Amity
Edric and I both stood in front of a store. The front doors were blocked by a car that seemingly crashed through it. There was no way passed it.
"Let's try to find another way in," Edric suggested while pointing off to his side and I gave him a firm nod before moving to go in the opposite direction. Walking along the side of the building I let my eyes trail my surroundings to keep an eye out for monsters. One had been stuck at the entrance of an alley, a piece of metal sticking out of its chest. I watched as its eyes found me and its arms reached out toward my direction but it stayed stuck. Then I brought my eyes back to the side of the building before they caught on to a side door with a blood trail going down it. Approuching it I saw a bloody handprint on its knob and I retreated back in on myself.
Pulling my sleeve down to cover my hand I used it to turn the knob and push the door open cautiously. The door creaked loudly and my eyes searched for any sort of moment. After a couple of moments passed and I found none I looked back behind me. Edric was nowhere in sight but I assumed he'd found another way in. And so I took my first step through the door and let it shut heavily behind me. Then I began to search for another way in hoping to catch Edric in the process. So I made my way to the side of the building he'd be at and looked around for such an entrance.
There was a shadow cast from a figure standing outside in front of a dirty window. Slowly the figure moved to place their hands underneath the window before slowly pushing it open. I immediately recognized Edric as he stuck his head in through it and trailed his eyes across the room. They met with mine and I gave him a quiet wave before jumping as a sudden crash came from behind. Instinctually I moved back and took cover behind a shelf. Then my eyes turned to take Edric in once more. His face shifted to a serious one as he attempted to slowly lift himself up and through the window.
The sound of a can falling from a shelf rung out across the quiet space and its rolling echoed in my ears. Slowly the can came to a stop next to me and I moved to look around the shelf to observe in hopes of catching what could have caused it to fall. Noise was never good as it attracted a lot of attention from monsters and humans alike. I'd expected a person but instead, I'd found us to be in the presence of something undead. A monster had stumbled out from behind a shelf as it exited the aisle. With wide eyes, I took my knife out and looked toward Edric.
'Go!' I mouthed, waving and motioning for him to make his way inside. He dropped through the window, his shoes landing on the floor with a soft thud. Then I turned my attention back towards the monster. I watched as a smile grew on Edric's face, his easy-going mannerisms leading me to let my guard down. Because it was just one monster which was something we could handle. I heard some shuffling and I paused looking behind me to the side past a few shelves of an isle.
The noise not coming from what we'd assumed was the only monster because it had been standing still. Edric, however, didn't seem to notice the extra sounds as he bent down to pick up a metal pipe from the ground. His grip was tight as he dragged in accidentally through the motion and this drew the attention of the monster he'd been sneaking up behind. He only chuckled softly while the monster shuffled toward him and he spun the pipe in his hand. My brows furrowed as more noise drew my attention to the window he came in and I noticed it had started to rain. Meaning now we were stuck in here until it passed.
More shuffling from behind me stole my attention and I took a step toward it while moving to grip the knife Edric had lent me. A loud thud sounded from behind me causing me to jump and look at Edric incredulously. The monster was now on the ground with blood pouring from its skull. "Edric!" I whispered in frustration. "Be more careful. I think there might be more-" I had started to warn before he cut me off.
"Amity, watch out!" He screamed and I ducked out of reflex as he rushed forward and brought the pipe down on the monster coming up from behind me. "Are you okay?" He asked me looking up from the monster to meet my eyes with his. I gave him a vigorous nod as my mind tried to process things while I attempted to settle my nerves. However, when he moved to look over my shoulder his eyes grew wide.
"Amity, we need to go, now!" He ran forward to grab my arm before dragging me toward the windows. "Edric, no! The rain!" I yelled and he looked toward the window to see it had now been pouring heavily outside.
"Then we need to get somewhere safe now!" He said with panic in his eyes. I turned to see a few more monsters turning the corner to come toward us. "Go now!" He shouted before shoving me forward in the opposite direction. We sprinted away from them only to find further hazards. A monster came out from an isle beside us but Edric was quick to shove it away and grab my arm so we could continue once more. We both froze to look around us at our options. "That right there," he said, pointing out some scaffolding. "We need to get up that. High and far enough away from them where they can't reach us." I went to argue but I knew that it wasn't my choice.
Then Edric stepped behind me to fend them off temporarily as I moved to place my foot on one of the beams. It slipped and I clung to the scaffolding as my fear of heights tried to take over my thoughts. But my better judgment knew how I needed to get up there fast so my brother could as well. The monsters were already so close by now and Edric seemed to be growing tired. So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and shakily made my way to the top before calling down to let him know it was his turn. He turned and ran forward jumping and gripping one of the beams and slowly pulling himself up.
