"still feel my heart
Breathe faster like when
I walked on the cold winter streets
Don't say you're fine
'Cause you're not'
Please don't leave me alone,
it hurts too much"
~'Blue and Grey'
BTS
"Hey" Heeseung said.
"What?" Sunghoon replied this time. And Heeseung smirked. Because he already knows there is nothing to care about Sunghoon being there because he and Sunghoon already know their relationship, just act.
Although it was all for the act, Heeseung wanted to talk with him, talk with him about the day, talk with him about why he ignored him in the dining hall.....
"What do you mean by what? Tell me what happened today, you seem pissed."
"Just go and continue talking with your friends." Sunghoon said, trying his best not to act pissed, because if he does...then Heeseung will never leave his side without knowing the reason. But he also doesn't know why he is pissed? Why should he act like this?
"Com'n, I'm here now. I don't want to talk with them. So tell me what happened? Someone -"
"No...no one did anything. And I'm not in a good mood that's all. I think it is just because of my headache." Sunghoon cut him off and lied. Heeseung just tiled his head.
"Are you in your period?"
Sunghoon shot him a glare after hearing this, as Heeseung laughed with his deep throat.
"Lol just joking." He said. He is a little satisfied because of Sunghoon's reaction.
"I'm a boy Lee Heeseung." Sunghoon said. Not liking Heeseung again mentioning the girl's thing.
"You are acting like the one."
"Just go." Sunghoon said as he shoves Heeseung's hand from his shoulder. But Heeseung again put it there, pulling Sunghoon a little closer.
"You didn't eat much today, do you want me to feed you?" Heeseung said, trying to act concerned when his real intention was something else from that sentence.
"You don't have to act now..." Sunghoon murmured while lowering his head.
"What did you say? I'm serious, do you even have anything to eat?" Heeseung said, slightly mocking him by the last one.
Sunghoon shrugged his shoulder. Feeling discomfort the way Heeseung is placing his hand around his shoulder and keep mocking him, and playing the dominant card.
But Heeseung didn't let him get free from his grip. Sunghoon struggled many times to run away, but Heeseung did not let him.
"HEESEUNG"
The students looked at them. Sunghoon's voice rises without even noticing. He looked at Heeseung who was also in a little shock...but his eyes were already red.
"Hey..." Heeseung called him, trying to convince himself that Sunghoon hadn't shouted at him in front of all the students. So he tried to reach Sunghoon's hand, and what Sunghoon did???? .........pushed his hand. A totally wrong move.
This time Heeseung lost his control. He tried to play sweet, even if Sunghoon ignored him many times. But Sunghoon tried to act way too much, he went too far. His patience disappeared as he pulled Sunghoon closer by grabbing his wrist, too close to that only inches away to touch their lips.
"You went too far." Said Heeseung, into Sunghoon's ears....kind of whispered.
Sunghoon didn't think this would be the outcome. He looked at Heeseung, and his eyes are red....not for tears, it is anger. The first time he is watching Heeseung like this. The first time seeing Heeseung angry with him, it scared him. Heeseung's gaze on him is too strong, while his grip on Sunghoon's hand tightens. And soon he feels the grip loosen as Heeseung stands up and makes his way to the door, leaving everyone looking at the door and back to Sunghoon. And soon Heeseung's friends followed him.
It was not what Sunghoon expected, he didn't want to hurt Heeseung's ego, he had no intention of doing that....but he did. Why should he act like that? Why should he feel annoyed when Heeseung talks about girls? Why did he ignore Heeseung? What is the reason for him insulting Heeseung in front of everyone?
The thoughts roam around his head as he grabs his hair forcefully.
"Sunghoon......" Maki called his name. The four of them come and sit beside him.
"What are you looking for? Mind your own business." Suhyeon said to all of them who were looking at them, trying to hear their conversation. And after hearing him all of their gazes left. The room again became normal.
"Sunghoon..." Maki called him again and with hesitation, he pulled Sunghoon's hands back to his lap. And Sunghoon looked at them.
"Hm?" He asked.
"Are you fine?" They asked him. He is not, he is definitely not fine.
"Yes I'm fine. I just want to sleep." Sunghoon said, just to stop the conversation about it.
