"They won't be dying quickly, I want them begging to meet their end when I'm through with them," Nikolai says. I nod along as I tear off a piece of bread and bite into it, chewing slowly.
"So you've said," I reply, looking at him. He shoots me a look and I sigh, I didn't mean to be frank with him. But I was bored, not working was boring and we were on week two of being unemployed.
But we couldn't be unemployed the fun way, we had to be even more undercover than usual. Shadowborn and Lotus both wanted us dead and probably had multiple agents looking for us. I had to move out of my apartment and drop off the face of the earth. Being on the run wasn't as fun or as glamorous as the movies liked to make it seem. It was tiring, and long and I was fucking sick of it.
"You swear they didn't touch you?" He asks me, sipping his coffee at a coffee shop near the edge of town.
"I told you I wasn't raped," I snap, my eyes narrowing at him, "So what if was. Then what? You don't care," I tell him. Nikolai gives me a strange look as he tilts his head to the right.
"The fuck are you on about?"
"You're psychopathic, you can't feel empathy. You don't care what happens to me, not really. You'd kill them all sure, but that's more beneficial to you. You just like hurting people," I say to him, looking down. I know I was approaching a slippery slope.
I wasn't even angry with Nikolai. But I had been subjected to torture for hours on end and I was still bitter about it. And now I was on the run. I wasn't feeling pleased about anything, and unfortunately, Nikolai was the subject of my misplaced anger.
"Don't do that with me Ivy, don't play the psychopath game with me," He says, hardening his grip on the coffee cup, turning his knuckles white.
And because I was a bitch with no self-preservation skills, I didn't listen. Instead, I chose to provoke him even further. I guess I just wanted to see how far he'd let me push until he pushed back. Only Nikolai didn't push back, he annihilated.
"Why did you save me from Dominic and Marissa? You don't care about me, you can't so clearly I must serve some purpose for you. What is it? What do you want from me-"
Nikolai reaches across the table and grabs my wrist, hard, forcing me to look at him.
I hold my breath at the hardened look in his grey eyes, "What about my behaviour over the past month has given you the impression that I don't care about you?"
"Is it even possible for you to care about me?" I ask him, trying to hold his piercing gaze.
"Ivy, psychopathic individuals are capable of forming attachments and caring for others in their own way, without necessarily intending to harm them. It's hard to manage and elicit those emotions out of us but it's possible. I care about you, you're one of the only people on this earth I care about," He replies, his voice filled with poison.
I pull my hand out of his grip and I tuck loose strands of hair behind my ears, "Who are the other people?" I asked him, my curiosity peaked. I didn't want to fight with him, I couldn't.
Going down the road of what feelings Nikolai was and wasn't capable of would only hurt me. I was fairly certain I loved him, there was no way I couldn't be in love with him after everything. What hurt me though, was knowing he couldn't love me back. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He just couldn't.
Nikolai sits back in his chair, watching me, "My brother Damien...Alex...sometimes Josh," He tells me.
"Alex is the one with blonde hair, isn't he?" I ask him, Nikolai nods and I think back to the other names. I knew his brother of course and...Josh. "Josh is the one whose wedding we attended, his fiance never made it down the aisle did she?"
"Emery? No, she did not, like I told everyone," He responded with a coy smile. Of course, only his psychopathic ass could find humour in that situation. And he swore he cared about Josh.
"What about your family? Did you care about your mother?" I ask, I know not to ask about this father. Pretty sore subject, I knew the answer to that one: no.
"I did, very much." He replies, his tone flat.
Glad to know he has lasting feelings about that. Still, I was enjoying how open he was. It was fleeting and soon his walls would shoot right back up.
"And your sister what about-"
"I don't want to talk about this with you, quit psychoanalysing me. I'm not a test subject, google shit about people like me if you're so curious," He says abruptly and I pause. And the walls had shot right up.
"You never talk about her you-"
"What about you? Can I psychoanalyse you?" Nikolai asks, cutting me off from prying any further. I could tell from the tone of his voice he was no longer in a good mood. And that was my fault.
"How could you? I'm not like you," I say, frowning.
Nikolai smirked then and my heart began to race, "You've always interested me, Poison. You're not a psychopath you care about a lot of things. And yet, you have no problem killing people for a cheque. Men and women many of whom are innocent people. How is that?"
"I don't know," I answer.
"You have sociopathic qualities you know."
"No, I don't, I'm just...complex," I say staring at him.
Nikolai looks down, hiding his laughter, "Yeah, okay."
I don't say anything for another minute or two as I pour some milk into my iced coffee. Nikolai looks out the window, scanning for any signs of disturbance.
"How come you don't like to cut me up when we have sex?"
"Jesus fucking Christ woman," He breathes out, as he drags a hand across his face. I look down at my drink to hide my snicker.
"I was reading online that psychopaths need to have rough, aggressive sex to get off. They like to hurt their partners, cause them pain, and see them bleed to properly get off. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care for or like their partners, they just need more," I explain.
