last few mouthfuls of curry into her mouth. Then she got up, and Minerva heard her cleaning the dishes.
Once Minerva had finished, she joined her, drying up what Mona had washed and putting it away.
"This ain't gone how you planned it, did it?" Mona asked and Minerva shrugged.
"We're only on day two," she said, "plenty of time to do what I want," Minerva came behind Mona, pressing against her as she leaned forward slightly to see if Arran had gone. Delighted to see that he had, Minerva turned Mona's head to her, kissing her slowly.
It didn't take long to turn their kisses hungry and fast, more teeth than anything else. It was the messiest they'd kissed. Hands grabbed and pulled, until Minerva's shirt was off and Mona's trousers were flung somewhere in the van.
Minerva's hands went beneath Mona's shirt, and as they moved to her sides, to go over her back and pull her shirt off, Mona recoiled like she'd been touched with ice.
"N-no," she panicked. Minerva moved her hands back to the front.
"Is this okay?"
"I don't know," Mona was too uncertain so Minerva took her hands away completely.
"Shirt stays on," Minerva decided, "I won't touch your sides or back."
Mona, unused to secure boundaries being set during any sexual activity, didn't seem to believe her.
"I'm serious, Mona," Minerva told her. "Have I touched your neck since you told me about it?"
"No," Mona was quiet, looking down at her hands.
"Then I'm not going to touch your sides or back." Minerva stepped away, wiggling out of her jeans and kicking them away from her. Mona was suddenly fixated on her, eyes roaming up and down her body. "Enjoying yourself?"
"Not yet," Mona said making grabby hands, "lemme touch."
"That's not how we ask for things, is it?" Minerva chided, opening the drawer that housed the toys she'd selected, perusing them with a glance over at Mona. "Don't make me correct your mouth this early on, pet."
"Please may I touch you?" Mona corrected.
"Not yet," Minerva replied, earning a huff of annoyance and a mutter, "what was that?"
"You told me to ask nice so I did and you still didn't let me."
"I never said you'd get what you asked for, only that you should correct your words before I did."
"You wouldn't've done shit. You're too soft on me."
Minerva huffed a laugh, enjoying the push Mona was giving her. It wouldn't last long though. Selecting one of the dildos and a harness, she tossed both onto the small sofa section and sat down.
"Come here," she patted her thighs, and Mona, in all her naivety, pranced over to her. When she went to straddle her thighs, Minerva grasped her and swung her over her legs instead, applying a swift spank to her bare ass.
Mona yelped, but made no move to get back up.
"Don't tell me I won't do things again," Minerva warned her, "I play nice unless I have to play mean. You don't really want me to play mean, do you, pet?"
Before Mona could respond, Minerva delivered three sharp spanks to her cheeks, making Mona squirm and hiss slightly.
"Maybe I do," Mona bit at her, but Minerva heard the waver, she could see the damp patch forming in her thin panties.
"You don't," Minerva's tone was low and threatening as she continued her assault on Mona's arse. Grabbing the underwear and pulling it out of the way, Minerva shoved two fingers easily into Mona, feeling her wet heat and her tunnel clenching around her fingers.
Mona whimpered softly, attempting to rock against Minerva's hand, but she pinned her down with her arm, sliding her fingers down to Mona's clit and rolling softly. Taking her hand away, Minerva picked up the dildo, rubbing it along Mona's slit.
The shirt Mona had on was sliding up her back, so Minerva grabbed the end of it and tugged it down, keeping Mona's back hidden from her view. Mona didn't seem to notice when Minerva pinned the shirt in place with her arm.
There was an awkward shyness to Mona's responses, which Minerva put down to Mona not receiving pleasure often. Only giving for so long can make someone feel as though they can't receive pleasure. Minerva would not allow that to continue.
"Relax," she soothed, bumping Mona's clit with the dildo head. Mona wasn't so tense, but she was still very quiet and shy. At the last minute, Minerva changed her mind, guiding Mona up to straddle her lap, facing away, but Mona startled, hopping away from her and turning, hands wringing in front of her. Letting out a soft sigh, Minerva stood, going over to Mona and cupping her face.