Once he'd made it we both fell back and turned to look at each other. "That wasn't good Edric. It could have gone a lot worse." I told him, my tone serious as I gazed at him in anger. "We can't joke around like that in a world like this. It could have cost us everything." My voice cracked as I thought of all the ways it could have gone wrong. Tears slipped from my eyes and trailed down my face.
"I know," he started bringing one of his hands forward and brushing a tear away. "I'm sorry-" I cut him off before he could speak any further by rushing forward into his arms
"You could have got hurt. I don't want to lose you." I whispered weakly and it took him a moment to return the embrace as he let his shoulders fall.
"I'll be more careful next time okay? You won't lose me. I promise." He whispered in my ear. But I guess not all promises were meant to be kept.
I wasn't strong then when I had my brother. I wasn't strong when I was alone without him. I wasn't strong when I had Luz or even when I had my sister too. I had to be strong to survive, but I wasn't strong.
... ... ... ...
Only the strong survive. That's what they kept saying. My greatest strength has never come from my weakest moments. At least, not from me. There was strength around me in the people who cared. Those who chose to protect me. Just as Luz had done when she first saved me, how Hunter had done when he helped us escape, how Emira had when she pulled my mind from dark moments keeping me grounded, how Gus had when he made up for his mistakes by helping us escape the lab; all of these are just a few of the countless other times people around me showed strength.
Others were brave. Others were strong. Others showed everything but weakness. While I on the other hand did not. Yet these past few hours? Days? Weeks? I couldn't keep track of the time anymore. But whatever time had passed, I had to prove otherwise. Because in this prison you had to be strong to survive. And when you are tossed in a pit filled with monsters you have to fight off there is no other choice but to become strong.
Days and nights bled together creating a color pattern to address what seemed like endless time passing. Hours? No, it had been days, right? How many days? Enough for it to have been weeks? The time, it was leaving me again. Passing me by and stranding me without answers.
Rain was falling; dark, looming, and intrusive. This is what I took note of first. "Get in!" A gruff voice ordered, shoving me through the door and out into the muddy pit. It was raining again and those kinds of conditions always made it harder.
"My my Blight," a voice called from above and my eyes locked onto the reason I had been in here. Ghost stood there with a knowing smirk on his face and I sent him a glare. "As much as I wanted you dead you sure aren't easy to take down are you?" He tilted his head, but the human quality didn't suit him. Because he was more monster than a human. Just like he said. Monsters like him were far worse than the undead ones. "I think I prefer it this way. It's much more fun to watch you suffer." He paused and let the silence thicken the air.
"Now you know what it was like when I was fighting for my life after you shot me. I mean," he brushed a finger across the patch over his eye, "physical wounds will heal over time. But emotional or mental wounds?" He kneeled down to peer into the pit from his height, leveling his face with mine almost. Yet he kept his distance and I assumed it was because of what happened last time he got too close to me. The last two times he grew too close to me only ended in visual wounds that served as a reminder of what I could do to him. When his guard was down and I could hurt him in ways he deserved. Only he deserved so much worse than what he got. So much worse.
"Well, those ones tend to stick around." He finally finished before standing up straight and turning to face away from me. "You should've listened to me when you had a chance. I'm the voice of reason in this cruel, broken, and dead world." He commented in a manner that had come across as if it were factual.
"I should've listened to Mom." I threw the glove on my bed before I sat on it to face my sister flinching from pain. "I'm never going to be good at baseball. I thought this could bring me closer to Dad but maybe I'm not meant to do this." I told her while I stared down at the cut I had received on my leg as tears brimmed in my eyes. Tears of doubt and of pain. The kind Mom had grown so good at inflicting upon us.
Emira sighed before pulling up a chair and placing my leg on her lap to observe it. She picked up the first aid kit from the floor after she did this. "The loudest voices aren't always the ones you should be listening to Mittens." She spoke up softly while gently cleaning the cut on my leg. I squeezed my eyes shut from the burning sensation before opening them to finally meet my sister's. "You said this is something you wanted right? That you like to play?" She questions me.
"Yeah, but-" I had started but she moved to cut me off instantly. Shutting down any argument I could've made.
"Then don't ignore that." She dug into the kit before beginning to wrap my cut. "If this is something you want then you have to go for it. Just because your voice is harder to hear, doesn't mean it is worth any less listening to." She said this with encouragement before returning the supplies to the kit as I let my leg fall from her lap.