"Oh okay...sorry." Maki said.
"You can sleep beside the wall." Doyoung said. As Han and others agreed.
"Thanks...good night." Sunghoon said and laid on the carpet.
When the students were thinking about Sunghoon's feelings, how he seemed hurt when Heeseung was talking about others......He could only think of why cared about those conversations. He shouldn't. Heeseung has the full right to date someone, he has full right to fuck many girls if he wants....but guess what.... Sunghoon almost forgot all about it. He almost forgot that they are just in a fake relationship. And his head is becoming heavier when he thinks ........................why did he forget about their fake relationship?
On the other hand Heeseung also laid in the carpet while pulling the blanket to his neck. His anger could be visible by his face. His red face, with those red and shining eyes, his heavy breaths and his attitude towards his friends. How could he ignore him when he always wanted to protect him? Heeseung never did it to someone else, but only for Sunghoon...he has to act in a fake relationship. And Sunghoon? What did he do? He shoved his hands away from him like Heeseung is a criminal, he treated him like that one. And what did to do to pissed him? Why was he so mad when Heeseung didn't even do anything wrong? So many questions increased the anger more. He needs to sleep, he just needs to sleep to take control over it.
___________
The time passed by as the students were still talking and playing. The teachers are not going to stop them today after all. Suhyeon, Maki, Doyoung and Han are still talking, not really talking but arguing, arguing about which dish is best to have in the winter season.
"I like eating ice-cream in the winter." Maki said and smiled awkwardly. The other three glared at him.
"If you want to die then you can just tell me, I'll kill you. You don't have to fuck your parents money to buy icecreams." Han said giving him another death glare.
"But Sinbi also likes to eat ice cream in winter you know that right?" Maki asked, trying to get some sympathy.
"Lol she is already a creak head. I just hope she lives a long life." Doyoung said while laughing.
"I'll tell her about it wait." Suhyeon said. He is a little bit upset with Doyoung because he said.........'Jelly biscuits are horrible in taste'.
"Go go tell her..and even if-"
A loud sound, not that loud but enough for everyone to look at the door. And they gulped. Why is everyone coming to this room?
This time Gyuhe entered. And they also sit on the carpet.
The loud sound also made Sunghoon wake up from his sleep and look at the door. His gaze changed. He looked at Suhyeon, Doyoung, Maki and Han...they were also looking at Gyuhe, and when they felt Sunghoon's gaze they looked at him.
"Don't worry. We are with you." Han whispered, he tried to be confident when they all knew that they couldn't fight with Gyuhe. Sunghoon just nodded, thinking if Gyuhe knows that he is here..in this room.
The first fifteen minutes went well. Sunghoon was still in trauma when Gyuhe was this close to him and....and?...and someone was not with him. His anxiety increased when he found them drinking alcohol.
The smell of alcohol surrounded the room. He hid inside the blanket. Trying to ignore them. He has so much hate towards alcohol, so much. Like it is the cause of his father's disappearance from his life. And he blamed this alcohol not only on Gyuhe, when he tried to sexually assault him that day. The alcohol is his enemy and all alcoholic persons too.
"I just got to know that Heeseung scolded Sunghoon....." Gyuhe started.
And that's all. That's what Sunghoon was waiting to hear. Because he knows Gyuhe is not in this room for nothing, Gyuhe knows about him and Heeseung's fight. And soon whispers filled the room. Which Sunghoon hates the most. He curled up under the blanket, and didn't have any idea what to do.
He heard Gyuhe talking about him and Heeseung. And that Heeseung is just cheating on Sunghoon. Sunghoon knows, he knows he is not cheating on him, it is all fake...but he is not satisfied by what he is trying to convince himself.
Sunghoon was simply scared. The sense from the lunch break of that day, and many others comes in his brain at once that it couldn't load more, but still he can't stop his brain. And when Han touched his back just to see if he was okay or not, Sunghoon flinched. He looked at Han for a second.
And without thinking anything, he stands up, fixed his shirt and walked out of the room. Not only Gyuhe, but all the students looked at him. Suhyeon, Maki, Doyoung and Han were confused, but didn't follow him thinking he also needed some fresh air.