"You're safe," she soothed her gently. Mona's eyes darted to the uncovered windows and she shrunk backwards. Something bad was happening inside her head, but Minerva couldn't grasp what. She'd been respectful of her boundaries, except for that slight touch at the start. Perhaps that had shocked Mona more than she'd admitted.
Turning, Minerva set the shutters down, locking out the outside world and anyone that could peer inside. The windows were blacked out, but she knew Mona wouldn't trust it.
"Can we-," Mona stopped when Minerva turned to look at her, blushing and looking down, "I know you wanna fuck, and I did, but..."
"You changed your mind," Minerva said, feeling slight disappointment. However, she didn't let that feeling linger, knowing that eventually Mona would let her do all sorts of filthy things to her without scaring off. Minerva would never be annoyed with Mona for changing her mind. Minerva had done so many times in her life during intimate moments. Being angry with her would be hypocritical, and that was something she wasn't.
"Are you angry?" Mona asked, wringing her hands out in front of her, "I don't know why, I just..."
"No, baby," Minerva stepped towards her, reaching a hand out, which Mona took and allowed Minerva to pull her in, "cuddle and a film?" Her suggestion was met with a worried sigh.
"Are you sure? I really am sorry."
"Oh, stop it," Minerva said firmly, "get your sweet little self up to bed, I'll make us hot drinks and we can snuggle and watch something. Choose a film. Any film, I'll watch it with you."
"Any?" Mona asked, blue eyes watery but hopeful and Minerva nodded. Mona slipped her arms around her waist, squeezing her tightly, then she fled to the bed, climbing up and setting up the tv.
Minerva was quick to make their drinks, hearing Mona load up Disney+.
"Here," she offered the mugs one at a time to Mona, who took them and put them in the designated mug holders. Then she climbed up, and settled beside Mona, seeing WALL-E set up on the screen.
"Is this okay?" Mona asked quietly, nervous.
"I've never seen it," Minerva replied.
"It's a kid film, really."
"Is it?" Minerva grabbed the duvet and pulled it over herself, shutting out the chilly air. "I always thought Disney films were for both adults and children. They have so many innuendos in them it's hard to believe otherwise"
"You're sure this is okay?" Mona asked again and Minerva'd had enough, snatching the remote from her and pressing play. Then she made a grab for Mona, pulling her under the duvet and wrapping her up close.
"I said it was, so it is," she was firm and Mona snuggled against her.
"Sure you're not mad at me?" Mona whispered and Minerva fought her groan, looking down at Mona's wide doe eyes. Shifting, she lifted her pinky out of the duvet, wiggling it at Mona until she locked her own pinky around it.
"Promise I'm not mad," Minerva said and Mona sighed, snuggling into her neck. As the movie started, Mona hummed along to the song, already engrossed in the screen. Mona made a small noise of discomfort, and Minerva looked down.
"Why is it so scratchy?" Mona asked, glaring at Minerva's bra. Sitting up, Minerva swiped it off and threw it behind her, making Mona turn bright red. "You didn't have to take it off!"
"Well now it's not scratchy. You're going to have to get used to my body at some point."
Minerva didn't give her a minute to reply, pressing Mona back against her chest. An adorable squeak left Mona, and Minerva could feel the heat from her blush. Grabbing Mona's arm, she put it around her waist, shifting to settle better, watching the film and running her fingers up and down Mona's arm.
Eventually, Mona relaxed, turning her attention to the film. At one point, she subtly shifted so she was pressed closer, and then it turned into nuzzling against Minerva's breasts.
The film was entertaining, and Minerva found the little robot rather endearing, huffing a laugh every so often at his antics. Mona remained plastered to her, but had relaxed considerably, shifting to watch the film too, hand on Minerva's waist, fingers stroking her skin softly.
When the film ended, Minerva turned the tv off, then pressed a button behind her on the wall. The ceiling opened up into a skylight, showing the pretty stars.
"Woah," Mona murmured, clambering on top of Minerva, back to her front, pulling the duvet over them both as she looked out at the stars. "D'you think there's life out there?"
"I do."
"Really?"