Nikolai just stares at me, his mouth slightly agape. I can't understand how he feels if he's shocked or angry with me. I'm surprised he's even let me push him this far. Then again, we're both pretty bored so maybe he's also itching for some interesting conversations even if they're uncomfortable. Well, not for him.
"When I get the chance I'm going to smash your phone up, and any technological device you find."
"Nikolai I'm trying to understand you, we're stuck together for the foreseeable future. I want to know you, understand the way you operate."
He sighs, shaking his head before fixing me with a decided gaze, "Let me phrase it this way. Every person with psychopathic tendencies is different and has their...condition manifests itself in different ways. Some qualities overlap or are fairly common and some aren't. Yes, some psychopaths might enjoy having more brutal sex or require it to get off. I don't, I view sex as a chore I have to complete until it benefits me right at the end."
I open my mouth to say something but Nikolai shakes his head, silencing me, "Personal experience has given me a warped view of sex but I don't feel that way with you. The better the mental connection the better the sex, considering you're the only woman I feel anything towards we can both safely assume I enjoy fucking you a lot, from the beginning until the end."
My cheeks heat and I look out the window without saying anything, "I understand."
"Any other questions while you feel like playing psychologist?"
"That's all," I squeak, my cheeks dusted pink as I take a shaky sip of my drink.
***************************************************************************************
"Alex not picking up?" I asked Nikolai, he shook his head staring at his phone. He'd been trying to contact his blonde best friend since we had to drop off the face of the earth. I knew he was worried, or missing him.
"Nikolai, I'm sure he's okay," I tell him, reassuringly.
"Whatever," He muttered, leaning back in the armchair of the hotel. My heart hurt for him, he could say whatever he wanted but I knew he was worried. Alex was one of the only people he truly cared about.
I was worried about Gabi, but I managed to contact her and let her know I was okay and she was able to reassure me she was all right herself. At the same time, Nikolai hadn't been able to contact Alex.
"How can I make it better?" I asked him, fully turning to face him. Nikolai didn't say anything as he looked at me. He just tilted his head to the right, a coy smile playing on his lips. The air immediately cackled with tension as I picked up on his hints.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked him, holding my breath.
Nikolai grinned then, "Well I'm sadistic aren't I?" he said, delight flashing across his eyes. "Get on your hands and knees and crawl to me."
I stared at him, my lips parted to protest doing something so...demeaning. And yet, no words came out. My heart began to race but I couldn't ignore the desire, the excitement coursing through me.
So, against my better judgment, I sank to my hands and knees, shivering as the carpet rubbed against my bare knees. And I began to crawl.
Our hotel room wasn't that big, but the anticipation made it seem endless. Halfway across, I glimpsed myself in the full-length mirror mounted on the wall, and my skin burned at the sight. I was wearing a thin black night dress, intended to be worn to bed. My cheeks were flushed red and my brown hair cascaded down my back in unruly waves.
My breathing grew choppier. I was so wet my thighs slid against each other, and by the time I reached Nikolai, I was dripping all down my legs. That was the effect he had on me, on my body. I responded to him and his words instantly. And I knew I'd come apart at his touch.
I stopped at his feet and looked up. His expression remained unreadable except for the fire blazing in his eyes.
"Aren't you always such a good girl for me," He fisted my hair with one hand and used the other to unbuckle his pants. His cock sprung out, thick and hard, the swollen head dripping with pre-cum.
God, I needed to taste him. No one had ever turned me on as much as he did. Every word, every touch, every glance. I stared at him with pleading eyes.
Nikolai hadn't finished nodding before I took him in my mouth, savouring his groans and the way he pulled my hair as I eagerly licked and sucked.
"You like that?" he grunted, pushing his cock deeper until it hit the back of my throat. I spluttered, my eyes watering from the sheer size of him. "Crawling and choking on my cock?"
I moaned out an unintelligible response. My hand drifted between my legs, but I didn't make contact before he yanked me up and captured my mouth in a hard, punishing kiss.
He was still angry about the questions I'd fired his way earlier. I could taste it on his tongue, feel it in the roughness of his hands as he squeezed my ass.
"I won't use the way you're wired against you again," I told him. I needed him to understand that, even amid our lust-drenched haze.
"Sure you won't," Nikolai said caustically. "You love the idea of being wanted by me until you realise exactly the type of person I am."
I didn't take the bait. "It's not like that, I don't care about that," It was the closest I'd come to voicing what was in my heart.
Something vulnerable flickered in Nikolai's eyes, and his touch gentled for a second before his face hardened again. He spun me around and pushed me forward as he dragged me up and bent me over the small wooden table in our room, pressing his body against mine until every inch of him melded into every inch of me.
He lowered his mouth to my ear and tangled one of his hands with mine. "I want you to know something, Poison," he said, his voice a hoarse rasp against my skin. "There's not much in the world I want to claim as mine." He grasped my chin with his free hand. "But you belong to me. I don't give a fuck if you're scared of me, or you want to back out of this relationship. You can't escape me now, do you understand me, Ivy?"