"In practicing silence, you may someday lose your voice. And hearing from you is something I've grown very fond of." She whispered and I felt my heart squeeze inside my chest tightly. Her eyes shifted off to the side for a moment as she took in an audible breath. Then she gave me her full attention. "You should speak more, Mittens. I'm sure you have a lot more to say and I'm willing to listen to all of it. I'm your sister and I will always be there for you." Her voice was strong, her gaze determined.
I felt my act of strength falter, my lips trembling with the emotions I held inside. "Talking with you reminds me that I have one," I admitted before rushing forward into her arms. And I held her as tight as I could hoping my actions said things I couldn't. "I love you Emira." My shoulders shook as I said this.
She hesitated for a moment in surprise before wrapping her arms around me to return the gesture. "I love you too, Mittens." She whispered back. And for a moment, everything felt okay. Because I was in the arms of my protective older sister. With her here, I felt safe.
"What?" Edric's voice called out and we pulled away to see him in the doorway. He dropped his backpack from his shoulder as his eyes shifted between us. "You are hugging without me? Move over! I want in on the sibling bonding!" He exclaimed.
"Edric, wait-" Emira started but it was too late. Edric had sprinted towards us and tackled us onto my bed.
"Siblings," Edirc stated with a groan of pain but a bright smile.
"Getting a bit quiet there Blight. What? Got nothing left to say to me?" Ghost spoke up, his gravelly voice broke through the good memory reminding me where I was and who I was currently faced with.
"Oh, I have plenty to say." My fists clenched at my sides as the guards by his side lifted their weapons at me. Coward. Hiding was all he ever did. Hiding behind his words, his values, and his soldiers; all in the false act of claiming to be some hero. Some person greater than others because of the way he survives this world. All by becoming a monster far worse than the ones roaming about. "I just rather show you instead of telling." I finished and a dark feeling made its presence known in the pit of my stomach.
I'd wanted to hurt him. Cause him pain. He deserved it. A voice echoed. "Okay," he pushed himself to stand, "I see how it is." His voice had grown darker. That was never a good sign.
"Have fun with this one Blight. I brought these ones in just for you." Then he disappeared from sight and I turned my head to look in front of me. It was freezing, the ice-cold rain against my arms. They were now covered in scars; cuts starting with the faded ones from being in the water when I fell from the building all the way up to this point where the most recent ones came from my weeks of fighting in this pit.
The cold weather felt as bitter as I was. Being stuck here did things to me. I barely got any sleep anymore. I couldn't when they woke me up to put me in here to fight for my life constantly. The worst part is that I wasn't alone. There were others, prisoners, fighting for their lives. I could hear them all. What's worse is that not all of them made it. Not all of them could win and keep winning. Keep surviving.
So I repeated the same phrase in my head. Just one more. I thought over and over and over again until those were the only words I could think of. The only words I knew. The ones that echoed across my mind to get me to fight so that I could stay. Not here in this pit but here in this world with those who mattered still out there. Those I've been living for.
When I lifted my head to the metal door I had to steel my nerves with a deep breath. Just one more. Once the door opened I saw a runner rush out and I acted out of instinct kicking my leg in front of me, my shoe colliding with its chest and sending it flying back. When it scrambled back up to charge at me again I was surprised to see a larger monster knock it out of the way taking its place in its choice to attack me. This monster was familiar due to the smell that came from it and the traits that set it apart from the others.
Its peeling flesh and blood, slower movements, and sheer size difference clicked in my mind from memory. When I had left Luz and went into that store I had run into one similar to it. And I did not miss the image of it. I dove to the side and rolled before planting my hand to stop myself. Okay, I guess just two more instead. Not too bad. I could handle this. Looking off to the side I saw a mirror and took a page out of Luz's book by slamming my fist against it. It broke easily though I almost slipped as I reached for a piece of it as the ground grew slick and muddy.
I hadn't realized how much more danger I was in besides this weather until I peered around the large monster that there were far more than two. There was a mix of normal monsters, and another few runners, and I was further surprised to find a guy fighting some of them off. They usually did not allow us out at the same time to give each other a fighting chance. But given what I was facing, no we were facing, I was glad to see it.
My focus returned to my own fight once I noticed the big monster had been making its way toward me. Its arms were flung around lazily as it pursued me. I rushed behind a table and threw it up, bracing myself just in time for it to land a blow on it. The force knocked me back far, the piece of glass leaving my grip. I felt my back hit the ground as I slid and slammed back against something. The impact took my breath away and my head was pounding. I brought a hand up to the back of my head and when I checked it I could see blood on my fingers.