"Think about it," Minerva said, stroking her fingers along Mona's arms under the duvet, "the universe is a massive expanse of planets and systems, most we will never be able to visit. I think it's ridiculous to assume we're the only intelligent life form out there."
"I like the idea that there is life out there, but it's too smart for us. We've wrecked the planet too much for them to be interested in it, and we're destroying ourselves anyway, so why would they get involved?"
"That is a very good point."
"Would you ever wanna go to space?"
Minerva thought about it, and quickly came to her decision.
"No. And it's not the dangers of getting up there and the danger of being there, it's the lack of anything. I like my forests, I like waterfalls and rivers, I like nature to surround me. There's nothing like that up there. I wouldn't cope with it very well."
"I think it'd be great," Mona said, "no one around."
"Are you saying you'd go to space just to get away from me?" Minerva feigned offence.
"No!" Mona was sharp. "You're the last person I wanna get away from! It's just.. there's no one to disappoint. You know?"
Minerva did not know. Only once had she ever been told she was a disappointment, and that was by Duncan. Moira and Yannis had ripped into him, and when Eleanor caught wind of it she also gave him an earful. He never, ever, said it again.
"Probably not," Mona answered for her, "you've had such a different upbringing to me."
"The only person you disappointed was your mother. But you must remember, everyone disappoints your mother. No one was good enough. None of your siblings, not your father, no one," a Minerva told her, "I know Elene and Atlas don't see you as a disappointment, neither do your siblings."
Mona didn't respond, squeezing Minerva's thighs with her hands.
"You don't disappoint me," Minerva told her.
"Give it time, I will."
"No, you won't."
Mona wasn't convinced, but Minerva didn't need to convince her in that moment. She knew it would take longer than an hour, or the week. But they had a year, and she was determined that Mona's view would change in that time.
Raising her hand, she gently grasped Mona's jaw and turned her head, kissing her gently. Mona melted against her, breaking off their kiss to nestle into Minerva's hold, yawning.
"Get some rest," Minerva told her.
"Can you hum again?" Mona asked. "I know it's childish to want it," she was quiet, "a lot of what I do is childish, I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly," Minerva chided gently, "your inner child needs a lot of healing. I don't mind how childish you act."
"But you're not like that. You're not one of those dommes."
"I don't handle age regression, but that's because I lack maternal instincts and I'm flat out not interested. I don't think that's what you need, though."
"I don't either, not anymore. Freya was a caregiver, but... i never felt comfy calling her 'mummy'."
"No," Minerva replied, wrapping her arms securely around Mona, "you would benefit from a caregiver, but not in that sense," Minerva explained.
"Would you- I mean I know you said you don't do the whole 'mummy' thing but..."
"I never thought I was particularly caregiving, but Esmé pointed out to me a while ago that my whole dominating style is caregiving. I will suspend you, I will fuck you until tears stream down your pretty face, and then I'll cuddle you and kiss you and reassure you. I'll bathe you, feed you, dress you, whatever you need from me I will give you.
"Even outside of a session, I'll drop everything to make sure you are comfortable and you are okay. You need someone like that, who is attentive to your every need, no matter how childish it seems to you."
"Lucky I have you then, right?" Mona said it confidently, but Minerva heard the weak tremor in her voice, the uncertainty.
"Absolutely," Minerva agreed, squeezing Mona tightly.
"You won't judge me for any of it? For what I want and... cause some of it's... I mean," Mona laughed nervously, "I have a fascination with boobs," she whispered, shifting and clearing her throat.
"You wouldn't be the first woman," Minerva told her.
"Yeah but, not like this, Miri. It's... Freya called it creepy."
"Okay," Minerva leant her head back to look up at the stars, "I once had a woman want to breastfeed from me."
Those memories weren't fun, the arguments she had with said woman even less so. Mona didn't respond and Minerva snapped her head up to look down at her.
"You're not responding," she said with narrowed eyes. "It won't be happening."
"No!" Mona shook her head, "I don't want that! Just..." she groaned slightly and tugged the duvet up over her face, mumbling.
Minerva tugged the duvet away, "say that again please. I couldn't hear you."
