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This Story was not for the person who have a same situation like me or other but if you want to know I'm not going to stop you but I just made this because I can't hold it anymore I want to tell that I have a Feeling's to I am here I am a human I'm not a Glass....
( I want to say sorry if my Grammar was wrong sorry )
4/26/24
Here's a question:
tell me if you feel it too
tell me how much you hurt
tell me how did you help yourself
tell me who's with you
tell me who make you feel like a Glass
tell me if you feel what I feel if you are done reading The page_1
tell me how's the person you loved the most but now lost...
tell me if you want to cry and what is the reason why.....
Sorry for All of the questions but I also question my self too like this...
When I realized I was the glass Child I feel like I was not a human and when I feel something strange on me I always run to Google and ask her because she's the only one can answer me and Listen even she was a A.i or robot
My Father have he's 3 child on he's second family
And my Mother and My Father have a 4 child
Then mom have her on Child on her other husband so we are all 5
My mom take are of her 5 child and but I feel like she only care about the 4 and not me ...
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When I was young my Family are not that perfect because my Father meet someone and he make a new family and he choice them not us even though we're are the first Family at a very very young age my mind open up I remember all the bad and good things on my life and sometimes I wish , I wish I didn't remember all the bad things happen because it make me remember my Trauma
Then A few Months/Days pass my mother meet someone and they had a child , but my mother need to gave birth of the Child in Her Provence we're in School when my mother leave me and my 2 older sister..
Then me and my siblings just accepted that mother are not going back so my siblings and I lived in my grandma and grandpa and I'm so happy about it my Grandpa's favourite was me because I feel it, I feel the Attention and time he gave me he also have time to Listen on me ( I also love my Grandma ) I keep praying all night saying i want my mother came back I really miss her...
Then a pass few years my mother came back with he's new child but as I kid I don't even know that kid was my siblings...
past forward when my mother took us in church and pray I was wondering why where here? We are in the buss station then when our buss number came me and my siblings also my mom get inside and sit I'm still confused about it but then we moved out without stuff and me and my siblings start to get school were also growing up.
my mother knows me as a Kid that keep a bad thing like feeling one time I told her that my heart was hurt and I feels like it's not just simply hurt then my mother told me it because you keep bad things on your heart then I just look at her and she also look at me and say you really hate the word then she laughed and tell what I feel to my older sister then she also laugh then I just sit down and I don't think about it too much but it hurt me as a Child
Year's later I hate my father almost 14years I just forgave him when the topic in our Church is about forgave so I decided to forgave him but Deep inside it was still hurt and still have a question on my life and all about him.
Why did he leave us.?
Why did he?
Why us?
Why my family?
Why not us.?
Then years Later my siblings are now growing up I also growing up and i slowly feel like There's something wrong in my family I grow up at first didn't put a lot of care about it
Then when my Grandma die my life fall down then after a month my Grandpa die it was very hurt to me because I want to show them I was a good Student but it end when go back to my grandpa provence and at first I don't want to see he's face but then 2day after we decided to look at my Grandpa face with my siblings and cousin we all cry but it so really painful on me because he's the only one gave me a lot of time when I was a young.
Pass forward I when my grandpa Last day and put him in the Grave he's next to my Grandma we cry and I keep my Self busy because I don't want to remember my grandpa died then when my Older aunt see my grandpa wallet she told me Look At Grandpa's wallet it was you ( it was my Id when I was in Day care ) then when I saw it I cry again I can't hold it so I cry while smiling then when the Day came to go back on city I take my Id and take it home my Cousin from Provence cry because we're leaving even we didn't want to leave we have to because we have school and need to study
Pass forward my big sister have Work my second sister are just a chill kid but me I need to make a Good Grade to make my Mother and Father Proud to me and say The Words like I heard to my older sister and Younger brothers
Because all I just heard when I came to me is ( not bad , okay , hmmm, 85? , You most put a lot of effort, you're brother have a good grades but you look you lost one point ) like I tried everything then.....then I realized all of this year I'm the only one help my self to grow up not them , I remember when I was a child my mother told me that you are special to me , and I also remember my Father word's say My favorite Child
But I didn't feel it anyway they Choice they favorite child , my mother choice her favorite child which is her 2 older sister and my 2 younger brother and No one is in my side my father have he's own Child so he have he's own the only person have my side was my Grandpa but not anymore.
One time I ask my mother Who's you're favorite child then she said All of you are my favorite.......
But I didn't see it where is she when I need comfort like she comfort my siblings when I tell her why Iam crying she told me You're so Dramatic all of us get tried
When my Siblings needs something he have money and she wants to gave it all they need But when I need something even it was just a small things she always tells me I have no money or she just ignore me..
To me I was normal because I feel it all of my life even they say I was a especial to them but I still didn't feel That I was Especial on them but in reality I feel like I was a Glass on this family everytime they tell a story I always Listen and pay attention to them because I don't want them to feel what I feel to be left out even you are there...
But then when I talk They don't listen so I choice to close my mouth...
When I do something in House my mother always praise my siblings instead of me because I do it all I just to my mother that I was lazy my siblings hate me for being so lazy and Didn't do anything but just to us phone but they didn't see me when I was cleaning or doing something Im so tried for everything sometimes I wish I Wish I was a Bird The most Free animal in the world ever sense I was a Child I really want to be a Bird and if I Died and God let me Choice What I am to be I'll choice to be a Bird...
All I just want to my family is attention like they gave to them the loved they gave Sometimes I'm jealous to them. But I remember there's no need to be Jealous it's okay to be a Glass but sometimes / not sometimes but it's all of my life it was really hurt I want to open my feeling's to someone but I can't even to my friends I can't show my feeling's on them because I know they also have a problems not just me so I choice to listen to them and make sure they are feel okay and will be okay I really don't want people to feel left out....... that's why I choice to be psychology and I want them to know that's they are not alone they have me
( I don't want to hate my siblings because they have what attention I want it's not there fault if my mother Choice them because my mother Knows me as a Strong Child but in reality I'm not .....I want to cry all night but I can't and I question myself I am weak!? Because I can't cry? But when I can't hold it anymore I Cry )
Now I want to moved on This is my life there's no need to delete a Chapter because it was all written
It's not my fault to be came a class Child
It's not your fault to be one of the Glass child it not your fault you just want to lived be happy be notice
Always remember this if you feel sad tell you're self you are not alone...
If you feel alone or you feel you want to talk to someone you can add my Facebook you can text me but I was on you if you want to open up I still respect you and your decision...
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554775571466