madness, melancholy ✓

2| a toast to your miserable deception

part 2| a toast to your miserable deception

You think it comes easy for me?
Take a walk in my shoes, darlin’
Perhaps then you’ll understand
—what it’s like.

You’ll understand what it took
for me to stand in front of you
knowing exactly how much I am worth
knowing I deserve better.

You think I can get anyone I want?
Well, jokes on you isn’t it?
Can’t seem to get the one girl I need.
Never once laughed, though.

I know.
I know what you set out to do.
What you wanted to accomplish.
Which is why you will never know

How you failed.
Yes. You failed miserably.

Because you’re wrong.
Yes, you were hard to get.
but that wasn’t why I—
That was not why.

You brought color.
I was stuck between black and white.
In an endless grey of midnight drives
chasing after stars too far out of reach

Into the fray came you and your too smart mouth
your intelligent eyes and those
stupid glasses
that I wanted to rip off your face.

You were dripping; a blood-soaked sunrise
spilling over everything like ink
as though everything you touched lit up
my body began to heat up—burn.

Every inch of you is broken,
a bloody masterpiece.
And now I’m tearing through pages
ravaged in a kaleidoscope of ink.

You make me want to do violent things
you make me want to crumple
you make me want to drag you,
into my arms and never let go.

Are you happy, my love?
Trick question, I know you aren’t.

I see it in eyes that memorize my face.
The way they avoid my gaze
–when you used it hold it
with more strength than I could ever have.

You think you you’ve hurt me, darling?
here—a toast to your miserable deception
with putting us in a place
where we could never be together.
no matter how much we want it.
no matter how good I would treat you.
like a goddammed queen.

I would burn the world for you.
rest now, with the knowledge
that you let that fire burn us instead.
***