Did you not want to shift ???
Did you not want love ???
Did you not ask for a tall man ???
A man that's is madly obsessed w you ???
A man who's giving you girlfriend allowance ???
Didn't you not say you ain't settling for less ???
Didn't you not want a guy who takes you for trips ???
Which phone again did you want ???
Is he not getting it for you ???
Is he not apologizing even when you are the one who's wrong ???
And he deserves a you doesn't he ??
A good you ???
The best version of yourself ??
Maybe not catch feelings !!!!!
What if he marries me ???
Wait hold up
I just realized a good boy gets a toxic side of me ......and a bad boy brings toxicity to me lmao!!!
Swish swash innit!
Sasa kizaa zaa starts here.
Lets take a break from overthinking ....
Today i masturbated with my own porn.
I didnt have data and it just hit me that i have a video of me and Ali .......
And lemme tell yall ...i still think about this guy so often despite his bitch ah character.....
I remember how falling in love felt so amazing when w him ....
It felt like i had the whole world ......but he never got me flowers.......he never got me shit apart from his shirt filled w his perfume and I appreciate it ...I still wear it ...wish it never ended that way !.....he never gave me girlfriend allowance......he felt like the one ......i didnt think much of the much negativity hed discharged towards me in that relationship at that short time of letting my guard down!
But thats okay
HE JUST WASNT FOR ME ......BETT!
Today it hit me that making the hardest decisions easiest is by risking it ..................
Stay dangerous .......
Remember its better to risk it and it fails than regret it since you wont have that chance again......
For me the worst part of adulting ;apart from paying bills its making decisions....
Knowing where to stand can literally make you go mad and fall......
Cos it's my early twenties ....I better be careful how I manage my passions or fuck up my whole life ......And trust me no one wants to fuck up their lives after knowing Jesus ........
After understanding that His riches are passed down to you and all that is his as the father you'll inherit as the sons and daughters....what's there to lack .....what's there to worry about ....the Bible mentions it 365 times that you should "fear not "
Ain't there 365 days in a year ....The lord is asking us for all days ,all 365 days not to fear ;just put trust in Him.
So yeah it's so draining to make a decision at this age ....You barely know what's right and what's wrong ...What the society will Judje or what you don't give a fuck about .....What is best for you on bad days and what's worse if not risking it !?
Then all you see around is someone being judged for sleeping with a man who's married ,
Getting married to men of late age just for money and living life like a princesses.....
Random hook ups ,All some ...the threesomes foursomes gangs all that all that .....
Getting kids at the age of fifteen.
Playing other peoples feelings ...beneficially using them ...messing up w their emotions mindlessly .....
Being invested in a relationship only to just pass time ...
All crazy things that people Judje that with others it has favored them in a way or another .....
It's just so wild
And its all love !!!
So life prolly must be filled w Love cos brooo
Eerthing is Love
God himself is Love!
Anyway
This is how wild it is ...This guy is an ex to a friend of my friend ...so she ain't my friend but she's my friends friend ...So yeah that doesn't make her my friend ...Now this guy is on me like crazy then this girl Naomi comes crying to me that she's still in love w the nigga and the nigga told him he's on me now ...
So she was there begging me to give her the man back ...in a very soft way .....and I boldly told her that I ain't on his man .....and he can have him whenever ....I ain't on him and i don't want no nigga .........
But he been making too much effort that it feels illegal acting like I don't see shit...the signs that he's truly into me ....Lmao I'm so high I feel like laughing.....
I just noticed that this guy noticed the small little things and yall know me "little things matter!!"...he got me some snacks and he remembered to get me the right flavors .......yet on that day I was avoiding him faking that I'm sick ....
Bro he even got me meds even after faking I'm sick .....meds and snacks and some food for me ....me whos here blinded .......
He gets me roses and chocolates ......how sweet eh ....
Take it or leave it ......
Im scared cos im so empty at the moment ...
My hearts just a void .....
All i wanna do is love myself cos no ones appreciated me like i appreciate others ...
So imma do it .
But now!
We said may the best man win
No emotions no mercy
No mercy no battles
You prolly wondering what I meant by no emotions no mercy ,no mercy no battles .....
See if I won't be having emotions ....dumb emotions like I had before...dating someone cos I pity them ,degrading myself just to upgrade someone else's life ,sacrificing for someone who is selfish........if I have no emotions I'll have no mercy and I'd drop them pretty quick ,at the immediate sight of a slightly unliked behavior "redflag"thus less battles ....less stress .
At this moment im screaming from the inside
Is life all about love..
Mimi naumwa na kichwa sasa ....
To this point ...
Yaani kufikia hapa !!!Bro !!!
Im just at a state that cant be elaborated in pages....
Everyday life gets crazier.....
You see that kameme that says "hope it doesnt get any better and it never does"
Thats my love life for a minute...
As single as i am ....all this options are making my mind boggle and its not in a good way .
Started missing Sammie again ....Sometimes i feel like no one would relate to how things be weighing in my life apart from God .....
I love the state of me realising theres no point of telling anyone how shitty i am,yet at the same time broo im clearly freaking out ....
With all this wild spirits roaming around....Especially the monitoring spirit .
Keep yall mouth shut
Not everyones happy to see you win!!!