When I looked up my vision was blurry and I felt extremely sick. Dizziness took over for a brief moment as my eyes settled on the knuckles of my bloody hand. "Amity?" A voice called out, hard to hear through the rain but it still managed to reach me. My vision was still slightly blurry as my eyes tried to adjust to the image in front of me. "What are you doing?" They asked. She asked. Luz had been coming toward me.
She looked the same as the last time I saw her; clothes ripped, veins shown, eyes red, and yet still she did not look like herself. The image of her shifted as her eyes became a brighter red and her silhouette grew in size. "She should be running." Another voice cut in and my eyes snapped to the side. Edric stood there with his arms crossed as he shook his head in what seemed to be disappointment. Emira moved to stand next to him, her arm thrown around his shoulder as she let out a sigh.
"Yeah well, I taught her to fight, not run." Emira cut in and my eyes focused back in on where Luz had been. But she was gone and in her place was the monster I had been fighting moments before. As it lifted its arm to swing at me I reacted, diving away just in time for it to barely miss me. I pushed myself to stand, taking in staggering breaths and stepping back clumsily.
"I think she needs to do both." Edric had commented with a shrug and I steeled my nerves to glare at the monster readjusting its angle to pursue me once more.
"I think you're right about that one. Careful there mittens!" Emira called out and I tried to shove the fictional image of them to the back of my mind. Their image flickered and their voices faded out, replaced by the growling of the monster which I knew I couldn't face alone. I turned to face it, my hair falling into my face as the rain pelted me from above. The sheer size of it was realized as it raised to its full height and I shook. From the fear or the cold settling into my bones, I wasn't sure. Maybe both.
And as it took slow, yet impactful steps toward me I felt my shoulders grow tense and my stance rigid. Ways things could go for me raced across my mind for all of their bad. I thought of them all and none of them ended in a good way. None of them had me standing alive. But I didn't get to live any of them. Because before the monster could even get near enough to do anything to me a bottle smashed into the side of its head and it burst into flames. Groaning and turning its attention to a figure I could not make out in the dark nor distinguish past the pouring rain encompassing and overtaking most of my vision.
More bottles flew and met their target as flames burst into the night sky. And suddenly I was tackled to the ground by an unseen force. As I rolled onto my back I grazed up at the monster hovering above me. Only this monster had looked entirely different from others I'd faced. My arm stretched across the form of its throat to keep it from biting me. Its jaw was unhinged as blood dripped from it. In a burst of adrenaline, I managed to plant my feet and shove it off. Pushing myself away from it as my hands and grip faltered and slipped into the mud.
When I finally managed to get myself standing I saw the very same monster which attacked me crawling on its hands and feet as it hissed at me in a feral manner. The structure of its body was skinny, its bones on full display jutting out. My gut twisted as it lunged at me. Faster than I had been prepared for. Its speed and agility were unlike any other monster I had come across. Runners were quick, but they could only run. As long as you were faster than them then they weren't much of a threat. This one, however, this crawler of sorts, was a much different problem in itself.
Once again I was tackled to the ground as it dug its claws into my arms breaking through the skin and leaving trails of blood. "Get...off!" I screamed before forcing myself forward, slamming my head against the monsters, and switching our positions. I brought my fist back before forcing it forward. However, my punch never landed as the monster took its free hand and clawed my side. A blinding flash of hot, searing pain tore through me and I fell over. Landing hard and tumbling into a puddle of muddy, murky rainwater.
I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't move to save my life; and so I wasn't surprised when someone else actually had to. My head fell back and I turned it to the side. My eyelids grew heavy but I had enough sense to force them open. I watched as a figure jumped on top of the monster and brought down a broken glass bottle into its head multiple times. When they were done, I watched as the bottle fell from their hand and they stood from the corpse with heavy breaths.
"Well, would you look at that!" Ghost's voice cut through and if I hadn't been in so much pain I would have glared a him. "My two final captives survived despite the insurmountable odds. What a story." I could hear the echo of his slow clapping before things fell silent. Rain fell on my face making a lingering sound as it landed to fill the puddle beneath me further. This constant was the only thing that kept my mind in the present, awake and aware, because without it I might have given in to the darkness just to forget about the pain.
Things were mostly numb now but the peace and calm of such a fate didn't last too long. Not as Ghost's voice cut threw again, "For Blight, I expected a fight, so seeing her here is not all that surprising." My eyes shut for a moment as I tried to come up with some ounce of strength. "But you," he started up once more filling the void of silence the rain couldn't cover. I assumed he was talking to the owner of the figure beside me. The one who saved my life in a way I wasn't sure if it had been purposeful or not.