"I might have an oral fixation with them," she rushed out and Minerva just hummed, tossing the duvet back over Mona's head.
"Well, we can try it and see if it's something I like. If I don't, then you'll just have to settle with something else," Minerva told her and Mona fought her way out of the duvet, surprise written all over her face.
"You serious?"
"Yes."
"You ain't calling me names, or thinking I'm cracked and have severe mummy issues?"
"Oh, there is no doubt that you have severe mummy issues," Minerva laughed, "i see no issue in using what I have to help you through them. Now, be a good girl and snuggle in. I'm tired and I'll be moving the van tomorrow."
"Where we going next?"
"The caves."
"Caves?"
"There's some very pretty crystal caves that didn't have dead bodies hauled through them on a daily basis. I like those far more than Elspet Cavern."
Mona snuggled close and Minerva went to shut the roof, but decided against it.
"Miri?"
"Mmh?"
Mona was quiet for a little bit, before whispering ever so softly, "I like you."
"I like you too, baby girl."
*
The caves were intricate and webbed out in hundreds of directions. Mona wasn't worried about getting lost; Minerva had strapped a flashing device attached to an armband on her, and demonstrated that it would make a noise when activated from Minerva's phone.
That gave her the freedom to hop about through the pretty tunnels, knowing Minerva would only be a little way behind her. The caves were freezing, and Minerva had thought ahead, shoving hand warmers into hidden pockets inside the coat she'd forced Mona to wear.
Mona had drawn the line at scarves and gloves, but allowed Minerva to shove a hand knitted hat on her head. As they wandered through, Mona found several caves with their own ecosystems, and had stumbled upon the den of foxes, which gave both Mona and the fox a fright.
It had been a really good morning, and Minerva had to forcefully drag her back to the van for something to eat. Now, far away from anyone, surrounded by nature and with only Minerva there, Mona felt comfortable.
Minerva was putting the plates away and Mona took a deep breath.
"Can I show you something?"
"Of course," Minerva replied, shutting the hatch and turning to face her. Nerves danced up and down Mona's spine.
"I wanna get it out the way," Mona explained, fiddling with the hem of the jumper she'd stolen from Minerva, "cause, I need to know, I need you to see it, I need to...," she paused to collect her thoughts, taking a deep breath. "I can't let myself feel things for you until I know how you react. I can't do that to myself. Cause, I want to feel things for you, and I want to trust you, but I rely on actions and reactions more than words.
"So many times words have been broken or used against me, so it's hard to trust them, but I know I can trust actions, I know that."
Whilst she spoke, a soft frown had creased Minerva's brow, her lips pursed and head tilted ever so slightly. Then, a switch went off in her brain, and her eyes darted to Mona's body.
"I see," she was gentle in her response, leaning against the counter, "you're certain you wish to show me?"
"I have to, Miri. I need this part of me to heal too. You're already healing other parts, but I can't let you in to heal the big bits until we do this, until this bridge is crossed. I have to do this now, cause I can't handle feeling deep things for you just for you to see this part and you not like it. I don't think I'll recover from that."
Minerva's gaze softened and she seemed to force herself to stay where she was, nodding her head, "whenever you're ready, baby. Please, don't do it if you're not ready."
"I am," Mona replied, turning around so her back was facing Minerva. She sat cross legged on the chair, and took the jumper off, unclasping her bra too. Holding the jumper tight to her chest, Mona could feel her heart pounding so hard inside her, she thought she might pass out.
Minerva gasped, and Mona flinched, eyes screwed shut as she waited to be berated.
"Mona-," Minerva could barely speak, upset clear in her voice, the way it caught in her throat, the horror and pain in her tone. Mona fought against every instinct to run away. To stay perfectly still, to let Minerva's eyes roam her scarred skin.
Mona knew what she was seeing, the myriad of raised scars, the lines gouged deep into her flesh, leaving raised marks in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
"What- how-,"
"Whips and canes," Mona forced the word out, trying to keep her voice steady, "metal ones. They'd heat them and hit me. Some are from knives, they'd cut lines into me and rub salt in."