When he was walking out of the room, he heard Gyuhe saying something, but he couldn't listen to that properly. And now he is walking on the corridor, doesn't even know where he is going. But only one sound came to his mind, buzzing on his ears, ringing continuously. He doesn't know when he heard it and he has no mood and energy to think about it all, he just focuses on the words.......
"Room no.9"
Without thinking anything, because the sound was so loud that he could only think about room no.9....and so he pushed the door of it.
It was black....it was dark but when he fixed his gaze there, he could see the blue deam light was still hanging on the wall. And when he relaxes himself a little to fix his gaze, he can hear the 'tik tik' sound of the wall clock. And he walked to the last mattress, where he could see a body lying there, back facing the door.
Sunghoon doesn't know what he is doing but it all happens without him knowing. He stands in front of the laying body. And soon he kneeled down.
The sudden change of light, and wind made Heeseung open his eyes. When he opened it, he saw, there... Sunghoon is staring at him, sitting in front of him pressuring his body on his legs.
His eyes open, as Sunghoon's heart beat increased. He doesn't know what he is doing, but he only could see Heeseung, he is handsome.
While Heeseung doesn't say anything, just looks at him as well, ready to scold him again, if he is here to argue with him. But.............. Sunghoon is not there to argue.
Sunghoon opens his arm, hands are in the air, aiming towards Heeseung, but not to his face.... aiming towards Heeseung's both hands. Heeseung's confusion changes with his anger. He couldn't think of anything at that moment either. He can only see, Sunghoon offering his arms. Heeseung looks at his face, and can only see the sad one.
He slowly and doubtfully, holds Sunghoon's both hands, and when he grabs it... Sunghoon comes closer, as Heeseung's hands slide from his wrist to his arm..as Sunghoon lay down on the metress.
Heeseung was a little shocked, but didn't complain. His brain kept telling him to push Sunghoon back, he insults him....but something, maybe a little part of his brain or don't know what part it is, told him to not avoid the younger, told him to forget what happened, told him to protect him at all costs. He doesn't know which part it is, but his heart was pounding at that moment.... something was aching him from inside.
Sunghoon's right hand grabbed the shirt on Heeseung's back, he buried his face deep into Heeseung's chest. Listening to the heartbeat of Heeseung's that was loud, and it was soothing, so Sunghoon also wants Heeseung to also feel his heartbeat too. While placing his face on his chest, inhaling his scent.... he wants to Tell Heeseung, he is sorry, tell Heeseung he didn't do that intentionally, tell Heeseung that he doesn't know what was happening with him, tell Heeseung that he needs him, tell Heeseung that he is the only one..who can protect him, tell Heeseung that he only feels safe when he is with him....and he is thankful.
Heeseung can feel his warm breath in his shirt. The breath was slow, but heavy. And it was something, he has never felt before....a new feeling. When Sunghoon exhaled a little heavily, unknowingly Heeseung's left hand hugged Sunghoon, wrapping it around his waist, and pulling him closer. The other hand where Sunghoon is resting his head on, starts to caress Sunghoon's soft hair.
"I'm sorry." Sunghoon whispers in his chest. Heeseung inhaled deeply, not really knowing what he should answer.
"It's okay." Heeseung whispered back, continued caressing Sunghoon's hair in a tender and caring manner, unknowingly.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." Sunghoon said again.
"I...it was just....my anger." Heeseung whispered in his head.
"I'm sorry..." Sunghoon whispers the same thing again.
"It's okay.....I intentionally... grabbed your wrist tightly .....it was painful right?" Heeseung asked.
"A little "
And Heeseung's hand slide from Sunghoon's waist to his back, caressing it again showing he is sorry for what he did.
"Can I sleep here?" Sunghoon asked in a low voice.
"Hah? Oh..yes." Heeseung said, softly. The sudden change of topic made him stuttered.
"Thank you"
____________
It is obvious that Sunghoon and Heeseung will be the first one to wake up because they slept earlier than the others.
And today, it was Sunghoon who woke up first. His eyes try to look at the surroundings, but he can't. After a few seconds, he realises that he is on the school trip, and it is not his home. He can see from the side of his eyes, the white ceiling. The sun on its way far to rise, just its rays are trying to lighten the world a little, when it is still a little dark.
