My uncle and aunt were in the kitchen drinking coffee, then again it was early in the morning and the scent of coffee was a lovely scent to wake up to.
"Sabah El-Kheir" said my uncle.
"Sabah El-Nour" I responded. "I was hoping we could...we could talk."
"Sure" my uncle said.
I sat down, wondering where to begin this conversation.
"I don't even know where to begin."
"Just tell me the first thing that pops into your mind" he smiled.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"Because of how acted yesterday with Hassan."
"Sweetie, don't worry so much" my aunt said. "After you and Cielo went upstairs, we spoke to them and we explained, in more detail, everything you've been through and why you reacted the way you did. They truly are sorry for that and Hassan really wants to rekindle your guys' friendship."
"Do you think we still have a chance?" I asked, unsure of myself.
"Of course, you do" said my aunt.
"I can't believe I acted the way I did. I should have been more logical and reasonable. How did I let my emotions get me this badly?"
"Yes, you did lose control of your emotions but I understand why it happened. You should talk to Hassan and clear the air. We told them that you were having a hard time falling asleep and how George's passing hit you hard, especially because you've lost a lot" my uncle took a sip of his coffee.
"What did they say?"
Both my uncle and aunt looked at one another for a long moment, indicating something was not quite good here.
"Hala and Kamel, and his brothers were understanding but Hassan was quite hurt" said Jihan.
"And I think that's gonna be the deal breaker" I sighed. "Look, I'm not going to talk to him or try and rekindle anything. I think it's time to move on and not put more salt on any wounds. I've had enough and I'm going to look like a fool if I go over there to clear anything up."
"Why do you think you will look like a fool?"
"Because the damage is quite bad now. If I go over there, it's going to look as if I'm begging him to take me back as a friend and that's the last thing I would ever do."
"Omar, take it from us...don't give up so easily. You're not a quitter and you never have."
"What makes you both think that?"
"Come on" my uncle chuckled. "You didn't give up on my boys when things got bad. You forgave Louai when he showed he was clearly repentant for what he did. Don't give up on Hassan as he and his family, now better understand what you've been through."
"Maybe they understand but what about Hassan? Something tells me he's not going to be so receptive."
"Maybe he will, maybe he won't" my auntie said.
"Yeah, that makes me feel better."
"My point is, we all make mistakes and you made a mistake, yes, but so did Hassan and if he mistreats you, then at least you can say you tried and that you were the better person in this scenario" she reminded me.
Her words made me realize I couldn't allow fear to paralyze me. If Hassan or his family decided to view me as a villain, then so be it. I was done letting what people thought of me, get to me.
I was done.
I walked over to Hassan's house and Hala answered.
"Omar" she smiled.
"Is Hassan home?"
"He is...please, come in."
And inside I walked.
Anas was here too as were his brother's Moadh, Harith and Tariq.
We sat in the living room, my heart racing hard against my ribcage. Their eyes were on me and again, I hated attention. It was why I rarely put myself out there like others, most notably my uncle, aunt, and cousins.
They were used to being in the spotlight whereas, I wasn't. But realization was always hitting me upside the head, telling me to get used to it because being around them, living with them, I was going to be in that territory more times than I was ever going to be able to count.
"What brings you over?" asked Hala, smiling, which was a shock.
"Well...I wanted to come and apologize for my behavior and how I acted with Hassan."
"Your uncle and aunt told us more about your situation and everything you've been through, and knowing how your brother stabbed and nearly killed you not once but twice, I suppose I was...or rather, we were harsh with you when you really didn't deserve it" said Hala.
"I understand why you reacted the way you did and I'm sure Yacine made it sound a lot worse than it was, but I only medicated because I was having a hard time falling asleep and I was going crazy."
"And you preferred to use a natural substance instead of sleeping pills?" asked Anas.
"Yeah, pretty much. But look, I only came to apologize to you guys and to Hassan, though I didn't come here expecting anything in return."
"You know, you're just as your aunt and uncle described you as" said Kamel.
"And how did they describe me?" I was now curious.
"You're humble, you do for others without expecting anything in return. And when you do, you do it out of the kindness of your heart" he said.
"I'm not perfect, as you've all seen but I try and I do my best to own up to my mistakes and believe me, I've made lots of them."
"And it's what we've come to learn about you" said Hala. "And how we realized we made a mistake in how we treated you."
"Maybe if you and Hassan spoke and cleared the air, you could be friends all over again" said Harith, who was initially the one who decided to throw the first blow when I dealt with Hassan harshly.
It was ironic.
"Maybe" I pessimistically said.
"I'm sure you guys can settle your differences. Besides, you're both young, pretty much the same age, and you have a lot in common" Anas added.
"Yeah" said Moadh, with a smile.
Then Hassan showed up and I could tell he was anything but happy to see me. Then again, I only came to clear the air and apologize, without expecting anything from him.
"What're you doing here?" he asked.
"Hassan, be nice" said Hala.
"Like he was nice to me?"
"You did throw the first blow" Anas said. "He was simply reacting to how you treated him."
"More like, the way we treated him" said Kamel.
"It doesn't change how he acted with me" Hassan decided to toss.
"Hassan, I didn't come here to argue with you or for you to agree to revive our friendship. I simply came to apologize even though I never received one from you, and I'm not asking you to, either. So cool it!"
"You burned our friendship with your impulsiveness!" he got all dignified, as if I was the one who threw the first punch. "We're not friends and we're never going to be friends ever, again!"
Yeah, that one hurt but I was not going to show how I really felt. I was simply going to take it like a soldier and move on. At the end of the day, it was equally our fault, because we both allowed our emotions to get in the way. The difference was that I was willing to admit my mistakes whereas he was trying to rationalize how he began this crusade.