"I don't want to leave," I say, squeezing his hand. My heart and body aching. Nikolai exhaled a harsh, shuddering breath and pulled back. I was about to protest before he roughly parted my thighs and ripped my underwear off me. I let out a loud gasp, the ball of anticipation in my stomach coiled tighter.
"There's something else you should know," He dragged two fingers through my wetness before shoving them in my mouth, forcing me to taste my juices. An unbidden moan slipped out at the unfamiliar tang on my tongue.
"I don't like it when other people try and psychoanalyse me." I knew I'd been in trouble the minute I'd pushed him.
"I'm not like other people though," I replied, my voice strained and breathless.
Nikolai chuckled dryly, biting down harshly on my shoulder. I cried out from the pain, he'd bitten hard enough to leave a mark, "No you aren't, that's why you're not dead. But maybe you need a lesson to drive my point home."
Nikolai rubbed his thumb over my swollen clit before his palm landed where his thumb had been. My body jerked, and a yelp of surprise and pain tore from my throat, but Nikolai's fingers in my mouth muffled the sound.
His palm landed on my pussy again with a loud slap. And again. And again. I was shaking, my eyes filled with tears as razor-sharp sensation spiked through me. My entire world had narrowed to the pulsing heat between my legs and the man who doled out pain and pleasure in equal measure.
"You going to antagonise me again?" Nikolai removed his fingers from my mouth and squeezed my breast.
Probably.
"No," I gasped, clutching the edge of the table so hard my knuckles turned white.
"Say it again." Hard. Demanding. Authoritative.
"No, I won't. I won't," My voice broke in a sob as he delivered another stinging slap to my clit.
"Good girl," I let out a keening wail, trying to scrabble away and push back harder against him at the same time. I couldn't tell whether I loved or hated what was happening, only that I was dripping and burning and every scrape of my nipples against the wooden table sent another jolt of heat straight to my throbbing clit.
"Are you going to use my brain chemistry against me?" Nikolai's voice sounded remarkably even if tightly controlled. I shook my head, the tears sliding down my cheeks.
"Good."
Slap.
"God, you're so wet, Ivy,"
Slap.
"You can cry all you want, pretty girl, I can see just how badly you like this. You're dripping all over my fingers."
SLAP.
It was too much. The words, the brutal, filthy punishment, I exploded.
Hard. Long. Violent. My ears buzzing, my knees buckling, and showers of lights bursting behind my eyes.
I would've fallen to the floor had Nikolai not held me up while the strongest orgasm of my life tore through me like an electric storm, and I had to drop my head and bury my face in my arm to stifle my screams.
I was still riding out the waves of my mind-shattering release when I felt Nikolai's tongue gently stroke my clit, licking and soothing until the burn faded.
Just as I gathered myself together, he stood and slowly pushed his cock inside of me. He withdrew equally slowly, until just the tip remained inside, and paused.
I inhaled, but my first real breath of the night broke into a squeal when he suddenly slammed into me with a vicious thrust. His fist in my hair kept me in place as he bottomed out with each downward stroke, and the contrast between the gentleness of his entry and the savage fury with which he now fucked me scrambled my senses to the point where I could only hold on to the table for dear life.
In and out.
Harder and faster each time until the tingles at the base of my spine came back to life, and I crashed over the edge. My release was instant as I cried out, not even bothering to stay quiet. Nikolai groaned, coming mere seconds after I did.
We both remained there, still as our ragged breaths filled the room. And then he slowly slid out of me and walked to the bathroom.
I remained bent over the table, trying to ground myself when he walked back in with a towel and wiped in between my legs. I stood up slowly and Nikolai turned me around, pushing me back on the table.
He had cleaned himself up, and he pulled up the straps of my nightdress to cover me up as I stared at him. He watched me for a second, his expression blank and then he raised his hands to wipe my tears.
"See," He said, his voice far softer than I thought it would be. I made a confused face and he ran his hands over my thighs and arms, "No cuts, or blood drawn and you're still the best sex I've ever had."
"You didn't wear a condom," I say, trying to swallow the emotions swirling around in my throat. Nikolai stared at me and shrugged.
"No, I didn't."
"I'm still not on the pill, Nikolai," I told him.
"I don't care."
"I do, I don't want to get pregnant," I reasoned with him and he shrugged once again.
"I'll get you plan b in the morning, promise."
I open my mouth to say something but a loud buzzing fills the room and I glance around. Nikolai turns around and motions it's his phone ringing. I nod, walking over to the bathroom. I wash my hands, pee and change into a new pair of underwear.
When I walk out of the bathroom Nikolai's eyes are wild as he listens to something on the phone. he hangs up abruptly and grabs my arm, "Ivy we have to-"
He doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence before multiple gunshots fill the room and everything goes black as pain bursts up my body.