The sweet scent brings back Sunghoon's mind to the person, who is sleeping beside him. Heeseung's hand is on Sunghoon's back, on the other hand, Sunghoon is resting his head. Same as night.
Sunghoon brings his hand from Heeseung's back to his chest, to maintain a little distance from Heeseung's body. As he lit his head up, to look at Heeseung's face.
How can someone like Heeseung be that protective towards him, he is not worth it. Heeseung had always hid his anger in front of him. Sunghoon feels guilty, at first he hurts Heeseung's ego and then? Shamelessly came to his room and crawled down to his arm. Sunghoon's hand played with Heeseung's shirt, when his hand was on Heeseung's chest.
And it somehow tickled Heeseung. Heeseung groaned, as his hand again pulled Sunghoon closer, filling the little space between them. But it is just for a moment, and he opened his eyes. He looks at Sunghoon, as Sunghoon also lit his head up to face Heeseung.
No, it is not good, it is not good to look at someone like this, with that little distance. It is a crime. But neither of them is aware of this, both of them are just staring at each other, into each other's eyes.
"Sh.... should I...... kiss you.....or what?"
Sunghoon blinked when he heard Heeseung. He furrowed his brows. He thought Heeseung would smirk, he thought he would laugh and thought Heeseung was just trying to light up the temperature....but it all ends when he sees Heeseung is not smirking, not laughing, his eyes are kept roaming from his eyes, to his lips.
Sunghoon's words dropped in his throat. His heart beat increased, felt like it would explode. But Heeseung is not minding anything. When Heeseung looks into his eyes, Sunghoon wants to hide somewhere unknowingly, but when his eyes land on his lips.....his mind goes blank. And Sunghoon doesn't know what is happening, when Heeseung leaned closer, closer to his face. And soon Sunghoon felt Heeseung's warm breath in his lips, he closed his eyes............but Heeseung's lips never touched his...as the alarm buzzed, loud that everyone started to groan.
Heeseung moved his head to look at his classmates, when Sunghoon was still on his arm. And Heeseung looked back at him, before releasing Sunghoon's waist. Both of them quickly parted from each other as they stayed on the metress. They started to roam their eyes to others, just to ignore each other's gaze. And a teacher came, as he switched on the lights of the room. The students who were proceeding to sleep again were woken up by the lights.
"Heeseung you already up?" Seon said, as he let his body touch the carpet and he crawled towards Heeseung's metress. He was ready to grab in Heeseung's hand to balance himself......but there, he saw Sunghoon, sitting in the same metres as Heeseung.
"Holy...." Seon's eyes widened. Sunghoon and Heeseung looked at him.
"You two slept together." He finished. Heeseung rolled his eyes.
"Don't you have any other things to say?" Heeseung was annoyed.
"Yes I have." As Seon sits properly this time. And looked at Heeseung, then Sunghoon.
"You two fight on the night, means argue? Yes it was an argument, but..... what is this?..................aish, I think a kiss was enough from Sunghoon to make you calm."
Seon's words were too loud for them. Not loud but it was not satisfying to hear.
"Stop it will you?" Heeseung again tried to stop him from talking. Sunghoon is just sitting there not knowing what to do.
"Afcourse I'll not. We were in room no.7 I think, when Sunghoon entered here......wait,*his eyes turned to a detective one*..... don't say you two, means you know what am-"
"Fuck Seon can you stop your mouth? Just shut up." Heeseung's voice rises a little.
Sunghoon is all red now. His body temperature increased in embarrassment. He was not expecting Heeseung's friends to think like this. And his glance met with Seon.......
"Look he is all red...hm...I really get it,".......
"Shut up .... Sunghoon, let's go to your room." Heeseung said, as he already grabbed Sunghoon's hand. He doesn't want to hear Seon more when Sunghoon is there.
It is the real awkwardness.........their hearts are still beating crazily. But their mouths are totally shut.
____________
A month has passed.
"This place is beautiful." Yuzu said while laughing as she was enjoying the view in front of her.....big trees and some unknown flowers were everywhere.
"Yes it is" Heeseung agreed with her.
"Rest in peace"
Heeseung's eyes widened,
"What?" He asked.