A choked sound came from behind her but she didn't turn.
"They branded the cross into me too, and the word 'repent'."
"May I touch you?" Minerva was closer now. Mona squeezed her eyes shut.
"Yeah," she whispered, whole body tense. She jumped when feather light fingertips brushed her left shoulder blade, where the scars began.
"Are you certain?" Minerva asked.
"It's you, so yeah," Mona replied. Again, ever so soft fingers brushed her skin, feeling the raised marks.
"Do they hurt?"
"Not anymore."
"Am I hurting you?"
"No."
Then, the gentlest touch came to her shoulder, softer than the fingers still on her skin. When a soft breath crested her shoulder, Mona realised Minerva was pressing the gentlest, softest kisses to each scar. Not a single one was missed, and she worked from Mona's left shoulder over to her right, then slowly down her shoulder blade.
Mona shuddered, body relaxing as tears washed over her cheeks. Minerva wasn't shouting, she wasn't berating, or hitting, or recoiling. No, instead, she was touching and kissing her horrid marks.
Slowly she moved across Mona's back, and Mona realised with a Start that Minerva was crying, tears hitting Mona's back as she worked.
"Miri-,"
"Shh," Minerva hushed, continuing her path. Reaching the word branded into her, Minerva kissed each letter, then the cross branded into her lower spine. Once she completed the circuit, she came back to the top and started again.
Over and over she kissed the scars, until Mona was sobbing, trembling beneath her touches. As she made her way back up, Minerva pressed herself to Mona's back, hands on her waist as she kissed her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered into her ear, kissing her cheek, "I'm so, so sorry they did this to you. You didn't deserve it."
Mona melted, pressing back against Minerva and hiding her face in the jumper.
"You're so beautiful, baby girl, you know that, don't you? You're sweet and beautiful and all of this," she squeezed Mona's waist, "does not change that, do you understand me?"
Mona couldn't speak, choking on her tears as she turned around, wrapping her arms around Minerva's neck and sobbing.
"It doesn't change a thing," Minerva continued, "I still want to be with you; I still want to cuddle you and kiss you. It changes nothing. I want you for your personality. The fact you're gorgeous is just a bonus for me."
Mona didn't know what she needed, clinging to Minerva and sobbing with relief, heaving in air. Minerva scooped her up, sitting down on the sofa with her, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. She didn't say anything else, but Mona could feel her shaking, feel how her breathing hitched, hear her sniffling. Every so often her hand moved and then came back. Mona knew she was crying still.
They stayed locked together until Mona's sobs were quiet sniffles, and she lay exhausted against Minerva's warmth. Lifting her head, she saw the sadness still in Minerva's eyes.
"I'm okay," she croaked, "promise."
"I can't understand it," Minerva was weak, tears glistening in her eyes again, "I can't. Why didn't she do something to protect you? To comfort you? To keep you away from harm? Why did she keep throwing you back to a place that hurt you so awfully?" Her tears fell and she sniffled, wiping them away quickly. "I hate her for it. I hate her for allowing this to happen to you."
"Who?"
"Your mother," Minerva said through gritted teeth, "she allowed this to happen. She put you there."
"She kept sending me back," Mona told her. "They'd send me out on good behaviour and she told them to stop doing it, to punish me no matter what. To break me."
"How did you get away?"
"I don't know. There was a bracelet," Mona held up her scarred wrist, "it shocked me everytime I tried to leave. But I dug it off, broke my wrist in the process. Then I came to you."
"Please, baby please," Minerva begged her, "please, tell me who they are. Let me do something, anything."
"There's no point," Mona told her, "it happened in the past."
"A past that haunts you! One that terrifies you! Please, I won't ask you for much, just tell me anything, let me do something."
Minerva was desperate to make these people hurt, and it warmed Mona's heart. No one was that protective over her, no one wanted to hurt who had hurt her.
"Freya," Minerva moved on, "she hurt you more, didn't she?"
"Miri," Mona watched her work herself up, see the anger in her eyes. Minerva wanted to do something.
"She didn't believe you, didn't believe your trauma, wouldn't respect it."