"Well, you have surprised me greatly. I'd be impressed if I didn't already know how you betrayed Belos." These words caught my attention as he continued. "Such a waste. And you had so much potential too." He shook his head as if in disappointment and his eyes almost reflected some form of pity before they hardened once more.
"Though maybe you could take this moment as your chance to make up for it." The tone of his voice did not match his words. "Kill her and you will be spared. Unlike your friend." My heart dropped at the thought of this.
"Guards, get her up and make her fight." At the order, two guards came into the pit. I could hear the metal door close shut behind them as they trudged their way to me through the mud. Gloved hands grabbed my arms and forced me to my feet. My head hung as I grew dizzy from it all. Black spots faded from my vision as I looked down at my mud-caked shoes. They suddenly shoved me forward and I hissed while holding my side. The blood on my hand washed away with the rain and I wished it would take the pain with it.
My legs shook as they tried not to cave from holding my weight. My breaths were staggered and I tried everything to stay conscious. As the heavy door shut behind me, I finally allowed my head to lift. It took a few moments for my eyes to take in who had been standing in front of me. And who it was made me freeze. He wasn't just anyone.
He wasn't the boy under the helmet, the boy in the photo, the boy who betrayed us, or the one who saved us. It was the familiar face of a boy I had considered a good friend. It was him, but it also wasn't. The boy who faced me was one who looked different; dirty, and bloody, but far from broken. That's what this place was meant to do. What these people were meant to do. They were meant to break us. Because only the strong survive.
At first, I thought it was all in my head. I'd imagined enough people in my head to cope with my surroundings. Just as I had imagined my siblings or even Luz moments before. It was a less sane way of remaining sane. Maybe unhealthy but very effective from my past experience. It was what I needed to survive sometimes. So when I saw him, when I took him in, when I allowed my eyes to fully process who stood before me; I thought it was just that. Another dream. Maybe I had passed out from blood loss already and this was all in my head.
But no, no, it couldn't have been. The boy I saw before me was nothing near the boy I had known. At least, not in a visual manner. He looked different. Much like I'm sure I did. Being stuck in here for some time can do that to someone. He wasn't the same boy but I was not the same girl either.
"Amity..." He trailed in a whisper under his breath so only I could hear. His arm lifted from his side as he brought a hand forward and offered it out to me. "You want to get out of here with me?" He asked, his eyes searching mine with a brightness I didn't expect from him in a moment like this, at a time like now, with all that I was certain he must have gone through too. I lifted a hand only for my footing to falter as the blood loss caught up with me.
Gus moved to catch me, wrapping his arms securely around me and holding me against him. "It's okay," he whispered softly, "I've got you." A bright light lit up the pit and the sound of nearby gunfire rang out.
"Now is our chance!" Gus shouted as a guard rushed in. He acted quickly tackling the guard to acquire his weapon. His hand shot up as he pointed behind me. Looking in the direction I found a door a few feet away from us. "They keep our stuff locked up in there! Go now so we can get out of here!" And we both moved to act.
Throwing the door open my hand reached out as I took a random bow and some arrows before I rushed out of the room back into the pit with Gus. "Gus!" Another familiar voice shouted and I turned to see Matt holding out a hand to offer Gus a lift out of the pit. Gus looked back at me as he took Matt's hand.
"What took you so long?" He joked, his tone teasing as Matt pulled him out and shook his head at him. "Amity!" Gus turned around to face me before offering out his own hand toward me. I made my way over to him as Matt lifted a gun and aimed it in the direction off to his side.
"You," Ghost's voice called and I saw him also holding Matt at gunpoint a few feet away. "I thought you were dead!" He shook his gun and screamed in anger.
"You thought what we wanted you to think." Matt's voice came out cold though there was a glint in his eyes. "Careful," Matt started as a smirk grew on his face. A monster leaped at Ghost from his side and he dropped his gun in surprise. He turned and started to struggle against the monster as my hand clasped Gus's and he pulled me up.
"Let's go now!" Matt ordered before running and Gus and I followed after him. Matt jumped into a car as guards shot in our direction. As soon as my door was shut he slammed his foot on the gas and we sped off.
... ... ...
Amity, my name, meant peace I had been told. Yet I was anything but peaceful. I took everything seriously and in stride. There was no moment of quiet, no chance for peace, not for me and the way I had operated. Not for my mind anyway. Everything had structure and was completed to the best of my ability with no room for slowing down. Amity, my name, did not match me at all.
When I took a step from the school and made my way down the front steps I paused on the sidewalk. My shoes scuffed as I spotted my current duress leading to my present lack of peace. I needed peace of mind. But if I did nothing to bring about such peace then I had no room to complain. Boscha's car was there, close in distance but far in my mind, and my grip on the strap of my backpack tightened.