"Oh no...that was not what I was supposed to say but I meant, rest here..it is peaceful."she said panicking.
"Oh god..." Heeseung takes a relief sigh.
Heeseung and Yuzu have become close friends. Because of Yuzu's gentle and genuine character, Heeseung also feels free to talk about anything with her. Yuzu is the only one that feels comfortable talking about everything. He also told Yuzu, about his home, that his home has totally disappeared from the world. And he likes the way Yuzu always listens to him, and listens to his stories, his past and she never judges him.
Meanwhile with Sunghoon, it has been becoming harder to talk like before. From that school trip, another temperature starts to run between them. They don't even share any single glance at each other at home. Heeseung doesn't have to stay with Sunghoon during the lunch break too, because now, Sunghoon has his friends. Heeseung has seen many times his friends fighting when someone says bad about Sunghoon. So everything is going well except the unknown tension between them.
"Heeseung" Yuzu calls him. A soft smile plays on his lips and she looks at Heeseung.
"What is it?' Heeseung asks as he smiles too.
"This is the place where Sunghoon found you months ago right?"
"Yes" and Heeseung replies softly.
"You always miss your home...." Yuzu said again, this time... making Heeseung look at her. Her mischievous smile is still on her lips. And Heeseung let her continue.
"You miss your friends, you miss Seoul." She ends and looks into Heeseung's eyes, those eyes are something, that Heeseung never understands, what is it. Her eyes, her smile.... sometimes everything feels mischievous, like she knows the biggest secret of the world. And Heeseung doesn't want to interrupt her today, maybe the winds allow him to listen to her while calming his mind.
"Do you want to go home?" She asked to look directly at Heeseung.
"Yes yes... of course." Heeseung replies and he laughs softly.
"I know you want to go home.........stand in front of that tree." Her voice suddenly rises.
"What? In front of this tree? Hmmm....you are trying to trick me." Heeseung said before taking a few steps towards Yuzu.
"No...I said stand there please.... please." She says those words like she is begging him. Heeseung can hear his breath that was feeling heavy.
"Ohkay." He said.
"Now? Run?" Heeseung asks mocking Yuzu. Yuzu rolls her eyes.
"Now whisper there....a wish, that you can go home." She said.
"What? You are telling me to wish something to the tree?" Heeseung asks as he frowns his brows, not getting what Yuzu really wants to do.
"Yes, wish...that you can go home, wish in front of it that you can meet your family, friends, and you can go to your universe."
"Lol...you are saying like you are a monk from soulin tample....okay okay. For you, I'm doing this."
And he came closer to the tree, still glancing at Yuzu and trying to watch her reaction, but her reaction was the same....the mischievous smile. He placed both palms on the tree and came closer to it..as he whispered........................
"I want to go home, from where I belong, I want to meet my family, friends, my school, my city, my world...and I want to go back to my universe."
After finishing he looks at Yuzu, and walks to her.
"Okay I did. You happy?" He asks in a 'so done' tone.
But after not getting any response from Yuzu, he was about to say something again....it was too late. He feels a sudden cyclone pushed him in it, not letting him run from it. His hands, his legs...his whole body stops at that moment.... can't even move a little. But he tried to shout, but he couldn't, not a single word came out of his mouth even if he said something. It was not easy to open his eyes, but he did open it, just to see the figure.... standing there....with that same mischievous smile. For the last time, he looked at her with his half open eyes, but there is nothing that he can understand.
After a few moments, the sky becomes dark, as he stands in front of Yuzu, where he was a minute ago. He was about to say something, but.....the same light......yes it is the same light, from that night. The same light which feels touched by the sky and looks at him. And then, he felt drifting, while his eyes were becoming blurred. And he heard Yuzu saying something......
"Goodbye.... love.... I'll miss you the way.....you missed your home."
_______________
(Holy...guys, this chapter is the longest chapter I've ever written in my life, till now. 4k+ words.😭🤧...hope you like the chapter, and everyone don't forget to let me know your thoughts about this chapter. What you think what will happen next? What do you think about Yuzu's role in this story?
And yeah, like, comment, share [if u hv a engene friend].....byeeeeee butterflies 🦋🦋🦋, love you💜)