"Honey," Mona cradled her face gently, "it doesn't matter."
"Yes it does!" Minerva raised her voice slightly, then looked immediately regretful, "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to shout at you. I'm just-," she gestured at the space helplessly, "I don't like not doing anything. I hate it. You've been so badly hurt and neglected and I can't hurt any of the people who did it. You won't let me."
"The fact you want to makes it better. I never thought you would."
"Oh, Mona," Minerva reached out to her, stroking her cheek and pulling her back in for a cuddle. "I need to hold you for a while. May I?"
"Fuck yeah," Mona mumbled, "can we get in bed?"
"Go on," Minerva let her go, and Mona scrambled up into the bed behind them. Burrowing beneath the duvet, she waited for Minerva, who made sure everything was locked. The woman was visibly shaking, and Mona watched her fumble with the door lock twice before she stopped and took a deep breath to steady herself.
The second everything was secure, she came to the bed, crawling over to Mona and grabbing her, hauling her in close. Her grip was strong but not tight. She wasn't squeezing Mona, more bracketing her with her body, tensing her arms to create a cage around her, but not squishing her. Mona lifted her head, seeing how Minerva's bicep bulged and ran her fingers over it.
"You're ripped," she commented and Minerva hummed. "Why? I know - you suspend people. But... surely you don't need to be this ripped?"
"I like it," Minerva replied, "it gives me a sense of security too. If I don't have a weapon near me, I can always use my body."
Mona nestled into the protective cage Minerva had created, reaching for her thigh to pull her over, adopting her usual position of burrowing into Minerva's body and hiding. Shuddering, she pressed her cheek into Minerva's chest, listening for her heart beat.
Tiredness had hit her, from all her tears and emotions, and she yawned.
"Have a nap," Minerva told her.
"No, I won't sleep tonight," Mona mumbled. "I'll just rest."
"Mona," Minerva murmured, "there's something I need you to understand."
"Uh, okay."
"Whatever you need from me, you will get to the best of my ability. You won't be neglected like that ever again."
"Some things you won't want to do though."
"Then we have that conversation when it happens. But most things - if not all things - I will do for you. Anything you need, I will do my best to do it or give you it."
Mona was floored, tucking her hand beneath Minerva's shirt to touch her skin. It shouldn't have surprised her. Minerva was so gentle and kind with her, but Mona hadn't expected her to react so strongly to her scars.
Minerva had cried, she'd gotten so upset she wasn't sure what to do with herself. She'd kissed and cuddled Mona, but other than that she seemed stunned and hurt, and that wasn't what Mona was expecting at all.
Mona had expected her to either be disgusted, or, to accept it but not comfort her about it. Even though, she realised, that went against everything Minerva stood for. The woman was always up for a cuddle, and if anything she insisted on it at night, grappling Mona from whatever nest she'd built and snuggling up with her.
"I won't hurt you," Minerva promised softly, "and I won't belittle you, or neglect you. You deserve the world, and I will give you the world."
"Careful, Miri," Mona teased weakly, tears in her eyes, "sounds like you're falling in love with me."
"I've told you before; I know I will fall in love with you eventually. This may be the start of it, I don't quite know, but you're fascinating to me. Not because of your trauma, but because you're so résiliant, and so wonderful, but you can't see it. I don't understand how.
"I know I'm beautiful, I know I'm intelligent and can be funny, I know a lot of things about myself that people compliment me on. But you... I call you beautiful and you shy away, I call you funny and you scoff. You don't believe it, and I just don't understand why. You can't see it in yourself."
Mona knew why. She didn't look in a mirror. Ever. She avoided them if she could and only ever looked to check makeup or clothes, but she never saw herself, just the thing she was looking at. Mostly it came from her trauma, but it also came from a deeper rooted fear.
It came out that her mother was cheating on her father with the doctor who had been signing off on Mona going into the institute. It made Mona wonder if Iona had cheated on Atlas before, if she was even his child.
Mona didn't match her siblings. She wasn't tan like them, she didn't glow golden in the sun, her natural hair colour didn't match theirs. Her eyes were blue, but blue eyes were so common it wasn't something she could say was different. Even her facial structure was different. You wouldn't put Esmé and Mona side by side and say they were siblings.