I took a breath, cool air filling my lungs. And the next thing I knew I was shutting the passenger side door. The volume of it snapped me back into focus. I took another breath of air that had been much warmer and I let the heat and comfort of the refuge I found from the weather in Boscha's car sink into my bones for a moment.
Soon, the silence took that comfort back from me as the quiet that followed thickened the air between us. And that was all there was for a tense moment until Boscha's voice broke through. "Why didn't you call me? I could've been there for you. I would've gone with you." She paused for a moment, her grip on the wheel growing tighter but her tone reflected a softness she only had for those who were lucky enough to see this side of her. The side she showed Skara and I. "I would've done anything for you." She finished, forcing the words from gritted teeth as if it physically pained her to say them. To allow them to escape out into the open and to be heard.
Her brows were furrowed in frustration until they shifted, her face falling into a soft expression I hadn't been prepared for. Hearing the softness was one thing but seeing it was another. Her face could have easily been mistaken for grief. The features were crestfallen and her eyes dulled to a point that expressed hurt.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you or Skara. It's just that...my Mom can really get into my head sometimes." My voice shook and I tried to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. "I don't like the person I am around her. The person she makes me become." The admission slipped away in much the same way my choice did around my mother. My ability to decide for myself in any way, shape, and form; is all that she takes away from me. The ways I act, the shape I present myself, and the form I come in when I am 'Blight' instead of 'Amity' because I can't be anything but. Not around her. Not without consequences.
I thought I was fine with it. But it is what I am used to. Not what I'm fine with. In the end, I will never fight it because fighting gets me nowhere. Put it all on me and I can carry it. Blame it all on me and I can take it. I have already been undone and reshaped enough times to know what form I need to take. I will be a Blight because it is all I know how to be. I've never met Amity.
Amity, my name, never gave me peace. Amity meant nothing to me. Blight, the sickness of my family name, has already made roots within me. There is no cure for this sickness. This hand I have been dealt. But if I play my cards right and choose to fold them all, then I can still play this game long enough to see it through. Freedom can only come when it is over. And as long as my mother is the dealer in control of my life I will never know the peace meant to come with my name. My real name.
"I don't like who I am either. Who I was before I met you guys." Boscha clenched her jaw as if the words caused her pain. "We've all had to change to suit our parent's wants and needs in place of our own. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore." She completed, forcing the rest out through clenched teeth.
"But..." She gave herself a moment, evaluating her words before moving forward with her response. "That's what this friendship is for. We've built something for ourselves. So that we could be there for each other." A smile tried to find its way onto her face but something continued to hold it back. The tension in her shoulders and her active avoidance of my eyes only accentuated that further.
"I don't care what your mother says. What my parents say." Boscha's fingers started to tap against the steering wheel anxiously. "The only one worth listening to is you." She finished, her hands beginning to shake. I reached forward to place one of my hands on top of hers. The tapping stopped and her eyes finally fell back on mine. Tears brimming within them.
"I know Boscha. We'll figure this out together, okay?" I offered before taking my hand from hers and leaning back against the seat.
"Okay." She whispered. Skara appeared from the side throwing open the back door before falling into the seat and slamming the door shut behind her. Boscha wiped the tears from her eyes before clearing her throat and looking back at Skara with a forced smile. One that fell instantly as it was replaced with a quizzical look.
"Uh oh, I know that look." She started, her tone shifting to one of accusation. "What did you do Skara?" She asked.
"What? Nothing! I didn't do anything!" Skara rushed to deny it, her tone was defensive and so very clearly guilty. I regarded her with an unimpressed look and raised a brow. She seemed to fold under my scrutiny. "Okay, I did something." Her shoulders fell as her words gave way to the truth.
"That's what I thought. Now spill it." Boscha stated intimidatingly.
"Yeah, we need to know what kind of damage control we're getting ourselves into." I cut in jokingly to offset Boscha's brooding with something lighter. Skara seemed to relax more at this but kept her eyes directed at me instead.
"Damage control? You're assuming I did something crazy and your first thought is to help?" She teased, adding her own joking mannerisms. Boscha scoffed, unimpressed but her mask was clearly breaking.
"Yeah, that's kind of what friends are for." She offered out, sharing a secret glance with me before letting her attention return to Skara. "I know you and I also know that you can get a little too in over your head while trying to fix things that you sometimes unintentionally make them ten times worse." She finished off.
"Like with the frogs," I mumbled under my breath.
"What was that?" Skara questioned.