"That's fine, then!" I said in a leveled and calm voice, giving the impression that I was not bothered when inside, I was.
"And you just said that so cavalierly?" asked Hassan, though it sounded more like a statement than a question.
"Like I said, I didn't come here expecting to be friends again. I only came to apologize to you and your family" I got up, realizing I had to leave before anyone of us did something we were going to regret. "That's all!"
"So that's it?" he questioned.
"Yeah, what else were you expecting? Blood?!"
And he remained quiet and unresponsive.
With that being said, I said my goodbyes and headed out from where I entered. Hassan clearly had no problem admitting to anything and I was not about to force anything out of him. I had control over myself but not over someone else's actions.
"Omar, wait!" I heard Anas, following me from behind.
"What's up?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am. Why?"
"Look, I'm sorry for what my family's put you through and for the way Hassan's been treating you."
"Anas, it's not for you to apologize, even on his or your family's behalf. I didn't come here to convince him to be my friend again. I only came to make peace and at least to apologize because while I was treated unfairly, I could have handled it a bit differently."
"But still, you got the short end of the stick."
"I always end up with the short end of the stick. I'm used to it and I really don't care at this point who wants to or doesn't want to be my friend. I'm not one to beg anyone for anything."
"I get it and you shouldn't have to. But I do admire your character and strength."
"Courage and strength? I hardly consider myself having any of the two."
"Yes, you might have reacted negatively the last time you and Hassan interacted but, you had enough courage to come and apologize and that speaks highly of your character. Admitting your mistakes, and the strength you had to come and face the music even though you knew it likely wouldn't go how you may have wanted it."
"I suppose so, but I've been dealing with negative situations all my life. It was a piece of cake doing this" I lied, because it was anything but.
It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I was merely used to doing all of these things because my whole life, I've been faced with less than desirable situations that I had no choice but to deal with.
"Don't sell yourself short. Hassan will come around, when he cools off."
"Anas, we both made mistakes here. But some mistakes are too big and too damaging that even reconciliation is not always possible. Maybe we should move on because at the end of the day my uncle and family are celebrities, but I'm not celebrity material and this world of your guys' is not mines. I'm simply on the outskirts of it, looking from the outside in. I'm not part of this world of yours."
"I don't think it's a compatibility issue, I think because you're both still so young and without proper life experience, you guys allowed your emotions to dominate you."
"True, at least I'm willing to admit I allowed that to happen to me. But you should consider the possibility that maybe Hassan and I aren't meant to be in each other's lives. Maybe we were never mean to be friends and I won't put myself in a situation I feel won't work."
"I get it and if you feel that way, I respect that. But right now, I can tell those words you're saying, are because of how hurt you feel. And I know you're hiding it very well but your words are filled with enough emotion that I know you're trying to put on a strong appearance."
"I feel bad, yes, but like I said, I've dealt with a lot of adversities that I'm used to hiding how I truly feel. But look, I have to go. Maybe we can have lunch, dinner, or coffee so we can at least get to know one another."
"So you're willing to get to know me but not Hassan?"
I sighed. "I prefer to have a mature friend who understands me, and so far the only ones who do, are you and my family. So if I had to pick between you and Hassan as to who I will be friends with, I'd pick you any time of the day."
"I'm flattered" he chuckled.
"I really should get going. I need to clear my head so I can think straight."
"Fair enough" he smiled.
***
I didn't go home immediately and decided to go around Dubai and explore a bit on my own. I went to the mall and bought a few shirts and pants. I left the shopping center and as I walked around other parts of the city, I saw the University of Dubai.
Walking into the campus, it was nice and definitely a place I saw myself in. I walked into the admissions office and decided to ask about their programs. They happily explained everything to me and Munira, the guidance counselor, recognized me and no doubt because of who my uncle was.
"You're that boy I've seen modeling for Jihan Alama's jewelry line" she finally said.
I figured there was no point in denying it.
"Yeah, that would be me."
"So you're living in Dubai now?"
"I'm occasionally here and occasionally in Lebanon. I live with my uncle and his family so wherever they go, I go."
"I see you are close to them."
"Yeah, we are. They're my rock and if it weren't for them, who knows where I'd be now."
"It's always good to be with family."
"Yep. But based on my transcripts, do I have a shot at getting in?"
I had to ask because as I explored the university before coming here, to the admissions office, I realized I had to take charge of my life.
Maybe attending university was not as farfetched as I imagined. I had the money, had the grades, as well as the extra college credits I had taken while still in high school. So why not give it a shot?
"You have a lot of college credits, in fact, more than most kids your age. I'm curious why you developed so much of it before you even graduated and you did this over the course of two years, junior and senior year."
"I've dealt with a lot of hardships and one thing I was sure of was that I wanted to attend and get as ahead as I possibly could."
"Well, based on what you've taken you can actually skip over a lot of classes and graduate quicker...in two years, maybe even less."
"But I have one question..."
"Ask" she smiled.
"As you know, my family travels a lot because of my uncle's shows and my aunt advertising her business. I travel with them a lot and was wondering if there are any programs that would permit me to do a hybrid sort of class...like online and in-class learning?"
"Yes, we actually do accommodate a lot of our students and at times they do their classes online while also having the option of attending in person. You can do that as long as you're on top of your assignments and keep your grades and GPA up."
"So it's a yes?"
"It's a yes. And I have a feeling you will be okay doing both since your grades speak for you. You have a strong 4.0 GPA, you've got straight A's and the lowest you've ever gotten is a B. So that shows you are studious."
"Thanks. So how soon can I start?"
"Just fill up these forms and we'll get back to you by next week. It'll be just in time for you to sign up for classes and I'm sure you will get in. Your grades say it all."
Munira seemed sure and I hoped that remained the case. I wanted this and did not want anything to stand in the way.