Body shape, height, temperament, everything was different and whilst Mona knew she wouldn't be a carbon copy of her siblings, they all had similarities, and she didn't.
Mona hated looking at herself, because it made her think of all the ways she didn't fit with her family, which spiralled her down a dark and scary path. What would they do if Mona wasn't Atlas's daughter? Would they disown her? Would they throw her away and treat her awfully? She couldn't bare it. She already didn't have a mother growing up, but at least she had Atlas. However, if she wasn't his, then she would no longer have him.
She would have no one, and that terrified her deeply.
"Where did you go?" Minerva asked, gently stroking Mona's hair away from her face. Mona shook her head, not wanting to talk about that particular fear. Saying it out loud meant acknowledging it, and she wasn't prepared to lose her family.
"Don't worry about it," Mona shuddered, "just sad thoughts."
"We'll shelve that for now," Minerva replied, shifting to hold Mona tighter, "I don't want to overwhelm you with too many things at once. Right now we handle your trauma."
"It won't go overnight."
"No, but this was a massive step for you, and I'm honoured you felt safe enough with me to be able to show me."
"It's you," Mona told her quietly, "you're safe. You make me feel safe just by existing. Everything about you is so calming and gentle but also rock solid. And also painfully sweet."
"Well, I-,"
"No, no," Mona cut her off, "I don't care who you killed. I don't care who you hurt. You are nice to me. And no one else is. No one. Ever. You're the only one I've ever felt this safe with. You make me calm. You make my trauma heal. We've barely been together two months and you're doing what no one else has."
Mona knew it was because it was _her_. Minerva was well known, and there was something very secure about being with her. Maybe it was the intense attention she gave security and personal privacy, Mona wasn't sure. There was an aura around Minerva that Mona was drawn to, and Minerva had enveloped her in it, like a protective blanket around her at all times.
No one would've helped Mona like this. In fact, Mona was willing to bet quite a few women would get mad at her for changing her mind about sex, but Minerva just calmly accepted it, respected the reasons, and snuggled her to sleep.
"I think," Minerva paused, mulling over her words, "I'm certain, you're the kind of person I need in my life. Everything is intense for me, very strict and patterned. But you're none of those things. You're wild and free. You say what you like, you do what you like, In a way I can't. I enjoy that wildness to you, it's taps into the wildness in me that I can't show.
"Then there's the flip side of the coin. Your life is chaos. It's anxiety ridden and panic fuelled madness. I think you need the steady, boring structure that my life brings, so together we balance out and we work very well. You say we've been doing this for barely two months, but, really, it's been so much longer.
"You came to me when you ran from the institute. Not your sisters, your father, your grandmother. I was the one you ran to. We bounce off each other and have for years. Seeing you would alter my mood, because I knew we would play and be free and it would be so nice."
"The relationship may be new," Mona echoed Minerva's words from before they left, "but the feelings aren't."
"Exactly. Now, I need to know, would you rather I didn't touch your back at all? I know I already have, but from this point forwards, tell me what you want."
"You can," Mona replied easily, finding Minerva's hand and placing it on her bare waist, folding her fingers around to brush against the scarring. "Only you, Miri. And when you do event outfits, nothing with an open back. Don't you mind it? Touching the scars?"
"I don't mind. They're part of you and I like you a considerable amount. It's more important if you mind them being touched."
Mona shook her head and nuzzled against Minerva's body.
"Can we stay here?" Mona whispered, feeling Minerva firmly rub her hand up and down her back.
"We can watch a series if you like?"
"No," Mona mumbled. "Just wanna exist with you."
"Alright, baby."
Minerva was much calmer now than she was, her frantic need to do something seeming to have passed. Mona snuggled closer, listening to her heart beat. It wasn't slow, unlike when Minerva was sleepy or resting, but it was enough to help calm Mona's own racing heart.
Gently, Minerva tilted Mona's head up, kissing her sweetly, stroking her cheek with her fingers. Mona had insisted she stay awake, but with Minerva's gentle caresses, she found herself slipping.