"Nothing!" I exclaimed with an unconvincing innocent smile. Soon Skara had fallen into a story about her day posting flyers everywhere about, unsurprisingly, the need to protect further frogs from being dissected. How she had also jumped onto a table in the middle of the hall shouting such and starting a revolution before then being chased off by school staff. And how she would be spending the rest of her week in detention for her actions.
Her story was then interrupted by Boscha slamming her hand down on the horn. "Could you drive any slower? I've got places to go to you know?" Boscha shouted only for the car in front of us to then choose to drive even slower than they were before. "If you're going to drive this slow the nursing home is that way, old man!" She continued to scream while Skara and I laughed quietly to ourselves.
As we reached the diner and slid into the booth we all fell into routine. Sharing stories about our days and laughing along to another one of Skara's crazy stories. This time featuring her, Boscha, and an incident in chemistry that left Boscha grouching about never wanting to be her lab partner ever again while Skara swore she followed the directions exactly.
"Maybe you should've taken astronomy with me Boscha. Then you wouldn't be having any 'science experiments gone wrong' with Skara over here." I motioned towards her while laughing as Boscha fumed.
"Maybe, but I'm not a nerd for stars like you are. I'd fall asleep from boredom if I had taken that class." Boscha scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"Boscha," Skara hit her shoulder while scolding her, "be nice." She turned to regard me with a curious look. "Don't your siblings like the stars too or something?" She questioned and I felt my lips quirk up at her mentioning of such.
"Something like that." I bit my lip to keep my smile from growing further.
"I think it's nice you have something like that with them," Boscha admitted while looking down at her fries to avoid my eyes. Her tone shifted the mood to something softer, more serious. "I don't know what it's like to have siblings. Well, besides you guys in a way." She finished with a shrug.
"Trust me, you're not missing much," I said, not telling the entire truth.
"You don't mean that." Skara accused and I felt my face shift.
"Not entirely. They can be annoying sometimes, but at the end of the day they're still my siblings." I admitted with a small grin.
"If I had to pick a star to represent our friendship I'd pick the sun," Skara stated out of nowhere. However, I was reminded how I had already told her the significance of my siblings and the stars.
"Why's that?" I inquired with a tilt of my head.
"Because you guys light up my life," Skara said with a big smile and I cringed back in on myself upon hearing it.
"Ew Skara." Boscha looked at her disapprovingly.
"I have to admit, that was pretty bad," I added while sending my own look her way.
"Well, what would you pick miss know it all." Skara turned to Boscha and asked with a joking attitude. Boscha looked away and mumbled something under her breath. "What? I didn't quite catch that?" Skara asked the same question I'd been thinking.
"The north star," Boscha spoke up louder. Skara and I looked at each other curiously before I spoke up.
"Why?" I questioned and Boscha seemed to grow embarrassed.
"Because it's supposed to guide you back when you're lost right? Or like, it leads you where you need to go?" She stumbled over her words before growing irritated with herself. "Whatever, look, all I'm saying is the north star leads you places." She grouched, folding her arms in front of herself as if to hide.
"And where does it lead you that has to do with us?" I asked, my voice coming out quieter than I had meant it to. I watched as her guard fell and her expression softened. She took a moment to look between Skara and me before letting out a sigh.
"Where I'm supposed to be." She answered and I felt something warm spread from my heart at this. Boscha was not vulnerable with us often. But when she was, she was open in what must have been a terrifying way. And it felt nice to know she could allow herself to be that weak and real and truthful to us.
"Aw Boscha, I knew you were getting soft." Skara immediately moved to tease her breaking the tension radiating from Boacha at her admission.
"Only for you guys maybe." She grumbled but I could see her fighting back a smile growing on her face.
"You've never said that before," Skara whispered, her face growing more serious. A look she didn't usually wear often.
"I say it in my head..." Boscha trailed off for a moment. "...all the time." She finished. Out loud where we could finally hear it said. In the open air where there was nowhere for it to hide.
"So...it leads you to us huh?" I let myself join it to put her more at ease.
"Oh, whatever!" Boscha shouted while slamming her fists down on the table.
"Don't be like that Boscha." Skara threw her arms around Boscha and pulled her close before her eyes lit up with an idea. "I know what will make you feel better!" She exclaimed, jumping up from the booth and heading in the direction of the jukebox.
"Skara, no," Boscha stated in warning. Skara only kept her back to us as she pressed play on a song and made her way back over to us with a skip in her step. "Skara, I'm not doing this!" Boscha yelled as Skara took her hands and held them within hers trying to pull her from the booth.
"Come on, please." She pleaded softly and I watched as Boscha broke.
"Fine." She grumbled and allowed herself to be led to the open space near the jukebox. I watched on for a moment as she spun Skara around with a bright smile on her face. I rolled my eyes, chuckling softly to myself before something caught my eye.
A folded piece of paper sticking out from Boscha's backpack. One she'd shoved in her bag in a rush and told me it was nothing. That it hadn't mattered. I looked back up to see Boscha chasing Skara around a table as the employees watched on with small smiles of their own. And later in the day when we had dropped Skara off at her house, I found myself pacing around Boscha's room in thought.
Boscha had been lying on the bed, her hands tracing the stitching of a baseball before she pushed herself up to face me. "I can hear you thinking from here." She started before moving to stand and make her way to her desk where she set the baseball down. Once she had done so she turned to me and I stopped my pacing to face her. "What's up, Blight?" Her tone had been serious as her eyes regarded me with complete focus.
"Is it true?" My voice came out soft as I asked her this.
"Is what true?" She crossed her arms and tilted her head.
"That you turned down an opportunity to play for St. Epiderm?" I clarified and she seemed to freeze at this. A closed book with every intention to remain on the shelf, unread. I watched her walls go up as she attempted to deflect.
"You know how annoying those players are. Why would I want to play with those-" She started but I cut her off.
"But that program is for the best of the best. Sure they're annoying and snobby but they are state champions. Anyone would kill to have a spot on that roster!" I shouted trying to get where her head was at.
"Not everyone. Not me." She stated and shrugged her shoulders as if that was supposed to be it. As if that was supposed to explain her reasoning behind such a decision.
"But why would you turn it down? I still don't get it." I threw my hands up growing frustrated from all the confusion her decision led me to feel. "You turned down the chance of a lifetime. Players who graduate from that school have their futures set." I attempted to reason with her. To make her see what she had been doing.
"Yeah well, they can have the best building, the best equipment, the best anything and it still wouldn't matter! They don't have my team. They don't have Skara or you. I can't just walk away from this. From everything I have built with you guys!" Her voice grew quiet towards the end and she let her shoulders fall. "St. Epiderm is not what I want." Her eyes were dull but her statement was firm despite it.
"I want a somewhat normal life in a regular public school with the two people who mean the most in this world to me." Her shoes dragged across the carpet as she made her way across the room. She stopped to stand in front of her window as she leaned against it. "I want the life we've been building here. Even with the stress that comes with my name, it will only follow me. Leaving here won't change that." She shook her head at herself before finally turning to face me fully once more.
"You guys are not the problem. It's my parents and their stupid family business and the name I was born with; and all the expectations that go with those three. Not you guys. Never you guys." She continued with renewed strength. "You can't tell Skara. She'd probably knock me upside the head and tell me how stupid I'm being." She joked lightheartedly and it made me laugh.
"You're not stupid Boscha." I started as my laughter died down. "You're just a really good person and a really good friend." I finished truthfully. She took a step back at my words, avoiding my eyes.
"I'm not a good person." She denied but I was having none of it. She looked at me as she said this. Now an open book instead of a closed one. Only with a few torn pages.
"I think you are," I admitted and waited for her eyes to find mine again before continuing. "And the fact that you are trying to be should make you think that too," I spoke softly before giving her a warm smile.
"Are you sure this is what you want? Skara and I will still be your friends. Turning down an opportunity like this..." I started to trail off in panic. I needed to be sure. Was she really making the right decision? Is this really what she wanted? I was spiraling, however, Boscha placed her hands on my shoulders and a sense of calm washed over me instantly.
"You think I could ever let you go? Ever leave your side?" Boscha asked me with a determined look in her eyes. "You and Skara are all I will ever need. If you ever get lost, then you look to your side and you will find me. You should never doubt that. Right there," her head motioned to the place beside me, "by your side? Save a spot for me." She whispered, her voice sounding like a promise.
I let my eyes shift between words searching for something. Something I knew deep down I needed and always found in her or Skara. Something that was always there. "I doubt a lot of things, Boscha," I started, my lips quirking upwards. "But I will never doubt you," I told her with complete confidence. Because this was something I knew. Something I would never question. We were a puzzle that fit together and Skara was also a piece of it.
Skara had an ability to understand what I needed most and ensured that she did just that. If I needed space it was given If I needed proximity she'd be closer than ever. She knew what we needed, both Boscha and I, and most of the time we never even had to tell her. Never had to ask. Skara would look at us and just know.
Falling apart is easy. It's putting yourself back together that's the hard part. When I saw them, I saw a bit of myself. We were so much alike; in our families, in our choices, and in our pain. Their broken pieces fit so well with mine. I wasn't alone and neither were they. Because we had each other.